Chapter 19
Claire
My nerves are on fire as I leave Elliot’s room, and I’m doing my best to hold it together.
This is finally it. He’s either going to be a part of my pack, or he’s going to just be my brother’s oldest friend.
There can’t be any more in between. My heart can’t take it anymore.
It’s even more painful knowing that I’m not completely alone in this feeling, but that Elliot can’t or won’t take the next step.
Either way, I can’t hold on to these feelings for him forever, not if he’s not willing to take the risk on me.
It wouldn’t be fair to me, or Forrest and Wells.
I’m not sure if I’ll get any closure with Elliot. He said he would choose me every time, but he isn’t and it causes an immense wealth of hurt in my chest.
His scent of whiskey and vanilla clings to my skin, and it has me feeling slightly homesick and doesn’t help me come to terms with the fact he’s likely getting off this ship the next chance he gets.
I told the guys that I’d need some time to myself after speaking to Elliot, and I message them as soon as I get back to my room.
Needing to talk through this with someone I video call Shiloh, and she answers on the third ring. I can hear voices in the background and I know my brother and her other mates are around, so I’ll keep everything PG.
“Claire! How are things going? Your skin is glowing, you look amazing.”
“Thanks, Shy. Things are…complicated.”
She takes the phone along with her as she moves into another room, keeping her prying pack’s ears away from our conversation. It’s what I love about her. She might be mated to my brother, but she takes our friendship very seriously.
“What’s going on?” she asks, her big brown eyes full of concern.
“Elliot’s onboard,” I tell her, and she just blinks at me.
“Elliot Smith? Jonah’s best friend? The guy who’s clearly in love with you and you’re in love with him. That Elliot?”
“I definitely would not go that far. He’s never outright said that, and I’ve never really told him in so many words either. He caught me in the hallway making out with Forrest and made this whole big show of trying to bring me back home and that he’d be staying on board for my safety.”
Shiloh snorts and shakes her head. “Sometimes Alphas can be really fucking obtuse.”
“I told him that if he stays on the ship, that means he’s interested in being in my pack, but if he isn’t interested in that, then he needs to go.”
“As you should,” Shiloh says, pursing her lips. “Hold on a second.” She walks back into the family room. “Did you know Elliot was going to be on the ship that Claire was on?” She directs it at my brother in an accusatory tone.
I groan, but this is also the type of investigative journalism I need to get to the bottom of everything.
“He what? Let me see the phone,” Jonah tells Shiloh, and she complies.
My brother’s face takes up the screen. He’s a near replica of our dad, Grayson, but with short hair. Seeing him has me longing to come back home, too. But I won’t be leaving here without Forrest and Wells, for that I’m certain of.
“Hey Claire Bear,” he says with a smile.
“Jonah,” I greet him, unsure of his motives.
“I’m not going to try and convince you to come home,” he says, though he’s looking over the phone and I wonder if Shiloh is threatening him with violence. “Elliot came on board?”
“He said he was here to take me back home.”
Jonah groans and rubs the back of his neck. “Do you want me to speak with him?”
“No. I’ve got it covered.”
“Well, if you ever need me to, all you have to do is ask. And not that it matters, but if you were to have Elliot in your pack, I think it would be a good thing.”
My cheeks heat, and I guess I really didn’t give a shit what Axel or Jonah thought about me and Elliot being together, but it is nice to have his blessing. I suppose I have Axel’s too, based on the car ride over here.
“I appreciate that, but there’s a good chance he won’t stay,” I tell him, and he can clearly read the sadness written on my face.
“You deserve the best, Claire. If he doesn’t stay, then he isn’t the best for you. It’s that simple.”
“Thanks, Jonah,” I say, trying not to get choked up. “Now, can you give me back to your better half?”
Jonah laughs. “Just promise me you’ll continue to stay safe and you can call one of us if you need anything. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I reply as he gives me back to Shiloh, and she heads back to the other room so we can have privacy and I can tell her all the juicy details of the past few days.
Tonight we’re trying the southern restaurant. This place is smaller, and every table has a view of the water. Forrest makes sure that my back is to the window, Wells sits next to me and Forrest shoves himself into the booth.
I’m pretty sure I’d be fine looking at the water.
I haven’t felt nauseous since that first sleepover with Wells and Forrest. Though I’m not sure if it’s because Forrest’s scent is almost always with me, or because we’re slowly cruising through the Caribbean with little motion.
Either way, I’m definitely not about to complain.
“Is it rude to ask how things went with Elliot earlier?” Wells asks, grabbing a piece of corn bread and putting it in his mouth.
I snort, because if there’s one thing about this Beta, he says what’s on his mind.
“I told him to either court me or get off the boat,” I say, glancing over at Forrest.
From what I gathered, Wells isn’t opposed to the idea of another Alpha in the pack.
He’s got a very Omega-centric outlook on packs.
His hope is that whoever else I choose to be in the pack would just have to be a good person, and that maybe he’d get a best friend out of the deal.
Relationship wise, Forrest and I are enough for him.
When I glance at Forrest, he’s stoic. I can tell he isn’t keen on the idea of Elliot having anything to do with me, especially not with how their first introduction went.
“How long have you had feelings for him?” Wells asks.
