Chapter 25
Leona’s head snapped toward the doorway where he stood, his broad frame filling the entrance, his dark eyes fixed on her with an intensity that stole her breath.
He looked different. Raw, exposed, as if the careful walls he maintained had finally cracked.
Ailis and Kristen exchanged glances, a wordless conversation passing between them. Then Ailis stood, crossing to Leona and squeezing her shoulder gently.
“We’ll leave ye to talk,” she said softly, her voice warm with understanding. “But Leona? He’s worth the effort. I promise ye that.”
“Ailis,” Murdock warned, but there was no real heat in it.
“I’m goin'', I’m goin.” Ailis patted Leona’s shoulder once more, then swept past her brother, with Kristen following close behind.
As Kristen passed Murdock, she paused just long enough to murmur something Leona couldn’t hear. Whatever it was made Murdock’s jaw clench tighter.
Then the door closed, and they were alone.
The silence stretched between them, heavy and fraught with everything unsaid. Leona stood near the window, her hands clasped together to hide their trembling.
Murdock stayed by the door, one hand resting on the latch as if he might bolt at any moment.
“Ye want to ken what happened?” he said finally, his voice rough as gravel. “Ye want to understand why I cannae give ye what ye’re askin' for?”
“Aye,” Leona whispered. “I do.”
He pushed off the door, moving deeper into the room with slow, deliberate steps. But he didn’t come close. Instead, he crossed to the opposite wall, putting distance between them as if proximity might weaken his resolve.
“Me faither killed me maither.”
The words landed like stones in still water, sending ripples of shock through Leona’s chest. She’d suspected tragedy, but this… this was something darker. Something that explained so much about the man before her.
“When?” The question escaped before she could stop it.
“When Ailis was about five years old. She told everyone our mother died protecting her from a monster.” His hands curled into fists at his sides.
“She failed to mention that monster was our father. She had tried to push away the memory, I think. She only remembered a few years ago, when me faither revealed his true face to her…Tried to kill her again because she wasnae his own blood. He had tried in the past, when Ailis was little. I didnae understand why a faither would try to drown his own daughter. I did my best to keep her away from him. The wrong way, for sure. Me sister was terrified of me for years. I just knew I had to keep her safe.”
He turned to face her fully, and the pain in his eyes made her throat tighten.
“I think deep down I suspected what he’d done to me maither. I was afraid he’d hurt everyone I loved.”
“Oh, Murdock.” Leona took a step toward him, but he held up a hand.
“Nay. Let me finish. Ye need to hear all of it.” He drew a shuddering breath.
“When me daughter came, he was disappointed. When Moira died, he said that this was good. That I could take a wife that might be useful enough to give me a son someday.” His laugh was bitter, ugly.
“Can ye believe it? That monster raised me. And I knew he wasnae the kindest of men, I’d seen him hurt me sister, and still…
When I found out he had killed me maither I…
I was angry. So very angry. Nae at him. Nay. At meself. For nae protecting her.”
“Ye were a child,” Leona said fiercely. “How could ye have ken?”
“I should have.” The words came out sharp, laced with self-loathing. “I should have seen somethin', done somethin'. But I was too busy tryin' to survive him. Too focused on becoming strong enough. Stronger than him.”
He moved to the window, staring out at the courtyard below, where servants bustled about, oblivious to the pain being laid bare in this room.
“Me faither wanted me maither in his own way,” Murdock continued, his voice flat now, distant.
“It was control and possession and the absolute belief that she existed for his purposes alone. That’s what he believed for women in general.
That’s what runs in me blood. That’s…” he trailed off, jaw clenching.
Leona waited, but he didn’t continue.
The silence stretched between them, heavy with unspoken words.
“Murdock,” she said softly. “That’s nae—”
“I’m nae tellin' ye this to earn yer sympathy,” he cut her off, his tone sharp. “I’m tellin' ye so ye understand why this”—he gestured between them—“cannae happen. Why I cannae give ye what ye’re askin' for.”
