~Chapter 14~
Cedric's Pov:
I can’t find him.
The thought has crossed my mind countless times tonight, each time more sharply. More irritating.
I curse under my breath and stop abruptly, slamming my palm against the wall.
The sound echoes dryly.
Useless.
It’s all useless.
“Damn…” I mutter, running my hand through my hair.
It doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t make sense.
There was no one special in the beginning. There shouldn’t have been. One night. That’s it. And yet…
I can’t get it out of my head.
I clench my jaw, feeling something pressing against my chest. It’s not pain. Not really. It’s more… unease. A constant irritation, like a background noise that never goes away.
And it drives me crazy.
“Why…” I whisper, more to myself.
Why can’t I find him?
I asked. I searched.
I checked the places he might have been.
Names, faces, smells.
Nothing.
It’s like he’s gone.
It’s like he never existed.
But I know he existed.
I clench my fist until I feel his nails digging into my skin.
I see him.
The way he looked at me.
The way he breathed when. . .
I swear again, louder this time, and push myself against the wall.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say firmly.
It shouldn’t matter.
And yet…
I turn around abruptly and start pacing the room again, my steps faster now, heavier.
It’s annoying.
It’s stupid.
It’s…
wrong.
That’s not how it works.
Not me.
I don’t lose control over someone I don’t even know that well.
And yet, something in me refuses to let it go.
I feel it in every nerve.
In every breath.
The way I can't sit still.
The way. ..
I stop again.
My breath hitches for a split second.
Something's wrong.
I don't know what.
But it's there.
A strange, deep feeling that tightens my chest for no reason.
I move my hand to my sternum, frowning.
"What the hell..."
It's not pain.
It's... something else.
Like an invisible thread pulling.
Somewhere.
To someone.
I raise my head slowly, my gaze fixed on nothing.
And, without wanting to...I know.
Not where it is.
Not who it is exactly.
But I know one thing.
It's not over.
I lick my lips and exhale slowly.
"I'll find you," I murmur, my voice low, determined.
It's not a promise.
It's a fact.
And this time…it won't go away.
---
I wake up when sunlight shines through the curtain that I'm sure I've got 100% blackout, but it seems like it's not.
I put a pillow under my head and move to the other side, trying to see if sleep will catch up with me again.
I try.
I try.
And try again. But to no avail.
I shake the pillow off my head, annoyed, and get out of bed stiff, tired, heading to the bathroom.
I lean my hands on the sink and look up at the mirror.
I look... terrible.
Eyes slightly red, dark circles more visible than they should be.
Jaw tense, as if I haven’t fully relaxed even in my sleep.
I swear softly and turn on the cold water, letting it run over my fingers for a few seconds before I run my hands over my face.
It doesn’t help.
Nothing helps.
I look up again.
And for a split second..it happens again.
The feeling. Clearer this time. More… pressed.
My breathing stops briefly, and my fingers tense on the edge of the sink.
“…what the hell is this…” I mutter.
It’s not just in my head.
It can’t be anymore.
I clench my jaw and turn off the tap more abruptly than necessary.
The silence that follows is too… present.
I can hear my breathing.
Too clear.
Too heavy.
I bring my hand to my chest again, pressing gently, as if I can stop that annoying sensation.
But it doesn’t go away.
Quite the opposite.
It’s there.
As if…as if something is calling me.
I raise my head slowly, my eyebrows furrowed.
“No,” I say firmly, more to myself.
It doesn’t work that way.
Not me.
I’m not being pulled by something I don’t even understand.
And yet… the thought comes before I can stop it.
Him.
I breathe deeper, but it doesn’t help.
Even worse.
For a second, I swear I can remember his scent.
How he smelled, Lilac and a hint of lavender...Jesus Christ
How he moaned when I...
How he looked so good and defined.
How he had eyes only for me...
My breathing is heavy and before I knew it, my hand was already below the waistband of my underwear, holding my dick tightly and pumping it up and down.
