Chapter 15
Missy
Iwent back in the house, feeling numb. Sam and AJ offered to let me stay the night again, and I was grateful to not have to find a hotel.
We had dinner together, and when Sam headed out to mow the lawn, I sank into the couch next to AJ.
It was so strange to have my ex’s ex be the adult I felt closest to in my life, but family isn’t only blood, and blood doesn’t always have your best interest at heart.
“Are you worried about the appointment tomorrow?” she asked. “You don’t seem like yourself.”
I sighed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “How long did you and Sam know each other before you knew he was the one?”
She laughed and rubbed her hand protectively over her stomach.
“Within twenty-four hours, I knew he was someone I wouldn’t be able to forget.
What I didn’t know was that his determined little swimmers were already busy making us parents.
” She paused for a minute, and I waited.
“I had a little internal work to do and a few things to sort out in my life before our lives fit together, but it was worth it.” She looked at me.
“Why do you ask? You’re not thinking of going back to Stephen, are you? ”
I shook my head hard enough to rattle a few brain cells. “God, no.” I looked down at my hands. “Blair and I have been getting to know each other. Parenthood isn’t what he wants, so it could never work between us, but I wish… I don’t even know what I wish.”
“Blair is a good guy. I’ve gotten to know him over the last few months since his dad works with Sam and he lives close by. He’s been a hard worker his entire life, and I know he keeps saying he wants to enjoy life for a while with no big responsibilities, but I don’t really buy that.”
I sat up and looked at her. “Why not?”
She looked at Sophia busily chewing her hand on the carpet.
“Well, first of all, your SUV broke down in the driveway of a man who owns a tow truck company, yet he insisted on driving to get parts to fix your car himself. And don’t say it was a favor to Sam.
Blair could have just told you what was wrong with the car and then gone home. But he didn’t do that.”
“Well, he wanted to save me some money, I guess, and he said he didn’t have to work.”
AJ nodded. “Right. So a man who says he doesn’t want any responsibilities and to just relax intentionally makes more work for himself, to save a stranger a few hundred dollars.”
I mulled this over. “That means he’s a nice person.”
She nodded. “It does, and he is, but even when he hurt his shoulder, he still didn’t change his plans, and he went through with what he offered.”
My stomach had an icky feeling I couldn’t identify. Uncertainty? Or was it the feeling you get when you think you made a big mistake?
******
I pulled up to the parking garage at the hospital a half an hour earlier than necessary.
I had been so nervous about getting lost, getting stuck in traffic, or having my car break down that I gave myself plenty of time.
I took a ticket from the machine and pulled in to the first empty spot I found.
I shut the engine off and sat for a minute, willing my heart rate to go down.
This was Sophia’s big day, and I couldn’t believe I was here alone.
One step at a time, I told myself.
Gathering all of our stuff, putting Sophia into her stroller, and trying to find the entrance to the hospital was step one.
Step two was to find where we needed to check in.
Step three was the hardest of all: try not to tear my hair out from stress while my baby was cut up and put back together.
I had to be a real grown up here and not let Sophia know something was wrong.
We managed to achieve steps one and two with relative ease.
The problem was now I was here early, Sophia wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything, and I really didn’t want her playing on the hospital floor.
We went for a walk in her stroller and I did my best to distract her with toys and songs, but since we had a shortage of healthcare workers in the province, the surgeon was running late.
I tried everything I could to keep her settled.
Seven minutes later, I was out of ideas.
I was just holding her on my shoulder, bouncing her, rubbing her back, and willing the tears building behind my eyes not to fall.
They fell anyway, and I let them. I was here to wipe my baby’s tears, with no one here to do the same for me.
I started to sing “You Are My Sunshine” under my breath, and her wails turned to sniffles.
She started to wiggle in my arms, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t let you play on the floor. It’s too dirty.”
“Maybe she wants me to hold her for a while.”