Chapter 19 #5
She shakes her head. “No, I want to be honest with you. I said I wanted to talk, so I’m going to talk.
” Her fingers dance along my bare chest as she says, “I didn’t know sex could be like that.
It was shocking to me and, I know it seems stupid, but I was under the impression that I was madly in love with a man I thought I was going to marry.
The love I shared with Perry is what I thought was the precipice of what I could feel.
The intimacy we shared had felt like it was.
.. enough . I didn’t think it could be any different, but then .
. . then we shared the night of the wedding, and it flipped my entire idea of sex upside down.
It was confusing to me and hard to process, which is why I bolted the first morning.
I needed to catch my breath. And then when I came home, and it happened all over again, I felt like my brain was short-circuiting, and it seemed easier to leave than to tell you how you altered everything I ever knew. ”
I lightly stroke my thumb over her jaw. “You weren’t the only one altered that night. I understand the feeling, Blakely. I wish you would have talked to me because I could have told you it felt the same for me.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks.
“I was nervous that I’d scare you away if I said something. You were already fleeing the scene, so I thought that if I could keep fucking you, you’d continue to come back, and that’s how I could hold on to you. I see that was a very stupid idea now.”
“Well . . . the sex wasn’t stupid,” she says with such a beautiful smile.
“The sex was the best I’ve ever had,” I say.
“Same,” she says shyly, which just makes me like this woman that much more.
I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead as I continue to stroke her jaw.
When I pull away, she says, “So basically we were both altered that night and didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Yeah, sounds like it,” I answer. “Sorry that I handled it so poorly.”
“You didn’t.” She shakes her head. “I was the one who didn’t handle it well.”
“Maybe we both could have handled it better.”
“Maybe more me than you.”
I shake my head. “That’s not who I am, Blakely.
I’m not cold like that. I’m not the kind of man who just fucks, and that’s it.
Sure, I was rabid to have you, but after, I wanted so much more than to just hold you before you fell asleep.
I wanted to talk, I wanted to kiss you until you were so comfortable that you could pass out in my arms. I wanted to cherish you, but instead, I was a cold, demanding man.
” My stomach seizes from the thought of it. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” she says. “Please, Halsey, don’t apologize. Okay? I wasn’t hurt by it. I was so turned on every moment you whispered into my ear and demanded what you wanted from me. If that isn’t how you normally—”
“That part of our intimacy was true,” I say, wanting to make that clear. “It’s the after and between I wasn’t proud of.”
“Oh.” She bites her lower lip. “So . . . all of the command in the bed, all of the ways you twisted me and fucked me, that was real?”
The corners of my lips tilt up. “Yes, Blakely, that was real.”
She glances away before saying, “Well, good to know.”
I chuckle and lean down, pressing a kiss to her neck, and then work my way up to her jawline. “You good with that?”
“Very good with that.” She shifts under me and wraps her arms around my neck. I lift my head and press my lips to hers. She parts her lips and swipes at my mouth with her tongue.
I groan against her. “Blakely.”
“Hmm?” she asks.
“Slow, remember?”
“Yes, I remember. Slow sex, I’m all for it.”
I laugh and pull away. “Not slow sex, slow pace with intimacy.”
“Coming from the guy who told me to use him like a sex toy.”
Laughing some more, I flip her to her side and pull her into my chest. “I can’t be held accountable for what I say when you ride me.”
“If you were, I’m pretty sure you’d be arrested from that filthy mouth.”
I nuzzle into her. “You like it.”
“I do,” she says softly while holding on to my arm that’s holding her.
I kiss her ear and situate my head next to hers. “I’m glad you texted me and that you’re staying here, Blakely. I like you a lot, and I want to prove to you that I’m serious about dating you. Worth your time.” You mean everything to me.
She’s silent for a second. “From the first day I met you, Halsey, I knew deep in my soul you were worth my time.”
Posey: Listen, I’m starting to get nervous. You’ve sunk back into old habits of not talking, and I don’t want to lose you to books again.
Pacey: I’m leaning toward feeling nervous about it as well. I know the new job isn’t what you were expecting, but dude, we can figure something out.
OC: I don’t have much to contribute other than I’m here for you.
Eli: Is this a new text thread? Has Penny been removed?
Silas: Do you want to get together tonight? We can figure something out, come up with a new plan.
Halsey: Can’t tonight. I have a date.
Posey: Lord, fucking help me. Are you going out with someone random? I swear to God, Holmes, I can’t take this shit.
Silas: He wouldn’t do that.
Posey: Oh really? Because I’ve seen him do it. You were too busy with Ollie when he started feeding his yearning with random women at bars.
