Chapter 25 | Her
Last night was like a dream. Too good to be true.
The house was all to us when we came back and I could not thank God any less for that. I mean my dress was intact, but the reminiscence of what we had done ten minutes ago was fresh beneath my layers.
Slippery fluid was almost dried up; but it did not stop me from shivering every time a breeze ran through the underside of my damp thighs. And the guilty look on my face was unmissable; it was definitely a no-no for me when being carried in the arms of my supposed antagonist.
To my relief everyone had left an hour ago, meaning that I don’t need to be shy about my groans being heard by anyone. Not that they could hear even if they had stayed back; we were way too deep in the forest for anyone to figure out what we were up to.
Yet I kept my face buried in his chest, to avoid any guilty conscious that could float inside my head in case of an eye contact with anyone.
And especially in case my eyes met his.
He prepared the bath for us while I rested on the cushiony leather couch, thinking about the last few when he fixed me soon after breaking the fuck out of me. I mean – I was grateful for the medicines he left each time we had some action; but the idea of sewing back the doll after snatching every stich away for play, is what I don’t get.
Later he came back to carry me to the tub where we undressed and dipped into the warm bubbly water. I kept avoiding his stare to minimize my chances of getting sore again.
And a soft chuckle left his ever-smiling lips every time I accidently met his eyes, like he drew some kind of sick entertainment out of the way I was uncomfortable sharing the bath with him. My hands almost never left my chest, and my legs glued together like they had been stuck with an adhesive.
But there’s the thing, he only kept watching me while I soaked, showered, dried myself and left to get dressed. He never really tried anything, nothing like I had expected him to.
On the contrary, the only times he tried to close distance between us was when I had to fetch something. Selfless help is something I don’t expect of him. But there he was, proving that I had very little knowledge about the type of man he really is.
The best part was when we hopped inside the bed, because all he did was place a gentle kiss on my lips before laying down to sleep. Except he did not sleep, not until I slept.
Is he trying to read me?
In the morning, I could not find his slightest trace in the room or anywhere in the house. His morning run hours had already exceeded, meaning that he had actually left for somewhere. Perhaps, back to the apartment.
AFTER brEAKFAST I HEADback to the room, when I hear noises from outside. My feet rush out involuntarily – and in such a hurry that I almost trip.
Is he back?
Sports bikes line up with a black Scorpio as Divit approaches me in the kitchen.
“Hey D... Scorpio home?”
“Scorpio...?” Then I remember his alias. “Oh – no – no, I did not see him all morning.”
“Okay,” An exaggeration marked his tone before he continued, “He messaged me to pick you up from the house. Said he would join us in the café. Did he not tell you?”
My brows furrow in confusion; I never checked my phone, though.
Nakul: Enjoy your day-out, muffin.
I start typing out a message asking him what time he would join; but then realization strikes me hard yet again. The bitter taste of deception, fresh from two days ago.
I was falling for him. And it was because of that – that I genuinely was trying to keep him from the scary ghost who was attached to my soul.
Except he was the same man. The same fucking person.
The devil – the angel – Both, probably. I have no idea.
The message dies on my fingertips, as sweet poison rises at the back of my throat.
“Oh yes... I just remembered.” I say with a sheepish smile on my face, “Give me two minutes.”
Five minutes later, I’m backpacking Divit on his blue R6.
I whistle as he picks up speed, “Dude... your bike is sexy.”
He chuckles, “Is it?”
“Were you at this year’s Navratri party by any chance?”
“You have a sharp memory, Disha. I have to admit, it was hard to believe when you didn’t recognize Nakshatra from before.”
My smile fades instantly; my least favorite memories flushing right back.
“He looks nothing like before...”
“You do remember him. Don’t you?”
I gulp at the question, and unlike his buddy who loves to make me shift, Divit changes the topic to lighter things. What he doesn’t realize is that even school gossip isn’t enough to make me forget what I just got reminded of.
In about twenty minutes we make a stop at the same café, Nakul took me the first time we went out together. Nostalgia fills my guilty guts, and I wonder if I am hating him or missing him.
Why is my heart torn into pieces? Everything is so confusing.
A piece that wants to hate him for traumatizing me all those years. Another part that wants to loathe him for tormenting me and stealing my first everything, everything that I held sacred and was preserving for the special one.
But there’s a part of me that wants to know why he did what he did. Another that wants to know what he gained from deceiving me, playing with my feelings and toying with me all through, when he knew I was falling in love with him.
It is impossible for me to fall back into the comfort zone with him where I was only a few days ago. But what-ifs are blocking my reasoning, and I am constantly shoving it in the Do-not-open folder inside my head.
