Chapter 15
Jake
Iknocked on Sam’s already open office door and he stood to shake my hand.
Fuck, this was going to be hard. Sam was the best boss I’d ever had.
He was out there every day working harder than the rest of us.
I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I couldn’t stay.
I had an interview with the library the next day, and Sam deserved a heads-up.
Even if I didn’t get it, I couldn’t keep going like I was.
I didn’t want to become a liability on the road.
To stay safe working on the side of the highway, I had to pay attention and anticipate every scenario.
I worried I would become too distracted by my tight chest and racing thoughts to do that effectively.
It would be better to leave now. The only thing worse than attending an accident would be causing one.
Conversations in therapy had moved from preventing the inevitable to facing it.
I had always thought anxiety was supposed to be an irrational fear, but was there really anything irrational about what had my hands shaking?
In my mind, no. The job was dangerous. The road was dangerous.
It was something that had to be done, but it didn’t have to be done by me.
I could still drive for a living. I could still do what I was good at, but I could do it without tearing my already frayed nerves to tatters.
Was I running away from my problems? I still felt like I was.
Maybe I always would see it that way. Maybe I would always look back on this moment with a bitter taste in the back of my throat.
I had to keep my mind on the future. If I got this job, not only was that future a whole lot more peaceful but since I’d be working at the library, Natalie would be in it.
“What’s on your mind?”
I had practiced what to say on the drive over, but when I opened my mouth the entire story tumbled out.
To his credit, Sam didn’t say a word until I was done.
He ran a hand over his jaw and studied me.
“I hate to see you go Jake, but I agree it’s the best thing for you.
You will always have a place here if you want it.
You are family whether you work here or not but this is a dangerous job and if it isn’t right for you anymore then moving on is the right choice. ”
“I agree.” I wasn’t sure when Myra had appeared in the doorway. “You did your best, hun. If you have the opportunity to try something new, you’re smart to go for it.”
I nodded. I knew it and they knew it. The decision was made.
“Now, what are you going to do about this wife of yours?” Sam’s face had the knowing smirk of a man in love.
I shrugged as if the question didn’t feel like a broken bottle to the heart. “She married me to help me. It didn’t end up working out so I should let her move on with her life.”
“Oh, for the love of—” Myra threw her arms up, but Sam silenced her by raising his hand.
He leaned on his forearms on the desk. “This is the same girl who made pink cookies for Shelby’s baby shower? AJ cried when she saw them. She cries about a lot of things right now, but still.”
I nodded.
“So, she married you so you could get health benefits, then came to a party with you to meet all of your friends and coworkers, then found you a job, and you think letting her go is what she wants?”
Myra moved to stand next to Sam’s chair. “I saw the way you two looked at each other. She doesn’t seem like a fake wife to me.”
I blinked and glanced between the two of them.
“Well, fuck, when you put it that way.” I knew I was falling for her, but did she feel the same way?
She was a soft-hearted person. She stepped up to help me because we were friends.
Somewhere along the line that had changed for me, maybe it had for her too.