Pacey: Yeah, I remember that. It was Ollie’s birthday, right?
Posey: It was a disaster. I can’t go through that again.
Silas: Oh yeah, I recall something like that.
Eli: Was I there?
Halsey: The date is with Blakely, you fucking idiots.
Pacey: Really?
Posey: Wait . . . seriously?
Silas: Dude, you asked her out?
OC: Okay, is it weird that I just got butterflies?
Halsey: She’s not moving. She’s staying here. I told her how I felt last night, that I’ve been pining after her for over a year. And I asked her out. She said yes, then she fell asleep in my arms.
Posey: **Jaw drops to the ground**
Silas: Holy shit.
Pacey: Well, that’s a fucking 180.
Eli: Oh yeah, Penny told me she wasn’t moving this morning. I was too busy with Holden to relay.
Posey: Jesus, Eli!
OC: Okay, the butterflies have now turned into shivers of joy.
Pacey: Do we need to go over date options?
Halsey: No, I’m good. Taking it from here . . . on my own.
Posey: Uh, what?
Silas: Dude, that’s harsh. You’re just going to cut us out like that?
OC: You seriously can’t do that to me. I’ve become invested in this.
Eli: It seems like he has a handle on it.
Posey: Shut up, Hornsby, no one asked you.
Pacey: Eli is right.
Posey: Or you, Pacey!
OC: Is this how it always is in this group? You reel us in and then hang us out to dry? If so, I don’t think I can handle it.
Eli: Nah, we just shift focus. So . . . how are things with Grace, OC?
Posey: WHAT? Grace, our trainer? Dude . . .
OC: You’re a dick, Hornsby.
Silas: And . . . the focus has shifted. Enjoy your date, Holmes.
Halsey: Thanks, I will.
OC: Uh, I did not sign up for this. How about we talk about Posey and the girl he’s been crushing on?
Silas: He’s not crushing on anyone.
Pacey: Do you mean his bologna?
Eli: Lady Bologna and her mistress mustard. Yup, let’s discuss.
OC: He hasn’t told you about his girl? Interesting . . .
Silas: Posey, what the hell is he talking about?
Eli: If you’re seeing someone, I’m going to set your bologna stash on fire.
Pacey: There’s no fucking way.
Halsey: Who is she, Posey?
Levi Posey has left the conversation.
Silas: The motherfucker.
I stand in the entryway of the apartment, rubbing my hands together in a nervous tic while I wait for Blakely to emerge from her bedroom.
I planned the whole evening out, wanting to make sure I gave us time to talk and enjoy each other rather than take her to a movie or show, which limits our ability to converse. I told her it was a casual evening, so nothing too fancy and to wear shoes she was comfortable walking in.
I opted for a pair of worn black jeans, a white shirt, and a denim button-up with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows.
I considered wearing a hat to somewhat disguise myself, but I don’t like how I look in a baseball cap, so I styled my hair and stuck a pair of sunglasses in my shirt pocket—hoping for the best.
The door to Blakely’s bedroom opens, and she steps out into the main living room. She looks so fucking beautiful.
She chose a pair of white skinny jeans that fall just at her ankle.
She paired them with matching white shoes, a tan shirt that’s tucked into the front of her jeans, and a black faux-leather jacket.
Her hair is curled into waves and half up, half down so there aren’t any strands in her face.
Her lips are painted in a neutral color, and her captivating eyes are more pronounced from the makeup she applied.
When she looks up and sees me waiting, her eyes briefly scan over me before she smiles and walks up to me, placing her hand on my chest. I wrap my arm around her lower back and pull her in tight as she presses a kiss to my lips.
Fuck, she smells amazing.
She smiles against my mouth, then pulls away just enough to look me in the eyes. “I’m nervous.”
I take her hand in mine. “No need to be nervous. We’re going to have fun.” I step away and force her to spin around. When she faces me again, I say, “You look beautiful, Blakely.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve worn better.”
“Yeah, well, I like casual. You look really good.”
Her cheeks blush as she curls into my chest. “You look really good too.”
“Thanks.” I move toward the door. “You ready?”
“Yeah, ready.”
We head out of the apartment, and I lock up before putting my keys in my pocket and walking her toward the elevator. “What I’m about to say is going to come off very douchey, but I have to say it.”
“Ooo, I can’t wait to hear it.”
We step onto the elevator, and I turn toward her. “I was going to wear a hat to try to disguise myself, but I don’t like wearing hats all that much, so I brought sunglasses. I’m sorry if people recognize me and take up a piece of our night.”