Chapter 5 #5
Luka fought with himself, trying not to break down completely so August wouldn’t feel obligated to pull over and console him.
He held back tears, wondering just what he’d done all that time ago to possibly be memorable.
He wished his memory served him better, so maybe he could pick apart that night and try to see it from Reno’s perspective.
But he could only remember flashes of it, the color of Reno’s hair, the few stars in the sky, the smell of fallen leaves, the taste of smoke.
It didn’t make sense.
His gut sank. What if Reno actually got to know him and Luka became what he always was?
Forgettable, easy to abandon, not so special after all.
He knew he could be difficult to like, cynical, depressing, and aggressive when pushed.
He had always had difficulty believing people when they said he was kind, or that he deserved to be treated well but here was Reno, practically throwing himself at Luka.
He didn’t trust it, didn’t trust it would last.
The kind words and the attention never lasted.
He remembered to breathe, willed his eyes to stop burning, and pulled the beanie off his head to comb his fingers through his hair.
So what?
August always said it was better to try to accept things than to push them away just because you didn’t understand them.
If he remembered right, they had been discussing something political but he thought of it now, regardless.
It wouldn’t do Luka any favors to push Reno away just because he couldn’t understand the man’s motives.
He wiped at his face and caught a peek at how red his eyes looked in the side mirror.
“Can we stop at the next gas station?” Luka asked. “I need chocolate.”
“Course,” August replied easily, before merging into the right lane.
Luka reached down for his phone. “Thanks,” he said as he grabbed it and checked the screen.
Maria
U ok? U went quiet
yeah now I am. I think. I had to freak out for a bit
That tracks
Luka sent her a screenshot of the conversation he’d had with Reno, who thankfully got the picture and had not messaged him again.
Maria
damn dude. not to be the skeptic here, but thats really intense.
I dont think he's lying or anything but you have to admit thats a lot to throw at someone you havent known very long.
I know. That's why i've been freaking out for the last…..45 min.
I'd like to think hes not lying either, but what do i even do with this?
we barely know each other. last night was magical like something out of a fucking movie or something but I dont think it warrents talking bout being fated or whatever
to be fair, hes not saying you two are like, soulmates.
hes just saying tht you two are not a coincidence.
and yeah, i think if i met someone a long time ago and i thought bout them often then i saw them again, id also be kinda intense about getting to know them for real. Life doesn't throw that kind of sign at you very often.
Also, if his gut is rly telling him to pursue you and hes equating it to other times hes done that, you should listen
what? why?
The guy is a world famous musician.
think about the level of skill and luck that goes into reaching that level. millions of people try to get where Reno is now and fail. If hes getting the same feeling bout you as he did about music or whatever… well it makes sense hes not ignoring it.
I can't possibly be that important.
Why not?
Luka turned down the music. “I’m sorry.”
August shrugged. “You got feelings, man. A lot’s going on. I get it.”
“Thanks for not being weird," Luka said. The first few raindrops hit the windshield and August pulled off to the exit, following the signs for a gas station. “I just had to freak out in silence for a bit.”
“I’d be freaking out too,” August said, not even understanding the full situation. “You’re not used to attention or getting what you want.”
“That's…hm.” Luka ignored his phone as it buzzed. “Is this what I want?”
“Only you can answer that.” August pulled up to a gas pump and parked, shutting off the ignition. “Can I ask?” They pointed at Luka’s phone in his lap.
“Here.” He unlocked it and handed it over with Reno’s chat open. They scanned the chat before pinching their lips and grunting.
“Smooth talker.” August handed the phone back. “Doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean it but, yeah. Maybe you should call him soon and just tell him things are moving kind of fast and it’s freaking you out.”
“I don’t know if that's what I want,” Luka admitted. “If this is real, then…”
“You’ll figure it out.” August unbuckled and said, “Come on. Stand outside before it starts pouring and I’ll get you a KitKat.”
“Thanks.” Luka could hug them but searched for his cigarettes instead, then got out of the car.
It wasn’t quite raining yet, just a fat drop of water on the cement every so often, leaving behind dark spots on the tan sidewalk.
He sat on the curb away from the door and watched as they splattered against the ground, the occasional drop splitting the trail of smoke from the tip of his cigarette.
He inhaled, wondering if this was the same brand he’d shared with Reno all that time ago.
Reno
Sry, im back. Had to think.
thats ok. I understand
The text came immediately and Luka almost felt bad, sure that Reno had been waiting for his response. It had been nearly an hour since he said he needed a moment.
Reno
What did you think?
if you mean it,
It would be so easy for you to be lying. I got my hang ups.
We all do. It's ok. What are yours?
And im not lying
I have trouble believing that anyone would pick me. Past experiences have shown me im not someone who gets picked first. I'm a second option kind of guy.
that makes me feel sad. I hope you can look at yourself different soon. You are not second.
Time will tell, i guess. Your turn.
for what?
tell me one of ur hang ups. its only fair
Evil. ?(?? .? ?.?)Ψ
I fear no one but my bandmates and sage will ever know me for who i am and not for my stage persona or music.
it is very hard to make friends, even harder to trust that someone i like will see me for me.
I suspect even the ldies on my street see me for my persona first and neighbor second.
My family only know who I was before I moved, even with how much we talk.
its also why I feel lonely. It has been nice to talk to you though, you dont act like im different
I didnt realize i talked to you in a unique way
ur blunt. not pretending.
How can you tell im not pretending?
you'd be way nicer if you were pretending
oh my god im sorry. should i be offended or was that a compliment???
“Thank fuck—he’s smiling again,” August said, handing him his chocolate bar and a bottle of water. “Let’s roll. Think you can drive the last hour?”
“Yeah, no problem.” The rain was starting to pick up so he stubbed out his cigarette and followed August to the car, taking the keys from them as they pumped gas. He crawled into the driver’s seat and pushed it back a little, adjusted the mirror, and connected his phone to the Bluetooth.
Reno
Compliment. I get tired of the polite nice everyone does. I want someone who can tell me I'm being a shithead
I did do that, didn't i…
you sure did. Very hot btw
You'll be the end of me
August and I are switching up so i gotta drive the rest of the way home
ok, be safe. I need to go practise anyway
Thank you for telling me your thoughts <3