We take our seats at the corner table, waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. Divit taps his fingers on the table, looking around as we wait for our order. It is the perfect opportunity for me to make the most of my time getting to know as much as I can about my alleged beloved.
“What did he tell you about joining us... when is he coming?” I ask casually.
Get a hold of the mask girl. Hide your intentions. He may be friendly with you, but he’s the devil’s best friend. You have to be discreet to extract information.
“Uh actually – he didn’t mention anything about coming at all. I did not understand, he’s crazy possessive about you; even threatens me – me, imagine!” He laughs amusedly, “The next moment he’s asking me to take you out. But who am I to question him. After all I love him too. You see this love triangle – don’t you?”
Our laughter is the kind I haven’t experienced in a long time. Now, I’m jealous of Nakul. He has a cooler best friend.
“Divit, can I ask you something?”
His expression softens at my question; like he already knew this was coming.
Am I that easy to be read?
“Let me guess... It’s about Nakshatra, isn’t it?” He smiles – holding back the chuckle that escapes as soon as I nod in affirmation.
“Go on... Ask as many as you want. I guess – I can answer about everything related to him.”
His voice almost a whisper as he says speaks, “Newsflash, I know all of his dirty secrets.”
My eyes widen in horror as realization hits that he may as well be involved in placing the nuisance that his buddy has been creating all this time.
“Don’t worry. You are definitely not one of his dirty secrets. You’re like... how do I put it – worse.”
“What?” My eyebrows furrowed at the possibilities.
He laughs heartily, “Goodness! You actually fell for it...”
He gets ahold of his laughter before continuing, “No, but on a serious note, Disha – You should stop believing everything people say.”
My cheeks heat up. I agree with him.
“Now back to your question... Yes, you have always been worse than his dirty secrets. You’re like the most precious one – so I know only basics of the trouble he must’ve been making you go through.”
I exhale a visible relaxed breath on the mention of me being the lesser-known project of his crazy friend. Thank God, or I wouldn’t be able to carry out the conversation anymore.
“Should I be relieved?”
“You should, actually.” He grins, “What did you want to know?”
When faced with that question, I almost go blank at the thought of how many freaking things I would want to know about him. Where do I begin?
As if reading my thoughts, he says, “Why are you nervous, sweetie. Our discussion here will be our little secret. He won’t know a thing – if that’s what’s bothering you.”
“Okay... So – How long have you known him?”
“I – well,” he pauses as if trying to remember something before continuing, “I’ve known him since we were hardly in primary section. So, I guess we can call it forever.”
“Okay...” I exhale again. How do I play cool and get to the point. God! why am I so dumb?
I clear my throat to ask another question, when he takes my hands in his and makes my body tense in one single move. God! this guy has some real attractive energy.
“Look, Disha. I know what you want to know, so you don’t need to play around. And I can promise there’s nothing that I can’t tell you about if you come straight to the point. He’s like a brother to me. And since you’re his one true, you’re like family too. Open up, okay?”
His eyes are earnest, and I nod my head in admiration as he releases my hand gently placing it back on the table.
“You’re right. I am nervous. Because I don’t know how to ask about things, I am too afraid to know. And –”
“He loves you.” Divit straight out deadpans, before raising his hooded eyes to meet mine.
Okay... Why is it so hot in here suddenly?
“That’s one thing I want to let you know before anything else. He had fallen for you really hard the very first time he saw you. That’s what I have been hearing for many – many years.”
He continues, “And as far as I remember, he broke up with his girlfriend at the time almost the same day. Not like he was ever in love with her, or any of the others that he was with before her. Those were casual dates. We used to do that kind of thing back then, kind of a coping mechanism...”
Coping mechanism?
“– You must be aware of our fabulous reputation.” His smirk is almost smug, pulling me out of the calculations.
I grin, remembering how stupidly my classmates used to behave when it came to boys; it makes me cringe even now.
“Yeah... who wouldn’t. I mostly knew which of my classmates were dating their friend’s siblings or friends. My friends used to get all the gossip for me but it wasn’t my thing to get to the dirty little details. Maybe that’s why I hardly knew about you guys.”
“You know I now understand what he saw in you. You’re so... So untouched.” There’s a faint blush creeping on his dimpled cheeks when he says it. He’s handsome.
His eyes drifting back to the time, “The way he was telling me about you when he first saw you, I remember it to this very day. I just knew this guy is failing the year’s entrance, but –” he shrugs, “He performed even better, like he suddenly found a new motivation. Like he knew what he was doing.”
A wide grin makes his features brighten, “He really fell hard for you. And I was so happy for him, especially after –”
“After?”
There’s a pause; something crossing his features. Something unreadable. Unrecognizable. And for a flash of a moment, it looks like deep – deep concern. Then he clears his throat before continuing.
