~Chapter 26~
Idris POV:
(October 11 — 03:24 AM)
I don't know how many hours I've been here.
Time has broken somewhere between the first "it's okay" and the tenth "breathe.
"
The room is dimly lit. Too white. Too quiet between contractions.
And then… too much.
My breathing is heavy.
Staggering.
I feel… empty. And full at the same time.
Exhausted.
I lean my head back, eyes closed, trying to catch a few seconds of silence.
It doesn't last long.
Another wave comes.
Slower at first. But I already know.
"…
Cedric..."
My voice is barely there.
But he's already beside me.
He hasn't left for a moment.
"I'm here."
His hand finds mine instantly.
Warm. Sure.
His other hand reaches for my forehead, brushes my hair back.
"Breathe with me, baby..." he says softly.
I try.
Inhale. Exhale.
But the contraction hits harder than before.
I squeeze my fingers in his palm. Harder.
"Ah..." A sound escapes my teeth.
Cedric doesn't flinch. He doesn't pull back.
He moves closer.
"I know… I know…” he murmurs, pressing his forehead to mine for a second.
"It's okay… it'll pass… you're okay…”
I don't know if I am.
But his voice…Helps.
It keeps me anchored.
The wave passes slowly.
I exhale deeply.
Almost trembling.
"I can't anymore.
.." I whisper.
It's the first time I've said that.
Seriously.
Cedric pauses for a split second.
Just a moment.
Then he lifts my chin slightly, forcing me to look at him.
His gaze is... fixed. Strong.
"You can. "
I nod weakly. "No..."
He strokes my cheek with his thumb.
"Listen to me.
" his voice is low but firm. "You've come this far.
Don't stop now."
I bite my lip.
My eyes burn.
"I'm here with you." he continues.
"Every contraction. Every second."
He runs his hand over his belly.
Gently.
"She's here too."
My breathing stops for a moment.
“It’s too much, too soon, Evelyn...”
Her name seems to change something.
A little.
But enough.
Another wave comes.
I close my eyes immediately.
“Okay... okay...” Cedric says quickly, sitting down next to me.
“Come on. With me.”
He holds my hand higher now.
“Inhale...”
Inhale.
“Exhale...”
Exhale.
He supports my back as I lean forward slightly.
“Good boy...” he murmurs.
I let out a short, almost hysterical laugh between breaths.
“I’m not...”
“You are.”
His tone is so sure that I don’t say anything more.
I just... continue.
When the contraction goes away, I run out of energy.
My head falls to the side.
Cedric moves immediately, adjusting my pillow, gently supporting the back of my neck.
“Wait… wait a minute.”
He gives me a few seconds.
He strokes my arm. Slowly.
His fingers trace light lines on my skin, trying to calm me down.
“They gave you painkillers… they should help a little.”
I nod.
But I’m not sure how much.
Everything is…
mixed up.
Pain. Fatigue. Waiting.
“They said it’s going to take a while…
” I mutter.
“It doesn’t matter how long.
” he replies immediately. “We’re getting there.
”
I turn my head slightly toward him.
“You’re not leaving…”
It’s not a question.
It’s… necessary.
His gaze softens immediately.
“No.”
Simple.
Sure.
“I’m not going anywhere.
” He kisses my forehead. Lightly. Slowly.
“I promised, right?” I close my eyes.
I nod weakly.
“For every morning…” I whisper.
He smiles a little.
“For every step.” he continues.
His hand squeezes mine again.
---
Cedric's pov:
(October 11 — 05:37 AM)
I don't feel time anymore.
Just my footsteps. Back and forth. Back and forth.
The cold floor beneath my feet, the air too clean, too sterile… and this silence that oppresses worse than any sound.
The door.
That damned door.
Closed.
Behind it is him.
I run my hand through my hair for who knows how many times.
I breathe deeply… but it doesn't help.
Because I can still feel him.
Not physically. Not completely.
But enough to hurt.
A short wave squeezes my chest and I suddenly stop walking.
My jaw clenches.
"Fuck..." I mutter through my teeth.
It's not mine.
It's his.
His pain.
I run my hand over my face and lean against the wall for a second.
