Chapter 16
Natalie
Aweek later, Jake texted to let me know he had gotten the job.
I hadn’t seen much of him since the night we spent together.
He was prepping for his interview, and I was steeling myself to face the next step.
I shouldn’t have worried. He was great at what he did and so sweet I could pour him on a pancake.
I was excited for him. He deserved a fresh start and now he was getting one.
A second text came in right behind the first inviting me to his house the next day to sign the papers that would officially end our marriage.
I’d hoped he would want to keep things the way they were until he was settled into his new job.
Like a coward, I hadn’t asked him about it.
Now here I was. I loved my job, but would I feel the same way about it if I had to see Jake every day?
I was sure, nice guy that he was, he thought he was setting me free from a burden.
Maybe he thought he was inconveniencing me and was happy to take that responsibility off my shoulders.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
I opted to work in the back room the rest of the day, hiding my red eyes and sniffles in a stack of new books.
I arrived home to find my sister, Liz, sitting on my doorstep. She had a duffel bag between her feet and her blonde hair was down obscuring some of her face. She looked up as I approached. “Hey, baby sister.”
I dropped to my knees. “Liz, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” I was the crier of the two of us, so when I saw a tear not just form in her eye but run down her cheek, I knew the answer.
I pulled her into a hug, and she gripped me back.
Liz had worked in construction and now drove heavy equipment for a living; dump trucks, excavators, bulldozers, whatever needed driving.
We were polar opposites in a lot of ways.
She was dedicated to lifting weights; I preferred a nice walk.
She wore jeans, sneakers, lip balm, and ponytails.
I was in a skirt, heels, a full face of makeup, and never without my curling iron.
These were just superficial things. On the inside, we were the same, and my heart hurt for whatever had broken hers. “Come inside, let’s talk.”
She collapsed onto my couch and curled her legs under her. “Kyle and I split up.”
I reached out and squeezed her hand. Now was not the time for a happy dance.
Although that was exactly what I wanted to do.
Kyle had always been too controlling of Liz, and I wasn’t sad to see him go.
“I’m sorry, what happened?” I spent the next half hour consoling my tearful sister as she told me about how Kyle didn’t trust her and that she had finally gotten sick of his mood swings and his need to always know where she was.
“So, I am thinking of moving back to Kamloops. Get a fresh start and be in the same city as you again.”
I hugged her hard. I missed my sister. I wanted so badly to tell her all about Jake.
To spill the entire story in her lap and have my big sister make it better.
I couldn’t do that though. Not when her life was being turned upside down more than mine was.
I would have my turn to cry in my sisters’ arms once Jake and I had ended our marriage.
Right now, Liz needed me to be there for her.
“So do you want to binge-watch some trashy TV shows or eat your weight in ice cream?”
She took a deep breath and sat up straight. “I think I will go to the gym.”
It was her happy place, and I let her go.
Once Liz was gone, I collapsed onto the couch.
Mindlessly, I grabbed a romance novel off the stack and studied the couple on the front cover.
I’d always loved these books. The over-the-top way the couples met, the misunderstandings, the giant romantic gestures.
A pang of longing went through my stomach.
It was what I had always wanted. It still was, even after I’d seen it not turn out firsthand. Over and over.
I was happy to have been able to help Jake.
As much as I didn’t want to let him go, I wouldn’t guilt him into staying.
I knew he thought I only helped him because it was in my nature.
He probably felt like he owed me. I didn’t want to ask him to be with me and have him say yes because of some misplaced sense of loyalty. I deserved to be chosen.
I wanted the fairytale, the happily ever after, the ballgown, the tiara, the roses, and the candles.
I had always told myself I would rather be alone than settle for less.
As much as I wanted him to be, Jake wasn’t mine to keep.
It was better to let him go now so I could heal and one day start dreaming of the fairytale again.
I was a people pleaser. Maybe that hadn’t changed. For once, I was focusing on what pleased me.
******
I procrastinated going to Jake’s place long enough that I was almost late.
I was both dreading signing the divorce papers and eager to get it over with.
The combination left me too nervous for breakfast and a headache was threatening to make my day even worse.
I pulled into his driveway and shut off the engine, focusing intently on the routine of gathering my purse and locking the car.
I didn’t want to think about my first visit here, or how this could be my last. We would be coworkers after this and maybe even friends but sooner or later I would have to protect my heart.
To sweep up the pieces, stick them together with tape and try and act like a big chunk of it wasn’t gone.
“It’s open.” I heard Jake’s familiar voice through the door in response to my knock.
This was it; I couldn’t delay it anymore.
I eased the door open. I had a fake smile plastered on my face, but it fell away as I took in the scene before me.
The curtains were closed over every window blocking out the natural light.
Twinkle lights were hung around the room and the tables were covered in candles.
The combination filled the room with little pockets of glowing yellow light.
The throw pillows I had teased him about were gone, replaced by crisp white ones, and the entire floor was scattered with dark red rose petals.
What did I just walk into?
Did he have a date after our meeting? Was he planning to sacrifice me rather than go through the divorce process? Halloween was coming.
Before my brain could fully trust that I saw what I thought I did, he was there. Standing in front of me, grabbing my hands, and lowering down to one knee. He wore a long-sleeved dress shirt that I was sure he hated, and I could see the sweat around his hairline.
“Natalie.”
I didn’t trust myself to speak as tears threatened to fall, so I just squeezed his hands.
“I know you married me to help me. To try and get me back to being mentally well. It’s the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me, and through every step of this process, you have been here.
Optimistic and positive and gorgeous and God, how could I not fall in love with you?
I have the divorce papers here. If you want to sign them then I’ll do it, and I won’t blame you.
I know you didn’t sign up for anything real. ”
I blinked. There wasn’t much else I could do. My brain was struggling to keep up and failing miserably.
“But I hope you will take those papers and burn them. I’m choosing you. I hope you’ll choose me too, not as an act of charity, or because you’re a helpful, selfless person but because you want me. Because you chose me and because you love me. I’m not perfect. I’m not healed, but—”
I fell to my knees. “I do love you. I do want you, just the way you are and every version of you to come.”
His eyes shone as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring.
It was stunning. The band was rose gold with filigree matching the band I already wore but this one had a large pink stone in the middle with smaller diamonds surrounding it.
It was girly and romantic and perfect and PINK. “Natalie, will you stay married to me?”
He slid the ring onto my finger, and I whispered the words “I do” in between each kiss. I finally had my fairytale.