“Because ye’re afraid ye’ll become like him.”
“I am like him.” The words were brutal, final. “I have his blood, his rage, his capacity for violence. Ye’ve seen it. Ye watched me threaten that lad at the gatherin' for doing nothin' more than dancin' with ye.”
“That’s nae the same.”
“Is it nae?” He turned from the window, his expression hard. “I wanted to hurt him, Leona. Genuinely hurt him for putting his hands on ye. For looking at ye the way he did. That’s nae normal jealousy. That’s possession. That’s exactly what he felt for me maither.”
Leona took a step toward him. “Ye’re twistin' it. Ye’re scared, so ye’re making yer feelin's into somethin' dark when they’re nae.”
“Me feelin's are dangerous.” He held up a hand, stopping her advance. “That’s what I’m trying to tell ye.
I cannae give ye the love ye seek because I have nae ever witnessed love.
Only obsession and possession, and the kind of marriage that destroys.
Whatever I feel for ye, it’s too intense.
Too consumin'. I’ll end up being just like him. ”
“Ye willnae,” Leona said firmly. “Because ye’re afraid of it. He never was. That’s the difference.”
“The difference,” Murdock countered, his voice going cold, “is that I’m smart enough to recognize the pattern before it destroys someone else.
Before it destroys ye.” He crossed his arms, a physical barrier between them.
“So aye, I’ll marry ye if that’s what it takes to keep ye safe from Ragnall.
I’ll stand beside ye before the council, play the part of the devoted husband.
But daenae ask me for more than that. Daenae ask me to pretend that these feelin's are anything but a problem that needs to be controlled.”
Leona felt frustration rising in her chest. “Ye’re being deliberately obtuse.”
“I’m being honest.” His eyes met hers, hard and unyielding.
“Ye said ye wanted honesty. Well, here it is. I’m nae the man ye think I am.
I’m nae some gentle soul waiting to be coaxed out of me shell.
I’m the Beast of Ainsley, me faither’s son, and the best I can do is keep that locked down tight so it doesnae hurt anyone else. ”
“That’s a coward’s answer,” Leona shot back.
Murdock’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t respond. Just stared at her with those dark, shuttered eyes.
“Ye think I daenae see what ye’re doin'?” Leona continued, her voice sharp with frustration. “Ye’re usin' yer faither as an excuse. Using fear as a cage to keep yerself from havin' to take any risks.”
“Better a cage I choose than one I build for ye,” he said quietly.
“That’s nae yer decision to make! I’m nae yer maither, Murdock. If ye try to put me in a cage, I’ll break right through it.” She moved closer despite the warning in his stance. “Ye’ve already learned that, have ye nae? I’m too stubborn to be possessed.”
Despite everything, despite the walls he was trying to keep up, Murdock’s lips twitched slightly. “Aye, ye are that.”
“So stop hidin' behind what yer faither did and tell me the truth. Are ye sayin'' ye feel noting for me? That all of this, the protection, the concern, the jealousy, is just duty?”
His hands clenched. “I’m saying it doesnae matter what I feel.”
“It matters to me.”
“Well, it shouldnae.” His voice roughened. “Ye should want a man who can give ye what yer parents had. Who can love ye without fearin' he’ll destroy ye in the process. I’m nae that man, Leona. I never will be.”
“Ye’re right,” Leona said bitterly after a moment, and watched surprise flicker across his face. “Ye’re nae that man. Because me faither never tried to push me maither away for her own good. He never used fear as an excuse to keep from being vulnerable.”
She took another step closer. “Ye want to ken what me faither taught me? That the bravest thing ye can do is be gentle when the world expects ye to be hard. That real strength isnae about control, it’s about trust. Trustin' yerself enough to let someone in, even when it’s terrifyin'.”
“I cannae…”
“Ye can. Ye just willnae.” She stopped right in front of him, close enough to see the war raging behind his eyes. “And that’s yer choice to make. But daenae pretend ye’re doin' it for me sake. Ye’re doin' it because ye’re afraid.”