I curse under my breath and rest my head on the bathroom tiles, biting my bottom lip.
I rub harder and harder, imagining nothing but Idris, sitting down and sucking my dick.
An electrification feels like it's in my hard member and I move my hand lower, touching the tip, teasing it, until I release it into my hand.
My breathing is still chaotic.
I lean against the wall for a few seconds, my forehead pressed against the cold tiles, my eyes tightly closed.
"...damn," I mutter through my teeth.
It's not just desire.
And that's the problem.
I run a hand over my face, trying to gather myself, but the feeling… doesn’t go away completely. It just recedes into the background, as if it’s lurking.
As if it’s waiting.
I curse again, more softly this time, and push myself against the wall, forcing myself to move.
Enough
I step straight into the shower and turn on the cold water without thinking.
The contact makes me inhale sharply.
Okay.
That helps.
I throw my head back, the water running over me, wiping away the traces of sweat, tension…
whatever it was.
I run my hands through my hair, breathing more controlled now.
“Don’t do that again. Not again…” I repeat, whispering the same thing since he left, but to no avail.
It’s not a request.
It’s a decision.
I clench my jaw.
“Not for him.”
The words come out harsher than I expected.
Because it's not just about losing control.
It's about losing it...
Someone I can't even find.
The water keeps flowing, but the thoughts don't stop.
On the contrary.
I see him again.
The way he looked at me.
Too direct.
Too… present.
I curse briefly and slap my palm lightly against the wall, frustrated.
"Enough."
This time, harder.
More clearly.
I rub my face again and close my eyes for a few seconds, focusing only on the water. On the cold sensation. On something real.
Control.
That's what matters.
Not impulses.
Not strange sensations.
Not… him.
I take a deep breath.
I exhale slowly.
When I open my eyes, my gaze is different.
Colder.
More fixed.
Determined.
I turn off the water and get out of the shower, grabbing a towel and rubbing myself quickly, more mechanically than carefully.
I stop thinking. I don't want to think about it anymore.
But somewhere, in the back of my mind…that thread is still there.
Thin.
Invisible.
But there.
I quickly pull on my clothes and walk out of the bathroom without looking back.
I go downstairs, walking to my office in Moonridge Pack.
I go inside and close the door behind me.
I sit down at my desk, and open my laptop. As the laptop opens, I lean back against the back of the desk.
"Enough. I'll get to work" I mutter, and place my hands on the laptop's keyboard.
---
(An hour later)
Knock.
Knock
Two short knocks
I look up and open my mouth for a small "come in".
Sarah sticks her head in the door and smiles a little, a little.
.. just enough so it's not cold.
"What's my little Alpha doing?
" She said and left a cup of coffee on the desk "I brought this" she said and sat down on the chair in front of the desk.
I take the cup of coffee, and bring it to my mouth, taking a sip of it.
I leave it on the desk and then look at my mother.
"Did Poppy come back to the pack?" I ask, coldly.
"You just joined the pack and all you do is do homework and Cedric's papers.
" My mother mentions, giving me a nasty look.
"I'm Alpha, Sarah." I mutter and she's about to scold me for calling her by her name and not her mother "just..
.say if Poppy came from that omega reunion. Please."
Sarah sighs softly, but doesn’t insist on that motherly tone.
Not now.
She crosses her arms and leans back in her chair, studying me for a few seconds.
Too attentive. Too… knowing.
“He came,” she finally says.
“Late last night.”
My jaw automatically tightens.
“And?” I ask shortly.
Sarah raises an eyebrow.
“And nothing,” she answers calmly. “A regular meeting. Discussions, rules, territories, alliances… nothing that would interest you the way you ask.”
I tap my fingers lightly on the desk. Short pace.
Nervous.
“Were they from any new packs?” I insist.
She looks at me more closely now.
Her eyes narrow slightly.
“Cedric…” she says quietly, “what are you looking for, exactly?”
I don’t answer right away.
My gaze falls for a second on the laptop screen, but I don't see anything there.
