Chapter 14
Fourteen
Don’t Do This
“ALL RIGHT, BIG SMILES!” Courtney’s mom trilled. “Girls, you look beautiful —”
I was pretty sure that if I smiled any harder, my face was going to fall off.
It was prom night, and we were all gathered in Sharon’s garden — Cole, me, Hannah, Courtney, and all of our parents.
Hannah looked great in a dark burgundy gown that was almost black.
She’d recently had her long hair shaved on one side, and the rest was piled up on her head in a dramatic updo that went along with her dark makeup.
Courtney, meanwhile, was in some ruffly hot pink thing, and she’d talked Cole into wearing a bowtie to match.
Our parents had made us pose for what felt like hundreds of photos — Hannah and me, Courtney and Cole, and the four of us together, first on the front porch and now in front of Sharon’s hydrangeas.
But it looked like they were finally satisfied, which meant —
“Wait!” Sharon called. “Could we take one or two with just the boys? Because they’re such good friends.”
The girls stepped off to the side, and their mothers began to fuss over them, taking a few pictures over by the wisteria. Cole looked down at me and winked, then slung an arm around my shoulders, turning to face Sharon’s camera.
“That’s perfect, dears. Oh, you’re both so handsome!” Sharon actually looked a little teary.
“Hold on, one more —” With a grin, Cole spun me around and pulled me back against his chest, putting his arms around my waist for the classic cheesy prom pose while I shrieked with laughter.
To anybody else, we would have looked like two teenage idiots goofing off, but I knew what it actually meant.
As we filed back out toward the front yard, Sharon took me by the elbow, linking her arm through mine. “I wish Linda were here to see what a lovely young man you’ve become,” she whispered. “She would have been so proud of you.”
I stopped in my tracks, then turned to give her a hug. “Thank you.”
The plan was for Cole to drive the four of us in Sharon’s car, and we both opened doors like gentlemen to make sure the girls were settled — Courtney in the front, and Hannah in the back. But as we walked around the back of the car to take our own seats, Cole put his lips close to my ear.
“All night, I’m going to be fantasizing about taking you out of that tux.”
“Fuck, Cole —” I was sure my blush was visible from space.
“One piece at a time, starting with your bowtie.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “You are gonna come so hard.”
When I got into the car, I could barely remember how the seatbelt worked, and Hannah looked over at me, a smile tugging at her lips. “You okay?”
“Perfectly fine,” I breathed, and turned to stare out the window.
It wasn’t so bad, heading to prom with the girls.
I was feeling a little tongue-tied, shy around Hannah even though I’d known her since preschool.
And every time I thought about saying something to Cole, my brain melted into hot lava.
But it turned out that Courtney had more than enough to say for all of us, and she kept up a constant stream of chatter for the entire twenty minutes that we were in the car.
After the first few minutes, Hannah unbuckled her seatbelt and eased herself across the backseat, settling in beside me.
When she was buckled in once more, she reached out and took my hand, holding on to it for the rest of the drive.
From time to time she would squeeze my fingers to get my attention, rolling her eyes at Courtney’s prattle, which made me laugh and drew Cole’s eyes towards us in the rearview mirror.
By the time we pulled into the parking lot, I was feeling fairly relaxed.
And fuck, maybe Cole was right that prom was a rite of passage, that it was something we needed to do.
We walked into the banquet hall under a banner that said JERSEY STRONG — HIGHLANDS STRONG.
And as I looked around the room, I couldn’t help thinking about what we’d all been through, how many of my classmates were still in temporary homes.
I knew there had been a special fund to help those kids get ready for prom, donations of dresses and tuxes.
And suddenly, I was glad we were all together, even if this wasn’t my scene, even if Cole wasn’t my prom date. Somehow, it felt important.
We ended up at a table with Melissa and Tyler and Drew and some girl from the next town over who he’d met at church, and I guess it wasn’t so bad.
I could barely hear what anyone was saying over the DJ and the clink of glassware and the chatter around us, and everything on my plate was pretty overcooked.
But I had Hannah right next to me, touching my elbow from time to time to murmur something into my ear about books or music or the movies she liked.
