Chapter 8 #4
“The answer, finally. He said yes because I’m stupid and reckless,” Reno teased and pushed himself away from the trunk to crowd into Luka’s space. “I’ll happily be an idiot if it makes you say yes to me over and over.”
Luka felt himself flush. “You are something else.”
“So it’s been said,” Reno flirted, a hand finding the end of Luka’s hair and twisting it around his index finger. “I like how much you blush.”
“Don’t.” Luka rolled his eyes, feeling himself turn even redder. “It’s extremely embarrassing. I feel like I’m red ninety percent of my life.”
Reno pouted. “Now, who else is turning you red?”
“Myself, mostly,” Luka huffed. “I think it’s genetic.”
“I am so lucky.” Reno pressed his nose against Luka’s cheek. “I get to spend time with you.”
Luka bit back his reply, not wanting to comment on how little time they would have together.
He turned his head instead, finding Reno’s lips soft against his and pressed against them.
He felt Reno sigh, felt him part his lips ever so slightly as they connected, felt the way his body melted against Luka’s with a low hum in his chest.
He smelled like the trees. He tasted like strawberry chapstick. He felt so soft and warm when Luka brought his hand to Reno’s cheek to caress it.
When he pulled away it was with a swelling in his chest. Reno’s eyes tracked down Luka’s face and then back as he pulled his plush lower lip between his teeth and fought back a smile. He released it with an exhale before he tilted his head forward to rest on Luka’s shoulder.
“What do you want to do?” Reno asked and Luka thought for a moment of a million things he wanted to do with Reno before Reno continued, “I mean, with your life?”
“Oh…" Luka’s mind scrambled to get back on topic. “I wanna quit my job.”
Reno chuckled then lifted his head. “Come on, give me more than that.”
“Well, it’s the start. I quit my job. I travel, make art.
Paint more. I don’t paint nearly as much as I want to because I just don’t have the space right now.
Oils take a lot of setup, canvases are big…
” Luka trailed off, trying not to pay attention to the way Reno stared at him. “The rest is embarrassing to say.”
“Your dreams can’t be that embarrassing.”
“Okay, then don’t judge me.”
Reno tucked a stray hair behind Luka’s ear then ran his fingers over the many piercings in Luka’s earlobe. “Never.”
“I—" Luka started, then tilted his head away from Reno’s touch, “I want to be taken care of.”
“How so?” Reno let his hand fall away.
“I want to be adored so much that I’m given the space to create.
A home where I can paint without fighting to make money to live.
A dog. Coffee brought to me in the morning.
Someone to tell me my art is beautiful and mean it.
A life of quiet evenings tucked away with someone who thinks I'm worth it and loves me more than anyone else in the world. It sounds superficial or sexist, and I wonder how much of it is ingrained in me because of how I grew up, but it doesn’t change the way I want to be kept. ”
Reno was quiet for a while and Luka didn’t want to continue, even if his list of wants was endless. He thought he might collapse if he had to admit more; he already felt like he would choke and make a mess of himself before he finished what he was saying.
He couldn’t help from letting one more thing slip out, though. “I want to be someone’s most important person. I’ve never been that.”
Reno took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“It is understandable to want those things,” Reno said quickly, like he was catching himself. “I don’t think it’s trivial.”
“Thanks, I think.” Luka gently pushed on Reno’s legs to move them off his lap.
“I think your art is beautiful.”
“You saying that after my admission makes it kind of flimsy.”
Reno smiled at him. “You doubt so much.”
“Someone has to,” Luka said, not feeling great about it.
“I do mean it. I like the thing you show me. I want you to paint too.”
“Why?”
“You should be happy,” Reno replied, like that was an easy thing to be. “It sounds like you haven’t had the chance to.”
“Capitalism and the state of society makes it a little difficult.”
“Ah." Reno smirked at him. “We will see.”
Luka twisted, looking right at Reno. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing!” Reno beamed at him then reached forward, taking Luka’s face in his capable hands. “I wish for you to be happy, Luka. Tell me how I can make it happen.”