Murdock’s jaw worked, emotions flickering across his face too quickly to identify.
For a moment, she thought he might let himself be vulnerable. Might admit what she could see so clearly in his eyes every time he looked at her.
But then his expression shuttered completely.
“Aye,” he said flatly. “I’m afraid. And I’m smart enough to listen to that fear instead of ignorin' it like a fool. Is that what ye wanted to hear?”
Before Leona could respond, a cheerful voice called from the hallway, “Are ye done being sad yet? Because Cook says the honeycakes are ready, and I’m nae supposed to eat them without ye, but they smell so good and I daenae think I can wait much longer!”
Skye’s voice, muffled by the door but bright with childish enthusiasm, shattered the heavy atmosphere like a stone through glass.
Murdock’s expression shifted, some of the hardness easing. “The child’s timing is impeccable,” he muttered.
“Skye!” he called out, his voice gentler than it had been a moment ago. “Go eat yer honeycakes. We’ll be down shortly.”
“Promise? Because Nyx is trying to steal one, and Rufus isnae doing a very good job of stopping her!”
“I promise.”
“All right!” The sound of small feet pattering away echoed through the door.
In the sudden silence that followed, Leona and Murdock looked at each other. The moment had passed, whatever breakthrough might have happened lost to Skye’s innocent interruption.
“She’s going to make herself sick on sweets,” Murdock said finally, his tone carefully neutral.
“Probably,” Leona agreed, matching his distance. “But at least she’s happy.”
“Aye.” He looked away, his walls firmly back in place. “She deserves happiness. Deserves better than a faither who’s too broken to show her what real love looks like.”
“Ye’re nae broken.”
“I am,” he insisted, but there was no heat in it. Only resignation. “And I’m done discussin' it.” He moved toward the door, putting physical distance between them to match the emotional gulf. “We should go down. Before Skye actually does make herself sick.”
Leona wanted to argue, to push harder, to make him see that he was wrong about himself. But she could see the exhaustion in the set of his shoulders, in the way he held himself like a man barely keeping his defenses intact.
So she let it go. For now.
“Aye,” she said quietly. “Let’s go down.”
A sharp knock at the entrance made them both turn.
Hamish appeared, his expression tight with tension that made every muscle in Murdock’s body go taut. “Me Laird? Forgive the interruption, but we have visitors.”
Murdock went still. Leona saw it, the way his stance shifted from vulnerable to warrior in a heartbeat.
“Visitors?” His voice had gone cold and emotionless.
The Beast of Ainsley had returned.
“Aye, me Laird. They’re at the gates now. Armed men. Many of them.”
Leona’s heart plummeted into her stomach. Her mouth went dry as she forced out the question she already knew the answer to.
“Me cousin?”
There was a pause. Then Hamish’s grim confirmation. “Aye, me Lady. Ragnall Gilmore is here, and he’s demanding to speak with ye both.”
Murdock was already moving toward the door, his expression shuttering completely. All the vulnerability, all the raw emotion from moments ago, disappeared behind the mask of the Beast of Ainsley.
He reached for the door handle, then paused. Without looking back at her, he said quietly, “Stay behind me. Whatever happens, ye stay behind me. Understand?”
“Murdock…”
“Promise me, Leona.” Now he did turn, and the intensity in his eyes stole her breath. “Promise me ye’ll nae do anythin' foolish. Nae for me, nae for anyone.”
She wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him that she’d do whatever was necessary to protect the people she loved. They had that in common, it seemed. But the plea in his gaze, the barely concealed fear beneath his warrior’s mask, stopped her.
“I promise,” she whispered, even though they both knew it was a lie.
Murdock held her gaze for one more heartbeat, then turned and strode out of the room without a backward glance.
Leona stood frozen for a moment, her heart pounding against her ribs. Then she followed, lifting her skirts and hurrying after him through the corridors.
Ragnall had come.