Him
Iknew she was going to call me. I mean she messaged me; but she still told me to come. That’s all that matters.
I like this phase too. Like all the other phases of our story; every chapter a little more thrilling than the previous. And I understand the self-denial after all that I’ve done. I kind of deserve it.
And when she tries to hide the excitement that I can clearly see in her eyes, the way she tries to cover it tugging the silky lock of rich brown hair behind her ear. The sheepish grin while she tries to talk to the others, barely conceals the heat that rises inside her every time we make eye contact. I couldn’t help smiling stupidly in front of my friends; and can’t deny but they looked scared... scarred too.
I don’t care who sees, who judges. She’ll smile, I’ll smile.
But I was pleasantly surprised on our way back, when my love told me to take her some place we could talk. Some place alone. Sometimes I curse my mind for imagining scenarios as soon as she says anything remotely romantic.
I’ll have to review the promise I made myself last night. Damn it, I’ll take her whenever she wants me to.
Driving to the remote gazebo built on a small hill not far away from my cabin, my best bet was to not hold any unnecessary conversation; not until she tells me whatever her plan for this meeting is.
Her eyes widen in amazement at the view from the old gazebo.
“Goodness! The view from this place... it’s amazing. How do you always manage to find spots like these?” She holds my arm almost forgetting everything that happened in the last couple of days. Soft chuckles escaping her lips in excitement; her body relaxed and comfortable like she always used to be around me when we were dating.
The way this laughter mesmerizes me.
Then suddenly she stiffs; turns to look at me and her brows furrow instantly. She closes her eyes and I know in those few seconds she must have been processing the fact that I am no more the man she used to be in love with, while slowly slipping her soft touch off my body.
The way my heart aches to tell her that I am in fact the same person. If not wholly, then partially maybe.
But I can be whoever she wants me to be. I can fake all my life if it means getting to keep her forever.
She tries to act calm and composed. Less angry. Less avoiding eye contact with me.
So, the bastard kept his promise.
“What was it you wanted to talk about?” I ask.
“Umm – I just – I wanted to end things on a lighter note.”
Why does she keep making this fucking difficult every single time?
“End things?” I whisper sternly, closing the distance between us, “What things?”
“Look. I don’t understand you or your –”
“My?”
“Your – your love.”
“So, you realize that I love you?”
Her eyes bore into mine, “Nakul, fooling around isn’t helping, either of us. And I am trying to understand you. I’m trying to understand your... love. But it is kind of insane; and the ways that you have been devising to reach out to me... None of them are normal.”
Then she looks away, right before breaking my heart, “And I don’t want to risk my sanity, regardless of the intensity of our physical relationship... regardless of the – the spark between us. We can’t be together.”
Her aversion – a clear sign of regret. A clear indication that she does not want what her logic is otherwise suggesting. My call to help her!
I close in the distance completely. Our bodies colliding with a force that makes her stumble, making her hold on to my jacket for support when I slide my hand around her waist, pulling her inside me. The wind blowing the beautiful locks of hair on her soft captivating features. My other hand drifts over her face brushing them away, tugging it behind her ear.
“Maybe you don’t realize it, sweetheart. But we are meant to be together. The sooner you realize, the easier for you.”
My eyebrows furrow in desperation when my eyes drift to her lips getting ravaged by her teeth. A longing on my face that I know she can easily make out; making her more and more nervous.
“Or are you growing fonder of my harsh methods sweetheart? Do you like it when I force you to stay with me? Just say the word. And I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
She is looking into my eyes, when I dip my head lower until the tips of our nose grazes each other’s, our lips only millimeters apart.
“Don’t you like me? Ask yourself before answering.”
“Look... It’s not that simple.” Liar.
My eyes never leaving hers, “Dare to lie again, and see how quickly this gentleness escapes my body.”
“I like you.” She admits, only not guilty this time.
Her eyes never leaving mine. She is not afraid of my threat.
A refreshing change to what I normally have accustomed myself to see whenever I threaten her.
What bewilders me is how she manage to turn me on by practically every single emotion of hers. Hate, guilt, fear, savagery, bravery. Every one of them piercing a thousand love arrows through my heart.
My lips curl into the widest grin, “Okay... That’ll do for now.”
