Chapter 8 #3
Reno looked a little concerned before saying, “I hope it is not trouble for you.”
Luka had to admit, “It is, sort of. If I want my art to take off I have to use social media. I may need to start new accounts under a fake name.”
“That is a shame," Reno said. “You deserve the credit for your work.”
Luka let their footfalls and the chatter of nearby people rest between them as he thought of what to say.
“Is it any different than you?” Luka asked.
“In what way?”
“You don’t use your legal name.”
“Ah, but it is still my name," Reno said. “It is still me.”
“A pseudonym would be me too,” Luka argued. “It wouldn’t lose its meaning; it would still be my work.”
Reno squeezed his hand. “I like the way you think.”
“Ah?” Luka scoffed. “Okay. Thanks. It’s just… I think it’s a compromise I would be fine making.”
Reno rubbed his thumb over the back of Luka’s hand and suddenly, Luka was all too aware of the fact that he was with Reno, and not someone he’d known his whole life. Talking with him felt so easy, in a way that he usually struggled with.
“I don’t like you making compromises for me.”
Luka blinked, surprised. “Um. Not to be like, presumptuous but seeing as you have me here hundreds of miles from my home on what you said was a date with you—isn’t any kind of relationship full of compromises?”
“Relationship,” Reno hummed, sounding pleased. “Yeah. But!” He held a finger up, smiling. “Any relationship I have should be full of fulfillment and not half-joys!”
“That’s not realistic,” Luka chuckled, watching as Reno waved his finger around. “People will always have to surrender their happiness to make someone else feel better.”
“Whoa.” Reno put his finger down. “We have got to change your mind.”
“We?”
“Yeah. Us.” Reno bumped his shoulder with his own. “Me. I’ll change your mind.”
“That’s bold.” Luka felt himself smiling around his words. “What kind of life do you live that you feel you can change my mind?”
“One full of love.” Reno beamed at him. “One where it’s easy to call my date handsome. One where I get to walk around confident in my ability to make you smile.”
“Oh.” Luka let Reno poke the side of his mouth, right in the crease his lips made.
“See?” Reno said. “Handsome.”
Luka didn’t know what to say but Reno saved him from having to reply.
“Oh, there they are!” Reno’s cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink when he turned his attention to the approaching trees. The petals that fell around them and caught on his shoulders and the brim of his hat were the same shade as his hair. “Let’s find somewhere to sit?”
They walked around several people admiring the falling cherry blossoms and eventually left the path to wander through the field of trees.
Luka spotted a large one at the side of a shallow hill and led them to it.
The sun came out from behind a cloud as they walked under its branches, the cool, spring breeze carrying petals spiraling through the air.
Reno dropped his bag at the base of the tree then unbuckled it to pull out a thin blanket to spread on the ground.
Luka toed out of his boots and stood on the blanket for a moment, looking up through the branches at the blue sky, watching the way the tree shifted in the breeze and the sun scattered through the pink petals.
“Come here." Reno was on the ground, his back against the trunk of the tree with his hand reaching out towards Luka. When his hand met Luka’s, his strong fingers wrapped around his palm and pulled him down to sit. Already, petals were gathering in Reno’s lap before he brushed them aside to throw his legs over Luka’s, settling in comfortably.
The weight of his legs was welcome, and Luka ran a hand over the soft material of his pants, sliding his thumb to feel the curve of Reno’s knee.
Reno made a contented noise and shuffled slightly to press more against Luka, his legs heavy against Luka’s stomach. “You’re so warm.”
“You should have brought a second blanket.”
“How do you know I didn’t?” Reno grinned, then pulled his hat off and set it to the side. He ruffled his bangs and let his eyes close as he rested his head against the tree trunk.
“Did you?”
“No.” Reno peeked an eye open and Luka loved the sly look he gave him. “I have you to keep me warm.”
Luka felt his cheeks heat and couldn’t help asking. “Why me?”
“You run hot.”
“No.” Luka stilled his hand on Reno’s thigh, his fingers splayed, feeling the strong muscle there. “I mean, why am I here?”
Reno pursed his lips, making him look even more adorable, and Luka had to look away to focus on the importance of the conversation. Reno didn’t answer right away, his eyes closed and his small eyebrows pinched together as he thought.
Finally, he opened his eyes and said, “Well, first off. I like you.” Reno drummed his fingers against his chest, his gaze going overhead to the blossoms. When the sun hit his eyes, they turned a deep brown, the same color as fresh, wet earth.
