Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
SAWYER
I blink my eyes open and know instantly something is wrong.
Or rather someone is missing.
I look to my side and see Aiden’s gone. He could be in the bathroom, but it’s like I can feel his absence. Which is why I’m not surprised when I see a piece of paper on my nightstand.
Sitting up, I scrub a hand down my face and reach for it. My head hurts. I think I’ve slept way too much over the last few days.
I start to read, my stomach sinking with every word.
Thanks for these last few days. I’ll see you tonight for work.
Thanks? That’s it? Thanks. After last night. Are you fucking joking? That was . . . the most intense shit I’ve ever experienced.
It was exactly what I’ve been missing.
Pleasure, passion, tension. All of it. It was incredible. His soft breaths and moans.
And then he just up and left.
I’m not sure what I expected, but this wasn’t it. My lungs still haven’t settled. I still feel him on my skin, my heart beating way to fast. Maybe that’s the problem. It’s why sex is hard for me. Sex always means more to me. There’s something wrong with me. Why can’t I feel normal?
Aiden looked just as into it as I was.
So why did he up and leave?
“I don’t think I’ve seen this many truffles in my life.” I rub my eyes and focus on putting another tray of chocolate raspberry truffles on a tray. There are so many, I agree. This way there’s a lot of variety. Truffles are easy to eat and make.
I count fifteen trays. So many different flavors. There has to be over a thousand truffles. Maybe I overdid it.
I look at the orange creamsicle ones and pop one in my mouth. Damn I’m good. Next to lemon, orange is my favorite flavor. I love citrus a lot. “I want to have enough,” I say absently.
Noah counts, marking them off in his notebook. “Well, you definitely have enough.”
Noah pops his face into my line of sight as I pipe dark chocolate on the cherry chocolate truffles. “Why are you so quiet?”
“Just want to get everything done.” I hear footsteps and see Jamie come into the kitchen.
Noah is checking everything off for me and helping me plate truffles.
We got the boxes, and they look like real chocolate heart boxes.
They’re perfect. My friends are all out in the bakery decorating, insisting they’ve got all that covered.
“What’s going on?” Jamie looks between us.
Noah puts his elbow on the table and looks at me. “I don’t know, he hasn’t told me yet.”
“I’m fine. Just want to get this done. I want it to go well.” I fight the urge to eat another one as my eyes slide to the Bananas Foster–inspired ones. I grab one and pop it into my mouth. “Damn.”
All the samples for the speed dating are done.
Each table during the game will have some samples of things I carry in the bakery.
I have cheesecake bites, raspberry white-chocolate bark, and of course, lemon cookies.
The shortbread cookies are shaped like lemons with decorative piping for the leaves, and there’s a lemon meringue filling in between the cookies.
I’ve already eaten three.
These ones are almost done too, but I just need to keep my hands busy. “What’s going on with you?”
“Noah, I said I’m fine.”
“Yeah, usually I’d tell him to mind his business, but there’s something off.” Jamie sits on the stool across from me.
Noah sets his book down. “What’s wrong?”
My eyes dart between them both. Maybe I should tell them.
Maybe it was terrible. Fuck, maybe that’s it. The sex was awful.
I set my spatula down and take a deep breath. “Something happened and I’m having a lot of feelings about it.”
Noah grabs the iced coffee I’d made him and takes a sip. “Spill.”
“Something happened to Aiden, and a few days ago he had to stay with me.” I keep playing back these past few days.
How could I have felt like it was more than it was?
How can he not feel it? “We got closer, and spending these last few days with him . . .” I shrug.
“I don’t know. Then, last night we . . .
” My face burns. “We had sex, and it was probably the best sex I’ve ever had.
” I swallow. “I uh, he just . . .” I shake my head.
“I don’t know. I woke up this morning, and he’d left me a note that said thanks, see you tonight. ”
“Thanks?”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
Noah squeezes my arm. “That’s horrible! Who would do that?”
Jamie slowly turns his head to Noah. “Yeah, almost as bad as someone kicking someone out completely unaware of what they did wrong.” Noah glowers. “Oh, and it’s their first time with a man.” Noah’s glare deepens. “I’m sorry, continue.”
