Chapter 11 Sawyer
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SAWYER
I told myself Sundays were my free day.
Well, ten hours and many trays of brownies, cookies, and truffles later, it looks like a bakery exploded. I just need to keep my mind and hands busy, and it looks like I’ve taken that to the extreme.
All day I’ve been in this kitchen.
I started baking last night and it seems I haven’t stopped.
Part of me almost called Aiden after he texted me back.
Then I put my phone down and got a fucking grip. I feel restless and uneasy. Also somehow really fucking good. Under all the warmth his lips gave me, his words bring a chill.
I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy or will notice if I even am.
I’ve never felt a kiss like that before in my life. Eager and soft. So different from the stoic man he is. It’s like he melted under me.
I don’t know what to do right now, but I know I don’t want to be alone.
I grab my phone and think about who to call. My first thought is Hunter, but I know he’s got work tomorrow morning and Mark doesn’t work today.
They’re probably spending it together.
Then I text the last number I ever thought I’d willingly text.
Sawyer:
Do you want to hang out for a bit? I need to talk to someone.
I put my phone down and wait. Not even a full minute goes by before my phone rings. Noah’s voice comes immediately when I answer. “Are you asking me for a girl’s night!?”
“Um.”
“Yes!” I hear a feminine voice in the background. “Let’s go.”
“Is that Bri?”
“I’m with Bri and Bo right now. We’ll be on our way over in a minute. Do you need us to grab drinks? Snacks?”
“I’ve kind of baked myself into oblivion. There’s plenty of dessert here. No drinking. I have to work in the morning.”
With Aiden.
Who I kissed.
Who was hard while we kissed.
“We’ll be there soon!”
“Okay, great.”
I hang up and then text someone else.
Sawyer:
Hey, if you’re not busy, do you want to come over? I’m having a couple of friends try some desserts for my menu.
My sister’s typing bubble pops up
Jane:
Be there in fifteen.
“Oh my god.” Bri curls over the counter, bouncing on her toes. “This is insane.”
Jane picks up a brownie, and I know she keeps looking at me but I will not acknowledge it. I don’t know what she sees on my face, but I’m trying to mind my business. She’s too good at reading me.
After licking my spoon, I put it in the sink. “Good, right?”
“What flavor is this?” Bri takes another white chocolate truffle.
“Raspberry cheesecake. Inside has mashed up raspberries, sugar, and cream cheese.”
“And these are for the event?” Noah looks over the spread. “You made so many of them.”
I nod. “My idea is to find boxes, and maybe people can fill them with six to eight truffles. Like a heart chocolate box. I think that would be cool.”
“That’s a great idea.” Noah tries another, groaning when he pops it into his mouth.
“The dessert bar will have an assortment. They’re easy to make.
The possibilities are endless. Then, in the window, I’ll have a bunch of full-sized desserts for sale.
These will show that my desserts taste good at least, then they can buy more.
” I write something down in my notebook.
“I was also thinking that during the speed-dating game we could deliver some samples of other desserts.” I push it toward Noah.
“Chocolate-covered strawberry brownies.” He moans. “Give me twenty.”
“What’s this one?” Bri asks, her attention on the tray of orange and white truffles.
“Orange creamsicle. These are espresso.” I point to the dark chocolate ones.
“And these are tiramisu.” I take one of the creamsicle ones.
The creamy orange flavor reminds me of those ice-cream pops I used to get in the cardboard when I was a kid.
“I’m going to make a couple of cheesecakes, I think.
Maybe some fun chocolate-covered strawberries.
I don’t want to go crazy with the things in the glass case, just in case no one buys anything. ”
“People will buy stuff.” Bri pops a blueberry graham-cracker truffle into her mouth.
“Literal tears. This one is the winner.” She presses her palms into her eyes mock crying.
I’d say I’m shocked her makeup doesn’t smudge, but I know her makeup wouldn’t dare.
Right now she has baby blue eyeshadow with little daisies she’s painted along her lids and temple.
A silver shimmer dusts along her cheekbones popping brilliantly against her mahogany skin tone. Her lips are painted a darker blue.
“I still have to work on your client’s order,” I say to my sister. It’s only cupcakes, so they should be simple, and maybe make a nice break from planning everything. It’s a lot of money and I don’t want to fuck it up.
“Plenty of time.” She eyes me. “Don’t burn yourself out.”
“I have Aiden.” Even saying his name makes that phantom hand stroke along my stomach. I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. He never wrote me back, though, and I ignore the annoying little thrum in my stomach. It was everything I’ve been missing.
Heat. Fire. Passion.
