Chapter 6
Kirsten awoke the morning after with a smile on her face, but that quickly disappeared when she realized that she was in bed alone.
She ran her hand through her tousled hair and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
There was still a warm shadow where her husband had been.
The scent of lavender had faded. The flame of the candle had been blown out, and the glory of the night disappeared.
Kirsten wondered if this was to be her life, always wondering if her husband truly cared for her.
She had hoped to wake up with him, to share a secret smile and reflect on the happiness they had shared through the night. Instead, she was alone.
She breathed in deeply and tried to make the best of it.
Not wanting to be perturbed, she told herself that Marcas seemed to be a creature of habit, and there was no need to think the worst of him.
After all, it might well have been the case that he couldn’t bear to wake her from her slumber and wanted her to rest after the busy day and the busier night.
It wasn’t as though they would never see each other again.
They were husband and wife; there was no need to fear being lonely.
Before the wedding, Moira had taken the prescient act of sending some outfits to Marcas’s chamber.
Kirsten dressed in something comfortable to get ready for breakfast. Just before she left, she idly gazed at the book of poems sitting on the table.
She leafed through a few pages and was moved by the emotional and harrowing passages.
Marcas didn’t seem the type of man to appreciate poetry, and it definitely seemed as though there was much more to him that she had to discover.
Kirsten descended the stairs and joined Moira for breakfast. Moira wore a sweet smile, although there was a hint of mischief lurking in her eyes.
“How was yer night?” she asked.
Kirsten slipped into a chair and spread some jam on a piece of bread, not realizing how hungry she was until she started eating. She smirked at Moira, wiping a few crumbs away from her mouth before she answered.
“Oh, it was grand,” she said.
“I’m glad ye had a good time. The wedding was sae nice. Everyone had fun. People couldnae stop dancing! I’m sure ye couldnae hear it, but the feast continued well intae the night. I dare say I’ll need a wee nap later tae recover!”
Kirsten smiled. “It was a day I’ll remember for a long time.”
“Aye, I’m sure ye will. I know Marcas will tae. Hopefully, the longer ye stay here, ye’ll see the way he really is. He just takes a while tae warm up tae strangers.”
Kirsten hoped that was the case, although he had been plenty warm last night.
The memories of his scorching skin against hers made her heart skip a beat, and she felt a flush of arousal sweep through her.
It was as though Marcas had sparked something inside her, and now that it had been given life, there was no way of stopping it.
She wondered if she would ever get a good handle on these sensations, or if they would always leave her with a feeling of unease, as though anything might happen.
“I was thinking that I could give ye a tour of the land later and get ye more acquainted with the clan. There’s plenty ye are gaeing tae need tae know since ye are now the lady here,” Moira said.
“That would be lovely,” Kirsten said, looking forward to spending more time with Moira.
As they ate breakfast, Kirsten became aware of servants moving through the house, cleaning up after the feast. Just as they were finishing breakfast, Neil and Ramsay came sauntering in.
There were shadows under their eyes, and their clothes were tousled.
“Rough night, lads?” Kirsten asked.
“Aye,” Neil said, rubbing his head. “I cannae get this ringing out of my ears.”
“It’s time for us tae leave, Kirsten,” Ramsay said in a resolute tone.
Kirsten’s face fell. “Oh…I haed hoped ye would stay a wee while yet.”
“Ye hae a life tae begin here, and we need tae get back tae let Ma and Da know that the wedding has been sealed. Dinnae worry, I’m sure we’ll be back tae visit before tae long.
” Ramsay forced a grin, although Kirsten knew him well enough to see the sorrow behind his eyes.
She felt a surge of emotion and stood up, flinging her arms around her brothers’, locking them in a tight embrace.
She had always known this was going to happen, but while she had already left her home, it now seemed as though home was leaving her.
“I’m gaeing tae miss ye,” she said through sobs when they separated.
“Ye’ll be fine. We’re all proud of ye, Kirsten,” Ramsay said. He kept his emotions deep inside him, as he always did. He hugged Kirsten tightly and then gave way to Neil, who flung his arms around his sister with wild abandon, squeezing the air out of her.
“Ye are gaeing tae kill me!” Kirsten said, laughing a little, but the tremors of humor in her voice soon turned to quaking sorrow. “I’m gaeing tae miss ye.”
“I know I hae given ye a hard time over the years, but I hope ye know it was only because I loved ye,” Neil said. His voice caught on the emotion of his words.
They were the two men who tethered her to her old life.
Without them around, she would have nobody to protect her other than her husband, and as much as she wanted to think the best of Marcas, she wasn’t sure how to really feel about him.
Her brothers had been a constant presence in her life, and now that she was faced with the prospect of saying goodbye, it brought everything back into a state of inevitability.
They would return to her home and would get to live with their parents, while she would forge her own life out here by herself, having to live on the hope that her husband would turn out to be a kind man.
Her heart wrenched as she bid them farewell and waved off their carriage.
She watched them ride across the field and disappear over the horizon.
They might as well have slipped away from the world, such was the distance between them.
Tears glistened in Kirsten’s eyes. Moira stepped up beside her and squeezed her arm.