“Never mind – what else did you want to know?”
“Did you know what he was doing all along... I mean stalking and –”
“Yes and No. Yes, I knew about it vaguely; and no, I lost interest in knowing the details as soon as I sensed his seriousness about you.”
“Do you know that stalking and extortion are criminal offence? I could have gotten him arrested and then –”
He smiles at me like I’m some toddler asking a stupid question. But I’ll keep my standing.
I shrug in response, “What?”
“Disha, he was in love with you. And he’s not some normal guy who would ask you out and wait till you approve. What you don’t realize is that he’s a deeply wounded child. And all he was trying was to somehow reach out to you.”
He was in love with you. He was in love...
The words ringing in my head in a loop; blocking every other thought. Hope my heated cheeks are not noticeable.
Something is happening to me, and I need to take control of it immediately. So, I change the topic.
“So that means you approve of his methods...?”
“My God. You’re cute when you blush.”
Shit! So, it’s that obvious...
His eyes glow when he talks, “And no, I never said I approve of his methods... But I don’t judge his methods, too. For me, intentions are far more important than methods.”
“Intentions of torture and manipulation. That’s what you mean?” I cock my brows suggestively.
“That’s because you were too busy acting prey when you should have looked closely. Then maybe, you would have seen what kind of control you unintentionally had over him. He was never a predator. You made him.”
That’s a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. Or maybe he knows.
“He was head over heels for you. So, he was doing everything in his power to get your attention. He gave off his best version in the beginning, but the more he failed the harder he tried. And that’s when things started getting cryptic.”
“Best version, really?”
“Do you think a person can have only one personality? Because then, you would be so wrong. Everyone has versions. Different ones for different people, occasions... even situations. Don’t try to look for reasons to hate him, and maybe your life will be easier then.”
I bite back the retort; because as ridiculous as it sounds, he might be right this time.
Taking the hint, he continues, “I do not know much about the later phase, other than he was transforming. Lunacy had taken over his mind; I can’t lie. He wasn’t a pious guy before, but you were unknowingly corrupting him... You know, I tried warning him that his ways are only going to scare you off more than ever, but he never listened to me. I did not know everything, but it would be a lie if I said I had no idea.”
“Did you know he tricked me by playing off as multiple people. And I had no idea about them all being the same guy; let alone them all being the one who had been following me for so long. I was falling for him too; but he was playing with my feelings. Is this not manipulation? I don’t know what or how to feel about him anymore.”
“I can sure not figure that out for you. And I am not trying to justify any of his actions, but if you can and I know you can – Trust me... He was not ready to come face to face with you right now. But things just escalated out of control when you first arrived here. And then he saw potential in being a person of your tastes, rather than being the person that he truly is.”
His brows are furrowed in conviction of his words. “You know when he couldn’t impress you being the guy he was, he tried to become your type. And he was failing; I tried warning him about it. But... well.” He exhales sharply, “You should really have a talk with him about this. You guys need to clear things out.”
“Clear things out? You know now – when I know the truth, he’s mostly threats and all. Not a trace of the guy I was dating just days ago.” I mean there is a trace, but it’s hardly really there.
“Are you sure?” He smirks when I look down in admission of my lie, “Try again... And this time, don’t back down even if he scares you. He loves you Disha. He is incapable of truly hurting you.”
He pats the back of my hand, and leaves to get the order as the rest of the gang comes and finds their own spots.
“Naksh not here? Isn’t he coming?” Taksh asks getting seated on the chair beside mine.
I shrug. Really... where is he?
Me: Are you not coming?
Moments pass by, the guys get our orders while Mira smiles at me. And I keep the sheepish smile on, so no one notices me checking my phone. Where is he?
Me: ?
I almost drop it, when it finally vibrates coming to life. One unread message.
Thank you, Lord!
Nakul: Do you want me to come?
Me: I don’t know. All your friends are here.
Nakul: That’s not an answer. Tell me what you want.
Why does he keep testing me?
You’re a stubborn bitch. He wants to know what you want. Tell him what you want. Make your life easy Disha.
I keep my pride aside for trial. Making my life easy – trial hack 1.
Me: Okay... I want you to come. Happy now?
I try shaking off the embarrassment form my face. My admission feels relieving. Refreshing. Like a weight is off my chest.
Biting my lower lips, I wait for my guilty pleasure to arrive, when someone clears their throat behind me. And my heart almost jumps to my throat when I turn to find him face to face with me.
He is looking at me with those intoxicating eyes; the smile on his lips that I could die admiring.
His deep voice hardly a whisper as he takes a seat across me. “Happy is an understatement.”