Aiden is a hard man to read. He looks angry most of the time.
Then I think about the way he held me when I cried about my mom.
Then the soft way he melted under me while we kissed. Soft pliant lips. He tastes delicious. He’s so fucking beautiful it’s unreal. I’m not a bad-looking guy, but Aiden is impossibly beautiful.
And he moaned when he kissed me.
I feel something and lift my eyes, watching Noah scrutinize me. “What?”
He places his chin on his hands and studies me.
“Nothing.” He goes back to his notebook, writing some things down. He’s been so much help, and I really can’t believe this is the same man who let me fall asleep drunk, face down, ass up, naked on his bed during college.
It’s a long story . . .
“Well, if you ever need a professional taste tester, your girl is right here.” Bri grabs another orange one. I reach into the cabinet and pull out a container.
“Here. Fill it with whatever you want. There’s way too much here.”
“Really?” I nod. “I love my friends.” Bri places a couple of each dessert into the container and I can tell she’s restraining herself. There is way too much here.
“Don’t be shy seriously. And take extra for Xavi.”
“Who are these for?” Noah asks. I look at the small white box and open the top to show them. “Mint?”
“They’re mint chocolate truffles. I tried out a recipe. They’re a gift.” A thank you for taking care of me when I was sick.
“Where’s Puck Daddy? Shouldn’t he be here for bestie time?”
Hunter. I think about the night on the porch. I know he’s being protective. I love him so much, but I don’t want judgement right now.
“He has to work tomorrow, and I know he and Mark don’t get a lot of free time together, so . . .” I don’t want to bother him.
“You know he’d drop everything to be here right now.” I ignore Noah as I dump sugar, flour, vanilla, and baking soda into a mixing bowl. That may be true, but I don’t want to bother him. I don’t want him to feel obligated to hang out.
After stirring in some chocolate chips, I dump the mixture into a bread pan. “Why are you making your heartbreak banana bread?”
I turn to my sister. “Excuse me?”
Instead of answering me she turns to my friends. “He makes banana bread when he’s sad about a boy.”
“No I don’t!”
“So you’re not sad about a boy, then?” She grins around a bite of one of the orange truffles.
“Fuck off.” I scrape the mixture into the pan and feel all eyes on me. I sigh. “Something may have happened.” I drop the pan onto the table, getting any air out of the mix. I like it dense. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Uh-huh. So you called all of us here on your day off to talk about desserts?” Noah says. “Nice try. Spill, Bakery Booty.”
“Why don’t you call him Cupcake Daddy?” Bri asks.
“Because, Sparkle Daddy . . . I didn’t think of it.” Sparkle Daddy? Noah sighs, looking at me. “Which do you prefer?”
“Neither.”
“Bakery Booty it is, then.” Noah pops one of the tiramisu truffles into his mouth. “So, spill. What’s the tea? Whose penis is making you bake your heart out? Ah, I get it now. Banana bread. Got it! So, who’s banana is making you sad?” Noah sips the iced coffee I made him.
I think about what to tell them and end up telling them everything.
From the late-night drives to me being sick, then to all the moments in between. Then I tell them about the other night when we kissed on top of his car, and for the first time in months I feel every worry, stress, and fear I’ve had melt away.
“I can’t stop thinking about him.” And that’s a problem, because Aiden doesn’t want a relationship and I don’t want just sex. I look up at the wide eyes watching me. “I just said that out loud, didn’t I?” Bri, Bo, and Noah nod shortly.
“Sawyer.” I turn my eyes to Janey and don’t want to deal with it.
“I know.” I hate it. I know she’s right. She knows me better than anyone. Which makes bullshitting my way out of this impossible. “Spare me the lecture, please.”
She rounds the counter, looping her arm around me. “I’m not judging you.”
“Am I missing something?” Noah asks.
“I get really attached. More attached than the person I like most of the time. I can’t help it, but this is different.” I just don’t know how. As soon as he kissed me it’s like this whole world opened.
I saw it in his eyes when I pulled back.
Jane’s arm slips off me.
“It was—” I can’t.
“It was what?” Noah asks. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging.”
“It was more intimate and personal than anything I’ve ever experienced.
” I swallow. “He just . . .” I smile. “I don’t know .
. . he clung to me. Held on to me. It felt like this little moment just for the both of us.
” The way his hands felt on me, his chest rising and falling. “Then he brought me back here.”
Maybe I’m looking into it too much. I do this every time. “I like him.” I liked him from the moment he and Koda came into the bakery. I felt it then. “That kiss . . .” I’ve never felt a kiss like that. Ever.