Chapter 17 #2
“I mean —” Cole looks down, wiggling his toes into the sand.
“Ezra, I love you. I love the shit out of you. I just want to follow you around all day and watch you do stuff, because you’re fucking fascinating.
But I can’t hide anymore. I can’t be your secret.
So — yeah. That’s a thing I wanted you to know. ”
“Yeah, about that.” I look back out over the waves, squinting at the lightening sky, then turn to face him once more. “I was thinking I would tell my dad today. Seth already knows, so — you know, it’s just him.”
Cole looks at me like he’s been hit on the head. Then a slow smile spreads across his face. “Really? You mean it?”
“Really.” I’m grinning too, breaking out into a laugh as he tackles me.
After all the tension, all the heartbreak, kissing him again is bliss.
My hands are in his hair, guiding our lips together as he climbs into my lap, fisting the front of my hoodie.
We’re both giddy, laughing into each other’s mouths, our hands grasping and caressing, and I could get lost here, except —
“Wait —” I gasp, both hands on his shoulders.
“What the fuck for?” He’s trying to catch his breath too, his eyes wild and his lips kiss-bitten.
I nod toward the horizon. “We got up early and came all the way down here, and we’re going to miss it if we keep this up.”
He smiles softly, reaching out one finger to trace the shape of my lips. Then he twists in my lap, looking over his shoulder with both arms wrapped around my neck, hugging me to his chest. And we sit reverently, watching as the sun peeks out of the surface of the water.
It’s a sliver of a thumbnail at first, an almost impossible shade of orange, too bright to be real, the stuff of nightclub signs and dive bars.
But as we watch, the wind lifting our hair, the sliver becomes a glowing orb, climbing steadily in the sky.
The waves are tipped with pink, the plovers and sandpipers skittering in and out of the surf, and I know I’m going to remember this moment, this perfect slice of peace.
Finally, Cole turns back toward me with a sigh, sliding his hands up the sides of my neck and cupping my face. His fingers are cold, but I don’t care, because he’s looking at me as if I’m some precious thing, too fragile for this world.
This time, the kiss is purposeful, both of us sliding into it, as if time is standing still, as if something is slipping into place, something forever, something real. When he finally pulls away, Cole rests our foreheads together, nuzzling against my cheek.
“Hey, Ezra?”
“Hmm?” I’m drunk on him, my hands circling his waist.
“I really, really need to be indoors with you right now.” He tightens his grip on my shoulders, rolling his hips against my lap.
“Why?” I drag my lips along his cheek, planting a kiss just underneath his left ear. “I could blow you right here on the beach, if you want.”
“Tempting.” His fingers turn to claws as I suck his earlobe into my mouth, biting down gently. But then he laughs, scrambling out of my grip and climbing to his feet. “Come on, I’ll race you to the car —”
He’s already halfway up the beach by the time I get to my feet. I may not be able to catch him, but I can enjoy watching him go.
***
“Ezra — I swear to fucking Christ, there’s never been a door you’ve let me open without grabbing my ass while I’m doing it —”
“Well, maybe you could try not to look so goddamn sexy all the time —”
We stumble through the front door of Sharon’s house, giggling as we slam it behind us.
All I can think about is getting my hands on Cole’s naked body, and I crowd him against the door, unzipping his hoodie as my lips find his throat.
He must be thinking the same thing, because he drags mine over my head, then grabs my hair, holding me in place as I nibble his neck, his other hand tucked into my back pocket.
I’m on my toes, pressing my whole body against him, and he’s already whimpering, curling around me, turning his head to mouth at my temple.
Somehow we make it into the living room, floundering across the rug, neither one of us wanting to stop kissing long enough to make any of this any easier.
I spot the sofa in front of us, and I tumble Cole down onto his back across the cushions, toeing off my shoes as I fall on top of him and gather him up in my arms.
“God, I want to fuck you —” I groan, and he freezes, his eyes wide.
“Shit —”
“What?” I pull back just enough to see his face. “Did you think that wasn’t what we were doing?”
“Um —” He titters nervously. “It’s been a couple days since I showered and I don’t smell too great —”
I bury my head under his arm and take a deep whiff, and he shrieks with laughter, pushing me away.
“You smell like you, which happens to be my favorite fucking smell in the world —” I growl.
“And I look fucking awful —” he continues.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I reach up, brushing the stubble on his cheek.
“You might not be as put together as usual, but fucking hell, Cole — you’re so goddamn gorgeous no matter what and I couldn’t take my eyes off you all day yesterday.