I want to shove a piece of cornbread in my mouth and not answer, but that doesn’t seem fair. I’ve left the door open for Elliot to court me along with Forrest and Wells. I owe everyone complete honesty.
“Longer than I’d like to admit. It was a schoolgirl crush for a long time.
He’s been friends with my brothers since they were babies, and he’s always been well, beautiful.
After I designated, his scent was more appealing than other Alpha scents, but I was obviously too young for him.
Once I turned nineteen, it became more than infatuation for me,” I tell Wells, who gives me a soft smile.
“I had a crush on Forrest for months until he caught on.”
Forrest makes a noise, his finger tapping along the counter and I have the urge to console him, but I’m not sure what to say.
I’m not sure that there’s anything I can say to make him feel better and I hate that I’m making him uncomfortable.
I’ve been honest since the beginning, wanting more pack mates.
Eventually the Alpha speaks. “He would have to be a complete fucking—” He pauses himself as Wells glares at him. “To know you is to like you, Claire, is all I’m saying.”
I reach out and grab his hand, giving it a squeeze.
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be civil, but if he speaks to you like that again, I’ll throw the motherfucker overboard.”
I give him a smile and another squeeze. “As you should. But there’s a very good chance he’ll get off the ship and it won’t be an issue, anyway.”
Forrest scoffs with a shake of his head before bringing my hand to his mouth and giving it a quick kiss.
Wells wraps an arm around my chair, his thumb rubbing my shoulder. I might feel unsure, and maybe a little let down when it comes to Elliot, but with these two, I feel wholly secure in what we have.
One whole at sea day and I don’t see Elliot, not even in a stalker kind of way. I’m at the Heat suites with Andie so that she can change her preference to the Marshall pack.
Apparently Wells knew what he was doing, because Andie hit it off with them right away. I’m so thrilled for my friend. I knew once she found the right pack, it would all snap into place quickly for her. She’s kind, soft, and extremely loyal.
“Which suite did you pick?” I ask her.
“Midnight is my first choice, princess is a second. Under the Sea is dead fucking last,” she says and I laugh in agreement.
“Seriously, What the fuck were they thinking?”
“No idea. All I know is I’m so grateful that Wells introduced me to Moses, Thomas, and Terrance.
They’re exactly what I’m looking for. They’ve all been so sweet.
I hadn’t really thought about having a Beta in my pack before, but after meeting Moses, I can’t imagine not having him. ” Andie gushes and I smile.
They all work in IT, and I think Thomas is super into Dungeons and Dragons, while Terrance collects comic books. I’m not sure what Moses is into, but Andie is all in with that pack.
“Andie Marshall. It has a ring to it,” I say.
“It really does. Plus. I’m not sure if it’s being on the ship, but I’ve felt off lately. The idea of going into heat and it being with total strangers was not ideal.”
“Definitely. I guess I should track down the gingersnap scent that I had picked for my possible heat match so we can get to know each other before the time actually comes,” I joke self-deprecatingly.
I don’t really want that stranger joining Wells and Forrest for my heat, but it’s looking more and more like a possibility.
The thought has my stomach sinking and my heart aching. I’m sure it’s not completely rational, but when you’ve had feelings as long as I’ve had for Elliot, it’s hard to just give that fantasy up.
“What about Elliot?” she asks, she’s already gotten the run down from me and Wells.
“Haven’t seen him.” I shrug and Andie hums as she signs a few documents with the heat moderator working here today.
“We haven’t had a stop since Turks. So he’s still on the ship. Maybe he just needs some time to think.”
“Or maybe he’s hiding away in his small interior cabin until he can finally escape me.”
“Or he could just need some time to figure out how to be the Alpha you need.”
“Your optimism is refreshing, but I’m not getting my hopes up,” I tell her, and she gives me a small smile.
“Come on, let’s go meet the guys on the sports deck. I’m so ready to ogle all of them while they play basketball with their shirts off,” she says.
I tilt my head at her. Has she not seen Pack Marshall naked yet?
“You still haven’t…”
“No. But I think tonight is the night. Do you think sleeping with all of them at once for the first time is acceptable, or should I just pick one each night and work my way up to an orgy?”
“Hmm, there are definitely pros to each option,” I say.
“Orgy it is,” Andie replies with a wink.
I laugh while we make our way to the highest deck where all the courts are. As we approach, there’s a sign for Omega pickleball and I point to it.
“It’s doubles, have you ever played?”
“Can’t say I have.”
I squint at the sign-up sheet and see Megan’s name. My competitive side rears its ugly little head and I simply just can’t let her win, not after the way she disrespected Forrest the other night.
“Then it’s time to learn,” I tell Andie, putting our names on the sheet and grabbing her wrist, dragging her to the rental equipment stand.
“Are you sure you want to be stuck with a partner that has no experience?” she questions, a slight fear in her eyes as I grin at her.
“I’m an excellent teacher and there’s no fucking way I’m going to let Megan Moyer win the grand prize of a private pack cabana on the ship’s private island. Plus, we have a few days before the tournament. We got this.”
Maybe it was my need to beat Megan at something, or maybe it was the ultimate distraction, so I didn’t worry whether he would get off the ship right before we got to St. Thomas.
Either way, beating a small ball with a paddle to let out my frustrations seemed like a good idea.