31. Hunter
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
hunter
It was Sunday, and I hadn’t talked to Emma yet.
I was a coward.
There’d been countless moments where I’d picked up my phone to text her or call her. I’d been annoying the hell out of Anna by asking for constant updates on RK, and wanted to tell Emma about it all. I wanted to show her the dog bed I’d picked out. I wanted to show her the collar and tags and ask her what kind of food Donnie liked best.
I wanted to share my life with her.
But what was I supposed to say? I’d fucked things up. I’d been so sure I wasn’t good for her that I’d ended things between us.
It was a mistake. A mistake within a nesting doll of other mistakes.
Despite everything, I was still working. Anna had ended up keeping RK to monitor him over the weekend, and the plan was for me to pick him up on Monday morning.
I needed a distraction.
It was almost 5 p.m., and I was covered in dirt, completely exhausted, and beyond frustrated.
One of the guys had called out yesterday, so we’d been behind. I was finally caught up, but every muscle hurt. I was trying to get myself ready for having a pet. I planned to walk him every day, and once his leg was healed I wanted him to join me at the vineyard.
I walked between the rows of grapes and knelt down, studying the leaves. They were all looking good. Normally, that would please me.
But nothing felt right. Nothing could make me happy.
I straightened and rolled my shoulders, stretching for a moment. I let out a breath and put my hands on my hips. I was about done for the day. I needed to get some sleep, drink some water, eat some damn veggies since I’d definitely been living on cake lately.
I heard a yell and turned my head, frowning.
What is she doing?
Emma walked towards me wearing a crimson red dress and heels. Her long brown hair blew around her as she headed straight for me, her brows pinched together as she approached.
“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.
One of her heels sank in the mud and she jerked forward. I cursed, lunging to catch her before she fell face-first. Her hands braced against my shoulders as I steadied her.
“We need to talk,” she said.
I released her and shook my head. I couldn’t do this right now, not while she looked like a scarlet goddess coming to reap my soul.
“I told you on Friday?—”
“Why do you hate me?” Emma interrupted.
“Wh—what?” I was taken aback. I stared down at her, my heart already racing.
“Why do you hate me?” she asked again. “Really? Not the bullshit taser thing. That was so long ago. If you hate me, why did you help me? Why did we have sex? A lot of really good, hot sex.”
“Emma,” I said. “I’m not doing this. We said we were done.”
“If you hate me, then why do you know what kind of ice cream I like? Or what I drink? What kind of shampoo and conditioner I use?”
“Emma,” I said again, my frustration growing. “Stop.”
“No,” she said.
Goddammit. I turned around to walk away, but she reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me back.
“You’re not running from me,” she growled. “Answer me, Hunter Harlow. Why did you help me? Why was I the first person you called when RK was hurt?”
I pulled my hand free as if I’d been burned. “Stop. We agreed we were done.”
I started to walk away again, but her voice carried across the entire vineyard.
“If you hate me, why did you pretend to be my fiancé?!”
Fuck.
I froze in place, my heart pounding.
“Why did you do all of this for me?”
I closed my eyes, my blood rushing in my ears. I felt her step closer, her words softened.
“Why would you ever agree to this if you don’t want me near you?”
“You hate me back,” I said gruffly. “The sex was just really good sex.” Lie, lie, lie. “ It’s better this way.”
“Why is it better this way?”
Because I’m fucking obsessed with you. Because I’ve ruined all of your dates. Because I watched you orgasm without you even knowing it, and that’s terrible.
“Emma,” I whispered.
“Why do you hate me? Tell me. Please. Is it because I like pink? Is it because I’m loud and opinionated? Is it because you think I don’t belong here? Is it because I have a small dog? Or?—”
I spun around. I couldn’t do this anymore. Her eyes widened and she took a step back, but she wasn’t escaping me.
Fuck me. I just couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t keep lying. I couldn’t keep up the ruse. I couldn’t keep acting like my entire world didn’t revolve around the woman in front of me.
I moved in a blur. Emma squealed as I grabbed hold of her and threw her over my shoulders. She kicked and cursed as I carried her down the rows of grapes towards the barn.
“Hunter! Put me the fuck down! What the fuck are you doing?! You can’t just manhandle me! Oh god, you’re getting mud on my confrontation dress!”
Of course, Emma had a dress for confrontations.
My muddied hand ended up on her ass, but I didn’t move it. Emma let out a growl before it bubbled into a laugh.
“My god, you’re insane,” she said. “You’re getting mud on me.”
“I am,” I said. I glanced back at her with a smirk, despite the seriousness of what I was feeling. She shook her head at me, but then relaxed as if to accept her fate.
I held her tighter as I went into the barn. I pulled her legs around my waist and pushed her against the wall, breathing hard as I pinned her there.
She went still, her eyes widening. The sun was setting outside, filling the barn with pink light and deep shadows.
“I don’t hate you,” I whispered angrily. “I’m fucking obsessed with you. Ever since you fucking tased me, I haven’t stopped thinking about you night and day. Every waking moment, there you are, haunting me. All your little dates? Wanna know why they didn’t work out? Because I ran them all off. Every single one of them. Every. Single. One.”
Her lips parted breathlessly. “ What ?”
“Yeah, Emma,” I gritted out. “Remember Kyle? Or Jaxon? Drake? Billy? Alex? Robert? I remember the look on each of their faces as I told them I’d make sure they never saw the light of day again if they didn’t back off.”
I released her, holding her until I was certain she was steady in those heels. I held up my hands, taking a step back to give her space.