It’s like — I dunno, your tortured artist look — and it’s hot as fuck —”
“Okay, okay — jeez, don’t make me blush —” Cole takes off his glasses, then mine, and reaches over his head, depositing them on the end table behind him. “I also haven’t, um —” He mouths the words cleaned out.
“Okay, well —” I’m still stroking his face, my other arm wrapped around his shoulders, and if my heart gets any more tender it’s probably going to explode. “Is this one of those ‘we absolutely should not risk it’ situations or one of those ‘it’s probably going to be okay’ situations?”
Cole considers this. “The second one.”
“Then maybe —” I lean down and kiss his forehead.
“Babe, I know you like everything to be just right all the time, and I don’t want to do anything if you’re going to be too uncomfortable to enjoy it.
But I dunno — maybe sex doesn’t have to be perfect every single time?
I already know you’re a sex god, you don’t have to prove it to me.
And I just love you so goddamn much — I really want to make love to you. ”
He chews on his bottom lip as he stares up at me. Then, a slow grin spreads across his face. “I really don’t want our big makeup sex to be a quickie handjob.”
I kiss his lips. “Wait here.”
It takes me just a moment to run upstairs, to grab a towel and the lube I always keep stashed at the bottom of my teaching bag (I’ve historically been a bit of a slut, okay?). When I come back to the living room, Cole is sitting on the couch in his T-shirt and boxers, looking a little nervous.
I can’t help laughing. “You look like you’re waiting for a job interview —”
“Just shut the fuck up and get over here.”
It reminds me of our first time, the way we’re both giggling and blushing, so caught up in kissing that we forget what we’re doing, Cole’s knees hugging my waist, my jeans forgotten halfway down my thighs.
I’m just so overwhelmed at the wonder of it, of having him in my arms after everything we’ve been through.
It’s a new beginning, just the two of us in the quiet house, alone in the delicate morning light.
I slip his T-shirt over his head, and I think I’m never going to get tired of this, the touch of his skin on mine, the dip of his waist under my palm.
I’m shaking, and it’s everything I want, right here in front of me.
The couch is a dainty thing, too narrow for the two of us to lie on comfortably, and we end up on the floor — Cole on his back with a pillow under his hips, a towel spread across the oriental rug.
And as I kneel before him, as I ease his thighs apart to slip inside him, I know that everything is going to be alright.
And okay, maybe we should have taken this upstairs.
The carpet is thin and my knees are aching, and Cole winces a little when his head knocks against the floor.
But as I sink into him, as I bring our bodies flush together, the look he gives me is impossibly soft.
His hair is fanned around his face and his hands are on my shoulders, his cheeks flushed as he gazes up at me.
And we’ve done this so many times, back then and in the past few months, but this time it feels different because we’re free.
Because there’s no curtain separating us, no reason to hide the way we feel.
Because we have no one to answer to but each other.
Because we’re not hidden away, doing this in secret when we know we won’t be caught.
Every corner of this room is a memory, a reminder of how far we’ve come.
And as I watch the pleasure break across his face, as I hurtle over my own shuddering peak, as I press our foreheads together and whisper the words I’ve been dying to say, I’m so grateful that we have this, that we will have this forever.
When it’s all over, we’re lying on the floor, Cole underneath me, my face buried in his neck. He’s stroking my back, and my eyes are closed, listening to the rhythm of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest. Suddenly, he huffs a laugh, and I lift my head to look at him.
“I was just thinking about Bree,” he explains, as if we’re in the middle of a conversation that we’ve been having this whole time. “Be ready, because she’s going to lose her mind.”
“Mmm, I don’t blame her,” I reply, settling down once more. “Pretty sure I left mine on the beach this morning.”
“Is that so?” Cole chuckles.
“I think it was when you kissed me. Or maybe when you said I was fascinating. One of those.”
“How about when I said I loved you?”
“That too.” I’m starting to stir, mouthing kisses along the line of his shoulder. “Good thing too, considering I’m fucking crazy about you.”
He groans, reaching up one hand and twining his fingers into my curls, arching into my touch. “You know, Ezra, this floor is hard as fuck —”
“Mmhmm —”
His grip tightens in my hair as I suck a bruise into his skin. “And we both need a shower —”
I drag my lips down his chest. “Do we really?”
“And we have to go see your dad —”
“Fuck, I guess you’re right.” I sit back on my heels. “But when we get back here — I think we have to make up for a lot of lost time.”
Cole grins. “I like the sound of that.”