42 – Promise Me
Casey
“Are you sure, sweetie?” Mom’s gentle voice floats through the phone where I have it propped on my side table. I sniffle–because apparently all I do now is cry–but I push through the tears and respond to Mom.
“Yeah. I’m not feeling like dinner. Just super hungover from last night.” And also currently suffering from having open heart surgery, where it was removed from my chest and replaced with a deep black hole of nothingness.
Why am I such a stupid idiot? Why do I have to butt my nose in everyone’s business? God knows it’s why Grace hates me. And now I’ve lost Jessie because of it, too. It is any wonder Rosie and Addison have stuck around.
“Okay, honey, well, we’re going to go see Evan and Grace. We’ll catch you on Christmas day, then?” Because I told them I was spending Christmas Eve–my birthday–with my boyfriend. I hadn’t been able to tell them that was no longer happening. I was instead making a mental plan to cry until there was no moisture left in my body.
“Sure. See you then. Love you,” I say and quickly end the call, not able to hold the sobs in any longer. I roll onto my side, ready to just fall into the abyss, let it swallow me whole. I had collapsed on my bed, not able to spare Addison or Rosie a single look or word when I had run back to our apartment after my breakup with Jessie this morning.
It hurt like hell to wake up hungover and surrounded by his scent. It made it so much worse that while he was mad at me, he was still the gentleman he always was. Making sure I was home safe, looked after and cherished. Even in the end, he loved me better than anyone ever had.
Noise from deeper in the apartment has my ears perking up, and my heart skips in my chest when I hear his deep voice.
“Where is she?”
“In her room, but this isn’t a good time, JJ.” Addison’s commanding voice hits my ears next, and it sounds like they are right outside my door.
Shit. He probably wants his manuscript back. Rosie had given it back to me under the premise that I would return it to her with a deal ready to be made when Jessie agrees to sign with her publisher, but I know that is never going to happen. I just want to fix this. I want to give it back and pretend it never happened. That we never happened, because it hurt too damn much to think we had just made it, only for it to end.
“Move, Addison.” Jessie’s growl is unmistakable, and despite everything that happened, the deep timbre of it still sends shivers down my spine.
“Easy, JJ.” Noah’s usually charmed voice has a menacing air to it.
“Ease off, Karvelas. She’s my sister. What the fuck do you think I’m going to do?” Jessie bites back.
“You can watch your mouth when you speak to her.” Noah’s retort deepens to an octave rare for him, and it’s when Addison tries to calm them both down that I realize I need to intervene before the two alpha-males make fools of themselves.
I scramble from the bed, pull the book from my bag, and swing open my bedroom door, interrupting the siblings from their bickering.
I’m stunned for a moment looking up at Jessie’s incredibly handsome face, slightly blushed from his anger, which has guilt forming again because I know this is all my fault. The moment I’m in the doorway, it’s like the air is sucked from my lungs with his dominating presence. His eyes find mine and lock, never blinking or wavering. He just holds my gaze hostage.
I clear my throat and try to wipe the sticky tears from my face. Bolstering my confidence and trying my best to be unaffected by any of this. From behind Jessie’s frame, I can see Noah and Rosie standing by, looks of concern and pity marking their faces, but it’s Addison’s momma-bear rage I feel vibrating next to me. I rest a hand on her shoulder to let her know I’m okay. I’m incredibly appreciative that she is protecting me right now, when really, I’m the one that ruined her brother. If she should be mad at anyone, it’s me.
“Sorry, I should have given this back already.” Jessie looks down at the manuscript in my hand.
“What?” he breathes, his eyebrows furrowing, his eyes finally leaving my face and bouncing between me and the book in my hand.
“It’s yours. You can have it back.” I step forward and give Addison a sideways glance. Taking the hint, she and Noah leave. I feel Rosie’s stare on me like a brand, her wide eyes pained as she looks at the manuscript, then at me. She runs a hand down her face, squeaking a sound that is probably frustration and anger in one, before she spins and heads back down the hall.
“Are you going to take it?” I ask again, trying my best not to cry now that we are alone.
“Umm… okay, sure.” He takes it, but stands there.
“I could have dropped it off. I’m sorry you came all the way here.”
“Hang on, I didn’t come back here for the manuscript,” he says and makes a point of dropping it to the floor and taking a step toward me. It takes me a moment, but then I remember.
“Oh… sorry, ” I whisper and turn back into my room, grabbing Jessie’s sweater from where it lays across my desk chair. I was hoping he’d forget and that I could keep it, curl up in it and sniff it when I was desperate for a reminder of him. I hand it to him, not able to look at his eyes when he takes it. Instead, he snatches it from my hands.
“Fuck’s sake, stop apologising, Casey. Look at me.” He throws the sweater to the bed and kicks my bedroom door closed behind him. His tone has me doing as he says, and I inch backward.
“You are making me insane.”
“I’m so sorry, Jess—”
“No! It’s not about that!” He is shouting in frustration, his hands scraping through his hair before he drags them down his face, making a noise that sounds similar to a growl. Before I can blink, his hand is wrapped around my wrist and he has me spinning, my back pressed against my wall, his body caging me in.
“I don’t give a fuck about that manuscript right now. Or the stupid sweater. It’s yours. In fact, take all my fucking clothes. I don’t care.” My heart beats rapidly out of my chest, and my breaths come in quick. His deep scolding voice is no longer shouting, instead he speaks level, his lips inches from mine while his intense eyes burn through me.
“What?”
“I am not angry about the manuscript right now,” he clarifies.
“You’re not?”
