Chapter 13
Jake
“I’ve been spilling my guts to you twice a week for a month now, Doc.
I understand my brain’s response to the dangers of the job a little better, and I don’t feel like my fear is a weakness anymore, but the fear is still there.
Practically speaking, I’ve made no progress. Shouldn’t I be getting better by now?”
He shifted in his chair. He looked nothing like I expected. He was young for one thing. He didn’t wear glasses, and he had sneakers and jeans on with his sports coat. “Talk therapy isn’t a magic wand, Jake. If it was, I’d be out of a job. Tell me, what was your goal in coming to therapy.”
I balled my hands into fists but forced myself to relax them. “My goal is to be able to work like I did before all these shaky hands, headache, and panic shit came up.”
He nodded. “And when you say work, you mean at your current job I assume?”
“Well yeah.”
He leaned his forearms onto his knees.
This can’t be good news.
“Normally, in circumstances like this, we would try cognitive behavioral therapy. Facing the anxiety-inducing situation in small pieces. Every time a small piece starts to feel less overwhelming, we add a bit more to it. The problem is that the anxiety-inducing thing is your entire job. The only way we could make this technique work would be if your boss could change your duties or—”
I shook my head. I loved my boss. His was a small business. He didn’t have the profit margins to make special arrangements for me. The worst part was I knew he would do it. He was just that kind of man. I didn’t want to put him in that position, so where did that leave me? “What do I do then?”
Dr. Hall took a deep breath. “Well, we could try talk therapy in conjunction with medication. Some patients have had excellent results with anti-depressants. It can just take time to find the right one. There are also some promising new experimental treatments for anxiety and trauma coming out.”
I picked at a callus on my palm and my knee started to bounce. I forced myself to blink and stay tuned into what the doctor was saying. It sounded a hell of a lot like I was completely fucked. I flicked my eyes back to the doctor and willed my knee to stay still.
“I’m sorry that you are going through this. I understand your frustration. This isn’t like resetting a broken bone. It might just be that this job isn’t for you anymore and there is nothing wrong with that.”
I glanced at the clock, three minutes to go.
I dragged Natalie into this to be able to come to therapy and for what?
Medication that might not work? Alternative therapies that probably haven’t been tested?
Struggle and suffer and ultimately leave my job anyway?
My life was falling apart and the safety net I thought would catch me wasn’t even slowing the fall.
“I can’t do this.” I got up and left the office, ignoring the doctors’ calls for me to come back.
I got in my truck with the intention of just driving until I felt less on edge, but a few minutes later I realized that my brain’s autopilot had taken my right to Natalie’s condo. I knocked on the front door and shoved my hands in my pockets to stop them from shaking.
“Jake, what’s wrong, you look pale.” She was dressed down in leggings and a sweatshirt I recognized as the one I’d given her. It hung almost to her knees, and she looked fucking adorable. Just seeing it let me know I’d made the right decision in coming here.
I ran a hand over my face. “I just had a rough session with Dr. Hall and…” I trailed off. And what? “Fuck, I just need my wife.”
She didn’t hesitate. She looped her arms around my neck and pulled me into a hug that smelled like vanilla and felt like home.
I hugged her back, taking every bit of comfort she was willing to give.
I knew that if the roles were reversed, I’d do the same for her.
Finally, she let go, and without a word, took my hand and led me into her living room.
I sat on the edge of the couch and dropped my head into my hands. I felt utterly and hopelessly lost.
Natalie knelt on the floor in front of me, her body positioned between my knees. For a few minutes, she was just there. She lent her support with her presence and her silence. I dropped my hands when the wave of frustration had passed, and she took them in hers.
“What do you need? Tell me how I can help.” Her green eyes held mine. I had already taken so much from her, but still, she gave.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I need.” I had wasted so much time and roped Natalie into what amounted to insurance fraud, just to end up in the same damn place.
She shifted closer. “Well, when I’m upset, I either need to talk about it or I need to be distracted from it.”
“I’ve done enough talking today.” I tried to keep the bitterness from my voice and failed.
My eyes roamed over her face. When I saw her at work, she was all made up and she looked phenomenal.
Now, her face was bare. She was just as beautiful, but I liked the idea that I got to see a side of her that no one else did.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” Her voice was lower than before.
In an instant, her lips were on mine, and she caught my bottom one between her teeth.
She laid a hand on my chest and guided me so my back hit the back of the couch She planted a knee on either side of my hips and straddled me.
My sweet, bubbly librarian wife claimed my mouth.
