Chapter 23 #3
Eli doesn’t move, though. He just looks up at me, his cheekbone red from my fist. “Do it again,” he says.
When I don’t move, still stunned from what I did, he lifts to his feet and gets right in my face.
“Do it again, Holmes. Punch me. If that’s what’s going to help you, then fucking punch me again.
” He pokes my chest and says, “But it won’t stop me from continuing to love you, care for you, and be there every step of the way.
” He wets his lips. “I was there that night. I was at the bar with him. I watched him sling back shot after shot, and I didn’t do anything about it.
I’ve held on to that feeling, the one where I think to myself .
. . if only. But do you know where holding on to that has gotten me?
” He pushes my chest, sending me a step back and causing Pacey to come up to us.
“It got me fucking nowhere. Holding on to what your mom said to you will get you nowhere. Punching me will get you nowhere. Drinking like your fucking brother who had a goddamn problem that no one could fix BUT HIM won’t get you anywhere.
So punch me.” He holds his arms out. “Fucking punch me, Holmes, and get it all out.”
“He was my responsibility,” I yell. “That’s what my mom said. And it was true. I should have looked after him. He was my—”
“No, Holmes. She’s wrong. So fucking wrong. He was a man. He was responsible for his own actions. He—”
“But I knew he was wild. I should have taken better care of him. I—”
“The only thing you should be doing is grieving the loss of your brother. That’s it. He made choices. And not just that night. You know this. It’s not your fault.”
“It should have been me, though. My mom was right. The wrong twin died.”
“Fucking hell. She said that?” Pacey rasps.
“Of course she did. It’s true.”
“It’s not. She’s bitter and angry, but that cannot live on your shoulders. It can’t. He made choices. And we grieve.”
“But—”
“No, man. No buts. You gotta let this go. You gotta get this anger out. Punch me. I’ll take it. And when you’re done, I’m going to be here with these open arms, ready to hold you and help you. So just. . .fucking. . .punch me.”
I crash into him, but without my fists as weapons or anger being stored in my brow. Instead, my silent tears guide the way, followed by the pain that’s been funneled deeply into my heart. I wrap my arms around him and quietly shake against his chest as he holds me close to him.
And that’s how we stand for I don’t know how long. Eli holding me, Pacey gently placing his hand on my back, and me sobbing into my teammate.
BLAKELY
Blakely: I can’t tell you how grateful I am, Huxley. I will forever owe you.
Huxley: You owe me nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow.
I stare out the window as my taxi driver drives me from the private airport in Vegas to Halsey’s hotel room.
I checked the score of the game, and the boys lost terribly.
Zero to three. Pacey didn’t play. Eli was out for a lot of the game, and Halsey .
. . well, he didn’t play at all. It was a second-string game that they could afford to lose, but it only leads me to believe that nothing is fine like Halsey said.
The only thing he’s said to me all day.
Huxley saw how distracted I was and pulled me to the side to ask me what was going on.
I apologized profusely and told him that I’d do better, but he didn’t let me leave his office.
He wanted to know what was distracting me, so I told him I was worried about Halsey.
That’s when he offered his private plane so I could get to him.
He didn’t care how long I had it for as long as I was back in the office in the morning for training.
I’ve never been more grateful.
I brought a small overnight bag with me, just in case, and could change on the plane into a pair of shorts and a regular shirt so that I’m at least comfortable and not walking around in a business suit and heels.
“This is it,” the driver says. I hand him over forty dollars, tell him to keep the change, and walk into the upscale hotel and straight to the lobby.
The immediate smell of smoke from the casino filters into the air, but the sound of the slot machines goes undetected by the blaring music in the lobby.
Penny worked with the team to get me the information I needed as to where Halsey’s room is, so I head straight to the elevators and up to his floor.
Depending on where the boys play next, they fly to their next city after the game or stay one more night for some good sleep.
Since they’re off to Arizona next and then California, I couldn’t wait. I had to see him now.
When I get off the elevator, I head to the right and down the hall where I find his room. I knock on the door, and while I wait for him to answer, I adjust the strap of my bag on my shoulder and try not to fidget too much from the anxiety rolling through me.
