Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-One
Graham
She was adamant.
And was that not why I loved her? Her intelligence, her unfaltering desire to help and support and encourage?
It felt different when aimed toward me. I did not want help. I wanted to stand on my two feet, and I’d been so close. So blasted close to finally being independent. To having Anna and a life of my own where I did not need to rely on anyone for anything ever again.
Fate apparently had other plans.
I glanced up at Anna, who waited patiently for an answer she most definitely deserved. I’d offered her everything last night, and I’d meant it.
“I lost an account,” I said, hating the meager sound in my voice. “But I’ll find another. I always do.”
She only said, “A significant loss.” Simply spoken, without judgment.
“Yes.”
Her brow creased. “My father can help.”
I dropped my hold on her waist. “No, Anna—”
“He’ll be here soon. I’ll wait to confront him, and you can speak with him directly. Ask him for whatever you need.”
I shook my head. “No. He is your father, not mine. You need to speak with him and reconcile. His focus should be you, and only you, from now on. I can manage on my own.”
But she wasn’t listening. Her mind was fitting every piece in its spot. “And, of course, you can have the Brighton investment. I would’ve allowed it anyway had you not asked me to say no.”
If only I could afford it. I stood and paced a few steps around her. I tried again. “I will work everything out. Your father has done so much for me already; I will not ask for his aid when I am capable.”
Anna did not want a life where her father was at the helm. She wanted a husband who lived independently, who did not rely on her father or aim to utilize his wealth. I knew this because she’d said so relentlessly. And after Lennox? I refused to become at all like the man she despised. Not to mention the fact that this very scenario—me, investing with her father—was exactly what she was against in the first place.
“He has already offered it. If this investment will solve your problems, why will you not take it? For us? For our family?”
Our family.Gads, I did not deserve this woman. I felt pain behind my eyes, a welling of emotion pooling behind them, and bit the inside of my cheek hard to keep it from spilling over. She did not understand how much I’d lost. How uncertain our life together would be if I used my savings on this investment partnership now. “I cannot. I am sorry.”
Anna followed me, stopping at my side, and I felt her gaze on my face, perhaps measuring my sincerity, questioning. “It must be very bad, then.”
I swallowed hard. I could not meet her gaze. “Yes.”
“Will you return to London? Stay with us instead of renting a room?” she asked. “If I’m to wait, at least give me that.”
I looked down and rubbed the back of my neck. “I could never ask for an invitation.”
“I am inviting you. My father will not bat an eye. Indeed, I should think he would be pleased at our getting on so well.”
She smiled, but I could not return it. I did not feel it. What if I couldn’t manage things? What if recovering my annual income took a year, or more? How could I make Anna wait? How could I avoid telling Mr. Lane everything for that long? Keep another secret? I wouldn’t.
Anna grasped my arm. “I shall invite your mother too. And your sisters. I daresay Ginny will love the shops.”
I grimaced, thinking of all the things she’d want. On top of all the things she actually needed.
“Or the gardens,” Anna quickly corrected. I could not meet her eye. “Hyde Park. No one needs the shops when there is Hyde Park to explore.”
“We should return,” I said.
She stiffened beside me, only relaxing marginally when I offered her my arm.
We walked back up the shoreline, up the path, back home where everything came more clearly into view.
The chips of paint on my shutters.
The unpolished door handle and the creak as I pushed it open for Anna. Old carpets, and even older furniture because we had focused so much on having a home and less about what it looked like for company.
I hadn’t cared before. But now ...
I led Anna to the staircase, which I assumed she’d follow up to her room, then trudged toward my study.