And Cole was on my other side, brushing my leg under the table, letting me know by touch that we were okay, even if Courtney was flirting with him so hard that I was pretty sure she was going to sprain her eyelashes.
But if I thought the music was loud during dinner, it was nothing compared to later on.
“All right, Class of 2013, who’s ready to kick off your Junior/Senior Prom?” called the DJ, and the room erupted into woos and cheers. “Let’s get ready to partayyyyy!”
Some upbeat pop song began to thump through the speakers, and Courtney grabbed Cole by the arm. “Come and dance with me!”
As the tables around us emptied, Hannah raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “Should we at least give it a try?”
I blanched. “I have no idea how to dance —”
“Come on, I’ll help you —” She held out her hand, and I took it, letting her lead me out onto the floor.
I tried. I really fucking tried. But it was hot and crowded and sweaty, and dark except for the strobes and colored lights playing across my face to the beat of the music.
Everybody else seemed to know what they were doing, which didn’t make it any easier.
I tried my best to play along, to match how they were moving, to follow Hannah when she put her hands on my hips to guide me.
It didn’t help that Cole was perfect — graceful and sexy, laughing whenever he caught my eye.
My face burned with shame, my limbs heavy, my mind floating, as if I wasn’t there, as if I were watching myself from another room, from behind soundproof glass.
By the third song, I was hopelessly lost, and Hannah pulled me down to shout in my ear.
“This really isn’t your scene —”
“No it is not —” I shouted back, and I wanted to crawl into a hole.
“Come with me —” She led me out of the crowd and back to our table, which was thankfully a bit away from the speakers. “Is it any better if we sit down?”
“Yeah, a lot better,” I admitted. “But don’t you want to dance? You shouldn’t have to sit here with me.”
“Look, Ezra —” She scooted her chair much closer to mine, so that we could put our heads together and hear each other over the din.
“I didn’t come here tonight because I wanted to shake my ass to dumb Top 40 songs that I don’t even like.
I came because I think you’re interesting and I thought it would be fun to hang out with you. ”
“Really?” I would probably have to go look for my eyebrows later, because I was pretty sure they’d shot right off my head.
“Of course!” she said brightly. “Why do you think I’m always trying to get your attention? I’ve always liked talking to you.”
So we stayed at the table, and we talked.
About school and books and growing up in our tiny town.
About the storm and my mom and college. About the kids we’d grown up with, and about Cole — but none of the important stuff, none of the things about him that turned my insides to jelly whenever I thought about them.
We talked as the DJ played on, and we talked as our friends stopped at the table for a glass of water or a rest before heading out to dance some more.
Cole was a little odd when he came by to drop off his tux jacket, eyeing us up and down.
But he put his hand on my shoulder when no one was looking, and I leaned my head back against him, just a graze of my curls across his belly through his shirt to let him know I was his.
And later on, as I was watching him dance with Courtney, back to front in the center of the dance floor, Hannah leaned her head towards mine.
“Do you think he likes her? Really likes her, I mean.”
I shrugged, noncommittal. “It’s hard to tell. You never really know what he’s thinking.”
Hannah sighed. “I hope he does, because she’s had her heart set on him since the moment he showed up at school last fall.”
A knot of something I didn’t like settled in my gut.
A little while later, when the opening notes of the night’s first slow song played across the speakers, Hannah took my hand. “I think we can manage this one? And we should probably dance at our prom at least a little bit.”
“Yeah, that’s fair.”
I followed her out into the middle of the room, and it wasn’t so bad, letting her drape her arms around my neck, my hands holding her waist. Even I knew the song, because it had been playing everywhere, and there was something comforting about listening to the lyrics, all about being brave enough to find a love that would last forever.
Across the floor, Courtney had her eyes shut tight, and she almost looked like she was floating.
But Cole was looking at me, and if I concentrated, I could imagine that he was holding me instead, that these words were for the two of us, that the rest of it was some crazy joke.
And he must have read my thoughts, because he smiled, and I knew it was for me.
As the final notes played, Hannah put her lips to my ear. “Thank you.”
I was about to say something back, something friendly and kind. But then Courtney lifted her head, looked into Cole’s eyes, and kissed him.
And he didn’t pull away.