I can't get in. They won't let me. "You have to wait." they said.
Wait.
What a shitty word.
When he's there. Alone.
My breathing quickens involuntarily. I try to control it.
It’s not working.
Because my mind is going crazy.
All the options. All the scenarios. All the things that could go wrong.
I clench my fists.
No.
No.
No.
I push my back against the wall and close my eyes for a second.
I imagine his face.
Tired. Sweaty.
But still stubborn.
I hear him.
“I can’t anymore…
”
I swallow hard.
“You can.” I whisper into the void, as if he can hear me.
Because he has to be able to.
Because I’m not there to hold him.
And this…destroys me.
Another wave hits me.
Stronger.
My breath is cut off for a split second and I arch my back slightly.
“Shit…”
I instinctively put my hand to my chest.
It’s too much.
Too intense for something that doesn’t even happen to me.
And he’s there… living this for hours.
Alone.
No.
Not alone.
Evelyn’s with him.
The thought hits me differently.
I slowly raise my head, looking at the door again.
“Jesus, take care of him…” I murmur softly, almost voicelessly.
I don’t know if I’m talking to him. Or to me.
Or to whatever is there, behind the door.
My steps begin again.
Faster now.
Restless.
I can’t sit still anymore.
I remember him squeezing my hand.
How he looked at me.
How he asked me without saying a word: don’t go.
I clench my jaw again.
“I’m not going,” I say through my teeth.
As if I have to repeat that.
As if he has to keep me anchored.
The seconds pass.
Or maybe the minutes.
I don't know anymore.
Then, the door suddenly opens.
I lift my head instantly.
A doctor comes out, calm.
My gaze locks onto him.
“What’s going on?” I ask immediately.
My voice doesn’t sound like mine.
It’s lower.
Harder.
He pauses for a split second.
“Everything is going well. We still have a little while and the baby is out, and...”
I can’t hear the rest.
Because in that moment,
I feel.
A small wave, tearing at my heart
Another.
More intense than all the others.
My breathing stops completely.
I grab the edge of the wall.
“Cedric…” his voice echoes in my head.
Not real. But clear enough to destroy me.
“I’m here.” I whisper automatically.
Even though he can’t hear me.
Even though there’s nothing I can do.
I press my forehead against the wall for a second.
“Come on…” I murmur. “Come on… baby…”
I don’t know who I’m talking to.
Him.
Them.
Both of them.
Because right now…
they are one and the same.
And I’m stuck here.
Waiting.
Counting every breath.
Every second.
Until… I hear something.
Anything.
To tell me I’m okay.
( 06:12 AM)
I can still feel these walls pressing down on me.
But they’re not the same walls anymore.
Because something has changed.
Everything has changed.
A doctor appears in the doorway again.
This time I don’t move chaotically towards him. I just… stop.
“You can see the baby now.” The words hit me differently.
They don’t enter my mind immediately.
They hang there for a second.
My child
It takes me a moment to breathe.
“Is she...” I begin.
“She is fine.” I answer calmly.
My heart stops for a split second.
Then it starts too fast.
Too loud.
Too much.
I swallow hard.
“Idris?” I ask immediately.
“Still under observation. She is sleeping. Everything is stable.”
I don’t know if he should reassure me.
But he does.
A little.
I squeeze my hands.
"Okay."
That's it.
Because if I say anything else, I'll break down.
They lead me down a short hallway.
Cold lights.
White doors.
And then I go in.
The room is different.
Not like the delivery room.
This is… quiet. Too quiet.
And there, in a transparent crib… I see her.
And I know she's ours.
Evelyn Loxley.
I stop completely.
I can't breathe for a second.
Because she doesn't look real.
She's small.
Too small.
Her skin is light, almost luminous in the light.
Her hair... blond. Very fine.
And her eyes.
Green.
Clear.
Open just a little, but enough to catch the light.
I swallow hard.
"Jesus..." I whisper involuntarily.
An assistant motions for me to come closer.
But I don't move right away.
Because I see her.
And I recognize her.
The nose.
Small.
Thin.
Exactly mine.
The way her mouth is.
Also mine.