“Secondly. I already told you. I couldn’t stop thinking of you all those years. And, I know, that’s kind of insane behavior. I guess, a part of me always hoped to see you again, and no, I don’t know why either. You know, when we met I was in a really dark place.”
“You sort of mentioned," Luka said.
“I was having a lot of troubles. Trying to figure out who I was. I was young, going through a very bad time and the band was really starting to take off, and… I dunno. I think the combination of not knowing who I was and facing a lot of scrutiny, while also rising to fame, had me all mixed up. It was fun, it was a lot of fun. I got to see so many cool places and I love music, but I didn’t know how to love me. ”
The sun kept hitting Reno’s eyes but he didn’t look away from the branches, swaying in the breeze.
“I was isolating a lot. My friends were trying really hard to get me to talk to people, to talk to them, and I wouldn’t. Then, I saw you and you looked like me.”
“What?” Luka raised an eyebrow, suspicious.
“No, not like physically. But there was something going on inside of you that I saw. I always wondered what became of you. It makes sense now.”
“What do you mean?”
Reno gave him a soft look. “You were finding you, too. Yeah? I mean, you were, are, undeniably attractive. But, there’s this kind of deepness to you, a soulful feeling that shows in your eyes like you’ve seen the world and you don’t trust it.”
“That’s a pretty harsh read.” Luka frowned at Reno.
“Is it? Because I see someone who doesn’t know if they should trust the world still giving it a chance.
” Reno tilted his head slightly, his eyes locking with Luka’s.
“That's pretty brave. You were brave to show up all those years ago and talk to me like I was just another person when everyone else treated me like I was either something broken or something untouchable. You’re brave now for saying yes.”
Luka didn’t want to admit that he didn’t feel brave at all, right then.“I’m sorry you felt that way.”
“My life was an adjustment.” Reno waved his hand.
“I wasn’t sure if I was even a man. My breakup was really bad and affected me for a long time.
I lived in new country so far away from my family and had just lost a lot of people I thought were my friends but were not.
I wasn’t even sure if my bandmates liked me.
I didn’t know if my choices would pay off, but I had this gut feeling that it would. ”
“Sounds like your gut’s right, at least.”
Reno’s look was intense when he said, “It’s never failed me.”
Luka looked away then leaned forward to scoop a few petals into his hand to admire, to give himself something to do other than be the subject of Reno’s attention.
“Why did you say yes?” Reno asked.
Luka rolled a petal between his fingers then let it fall. “I thought of you, too.”
“Now there’s something you haven’t admitted before.” Reno made light of it, his intensity dropping in a way that Luka felt was intentional.
“Well, you’re you.” Luka shrugged then leaned back onto his hands, the blanket soft under his palms. He tilted his chin up to watch the lazy spiral of petals.
“It’s pretty hard to forget you. It became like a little secret for me to hold in my chest. The fact that all those years ago you talked to me, you acted like you wanted to know me.
Even you walking away from me was something I admired. ”
Reno huffed a laugh.
“It was smart. I was a kid. Like, you’re not that much older than me but at that age it’s important. And, you respected that.”
“Easy.”
Luka agreed, “Yeah, but some kids aren’t so lucky to have a run in with a popular musician and make it out okay.”
Reno shuddered. “I’ve seen.”
“Me too.” Luka cringed. “It made an impression on me, though. And, sure, you were questioning yourself and who you were but it was nice for me to see another man looking authentic and liking the things I like without feeling ashamed of it.”
Reno made an understanding noise. “It gets hard, doesn’t it.”
“Yeah.” Luka ran a hand through his hair and petals came away with it. “After I met you though I felt okay being misunderstood, because it didn’t make me less of a man no matter how anyone saw me.”
“You give me too much credit,” Reno protested but his expression said otherwise; it was so soft and understanding. “What did you think of me when I made that post?”
“That you were an idiot.” Luka poked Reno’s leg and he made a cute, surprised noise. “That it was fake, probably. Once it became real, I thought you were stupid for keeping it up. And, from what you said, you got in trouble for it too. So, stupid.”
“Is it stupid to take a chance?” Reno protested, jiggling his leg in Luka’s lap.
“Sometimes. I'm glad you’re a bit of an idiot, though.” Luka grabbed Reno’s leg to stop it from moving. “I’m joking, I don’t think you’re an idiot. Just, maybe your manager has a point. You’re kinda reckless.”
“That’s my choice to make.”
“True,” Luka said. “That's why I said yes.”