Chapter 12 Aiden #2
Still, he hasn’t mentioned it and I’m afraid to bring it up. He’s messing with my head. His brown eyes are darker than they were the other night, nearly black with flecks of light brown in them.
Clearing my throat, I move over to the stove to heat up the cream. I glance back at him, watching him prep things, every move deliberate. The air’s heavy with something that makes me feel warmer than the oven I’m standing in front of.
Sawyer clears his throat, writing something down, his muscles moving as he writes. He grabs the butter dish and puts a tablespoon of butter into the chocolate. “Is it hot?”
“What?”
Sawyer’s attention moves to me. “The cream?”
“Oh, uh . . .” I look down at the stove, watching it bubble gently as he walks over. His shoulder brushes against mine, shocking me with the contact, and my breath stalls as everything becomes heavy and hot. His gaze lifts to mine again, his attention like a hand down my spine.
Heat rushes over me and it has nothing to do with the stove. We’re close. His eyes flick to my lips then down at the cream.
“This is good. Here.” He takes it off the stove and shuts off the burner.
His hand lands on my lower back, short-circuiting my nervous system, then he steps around me to grab a bowl of pink powder.
“This is raspberry powder.” His fingers slip off my back.
but I can still feel sparks tingle under my skin.
My stomach is a mess. “Now add the powder and vanilla extract, and just a drop or two of this rose extract.”
I grab it from him, our fingers brushing. It’s barely a whisper of contact, but it steals every coherent thought I have in my head.
“Aiden?”
I clear my throat. “Rose?” He nods, oblivious to the tightness coiling in my chest. “Won’t that taste like a flower?” I can’t imagine that would taste good.
“Trust me. Just a drop, and we can add more if we need to.” I put a single drop in.
He touches my fingers.
“Another little drop.” He squeezes gently, his fingers resting over mine.
I look up and watch him until he lets go and hands me the vanilla and raspberry powder, allowing me to add them.
He mixes everything together, the sweet smell blooming in the kitchen as I watch the mixture come together. “One more drop.”
I gently squeeze out another as he mixes. Shoulder to shoulder at the counter with me, he stirs, the back of his arm grazing mine.
He’s just stirring.
Steady and calm.
While I feel like my stomach is about to erupt with butterflies. I feel sick. I look down and busy myself reading his notes, focusing on his writing and not the accidental touches that are unraveling me.
“Smells good,” he says.
“What?”
“The batter.” A soft smile hits his lips.
“Here. Try.” He grabs a small spoon and brings it to my lips.
I almost don’t want to taste it. Not because I don’t want to, but this feels intimate.
Maybe that’s what the heavy air is here in the kitchen.
Everything feels too warm, too something I can’t figure out.
Our kiss comes to mind. Well, comes to mind implies it ever left, but no, it hasn’t.
I’d never kissed anyone before, and if that’s the standard someone will need to meet in the future, I already know I’ll never be kissed like that again.
Not like it matters.
I’ve never wanted anyone. I’ve been on this earth for a quarter of a century, and I haven’t felt even an ounce of what I do when Sawyer’s around.
“Go ahead.”
My lips close around the spoon. It’s . . . perfect. The rich and floral notes meld perfectly. It’s bright and acidic but also sweet. Like most of the things he makes, it’s not too sweet. Perfect. Raspberry and chocolate come together with a touch of something else I’m assuming is the rose.
Sawyer’s right. It goes perfectly together.
“Well?” Sawyer smiles.
I exhale slowly, realizing my lips are still close to the spoon hovering in front of my mouth before he pulls it back. “It’s amazing.”
Sawyer smiles, and I like the way it looks on him. “Good. I want this night to be unforgettable.”
I can’t imagine anything about this man being forgettable. “It’ll be incredible.”
“We make a good team.” He rolls out the little balls, arranging them on a sheet of parchment paper.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “We do.”
“So . . .” Sawyer looks up at me. “Are we going to talk about the other night or just keep pretending that none of it happened?” Sawyer’s shoulders are near mine. He’s too close. I can feel his warmth. There’s a flicker of heat licking under my skin, my breath coming out too sharply.
That kiss. “Why?”
“Because, Aiden . . .” Sawyer smirks. “You keep looking at me in a way that makes me believe you want a repeat?”
There’s weight to this fire. If I were to be selfish, just for a moment, my lips would already be on his. I can’t ignore it. I’ve never felt anything like it. It’s powerful and reckless.
Then Sawyer licks his plump bottom lip, and I can’t fucking take it anymore. “Maybe.”
“What do you want?” Sawyer swallows.
I step closer. Not touching, but close enough to feel the heat from his bare skin. Why is he always shirtless? He always smells so damn sweet.
Hazard of the job.
Hazard to my health.
I feel my heartbeat everywhere. It’s in my fingers, in my chest. My cock thickens behind these damn dress pants, and if he takes another step closer, I know he’ll feel it too.
In all the turmoil my body is going through, I can’t look away from his dark eyes. “Are you messing with my head, Aiden?” he whispers.
“No.” My jaw flexes, and his eyes shadow with desire.
Sawyer’s hand lifts to touch my jaw. My skin scorches at the touch, and I nearly flinch. Those fingers trail a path along my jaw, my cheek . . .
Then he leans in and I can’t resist. It’s a spark, but that’s all it takes.