“Anyway.” I laugh. “I don’t know. We went through a lot, shared a lot, and then he just up and left. While I was asleep.”
“Have you talked to him at all?”
“No.”
“That’s really hard.” Noah gives me a sympathetic smile.
“I mean, maybe it just meant more to me. Maybe I like him more. I do this all the time. It was everything I’ve been missing, though.” I’ve chased this feeling for so long and ended up finding something ten times more destructive.
“What’s up?” Bri pokes her head in the back. “Oh no. What’s wrong?”
Noah’s head swivels to her. “He’s sad about a boy.”
“Aw.” Bri comes in and loops her arm around mine, hugging me. “I can promise you, dating women isn’t easier.” That makes me laugh.
Jamie looks uncomfortable. “What?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I mean, what he did was shitty, but it’s a lot like us,” he says to Noah. “Both of us thought the other didn’t really want anything serious, so we pretended we didn’t. Being honest would have saved us a lot of problems.”
“You see, Sawyer, I don’t know if you’re aware, but Jamie doesn’t like to talk about his feelings.”
“And you like to run away from yours.” Jamie counters.
Noah’s lips pinch. “Douché.”
“It’s touché, baby,” Bri says. “What they’re trying to say, really badly, is be honest with him. He hurt you and you need to tell him. Maybe if you hear his side, even if it’s to say it was just a one-night thing, then you’ll have clarity and can stop running in circles.”
Noah loops his arms around Jamie. “And we eventually got there.” Noah pouts. “You just took the zesty path.”
“Zesty?”
Noah nods at Jamie.
“I wouldn’t change a thing.” He then looks down at Noah’s shirt. All Sugar No Daddy. “Where else did you go in that shirt today?”
“What?!” He pulls it out. “It’s not like I went to read for the elderly at a nursing home or anything. Although I have volunteered at a nursing home before, but it was not to read to the elderly.”
Jamie’s mouth opens, then he shakes his head and closes it. “I think you should talk to Aiden,” he says to me.
“Either way, tonight will be perfect, and who knows . . . maybe your future boyfriend will be there and he’ll be perfect and sweep you off your feet and you’ll forget all about Aiden,” Noah says.
I feel a little better. Oddly. And I’ll take their advice. If Aiden doesn’t feel the way I do, then fine. I just need to know, and then I can stop wasting my time on another man who doesn’t share the same feelings as I do.
“Noah, I wanted to know if you could come out and look at the tablecloths. I added those cute candle sticks and I just want to make sure it looks romantic. Not cheap. Also sprinkled rose petals on all the tables,” Bri says.
“Coming.” Noah hops down off his stool. “All the truffles are accounted for except for the blueberry crumble ones.” He squeezes my arm then leaves, leaving Jamie and me alone.
“Um . . .” He scrubs the back of his neck. “I want to ask something, but you can say no. Tonight’s your night, so I understand if you don’t want me to do this.”
“What is it?”
Jamie reaches into his pocket, pulling out a tiny box and opening it to show me a white gold band. “If you don’t mind, before the event I’m going to propose to Noah.” He smiles at it before closing it and putting it back in his pocket. “If you’re alright with that.”
It takes my brain a minute to come back online. Lucky guy. “Oh yeah. Yes! Oh my god, sorry, I’m just shocked. Yeah. That’s . . . wow. That’s incredible. Why now?”
“A super cheesy yet romantic queer-friendly event with all his close friends here? Noah will love it. I’ll do it before the event. Just us.”
“Of course. That’s, wow. Congratulations, man.” I give him a hug, still in shock.
“He’s got to say yes first.” My stomach clenches a bit. I’m so happy, but yeah. Jealousy sucks, and I am a little. They deserve it, though. Noah deserves it. “He’s worked so hard on this. I thought it’d be perfect.”
“Noah is going to scream. He’ll say yes.” I smile at him.
Jamie gets off his stool, nodding. “I’ll do it in a bit. I’m so nervous.”
“Hey, Noah is going to lose it. He’ll say yes.”
Jamie nods at me with a tiny nervous smile. “I really hope so.”