Chapter 23 #2
Hamish’s expression shifted to something that might have been satisfaction or sympathy. “Then tell her that. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her ye notice her. Tell her somethin', anythin', that makes her feel like she’s more to ye than a problem ye’re solvin'.”
“She kens.”
“Does she?” Hamish challenged. “Because from where I’m standin', all she kens is that ye want her body and ye’ll protect her. But ye’ve nae given her any reason to think ye want more than that. Any reason to believe she’s more than just another responsibility ye’ve taken on.”
The words hit Murdock like physical blows, each one landing with brutal accuracy.
“What would ye have me say?” His voice was rough. “That I lie awake at night thinkin' about her? That I cannae focus on anythin' else? That the thought of her leavin', of losin' her, makes me want to tear the world apart?”
“Aye,” Hamish said simply. “That’s exactly what ye should say. Because that’s the truth, is it nae?”
Murdock looked away, jaw working. “Sayin' it willnae change anythin.”
“It’ll change everythin''.” Hamish moved closer, his voice urgent now. “Ye think she’s askin' for grand gestures or pretty words? She’s nae. She’s askin' for honesty. For ye to stop hidin' behind duty and protection and tell her that she matters. That ye…” He paused. “That ye care for her.”
“How do I love someone without destroyin' them? Without becomin'' him?”
“By realizin that ye’re nae him.” Hamish’s voice was firm, certain.
“Ye never have been, and ye never will be. Yer faither’s love was about control, about possession, about making her into what he wanted rather than accepting who she was.
But ye? Ye’ve spent yer whole life doin' the opposite.
Giving Skye freedom to be herself. Listenin' to yer people rather than demandin' blind obedience. Protectin' rather than possessin'.”
“That’s different.”
“Is it? Or is it the same thing ye’re afraid to give Leona?” Hamish stepped closer, his expression somber. “And what if real love, the kind Leona’s askin' for, is somethin' entirely different? Something ye’re more than capable of givin' if ye’d just stop being so damned afraid?”
Murdock wanted to argue. Wanted to list all the reasons why Hamish was wrong, why the risk was too great, why settling for less was safer for everyone involved.
But the words wouldn’t come.
Because maybe, just maybe, Hamish was right.
Maybe the fear he’d been carrying all these years, the certainty that he’d become his father if he let himself love too much, was nothing more than a cage he’d built for himself. A prison of his own making that kept him from reaching for the one thing he wanted the most.
“She willnae forgive me,” he said quietly. “I’ve hurt her too many times. Asked for too much while givin' too little.”
“Then give her more.” Hamish picked up both practice swords from the wall and slung them over his shoulder.
“Ye have a few hours before the ceremony. Use them. Find her. Talk to her. And for the love of God, tell her somethin' true. Somethin' that matters. Before it’s too late and ye lose the only woman who’s ever been brave enough to want all of ye, even the broken parts.”
Murdock nodded slowly, the weight of his decision settling into his bones. He would do it. Would find Leona, would somehow make her understand that he was trying, that he wanted to be better, that maybe…
A commotion at the gate drew his attention. Voices, laughter, the sound of horses and wagons. Visitors, from the sound of it.
“Who invited them?” Murdock frowned, turning toward the noise. “I sent nay invitations.”
Hamish’s expression shifted to something suspiciously close to guilt. “About that…”
“Hamish, what did ye do?”
Before his man-at-arms could answer, two figures came barreling across the courtyard with a speed and enthusiasm that could only mean one thing.
His sisters.
Ailis reached him first, throwing her arms around his neck with enough force to nearly knock him over. She was laughing, her dark hair flying loose around her face, looking exactly as she had when she was a child.
“Murdock! Look at ye, all dressed up for a weddin'!” She pulled back to study his face, her smile bright and genuine. “Though ye look like ye’re preparin' for battle rather than a celebration.”
“Same thing, in me experience,” Kristen said dryly as she approached at a more sedate pace. She was older than Ailis, more reserved, but her eyes held the same warmth. “Congratulations, Brother. We’re dyin' to meet the woman who’s finally convinced ye to marry.”
Murdock looked from his sisters to Hamish, who was suddenly very interested in examining his practice sword.
“Who invited them?” he asked, his voice dangerously quiet.
“I did!” Hamish said with forced cheer. “It’s yer weddin', after all. Seemed wrong for yer sisters nae to be here.”
Ailis beamed. “And we brought the whole family. Killian and the bairns are outside with the wagons. Kristen’s husband, too. Though Neil has already disappeared to find the stables. Ye ken how he is with horses.”
“We’ve been travelin' for two days straight,” Kristen added. “We started as soon as Hamish sent word. We might have been here sooner, but the roads were terrible.” She studied Murdock’s face more closely, her expression shifting from joy to concern. “What’s wrong? Are ye nae happy to see us?”
“I’m…” Murdock started, then stopped. “It’s complicated.”
“Weddin's usually are,” Ailis said wisely. Then her face lit up even more, if that was possible. “Now, where is she? Where’s yer bride? We must meet her immediately!”
They started toward the keep before Murdock could stop them, their enthusiasm a force of nature.
Hamish clapped him on the shoulder. “Breathe, me Laird. Yer sisters are here. Yer daughter is excited. And in a few hours, ye’ll be married to a woman who, despite everythin', still chose ye. Try to see it as the blessin' it is rather than the disaster ye’re convinced it’ll be.”
“And if I cannae?” Murdock asked quietly.
“Then ye’ll lose her.” Hamish’s voice was gentle but firm. “And ye’ll spend the rest of yer life wonderin' what might have been if ye’d just been brave enough to try.”
He walked away, leaving Murdock standing alone in the training yard, with the morning sun warming his face and his sisters’ laughter echoing from inside the keep.
“Lose her, eh?”