Then... the freckles.
Very light.
Barely there.
From Idris.
That's all.
The rest... It's me.
Completely.
I put a hand to my mouth, without realizing it.
“She’s…” comes out.
I can’t finish the sentence.
Because I can’t find the word.
Perfect?
Too small.
Real?
Not enough.
It’s ours.
That’s all that matters.
I approach slowly.
Very slowly.
Like if I move too fast, she disappears.
I put my hand on the edge of the crib.
Cold.
But she’s warm.
She breathes lightly.
So small that every breath feels… a miracle.
A short, broken laugh escapes me.
“Hey…” I whisper.
My voice comes out lower than I intended.
She moves slightly.
A small gesture.
As if answering.
And then, something inside me breaks completely.
There’s no more panic.
There’s no more fear.
There’s no more chaos.
Just her.
And Idris.
And the fact that this is real.
I rest my palm next to her, without touching her yet.
“You did good…” I whisper, not knowing who I’m talking to.
Her.
Or him.
Or both of them.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“We did good…” I correct slowly.
And then I touch her.
Very lightly.
My finger on her tiny hand.
She tightens instinctively.
So weakly.
But enough.
I close my eyes for a second.
My breath hitches, and a few tears fall.
"Evelyn..."
This name is no longer just a name.
It's everything.
---
Idris pov:
( 09:18 AM)
I wake up slowly.
Too slowly.
As if my body hasn't decided yet whether it wants to be here or not.
Everything is white.
Soft light on the walls.
The sound of machines in the background.
It takes me a few seconds to realize where I am.
Hospital.
I move my head slightly.
The pain is still there, but duller. Like a memory.
And then… emptiness.
I automatically put my hand to my stomach.
Reflex.
But it's not.
I stop.
My hand remains suspended in the air for a split second.
Then I put it back down.
More pressed.
More panicked.
No.
It's not.
My breath is instantly cut off.
"...no..." I whisper.
I blink rapidly.
I try to understand.
I try to remember.
But everything is fragmented.
Lights.
Pain.
Cedric's voice.
"Evelyn. .."
"My child..."
I jump out of bed.
Too suddenly, ignoring the pain in my stomach.
The machine beeps faster.
"NO, NO NO NO..."
I look around, panicking.
The room is empty except for an older woman in a chair against the wall.
She immediately stands up.
"Hey, calm, calm.
.."
"WHERE'S MY CHILD?!" I scream.
My voice cracks.
"WHERE'S EVE.
...WHERE'S SHE?!"
My breath is completely out of control.
My heart is beating too fast.
Too fast.
"Cedric!
" I look towards the door. "CEDRIC! !"
The woman comes quickly towards me.
"It's okay, listen to me.
.."
"NO!"
I pull the blanket off, and put my hand on my hip when it started to sting.
"IT'S NOT OK! I...I...SHE WAS HERE!" My voice trembles.
"IT WAS HERE IN ME!" I slap my stomach.
"AND NOW IT'S NOT!"
Tears come instantly.
Without warning.
"Where's my baby? !"
The door opens suddenly.
And my mom comes in first.
She stops when she sees me.
"Idris.."
"MOM!" My voice breaks completely.
"Where is she?! Did you take her from me?
!"
She comes to me immediately.
"No, no, no.
..it's okay..."
"It's not!"
I'm already crying.
I can't stop.
"Evelyn was here and now she's not.
.." My breathing is chaotic.
"Idris.
..no!" my mom says, grabbing my hands.
"Listen to me!"
But I don't hear.
All I hear is emptiness.
And then…another voice.
Calm.
Too calm for my chaos.
“Idris.”
I stop.
I freeze.
I look up.
Cedric.
He's standing in the doorway.
Tired.
With bags in his hand.
And his eyes... I see them instantly.
There's panic.
There's concern.
And something that breaks me even more.
Because he knows.
?Breathe.” he says softly.
That’s all.
One word.
But I hear it.
I hear it differently.
My lip trembles.
“Where is…” I whisper.
I can’t go on.
Cedric takes a step into the room.
Slowly.
Unhurriedly.
He approaches the bed.
“It’s here.” he says.