“Kiss me,” Luka replied, not wanting to speak the full truth.
Reno did.
He brought his hands to the back of Luka’s head in a movement Luka was beginning to realize was Reno’s way of keeping him close.
Reno had a demanding way about him; he was pushy, prying Luka’s lips apart and brushing his tongue against Luka’s.
He kissed Luka like he didn’t want to forget him, like he wanted to imprint him against his tongue and teeth.
Luka felt himself melt into it, felt himself fall into Reno’s hands, and when Reno pulled away, his eyes were glassy and so, so dark as he peered at Luka through his lashes.
Luka let out an uneven breath and asked, “Can we go?”
Reno kissed him again for that and Luka wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stay upright much longer. He put his hands on Reno’s shoulders and pushed gently; Reno whined, his fingers digging against Luka’s skull as he fought against their separation.
“Reno," Luka gasped, “control.”
With a sigh, Reno relaxed, his hands sliding out of Luka’s hair and away, looking almost pained to do so. He murmured, “Sorry," before putting his hands in his lap and looking bashful.
“It’s ok," Luka said, “let’s pack up?”
Reno nodded and when Luka stood and looked down at him, he seemed so small, surrounded by fallen petals with the sun dancing over his soft hair as it peeked through the branches.
“Stand up, I need a cigarette.”
“Ah, the real reason.” Reno pressed a finger to his lip and smiled. “You need nicotine more than me?”
“You’re embarrassing.” Luka tapped him in the shin with his toe before extending a hand to help Reno up. “I’m not going to suck you off in a public park.”
“Oh.” Reno’s eyes went very big and he took Luka’s hand to hurry and stand. “Luka.”
“Don’t use that voice on me.” Luka blushed while putting on his shoes.
Reno looked delighted when Luka made eye contact with him then he, too, blushed and got to work shaking petals off the blanket.
When it was back in his bag, Reno put his hat back on, held his hand out to Luka, and they left the park in search of an area away from other people to share a cigarette.
Reno leaned against the park’s outer walls, a good distance from the gate and curled his fingers for Luka to hand him the lighter.
“Do you remember," he started, mouth around the cigarette as he lit it, “what brand it was?”
“Hm?” Luka watched Reno take a drag, feeling much more about it than he should. The smoke curled around them both and he put the pieces together. “Oh, no.”
“Really?” Reno’s eyes widened and he passed the cigarette to Luka.
Their fingers brushed and Luka felt the years overlap.
The distance between now and their meeting, the taste of tobacco on his tongue, the years stretching as he took in Reno’s face.
He had aged, beautifully so, from the man Luka had met outside the venue in Missouri to the one here in New York.
Reno propped a foot up against the wall and leaned back, head tilting just so, exposing his throat to the world as he’d done all that time ago.
The difference was a marvel. “I always wondered.”
Luka felt the heat in his lungs and couldn’t tell if it was Reno or smoke. “Me too. I got it from that vocalist. With the local band.”
“Oh, Dan?” Reno asked. “We still chat sometimes. Maybe he knows.” Reno reached out for the cigarette, his long fingers gorgeous in the late sun.
“He was always nice. We were so green then. His band was only with us for, um, I think six or seven of the tour dates. Just through center U.S. But, he really watched out for us. Sometimes I miss doing little shows like that.”
“Why’s that?” Luka watched Reno smoke and struggled to pay attention to what he was saying.
“There was something magical about it. Maybe I’m just nostalgic.
But, it was kind of like getting to play for individual people instead of crowds.
” He laughed at that and tipped the cigarette to the side, letting ash drop to the sidewalk.
A car honked somewhere nearby and another four or five honks followed.
“I love it now, too. There’s nothing more electric than playing for a big crowd. It’s more energy, it’s more wild.”
Luka zipped his hoodie up, feeling the wind start to rustle his hair around. “Which is better?”