Owned it with her tongue, her lips, and her teeth.
She was too good to me. I was a broken man with no hope of being put back together and she had not only a career she loved but had signed on to be the lifeline for a man she barely knew.
She broke off the kiss. “Hey, don’t get lost in your head.
Stay right here with me.” Her lips returned to mine, and I focused on every sensation.
The softness of her lips against mine, the friction as her pelvis started to move, the heat of her core. I shoved an endless pile of brightly colored pillows out of the way so I could grip her ass and grind myself between her legs. She let out a sweet little moan.
“I need you naked.” Her voice was a pant.
First my shirt, then my jeans, then my back hit the floor.
Not entirely sure how that happened. I was just moving where she put me and chasing what felt good.
I was in just my boxers, dick pointed excitedly at the ceiling, wondering what she was going to do next.
I should have been focusing on her. Making sure she got off over and over again, but right now she seemed determined to take care of me.
To dominate me, distract me, and make me hers.
She leaned over me, kissing me again. “Are you sufficiently distracted? Or do you want more?”
“When it comes to you? I always want more.”
She gave a dramatic sigh. “Well, I guess I’ll have to get naked then.
” If my boxers weren’t already tented, they were now.
She pulled the oversized sweatshirt from her body and slid her leggings off, leaving her in only a sleek pair of black panties.
She hadn’t been wearing a bra this whole time.
Fuck, she was gorgeous. Petite and curvy.
I reached up and palmed her breasts, circling each nipple with my thumbs.
The rosy tips stood out against her pale skin, and I wanted a taste.
Before I could do that, she pulled back, out of my reach, and began laying a string of kisses just above the waistband of my boxers.
Her breasts brushed against my straining dick, and I made a strangled, moan I had never heard before.
I felt her smile against my skin then my boxers disappeared, and the head of my dick was enveloped by the heat of her mouth.
I leaned up so I could watch her work me over, but when the flat of her tongue slid over me from base to tip, my head thunked back against the floor.
“Fucking hell Natalie.” She repeated the motion and every muscle below my eyes contracted.
She made a contented little humming noise.
“You like?”
I stuttered a laugh. “Too much.”
She moved up my body until her mouth was right next to my ear. “Well, you’ll have to decide then, do you want to come in my mouth or my pussy while I’m riding you.”
Her breathy voice in my ear almost had me spilling right there.
I wasn’t a selfish bastard, so I gave her a third option.
I turned to face her, kissing her hard. “How about you ditch those panties and let me make you come first? I have a seat for you right here.” I tapped my chin.
Her eyes lit but then she pulled her bottom lip into her mouth.
“I’m too heavy to be using your face as a seat.”
I snorted. “You’re perfect.” I looped my arms under her thighs and hauled her up until she was straddling my neck.
I had forgotten about her panties in my excitement, so I shoved them aside and pulled her closer until my tongue connected with her sweet center.
She let out a little squeal as I moved her, but it was replaced by a moan.
I willed my blood-starved brain to focus on every response she had to my tongue.
I learned what she loved so I could give her an orgasm she would never forget.
When her mouth dropped open and didn’t close again, I knew she was close.
I slid one hand to her hip and the other between her legs and used my tongue and fingers on her until she was shuddering and panting my name.
My dick had been impatiently waiting his turn. As soon as I saw her shudders slow down, I sat up, flipping her onto her back. I yanked her panties off and slid into her before her aftershocks had even stopped.
“Fuck, you feel so good, Jake.”
I pulled out and started to push back in then froze. Fuck, did I learn nothing in high school health class? She wiggled her hips impatiently. “Don’t make me beg.”
I rested my forehead against her chest. “Please tell me my beautiful wife is on birth control.” My voice was strained as I held back from pounding into her until she forgot where she was.
“I’m on the pill. Jake, please, I need you.”
Fuck.
“Do you want it hard and fast or soft and slow?”
Her hips bucked to meet mine. “I want a dent in the floor when you’re done.”
Holy shit.
I looped one of her legs over each of my shoulders and did as the lady requested.
The smooth skin of her calves slid against me as I jack-hammered into her.
Sweat started to collect on my forehead and the muscles in my thighs strained but I wasn’t going to let go until she did. “You going to come again, baby?”
She let out a mewling sound and then she was coming, and I followed right behind her. Moaning and stroking into her until we both collapsed.
It was entirely possible for sex to just be sex but that wasn’t what this was. She was here for me when I needed her in the most intimate way possible and my post-orgasm high felt a hell of a lot like love.