I close the distance, my lips brushing his, sparking a moan from him. It’s soft. Not like last night. “Tell me to stop,” I whisper.
His beautiful eyes search my face. “No.”
I lean in.
It’s slow at first. A warm, careful caress fueled by the fire behind my ribs. Sawyer’s hand slides along my jaw then down over my chest, and pleasure curls in my stomach as I feel his fingers explore me.
His dangerous hands travel down, bunching under the fabric of my dress shirt, and his fingers begin to undo the buttons. I can’t stop him as he shoves the fabric down my shoulders. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I can’t stop whatever this is.
His fingers skim the straps of my tank top, and I deepen the kiss as heat unravels in me.
Everything about him is so soft and sweet. When I hear his quiet moans my control snaps, surprising him almost as much as me. My hands settle on his bare waist, backing him up to the counter before I lift him up onto it.
The mess around us doesn’t stop me. I swipe the dirty bowls into the sink before pulling his legs forward, bracing them on either side of my waist.
I’m not sure how long we spend kissing.
Sawyer’s hands lace around my neck, his tongue plunging into my mouth before he pulls back, his chest heaving.
“You’re beautiful,” I say, looking at him. He’s kiss drunk and smiling so wide with me between his legs.
Then he laughs nervously. “Okay. That was . . .” He smiles, shaking his head. “Insane.”
I laugh, I don’t know why, and I fall into him, pressing my forehead to his chest. His hands dive into my hair, hugging me to him, and my arms wrap around his back.
I love his warm skin against mine.
He holds me to him and presses slow kisses into my hair.
I’ve never been touched like this, like I deserve good things. He touches me like I’m fragile. Each place his fingers find leaves me breathless. “What’s wrong, Aiden?” he whispers into my hair. “What’s wrong?”
“What?” I have a thought to pick him up and take him to the bedroom, but I can’t do that.
“You seem sad?”
I don’t want to do any of this.
It’s insanity and I want to stop.
Then Sawyer’s smile grows wider and I know that I’m already losing my grip on reality. This isn’t important. What’s important is that I protect Katya, and doing shit like this is making me lose sight of my goal.
I don’t know why he’s making me feel like this.
Sawyer is a mess. He’s making a mess of me.
Then he cups my cheek, his thumb brushing lightly along my jaw, and I want to know what he sees when he looks at me. With a gentle tug he pulls me in, and I can’t stop him.
Sawyer’s lips skim against mine, his fingers cupping my jaw. His chest is pressed close to mine. Bare, scorching skin, muscles with so much strength in them. Sawyer pulls me closer and I’m tipping into this kiss, falling over the edge.
A rough groan leaves my lips. It comes from somewhere deep. Sawyer’s hands roam over my chest then slide to my waist.
They rest on the curve of my ass, pulling me closer against him.
There’s no space between us.
He said I seem sad, but I’ve never been happy in my life until this moment.
Sawyer kisses like he’s afraid he’ll never get to do it again.
When I finally drag my lips away, it’s only enough to look up at him. I feel his soft breaths against my lips.
He laughs, soft and shaky. “Holy shit, Aiden.” This is insane. It’s the only way to explain it. Insanity. Because a sane person wouldn’t let some random man upend everything they’ve worked for. “Don’t stop.”
“If I don’t stop, I won’t stop at all.”
Sawyer’s eyes hood. He has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen and I like when they get heavy. “Why do you say it like it’s a bad thing?” He pulls me in brushing his lips against mine, and if I don’t pull away now, I’ll never leave this apartment.
“I don’t deserve this,” I admit. “You don’t know me.”
Ignoring my words, Sawyer’s fingers thread through my belt loops, pulling me closer. “Let me decide that.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Don’t run away from me.”
My eyes close, and while I want to do just that, the truth slices like a knife. Even if I wasn’t trying to steal from him . . . even if I was some normal asshole who wasn’t living in danger . . . I still wouldn’t be good enough for him.
Sawyer is incredible. Jamie’s words from earlier hit me.
I don’t deserve this.
I’ll only ruin him.
I ruin everything.
The voices in my head sound familiar. Cold. A little like my mother and Ivan. It puts out any fire left in me.
I slip out of his arms and let them fall to his sides, and with the absence of his hands, a chill settles into my skin. I find my shirt and pull it back on.
“Aiden?” Sawyer’s worried tone tugs something in me.
I can’t look at him anymore. I need to get out of here.
I make everything worse.
I step back. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that,” I manage to say.
I need space.
“What if I want you to kiss me?”
I can barely hear him over the thoughts roaring in my head. Panic climbs my ribcage.
If you knew the things I’ve done . . .
He slips off the counter, stepping toward me. I step back.
I ignore the hurt in his eyes.
“Don’t touch me.” I don’t think I can handle it. I know if he gets his hands on me again, I’m never leaving this apartment. Not in one piece.
“I won’t hurt you, Aiden.”
I laugh, and hurt flickers across his face. I hate myself for it.
“I’m not worried about that.” Words stick in my throat. Sawyer is good. Safe. Wanted. I’m me. I lean in, because I can’t help myself, and press a kiss to his forehead. “You should be, though.”
“Wait.”
Panic flares under my skin as he reaches for me.
“No.” I pull back. “I need to go. I’ll um . . . I’ll see you Wednesday.” Space. I need space.
“Aiden—”
I’m out the door before I go against my better judgment and stay.