“Neither. Both?” Reno passed the cigarette back and pulled his hood up over his hat, leaving only the brim exposed. “There’s moments before I wish I could recreate, but back then, I was only dreaming of playing the kind of stages I play now. So, both.”
“I’ve never experienced anything like that,” Luka admitted. “I’m not used to people looking at me. But, I was there too.”
Reno stared at him, searching.
“I mean, I saw you play back then. You’re right, it felt more personal for me, too.
You were within reach, it felt like you looked at everyone.
There’s something really fun about that.
Now, it’s like getting to be part of a mass.
Moving together, a big wave of people instead of individuals. Which feels amazing, too.”
Reno smiled. “Ah, I do love that. I always go see the other bands when we play festivals. It’s nice to get lost in the crowd. You know, it’s nice you didn’t stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Listening to my music.”
“Oh my god.” Luka took the cigarette back, focused on the sidewalk instead of anything else. “Please don’t do this to me.”
“What? It’s inspiring,” Reno said, crossing his arms. “It’s cool. I make music because I love it. To have someone else love it is like being seen. When someone like you loves it, it feels incredible.”
“I don’t know how to take that.” Luka took a drag, still feeling awkward.
“Take it as a compliment. Your opinion matters to me. I want you to like the things I make.”
“That’s incredibly sappy.”
“Sappy?” Reno took the cigarette back to take a long drag.
“Yeah, like.” Luka fought for the meaning. “Sweet. Sappy like tree sap. Syrup.”
“Ah, yes.” Reno smiled and Luka thought of it just like syrup, sweet and slow. “Sappy. What a good word. Should I call the driver?”
Luka took in the nearly gone cigarette and nodded.
Reno passed it over as he went for his phone and Luka finished it before stomping it out and walking the butt to a trash bin near the end of the block.
By the time he returned, Reno was thanking the person on the other end of the phone call and hanging up.
“Guess he’s at the cafe down the street. Do you want anything?”
“No, I'm okay.” Luka thought if he had any caffeine, his heart might give up. It had already been pounding so much all day.
Reno shot off a text then leaned back against the wall again. Luka joined him and Reno put his hand inside of Luka’s hoodie pocket. His fingers were surprisingly cold.
Reno yawned, slumped against Luka and apologized. “Sorry, this is my usual nap time.”
Luka pulled his phone out and saw it was nearly five and was surprised at how much time they had spent together already.
“Usually I crash on the bus around now, get an hour in before I have to be in chair for hair and makeup.”
Luka turned his hand to lock his fingers with Reno’s inside of his pocket.
“Then I stretch, dance a bit, warm up on guitar, and take our photos with the guys.” Reno put his head on Luka’s shoulder and as he talked it came out hushed. “What do you usually do?”
“I’m usually playing games with Wulf right now. Well, not exactly right now with the time difference and all. We quit pretty early though so I can draw.”
“Un, so dedicated. You draw every day don’t you?”
“Almost.” Luka wished he could do more. “Sometimes I’m too tired after work.”
Reno yawned. “I want you to quit.”
“Not possible,” Luka laughed.
“Yes, but it’s what you want,” Reno said, “I want you to have what you want.”
“I see.” Luka watched the car pull up to the curb and he shrugged his shoulder to get Reno up and off of it. “Unless you’re offering to pay my rent, it’s not happening.”
“Mhm.” Reno flipped his hood down and adjusted his hat. “Mind if we go to your hotel? I’m sharing a bed with Arnaud and I don’t think he’d appreciate the extra company tonight. He needs his beauty rest.”
Luka stammered, trying to process the implications. “Uh, yeah. I mean, you paid for it.”
“That doesn’t mean I should expect an invite.”
Luka nodded, slightly dazed. “Yes, then. You are invited.”
Reno nodded back, looking serious. “Let’s go, then.”
A driver Luka didn’t recognize opened the door for them and they slid into the back seat together. As the car pulled away and the park disappeared from view, Luka wondered if he’d ever come back.
1 Good morning/morning.