Simple.
Sure.
“IT’S NOT!” I blurt out again. “IT’S NOT IN ME!” I put my hands to my head. “It’s not here!”
Cedric puts down the bags.
And then… he approaches.
He sits down next to me.
He holds my face in both hands.
He forces eye contact.
“Idris.” His voice is low.
“He’s alive and well.”
Silence.
A moment.
A small one.
As the words settle in me.
“…what?” I whisper.
Cedric inhales.
“It’s fine.” Pause. “She’s in the newborn room.
”
My breath hitches.
“…she’s…
”
“She’s perfect.” he adds.
And then…something breaks.
But not like before.
Not panic.
Not chaos.
Something else.
My knees buckle.
Cedric immediately catches me.
I lay my head on his chest.
And I burst out.
I cry.
Uncontrollably.
“I thought… I thought…”
I can’t finish.
He holds me tighter.
“I know.” he whispers. “I know.”
My mother slowly leans back.
Quietly.
Understanding.
Cedric doesn’t let go of me for a second.
He strokes my back.
“She’s here.
” he repeats. “Evelyn’s here.”
I lift my head a little.
My eyes are blurry.
“…can I see her?”
Cedric smiles slightly.
“Yes.” Pause. “When you’re ready. ”
I wipe my face with a shaking hand.
And inhale.
Slowly.
My first real breath of the morning.
“…okay.” I whisper. “Ok…”
Cedric touches my forehead.
“Come on.” he says.
“Let me show you our daughter.”
Cedric doesn’t let me get up on my own for even a second.
His hand is on my back, steady. Warm. There. Like a fixed point in a world that’s still trembling inside me.
“Breathe…” he says softly.
I nod, but the air comes in hard. Too hard.
I’m led down the same white hallway. This time I don’t feel the walls closing in on me. It’s just… they exist.
Cedric opens the door slowly.
And the world changes.
The room is quiet. Not like before. This is a good quiet.
And there, in a transparent crib… I see her.
Evelyn.
For a second, I don’t react.
Not because I don’t want to.
But because I can’t.
My brain refuses to process.
She’s real.
She’s here.
I slowly approach her, as if any sudden movement could break the moment.
Cedric only lets go of my hand when I reach the crib.
“It’s here…” he whispers.
I swallow hard.
I place my palm on the edge.
And I see it better.
Small.
Too small for everything that tonight meant.
Fair skin. Fine blond hair. Green eyes, almost asleep.
And the nose…
I see it and a small sound escapes me.
“It’s ours…” I whisper without wanting to.
Cedric smiles weakly.
My hands tremble as I bring them closer to her.
I don’t touch her right away.
I stop for a second.
I breathe.
Then my finger touches her hand.
She squeezes.
That’s it.
And that’s it.
Something inside me falls for good.
But it doesn’t break anymore.
She sits down.
“Honey…” I whisper.
My voice is completely changed.
Lower. Calmer. “Hey, Evelyn…”
She moves slightly.
Just enough for me to feel that she heard me.
And then… I hear.
Hurrying footsteps in the hallway.
"WHERE IS THE CHILD AND WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?
!" Samuel's voice echoed from outside.
Cedric sighs briefly, not taking his eyes off me.
"It started..."
The door opens suddenly.
Samuel almost runs in, followed by my mother.
"WHERE IS.."
He stops.
Because he sees me.
Because he sees her.
And all his chaos disappears instantly.
"...oh." he whispers.
He approaches slowly, much quieter than I've ever heard him.
He looks into the crib.
And stays like that.
Silent.
My mother puts her hand to her mouth and begins to cry softly, without a sound.
Samuel laughs briefly, shakily.
"So.
.. that's her..."
Cedric looks at me from the side.
I can't hear anything around me anymore.
Only her breathing.
And mine.
I lower my forehead slightly closer to the crib.
"Evelyn Loxley..." I whisper.
And smile.
For the first time without fear.
Without pain.
Just… full.
“She’s Loxley…”
Cedric puts his hand on my shoulder.
Tight.
“Yes.”
And in that moment, everything that was tonight… ends.
Because she’s here.
And we’re okay.