It takes a second, but when the door opens, I steel my breath, only to see Eli on the other side sporting a black eye.
“Blakely,” he says quietly as he steps out into the hall with me but keeps his foot propping the door open slightly. “What are you doing here?”
“I hadn’t heard from Halsey all day besides one text, and I was worried. Huxley Cane lent me his private plane. How is he?”
Eli shakes his head. “Not good.”
My stomach twists. “What’s going on?”
“It’s not for me to say.” He shakes his head. “But it’s not good.”
“Well, can I see him?”
“Yes,” he says. “But I need to warn you, he’s not in a good headspace, okay? I wouldn’t expect much from him. It’s been rough for me and the boys, so I can only imagine what he’ll do when he sees you. Just . . . be prepared.”
“I am,” I say even though I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Fight for him.
Just keep fighting for him.
That’s what Penny told me to do and that’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to fight for him no matter what.
“Okay.” Eli props the door open and leads me inside, where the nightstand light is on. Halsey is curled up on the bed wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Pacey is on the other side of the bed with a worried look on his face.
When he sees me approach, I watch him wince, but then he stands from the bed and offers me a silent wave.
“I’ll give you some time alone,” Eli says and then nods at Pacey to join him.
They slip out of the room, and when the door shuts behind them, I set my bag on the floor. Halsey doesn’t move.
Not even a flinch.
So I walk over to the side of the bed he’s facing, and I take a seat on the edge to find him with his eyes closed.
Gently, I place my hand on his side and say, “Hey, you.”
His eyes part open, and he pauses for a moment, not making a move, not reacting to seeing me.
He just stares, which scares me more than anything because I’ve seen how he reacts when I enter a room.
I know the way he looks at me when we’re in bed together, and the man staring back at me is just a shell.
After a few moments of silence, I can’t take it anymore, so I say, “Are you doing okay?”
His eyes are tired. Bloodshot.
His face looks gaunt.
And he almost seems very feeble at this moment.
Finally he says, “No.” It comes out strangled. His eyes well up with tears, and my heart shatters into a million pieces.
“Halsey—”
I don’t have time to finish because he reaches out and pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arm around my waist, securing me into his fetal position.
At this moment, I can feel it all the way down to my bones. I’m his lifeline right now. He’s holding on to me, silently begging and pleading to help him stay afloat, and I will do everything within me to do that.
I twist to my back, and he snuggles into me, his head to my chest. I put my arm around him and kiss the top of his head as I feel his tears cascade down to my shirt as his body quietly wracks against mine.
It breaks me.
He breaks me.
I find myself fighting off my own tears as I hold him close.
Oh, you poor, poor man. I hate that you’re hurting. I love you. I will always love you. And I’m here for you. Always.
Halsey is sleeping, and I was able to slip out of his arms for a brief second to go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and grab my phone from my bag, where a text waits for me from Huxley from a few minutes ago.
Huxley: I’ve been informed by my pilot that you haven’t contacted them yet.
I glance up at Halsey, still curled into a ball, and I know exactly what I need to do.
Blakely: Sorry. This is more serious than I expected it to be.
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, and I understand the repercussions, but I won’t be able to make it in tomorrow.
Or the next day. Not sure how long it might take me to get back.
I understand if you need to look elsewhere for someone more reliable, but this is too important for me not to be here.
I heave a heavy sigh.
But, I know I’ve made the right decision.
Jobs will come and go, but a man like Halsey? He’s once in a lifetime, and if that means I need to go back to ground zero, give up the dream job, and be here for him, then I will do it.
I’ll do anything for this man.
It’s a far cry from the thoughts going through my head when Perry asked me to move with him. I didn’t even give Australia a thought. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to give up what I had.
But with Halsey, I’d give up the world to be by his side. And that’s what he needs. He needs me by his side. And I know, with absolute certainty, that he’d do the same for me.
That’s what love is.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I know I’ll see the words HR in his text. I’m about to lose this job.
But . . . worth it.
Huxley: Take all the time you need. When it comes to reliability, your choice to be with your man just proved to me how reliable you really are. We’ll talk when you’re ready to start back up. Wishing you luck.
I stare at his text, dumbfounded.