Chapter 23 Aiden #2
“Don’t tell me I don’t feel anything. It’s all I fucking feel.
It scares the shit out of me, but I want it.
I want all of it. I have no business wanting this, but I do.
I want the cliché romance bullshit. I want the couple fights, the romantic gestures, the snuggling in bed with your skin against mine.
I want it all and I fucking hate it!” I blink at my confession, taking a breath. My chest is heaving. My eyes sting.
“You hate it? That’s just great Aiden.” He turns into the house. I reach out and touch his bicep, and slowly he turns to me. My heart plummets to the floor.
I deflate, looking away. I can’t meet his eyes. “I hate that I don’t hate it.”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I can’t help looking up to see him smirking. “You want to snuggle me?” He laughs.
“I want to snuggle the shit out of you.”
“You really are bad at this.”
“I’m going to be the worst boyfriend you’ve ever had.” I can’t take this anymore. All the other stuff I’ll figure out after. Right now, I only want one thing.
There’s a way, I know there has to be.
“You have no clue how bad I want you.”
Sawyer blinks, then his lips grow into a smirk. “Then give me an idea.”
I step into him, cupping his face and running my thumb down his bottom lip, then I kiss him. His hands go to my waist as I back him up until we’re in his bedroom. The backs of his knees hit the bed, and he lifts his shirt off with one swift movement.
Goddamn.
I slide into his lap, kissing him hard, groaning as his fingers grab my ass and guide my hips across his cock. His hands slide down my thighs until his fingers curl under them, and he lifts me up and lays me down.
“Shirt,” he says, and I reach up and take it off with a wince. “Still hurts a lot?”
“Just a little sore. It itches more than anything.”
“Well, if you weren’t a dick, I could have helped you with that,” he teases.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Sawyer peels off his sleep pants and gets back on top of me. “If I wake up tomorrow and you’ve left me here, I’m done. Your job is always safe, I’ll never hold that over you, but this is the last chance I’m giving you.” He swallows. “I want your heart, but you can’t keep hurting mine.”
I’m going to tell him everything. Soon. Just not right now. But I will.
I don’t know what’s coming, but I trust him.
I know he’s going to be hurt, but I trust him.
Sawyer sees me. He may be the only person who’s ever seen me.
I nod, not knowing exactly what I’m agreeing to, but it doesn’t matter. What does matter right now is how right this feels. Even if I fuck everything up for the rest of my life, I’ll have this, and no one will be able to take it, steal it, or beat it away from me.
These moments with him are the only thing that have ever been mine.
He dips his fingers into my pants, rolling them down my legs.
I watch the slow seductive way he does it, taking his time, letting his eyes trace over every inch of my skin.
I swallow at the look in them. Like I’m special.
Like I’m someone. I’ve never felt this in my life, and if this is the only time I ever get to feel this way, I’m just happy it’s with him.
“Your body is beautiful.” His palm runs under my calf, lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss there. He hikes it over his shoulder before he leans down between my legs and kisses a slow path up the inside of my thighs.
They widen as I watch him, my chest rising and falling fast as he looks up with a devilish grin then presses his lips to my balls behind my briefs. He nuzzles his face there, groaning as he kisses a path along the fabric. “Driving me crazy.”
He hooks his fingers under my briefs and pulls them down. My hand goes to my dick, giving myself a squeeze. Everything is so sensitive. “This ass.” He grabs my hips, tugging me under him. “Your body.” He kisses the middle of my chest. “Your messy heart.” He plants a kiss on my lips. “Turn around.”
I turn around but I look behind me, sucking in a breath as his lips land on one of my healing scars. Each one is left with a tingle as he takes his time kissing them all. I’m shivering by the end of it.
His arms wind around my thighs as he picks my bottom half up off the bed and buries his face between my cheeks. I moan into his comforter. He holds me steady. I’m helpless. I’ve never felt this helpless in my life.
My chest sinks into the bed as I let him lick and trace every inch of me held tight in his hands. He pulls my balls between his lips before laving his tongue up my crack and into my hole.
“Fuck me,” I groan.
“I’m going to fuck you.” He bites one cheek before devouring me again. He lowers me gently after a moment. “Roll back over.”
“Why?”
“Do it,” he demands.
I roll back over and watch him as he takes off his boxers and grabs lube, slicking up his member. “What are you doing?”
He hovers over me. “Wrap your thighs around me.”
“No.” I challenge.
“Yes,” he bites out, making my cock jerk between us. “Oh, do you like someone being bossy?”
“No,” I grit. “I like you being bossy.”
He swallows. “Wrap your thighs around me.” I listen as he reaches between us and guides himself to my hole. “Relax for me.”
I watch his face as he slides inside me, broken and beautiful. Here on my back I can’t fucking escape him. I don’t want to. Slowly he slides all the way in until his hips are against my ass and my legs are shaking around him. “You okay?”
I nod fast. He begins to move, and I don’t think anything that comes out of my mouth is coherent. Low moans and stuttered breathing fill the room. Sawyer watches me for every movement and reaction. “I’m sorry.” He smooths my hair out of my eyes.
“For what?”
“For saying you’re cold-hearted. It’s not true.” He kisses me softly and I want to tell him he’s right. I’m awful. The worst kind of asshole. I’m keeping things from him, but I can’t stay away from him. Sawyer’s the only place I’ve ever felt loved. If I’m not cold, it’s because of him.
Melting my will down to nothing.
“So good,” I moan. My fingers dive into his hair, pulling him to me. I kiss him and can’t stop kissing as he thrusts in and out of me. Every roll of his hips brings a new wave of pleasure.
“Hold on to me.”
I wrap my arms around his neck before he lifts us up with him sitting and me on top of him. “Oh shit.”
“Go ahead,” Sawyer says against my forehead.
Slowly I sit up, then drop back onto him with a moan. This angle changes everything, and I feel that slight thrum, some sort of sensation spreading through every inch of my body. It feels different than last time. My fingers fist in his hair as I ride him here in his lap.
“So good, Aiden.” He kisses the side of my face, hugging me so tight against his body as my hips roll. My cock is trapped between us. I’m close, I can feel it.
I breathe against his hairline. “I’m close.”
Sawyer nods, grabbing me tight, and repositions me onto my back. I go to wrap my legs around his waist but he shocks me, putting my legs over his shoulders. I’m nearly folded in half. His hips begin to roll. “Holy shit!”
“Yeah?” He grins, pushing my legs back even further.
“I’m going to come so deep inside you.” He begins to thrust harder.
Every clap of skin brings a new wave of pleasure.
“I’m coming. Fuck, I’m coming.” I squeeze the sheets in my hands when my climax rises and I come between us with no warning.
His hips stutter as he fills me. He pants, smiling, then he shakes his head, letting my legs fall and wrap around his waist. He drops a kiss onto my lips.
Then my forehead. He slips out of me then grabs me in his arms.
I mold myself around him, holding him tight and letting him press kisses into my hair. I feel his heavy breaths against my head. “If I wake up tomorrow and you’re gone, I’m done.”
I don’t think I can move. I know I can’t right now.
I need to tell him.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I’ve never felt this way, but I hold him closer when the truth of what I’m feeling sinks in. I’m not going anywhere. Nothing could pull me from his arms. Right here is where I belong. While this feels complicated, the truth is very simple.
I love him.