30. Hunter
CHAPTER THIRTY
hunter
Cam walked into my house without so much as a knock. I cursed as I jumped up from my couch and then sat back down, glowering.
“What the fuck?” I asked. “You can’t just barge into places. I could have been busy .”
“After walking in on Sammy and Colt going at it, I think I’ve seen it all,” Cam said. “And besides, your door was unlocked. You know the rule.”
I scoffed at my brother, but I didn’t argue. The general rule was that if our door was open, you were welcome in. If it was locked or an emergency, use your spare key. And if it was locked and not an emergency, knock.
He planted his hands on his hips as he surveyed me, the entire chocolate cake on my coffee table, and the bottle of whiskey. The corner of his mouth tugged. “So, I just saw Emma at the house.”
My stomach flipped, and I looked away. “Oh?” I couldn’t even muster up the ability to act surprised. I leaned over and grabbed the whiskey, taking a long sip that scalded my throat. “I got a dog.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah. He’s at the vet. Emma’s ex-husband tried to run me off the road and hit him.”
“ What ?”
I nodded slowly, still pissed about it. “I’m not good company right now, Cam.”
“Well, that’s too bad. Emma and Haley have kicked me out of the house. I dropped off wine, cheesecake, and chicken wings for them.”
“Well, aren’t you a doll?” I drawled.
Cam snorted and kicked off his boots.
“Right, just settle in,” I muttered.
“Damn, you are in a bad way, huh? Haley told me to go easy on you.”
“Did she? Did she say why?”
“No, I was hoping you’d be the one to tell me that. Since I am your brother and all.”
I sighed but scooted over on the couch, making room for him. Cam went to the kitchen and grabbed a plate and fork before returning, plopping down next to me.
“Should I order pizza or are you eating cake for dinner?”
“If you want to order some, I wouldn’t say no.”
“Alright.” I pulled out his phone and placed an order. “So, are we gonna sit and brood? Or are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“What was Emma doing with Haley?” I asked.
“I don’t know, man. I couldn’t tell if they were laughing or crying. They said both.”
I felt the same damn way. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry or just get in bed and sleep. I’d never been this miserable in my entire life. Not even after my first breakup with Allison in sixth grade, a girl I was convinced was my entire world. It was funny now, knowing what it really felt like to have someone who was your entire world.
“We fucked up,” I said. “We lied to everyone. And it spiraled out of control and now we’re in a big heap of shit. And you’re all gonna be mad, Cam. Rightly so. But I just don’t think I can deal with you being mad at me right now.”
“I can’t promise not to be mad, but I can promise I’ll still love you.”
I let out a slow, steady breath. The alcohol was starting to buzz just enough so I didn’t feel like I was going to implode. “We’ve told a lot of lies, but one thing is true. I do love that woman. But I can’t be who she needs me to be. I’m not worthy of her.”
Cam grimaced. “Did she tell you that?”
“No. She didn’t need to. I know it’s true.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t sound convinced. “I’ve loved her since she came to Citrus Cove. The first night we met, she tased me. And I think she must have broken something in me, Cam.”
“So that really did happen?”
“Yeah, it did. I’ll never forget it so long as I live.”
Cam stifled a laugh and cleared his throat, trying to be serious. “Why didn’t you just ask her out? Or be your normal self and be kind to her.”
“Because she became so integrated into our family, I didn’t want to pursue something.”
“So it was easier to be an asshole?”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
It was so fucking stupid looking back now. I regretted it. I’d done everything I could to convince myself that Emma wasn’t right for me. But all the things I’d told myself were bad about her were some of the things I loved the most. I loved how stubborn she was. I loved how she added color to every room. I loved her crazy heels and jewelry and the way she could still flip me to the ground if she needed to.
And god.
Her smile.
I fucking loved Emma’s smile.
Her greatest fear was that she was too much for me.
Mine was that I was too little for her.
“I recall you beating the shit out of me for such behavior in high school,” Cam said with a prim sniffle.
“I sure did.” I looked over at my brother and gave him a sad smile. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“Well… So are the two of you engaged or not?”