“No. I’m not. I’m angry because you thought I’d quit. That I’d be done, just like that,” he emphasizes with a click of his fingers. “That I could possibly leave you, or be done with you, over something like this .” His words are severe, but I can’t quite wrap my head around what he means.
“But—” I try to clear my head, shaking it.
“We’re in this forever, sunshine.” His expression softens slightly, but his words hold every bit of authority they had when he stormed in here. “You said so yourself. I need you to stop running away. Don’t turn and leave when we’re in it.” I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I’m literally stunned into silence. Thankfully, my tears also appear to be stunned and have stopped. That, or I just ran out.
“I betrayed your trust.” The words are a strangled whisper as I struggle to get them out. A menacing look crosses his face as he slowly shakes his head.
“You lied, you stole, but you did something you thought would help me. Am I angry that you didn’t tell me? Yes.” Shame hits me, and when I drop my head to hide from the way it overtakes me, his calloused hand grips my chin and raises my eyes, forcing me to stare into his heated gaze. I don’t think I’ve ever held anyone’s attention the way I hold his.
“Am I angry that you showed people something that was private, a sore spot for me? Yes. Am I a little embarrassed that people have read it, that you thought I was something you could fix? Like you wouldn’t fucking believe.” I drop a tear and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to hold in the sob. Trying to understand why he is doing this, forcing me to look into his eyes while he tears me apart.
“But I am so much angrier, livid in fact, that you thought I could ever leave you over something like this.” His grip on my chin turns into a caress along my cheekbone, tucking a hair behind my ears.
“We’ve only just begun, sunshine. We’re going to make mistakes. We can’t go on thinking that we’re done after each one of them.” His words have my eyes opening again, trying to make sure I am actually hearing this correctly, and he leans in to kiss my cheek. His one hand framing my face while the other comes to wrap around my lower back and pull me against him. “You have to know that forever is a long time. That means there are going to be times when we’re going to piss each other off.” His eyes search mine, my breath lodged firmly in my throat, along with my heart.
“You’re going to giggle out loud to your books while I try to focus on work, and I’m going to cook your dinner with the wrong ingredients. You’re going to forget to eat your lunch, and I’m going to storm into that studio with some pathetic excuse of a sandwich and sit there while you eat it.” He did do that once and the memory almost makes me smile. But I’m still stunned into a catatonic state as he continues to list the ways we’re apparently going to piss each other off in our apparent future together.
“I’m going to work until you have to come to the café, scold me, and demand that I take a day off. You’re going to forever sacrifice pieces of yourself for the people you love, and I’m probably going to overreact like a caveman anytime you want to leave the house in that blue fucking dress.” A laugh slips through a sob and his thumb swipes a tear. “I might make a mess in our kitchen, and you might forget to restock the creamer in our fridge.” For the briefest of moments, his eyes take on a faraway look before he blinks and sears me with his baby-blues. “One day, you’re going to have to yell at me for the potty mouth our kids will no doubt run around with. I’ll come in from the lake and leave mud all over the floor. You’ll get our daughter hooked on silly romance movies, and I’ll have our son in Ice Hockey lessons instead of basketball.” I can’t stop it, my sobbing turns into a proper cry at the way he tells me of our future in the same way I had dreamed it would be. “But, at the end of all of it, there is you and there is me. We’ll still end up on that porch with a cotton-candy or chocolate banana latte, watch the sun set over our bit of land, and breathe in the peace that having our potty-mouthed-ice-skating children finally asleep will bring.” I can’t stop looking into his incredible eyes and getting lost in that devastatingly handsome smile. “I’m fucking in love with you, and there is nothing in this world that you could do that would make me want to quit you.” His grip on my chin remains firm, and after a deep breath, I squeeze my eyes shut, letting the tears spill out, and I nod. When I manage to pull my shit a little bit together, I peel my eyes open and see him still gazing at me with all the longing and love in the world.
“So… you s-still want to be with me?” I feel hope lodge itself firmly in my chest and I almost burst out crying again from the way my chest inflates.
His smile is extraordinary as he continues analyzing every inch of my face.
“You’re the finale, the spectacular, the reward. You’re everything that makes being alive worth it. So next time, when I need a moment, while I’m learning to share all my ugly parts with you, don’t, even for a second, think that it could be over. I’m never leaving you. You’re mine and I’m yours. Got it?” Both his eyes bounce between mine as he holds me to him. I can feel his heart beat rapidly against mine. Not having anything to say in response, no words that can comprehend the relief I feel, the way I ache for him, I leap and wrap my arms around him.
Just as he had promised, he catches me as I fall deeper for the man I think I’ve loved forever. His arms hold me tightly across my back as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. He kisses a line up my neck to my jaw as I cry and let his words sow my heart back together.
“So… we’re going to have a big house on a lake with a wraparound porch?”
“Build it myself if I have to.”
I couldn’t stop the giggle if I tried. “I knew you had ‘ I could build you a house’ kind of muscles.” Jessie’s booming laugh almost makes me cry again as I bury myself back in the comfort of his chest.
“I really thought it was over. I didn’t think you—” He shuts me up with a firm kiss and shakes his head, pulling back to lean his forehead against mine.
“Don’t say it. You’ll break my heart, and holding you is the only thing keeping me together right now.” he says quietly and then whispers against my lips, “Promise me.”
“Promise what, Jess?” I whisper back through my stuttering breath as I try to slow my crying. Brushing the pieces of stray hair off his forehead, I admire all of his handsome features.
“Promise me forever. No matter how complicated or messy it gets. Promise to stay, and I promise to make it worth it.”
When he refuses to open his eyes, I pull his face to mine, placing a delicate kiss to each of his eyelids, then the strong line of his nose, then his lips. Lingering for a moment, I whisper back, “I promise.”