Just… thoughts. Just him.
"Nothing," I simply lie.
Sarah makes a short sound, clearly unconvinced.
"You're not the type to look for 'nothing'," she says.
"And certainly not like this."
I'm silent.
For a moment, the silence between us becomes heavy.
But not oppressive. Just… full
"Just tell her I looked for her, let her come talk when she has time" I mutter and I start filling out contracts again and what else does any Alpha do besides taking care of his pack.
"Okay.." she says and gets up. She takes one last look at me and heads for the door, out of the office.
The door slowly closes behind her.
Click.
I’m alone.
My fingers pause for a split second above the keys, but I don’t look up. Not yet. I take a deep breath. Then another.
Silence.
Too much silence.
My jaw tightens again, and my gaze involuntarily darts toward the door. As if I expect it to turn. Or… for someone else to come in.
I curse softly and run a hand over my face.
“Focus,” I murmur to myself.
But it doesn’t work.
Because that feeling… is still there.
Weaker. Deeper. But present.
Like an echo.
I rest my elbows on the desk and clasp my hands together, staring blankly for a few seconds.
Then I lean back in my chair, exhaling deeply.
“Poppy…” I mutter softly.
If he was there…
If he felt something… If he heard..
I stop myself from thinking.
No. I'm not going to start making assumptions.
I lean forward again, open another file, and start typing harder this time. Faster.
Harder.
Like I can bury everything in work.
Like I can ignore that invisible thread that’s still pulling at me.
---
(In another hour)
I get up from my desk and stretch.
Maybe I need some vitamin D3 from the sun, because I’ve been in this chair for two hours now and I can’t feel my bottom at all.
I walk to the door that leads out of my office and out of the room, heading for the exit of the house.
The outside air hits me as soon as I step outside.
Warm. Clean. Quiet.
I take a deep breath, for the first time without feeling like something is squeezing my chest. The sun is high, the light falls across the pack’s yard, and for a second… everything seems okay.
Too okay.
I look around, hands in my pockets, and let my shoulders relax a little.
“Not bad…” I mutter softly.
It’s not just “not bad.” It’s good.
The pack is stable. The territory is secure.
My people are where they need to be.
Everything is working.
And for the first time since I took over…
I feel in control.
A smile creeps up on me, barely visible. “Yes… I can do this.”
I take a step forward, ready to head out into the woods, to clear my mind.
"Alpha"
I stop short.
The voice.
I recognize it immediately.
My jaw tightens slightly before I turn.
Poppy stands a few feet away, her arms crossed, her gaze fixed on me.
She doesn't look tired... but relaxed either.
Just attentive.
Too attentive.
"I heard you were looking for me," she says calmly.
I don't answer right away. I study her.
She does the same.
The silence between us isn't awkward.
It's... tense.
"Maybe," I finally say, my tone neutral.
One corner of her mouth twitches slightly. "You don't seem like the 'maybe' type."
I sigh briefly, looking away for a second, then back at her.
"You were at the reunion," I say bluntly.
She nods. "Yeah."
I take a step closer.
“Were there any new packs?”
Poppy looks at me for a few seconds without answering.
She analyzes.
Then she slowly lowers her arms.
“There were,” she says simply.
“Why?”
Quiet.
I feel that thread again.
Faintly. But there.
I clench my jaw.
“Was there anyone… different?” I ask, choosing my words more carefully now.
She tilts her head slightly.
“There are many different ones, Cedric.”
I curse quietly to myself.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Her gaze changes slightly.
It becomes more serious.
She takes a step toward me.
“Then ask properly.”
Silence.
For a split second, I consider letting her go.
To say it doesn’t matter.
But I can’t.
I can’t anymore.
“Did you feel anything?” I ask, my voice lower now.
Poppy doesn’t answer right away.
And that…
says enough.
My heart beats once, faster.
“…something different,” I continue, more forcefully.