I shook my head slowly, then started at the beginning. I was vague about the sex parts, of course. But I told him everything else. Josh, Emma’s dad dying, agreeing to lie for her. I told him about Pops telling me I wasn’t worthy, and how I agreed.
Cam’s jaws ticked. “Stop. Hold on,” he said. “Hold on. I love our dad, Hunter. I love him. But he’s got to stop this shit with you. It’s gone on too long. You do so much for all of us. You always have.”
“He’ll never see it that way,” I said.
Cam swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you always got the brunt of that. You carry so much around and sometimes I don’t feel like I do enough.”
I felt guilty now, but decided to push through. Emma told me that I couldn’t blame my brothers if I didn’t tell them how I felt, and she was right.
“I’ve been mad,” I said softly. “I’ve felt resentful at times, that you and Sammy didn’t want to be at the farm. And I’m not saying I’m not proud of the both of you, you know I am. But several times I’ve felt like I’m the only one who cares, and I realized I put that on myself. It’s not fair to either of you. But instead of saying something, I’ve just… I’ve just done what was expected of me.”
“Is there something else you want to do?” Cam asked. “I just always assumed you wanted this.”
I shook my head. “That’s the thing. I know this is right for me. I love working the farm. I love working with the earth. I’m proud of how you and Colt have grown the business. And knowing Sammy has built on his own passions makes me proud too.”
“Sometimes it feels like if we offer to help, we get in the way. But it isn’t fair to you either.” He leaned forward and cut a slice of cake, dragging it onto his plate. “I’m gonna talk to Pops.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I said.
“I definitely do,” Cam said. “And Sammy does too. If he’s not going to listen to you, then maybe he’ll listen to all of us. And for the record, you are good enough for Emma. I know all of this got out of hand, but I can see why you did it. God knows I’d do anything for Haley. If she would have asked me to pretend to be her fiancé when she first came back to Citrus Cove, I would have done it without hesitation.”
I felt a sense of ease return that I hadn’t experienced in weeks.
“You glossed over the whole ex thing,” Cam said. “Is the bastard still in town?”
“I fucking hope not,” I said. “I haven’t tried to find him yet, but that motherfucker hit a dog right in front of me. Thankfully, Anna and Katie showed up to help.”
“And Emma did too.”
“Yeah. She did. She was the first person I called.”
“And then you told her you were done.”
I winced. “I just couldn’t handle lying anymore, Cam. There are these letters that she’s received telling her to leave Citrus Cove. She needs to go to the police, but she doesn’t want to. And I understand why, but I just want there to be some sort of paper trail. Something .”
“Is that why you fought?”
“Yes,” I sighed. “I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t let me help.”
“Did you ask her what she wanted to do?”
“What do you mean?”
Cam fought a snort as he took a bite of cake. “Did you ask her? Or did you do that thing where you swoop in like superman and take control?”
“Ouch,” I muttered.
“She’s just lost her dad. Which means she’s truly without family, Hunter. Her ex-husband shows up and is being a creepy asshole, and then she asks you to lie to everyone for her. We both know that would weigh on Emma too. She’s been carrying the same hurt you have. And then you tried to tell her what to do.”
He had a point. “I was trying to help,” I said. “Which I told her.”
“There’s trying to help and then there’s trying to take over, and I’ve known you my whole life so I know that sometimes you do both at the same time, but Emma is used to taking care of herself. Haley is one of the few people she’ll be vulnerable with because she’s always trying to be independent.”
I frowned as I took a bite of cake. “When did you get to be so wise?”
“Well, it started when I learned how to grovel to the woman I love.”
I chuckled softly. “I don’t think she wants me, Cam. I don’t blame her.”
“You’re your own worst enemy,” Cam sighed. “I think you should give it a shot.”
“Aren’t you mad at me?”
“I’m mad that this is definitely real and the two of you are being stubborn about it,” Cam said. “And I’m mad that I’ve now lost twenty bucks to Haley.”
I scoffed. “What did you bet on?”
“Who made the first move.”
“It was me,” I said.
“Nope. She said you were her boyfriend first.”
“That doesn’t count.”
“It sure does.”
I laughed despite everything and shook my head. “So you think I should talk to her?”
“I think you’d be the stupidest man in the world if you didn’t.”