Emma shook her head at me. “ Why would you do that?” she asked. “I’ve been thinking I was cursed. That there wasn’t a single guy in Texas who would ever want me. That there was something wrong with me.”
“The only thing wrong with you is me . Ever since I’ve met you, I’ve acted like a caveman. A feral, stupid, unhinged caveman. For months, I’ve thought about touching you. Kissing you. Fucking you.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “And then you spring a fake relationship on me?”
She pressed her lips together and crossed her arms. “That was… that wasn’t planned. And you didn’t have to go along with it. You made everything worse.”
“I know that. But how could I ever say no when I’ve wanted you since the moment you fucking tased me? Waking up next to you that morning sent me over the edge. I couldn’t keep my hands off you. I’ve wanted you so badly for years, and then I finally got to have you. But I’m not good for you. I’m not good enough for you.”
Emma glared at me. “Who ever told you that, Hunter? Who ever told you that you’re not good enough for me? Because I never did. I never said that. And I’m the expert on who is good enough for me , not anyone else.”
“But I’m still not good for you,” I said. “After all the shit I’ve done?”
Her eyes searched mine frantically. “You really ruined all of those dates?”
“Every one of them. I also stroked my cock watching you masturbate on your security system.” It felt both good and awful to get this all off my chest.
“Oh my god.”
My heart thumped. I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders, the truth finally out. After all this time, all of the little things I’d felt so guilty over—Emma finally knew the truth about me. “So yeah. There it is. There’s the truth. I don’t hate you, Emma, I could never hate you. But you have every right to hate me.”
I started to turn to walk away, but her fingers clenched my shirt. “Don’t you dare walk away from me, Hunter Harlow.” She spun me around, craning her head back to look up at me. “I’m not letting you escape me.”
“Emma,” I protested. “You should hate me.”
“I’m angry at you,” she snapped. “I’m infuriated by you. All this time, I thought you hated me. I’ve been fighting to feel like I have a family and that I can trust others, but believing that you never liked me always hurt my feelings. Even if I acted like it didn’t, it hurt. All of my past relationships have always ended up being messy. The guys I’ve dated have always thought I was too much work. And I thought you believed the same thing.”
“No,” I rasped. “No. Emma, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how I’ve acted. I’m sorry for how I’ve hurt you. You’re not too much work and you deserve someone who will be the prince you deserve. But I’m not a prince.”
“I don’t want a prince,” she said. “I just want someone who looks at me and sees all of me. I just want someone who loves me, Hunter. I want a messy kind of love, a dopey kind of love. I want to be stupid together. I want to grow old together. I want to wake up knowing that whatever shit happens, I will still have that person beside me.”
“I want that too,” I whispered. “More than anything else.”
She swallowed hard and looked away, her eyes shining with tears. “Do you want to know a secret?”
I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “Yeah.”
“I fantasized about you watching me on the camera. That’s what got me off.” Her gaze sharpened. “And not only that—when you kicked Josh out? I’ve never wanted to fuck someone so badly. Ever.”
“ Emma .” I shook my head.
“Want to know something else?”
“Yes.”
“I need you, Hunter. I want you . Even knowing how much you’ve fucked up, even knowing that you’re the reason I haven’t been laid in months—which sucks by the way—you’re the one I want.”
My mouth fell open. I searched for words, but she reached up and covered it with her hand, shaking her head.
“Let me finish. I’ve spent the last couple weeks wishing this relationship was real. I’ve wished that I was really your fiancé. More than anything else. And not seeing you this last week? I missed you.”
“You missed me,” I repeated. My heart pounded so hard I could hear my blood rushing. “None of what I’ve done is okay.”
“No, it’s not. We definitely need to work on boundaries and communication. We need to stop being stubborn. We need to let go of the hurtful things we’ve said to keep each other at arm’s length.” She released a long breath. “I told Honey. I told Haley. I told them the truth, and I finally cleared the air. I still need to tell Alice and Sarah and everyone else, but I… Both of them made me realize a lot of things. One of those was that I was selfish for dragging you into this.”
I shook my head. “I jumped in, Emma.”
“Yes, but I also pulled you in. And I did so, not realizing I was throwing myself into a terrible situation with one of the best people I’ve had the chance to know.”
My heart skipped a beat. “I feel like all I’ve done is fuck up.”
“Me too.”
We stared at each other, silence settling for a moment. “I want us to forgive each other. I can do that. Can you?”
“Yes,” I said. “I can.”
“And you should have told me about the camera thing. Why didn’t you just tell me long ago that you liked me?”
“Would you have listened?” I whispered. I couldn’t stop the tears, and didn’t try to. “I made sure you thought I was an asshole. That you believed I was terrible. And it worked.”
She thumbed away a tear before it rolled down my cheek. “I wish we could start over.”
“I do too, Emma. I really do.”
She leaned in closer. I closed my eyes for a moment, fighting for control over the emotions that warred in my chest.
I leaned down and pressed my forehead to hers. She swallowed hard. “I think we deserve a chance.”
I nodded slowly. “I want that chance, Emma. I really do.”
“Can we try? Can we give us a try?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “God, yes.”
“Then kiss me, you idiot.”
I crushed my mouth to hers and lifted her, backing her up against the wall. All the secrets I’d been keeping turned to smoke, scattered by the sun that shone bright the second she gave me the chance to love her.
She knotted her fingers in my shirt, kissing me until I was breathless. I drew back with a pant, searching her gaze.
“The truck,” she rasped. “Time to use that big truck.”
“Yes, ma’am. Time to use that big truck.”