“I know it’s a sad thing tae say goodbye tae them, but ye are here now, and I promise that ye will never feel lonely.”
Kirsten smiled in response and nodded. “I want tae thank ye, Moira, for everything ye hae done. This haes been a strange time for me, but ye hae made it easier. Ye are a true friend, and I’m glad that I hae ye tae count on.”
“Ye hae that forever; we’re sisters now,” Moira said with a wide grin. “Would ye like me tae take ye around the grounds now? Perhaps it would help tae take yer mind off things?”
“Actually I think I’d like some time tae myself, just tae gather my thoughts. It’s the first time I’ve been away from my family, and I would like tae reflect on what’s happened and collect my feelings. I hope ye dinnae mind,” Kirsten spoke quickly.
“Of course I dinnae mind. Ye just come and find me whenever ye are ready. I’ll be there for ye,” she said, and walked away.
Kirsten was grateful that Moira was so understanding, and she felt a little better for her new sister.
But her thoughts turned to home and the life she had left behind.
She had yet to fully settle in her new surroundings and thought of herself as more of a guest at best, and an intruder at worst. When she thought of home, her mind turned to the manor she had grown up in, being surrounded by people who loved her.
When she turned to face the keep that was her new home, she saw the patchwork buildings that gave her a sense of time, and wondered if she would ever feel the same way about this place as she did about home.
She wished that Marcas was beside her. What she really wanted now was some comfort and support from her husband, but she didn’t even know if he was capable of those things.
Taking a deep breath, Kirsten decided to walk off breakfast and process her emotions.
The air was sweet and crisp, and the sky was bright.
Wispy white clouds drifted along past the sun, and the world looked blessed.
While she didn’t want to wander too far lest she ruin the tour that Moira had planned, Kirsten strolled away from the castle and followed one of the paths that led towards the forest. As she approached, she heard an angry voice and saw that there was something of a commotion happening.
There was a small post where a guard stood; Marcas was there with Max by his side, glowering with anger.
Kirsten got close enough to hear what was being said and see the reactions, although she did not venture so close that she would interrupt something she didn’t know was her business to interrupt.
“What the hell did ye think ye were daeing? Yer job was tae scout those woods and make sure that naebody made it through tae us! Ye hae failed me, and I dinnae tolerate failures. Dae ye know what might have happened? They could hae killed us all, and on my wedding as well!”
“I’m sorry, my laird,” the soldier said. He looked young. His head was bowed, and his voice trembled.
“Aye, well, sorry wilnae matter if the enemy gets behind our lines and cuts our throats. What good will sorry dae then when we’re all covered in blood? I should send ye off tae fend for yerself!”
Marcas’s voice cut through the air like thunder.
He was so livid that it certainly seemed as though a storm was raging around him.
His cheeks were reddened, and every part of his body was taut and aggressive.
He thrust a thick finger towards the soldier he was berating, and his other hand rested on the hilt of his sword.
Fear twisted inside Kirsten’s mind at what might happen next.
Marcas was capable of anything, and when he was in this black mood, there was a dark force that swirled around him; a force that frightened her.
With the way he acted, she wouldn’t have been surprised had he cut down the soldier there and then.
Shaken and bewildered, Kirsten decided to hasten away because she did not want to see this kind of behavior from the man she had married.
After last night, she had managed to convince herself that perhaps there was a tender part of Marcas’s heart, but if he could shout that way at a soldier, then what was he capable of with her?
Kirsten skipped away, wondering if she had done the right thing.
Perhaps she should have stepped in and come to the soldier’s aid because surely he hadn’t deserved being spoken to like that?
But the thought of confronting Marcas when he was as threatening as that made her quiver with fear.
The hand that had been clutched in anger had roamed over her body.
Was it anger that had fueled his passion?
She eventually entered a field filled with sheep and cattle. The sight of the grazing animals was calming, and she settled upon a small rise of ground. She rested on her elbow as she gazed into the distance, taking delight in watching the animals go about their business without a care in the world.
Such a display of anger from Marcas was a grim portent for the future, and it was horrible timing that Neil and Ramsay had left already.
If they had stayed, she could have gone to them and told them her misgivings.
Perhaps they would have been able to have a word with Marcas for her, or reassure her, but what could she do now?
She would feel foolish if she sent a letter back home asking for something to be resolved because she was scared of her husband’s outburst. Kirsten also didn’t feel right in talking to Moira either because she didn’t want to put Moira in the position of having to defend her brother all the time.
All she knew is that she never wanted to be spoken to like that, and just the thought that her husband was capable of acting in that manner shook.
All the progress that had been made after spending the night together was suddenly rendered pointless.
She felt more distant from her husband than before, and feared that her life would be defined by terror.
She remembered the way Marcas had looked at her when she danced with Roderick, as though she had done something to greatly displease him.
And yet, he had made no effort to welcome her into his mind or share his thoughts.
The only knowledge she had gleaned was from Moira. Would this always be the case?
She sighed heavily as she gazed out at the beautiful, natural scene around her. She wanted her life to be as simple as it was for these animals.