Releasing her to her feet, I move back to sit on my bike for some civilized talk. “Now tell me... What is it that you don’t understand about my love?”
“You call this love. I call it deception.”
“What would you call this...” I quote unquote emphasizing the words, “...if I may remind you, of the night you approached me in the club.”
“I’ll still call it deception. I was too heavily intoxicated to understand what I were doing.”
“You mean you could classify the look in your eyes as drunk, when I was sober enough to see that it was freaking desire. And what about the day we met at the temple. What about the dates. Tell me if it was anything but attraction. You have always kept your happiness locked up in your heart. What you fail to understand is that I’ve always loved reading you, and it has always been out there, painted all over your face.”
She looks away, “I have not locked anything away.”
“If that’s the truth, then why are you not looking at me?”
She’s red with embarrassment; she knows what she’s hiding. And that it’s not working anymore.
“Denial is only going to make things worse for you, Disha. You know you want me, and I know damn sure I do. In fact, I’ve never wanted anything more than you in my entire time on this planet.”
“But how do I know if this is not another manipulation technique?” Her tone is not rude. On the contrary, it is the most childish fear that has ever come out of her pretty mouth. But I understand now why she’s been avoiding me forever.
I walk over to her before cupping her face in my palms, until our eyes are leveled so she can see that I am not lying. “Don’t doubt my intentions, sweetheart. That’s one of the only things I have been clear with, right from the beginning.”
The water in her eyes threatening to spill as I whisper into her mouth.
“I can’t take away your suspicions, neither am I denying the fact that I have indulged in ways that would incite suspicion in someone as na?ve and sweet as you. But I can assure you, I don’t intend on leaving you ever. I never had.”
Her chest heaving. She knows what I’m about to tell her.
“Ever since I first laid my eyes on this beautiful face, I have been your captive. You’ve held the keys all this time, and I don’t intend to get it back. Be cruel to me, muffin. Be absolutely ruthless. But never give them back. I want you to hold it forever. Keep me forever, muffin. Because I –”
Her eyes widen and a single drop of tear spills and makes its way down the blush of her cheek, before I catch it on my fingertip and complete what I started, “I love you!”
For a few moments, everything is still. The only exception to this stillness is the sound of our heartbeats. Rhythmic, and beating as one. But something tells me she isn’t ready to admit it just yet.
There’s perspiration around her neck as her throat wobbles once.
“You know – I can’t answer that. I need time.”
“I don’t need your answer, Disha. Your acceptance is all I’ve ever wanted. For your love, I can wait.”
“Why do you want to wait? Don’t you think that’s unfair? You’ve already wasted a lot of time and energy behind me.”
“Nothing is unfair, if the reward at the end is you. Don’t you think it’s unfair for you to assume that you aren’t worth waiting?”
She rolls her eyes in return, and is about to say something but I silence her with the palm of my hand.
“Shh... Listen to me once. I have tried to win you over so many times. You are the first woman that I’ve ever chased after, and the only one who has always rejected my offers. And I did not have the slightest clue about what I could do to get you to at least date me. So, I followed you everywhere, looking for clues about your likes and dislikes; but you always ran away from me. And I had no option other than running behind you. Chasing you however long it takes.”
The fear of uncertainty leaving her eyes as I speak.
“You think any of this is just physical? I am mental about you. And I’m not even shy about it.”
I pull her inside the warmth of my leather jacket, making a deep blush approach her already pink cheeks. “I love you, muffin. You have no idea how lucky, how liberated I feel holding you in my arms.”
“I still don’t understand a lot of things...”
“Ask me when my lips are free...”
“What? –”
I reply by crashing her lips into mine, lapping my tongue on her lips, seeking entrance. And she returns the kiss, welcoming my tongue with hers. Our mouths sucking the life force out of each other’s lungs, while my hand reaches the back of her head pushing her mouth further into mine.
When we are done biting and nibbling on each other’s lips, I stare right into her eyes as she does to mine.
“See? That’s what I was talking about. Gentle one moment, brutal the other,” She complains. But her eyes say that she likes it.
“Now that’s something you’ll have to adjust with. I am an animal when it comes to you,” I shrug, “Guess you bring out the best and the worst in me both at the same fucking time.”
She nudges my shoulder as we make our way back to the bike.
Can I call this the best day of the thirty-one years of my life?