“An Alpha named Walden. Walden Idris… who’s no more than 5’10, blond with brown eyes and smells like Lilac and a hint of lavender?
” I stop.
Because her expression changes completely.
Her eyes narrow slightly. Interest. Recognition.
“Aha…” she murmurs softly.
Wrong.
I said too much.
My jaw tightens again.
“What?” I ask shortly.
Poppy takes another step closer.
We’re too close for normal conversation now.
But neither of us pulls away.
“You’re not looking for a pack,” she says quietly.
“You’re looking for someone.” Quiet. My breathing gets heavier, but I don’t say anything.
She smiles slightly. Not ironically. Not maliciously.
Just… sure.
“And I think,” she continues, “that I know exactly what you’re talking about. ”
The knot in my chest tightens suddenly.
Stronger than before.
“Say,” I say immediately.
This time, no mask.
No detours.
Poppy looks at me for a second longer.
Then she takes a slow breath.
"I found my mate. She's a girl. She's from the Graypine Pack and from what I remember she said something about a friend named this gentleman you're looking for, your excellency," she says and the corner of her mouth turns up a little.
"Don't you think you have a little too much courage for an omega?
" I ask and look at her a little annoyed that she's answering me like that.
"Stop the nonsense, Cedric. We've been friends for over 20 years but that doesn't mean that if you're an Alpha you can afford to talk to ME LIKE THAT!
" She finishes, and she walks away and I grab her wrist and swallow hard.
My fingers tighten around her wrist before she can take more than two steps.
Poppy stops abruptly.
The tension instantly explodes between us.
I swallow hard.
Wrong.
Very wrong.
I realize it immediately.
My grip loosens.
“…hey,” I say, lower, more controlled, but without the hardness of earlier. “Wait.”
She doesn’t turn around immediately.
She just turns her head slightly, just enough so she can see me out of the corner of her eye.
Wait.
She doesn’t accept.
She doesn’t forgive.
Not yet.
I exhale slowly.
“I’m sorry.”
The words come out hard.
But they’re real.
Poppy blinks once. Surprised.
I let her go completely.
“I shouldn’t have talked to you like that,” I continue, calmer now.
“Not to you.” She slowly turns completely to me.
She studies me. As if weighing whether or not I’m being sincere.
“It’s not about status,” I add, my voice lower.
“You know that.”
Silence.
Then she sighs softly.
“No,” she says. “It’s not. ”
The tension eases a little. Not much. But enough.
I take a step toward her, but this time without invading her space.
“I need your help,” I say directly.
Her eyebrow rises slightly.
Interest.
“What kind of help?”
My jaw tightens for a second, but I don’t back down.
“I need a territory agreement.” I murmur.
“From the Alpha of the Graypine Pack.”
Her eyes narrow immediately.
“You want to go in there officially…” she murmurs.
“Not just ‘walk around.’” I don’t answer.
No need. She understands. She always has.
“Cedric…” she says more quietly now, “you know what that means, right?” I nod.
“Yes.”
It means exposing myself.
It means admitting that I’m looking for something.
Someone.
Her gaze becomes more serious.
“I don’t give out agreements like that to just anyone,” she says.
“Not even to you.”
“I’m not asking you to give it to me,” I reply immediately.
“I’m asking you to take me to the right person.
”
Silence.
The wind passes gently between us.
The knot in my chest… tightens again.
Stronger.
Closer.
Poppy notices.
And that’s when her expression changes completely.
Realization.
“…it’s not just an obsession,” she says quietly.
I don’t answer.
I can’t.
Because she already knows.
She takes a deep breath.
Then… she smiles slightly.
Not mockingly.
Not ironically.
Just… sure.
“Okay,” she says finally.
“I’ll get you a date.” My heart beats faster.
“But,” she continues, holding up a finger, “if this is what I think it is…” She takes a step closer.
“You’re out of control, Cedric.”
The thread in my chest pulses.
I breathe hard.
“I’ve never had it with him,” I murmur.
For the first time… I admit it.