Chapter 19 Evan
EVAN
The dance floor’s packed with loved-up couples swaying as if they’re in a music video for a chart-topping ballad, and I’m standing at the edge of it all with a glass of sparkling water like the saddest man in the room. Always on the sidelines, looking in.
Nate’s already half-cut at the table, cracking jokes like he’s fine, and Nora’s smiling like she’s fine too. But I know that smile. It’s the one she wears when she’s holding herself together with safety pins.
The DJ switches to something with an actual beat, and Nora’s dress catches the light when she shifts in her chair, foot tapping to the beat of the music.
It would be a crime to let her sit there and shrink.
“Come on, doodles,” I say, holding out my hand. “That dress didn’t come out tonight just to suffer through small talk.”
Her brows lift, eyes darting between me and Nate. A rose flush paints her cheeks as if I’ve just suggested she get up and deliver a speech. “Evan…”
“It’s one dance.” I shrug. “You don’t even have to smile if you don’t want to. Just stand there and let me take the lead.”
She gives a sheepish laugh, sitting at the table full of women still cooing over toddler pictures, and Glen on his sixth pint with his big gob. “No,” she whispers, shaking her head. “People will watch.”
“So?” I tilt my head. “It’s just a dance, doodles.”
Her fingers hover near mine, but she doesn’t take my hand. “I’m fine here. Really.”
Nate leans forward in his chair, eyes heavy-lidded from drink. He reaches out and taps the back of her hand with two fingers. “Go dance with him, dimples.” He flicks his gaze to me with hooded eyes and a dopey grin. “Before Evan cries into his water.”
I huff. “You drink anymore and I’ll be crying with laughter, watching you throw up.”
Nate’s mouth quirks. “Fair enough.”
Nora bites her lip. She’s still hesitating, trying to make herself smaller in her chair, even in a dress that was made to be seen, the fabric hugging her in all the right places.
I soften my grip, giving her an out. “Only if you want to.”
She checks in with Nate again.
He nods towards the dance floor. “Go dance. Let me watch you.”
She takes my hand with a slight tremble as I lead her to the dance floor. “One dance,” she warns me, as if she’s the one in control here. She probably is, to be fair.
“Deal,” I say, sliding my hand around her silky waist. I’m doing this because she deserves to feel beautiful, but as her body presses close to mine, I forget we’re supposed to be just friends.
Nate raises his glass like he’s watching a football match.
“How you holding up?” I sway side to side with the music, turning in circles, mirroring the bride and groom and the rest of the surrounding couples.
“I’m ready to go home.” She gives me a defeated smile even though it’s only eight in the evening and they haven’t even opened the evening buffet yet.
“Maybe we can sneak off when they announce the buffet.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Not likely. I don’t think Nate will pass up an egg sandwich and chicken drumstick.”
I huff out a laugh. “True. Maybe some food will sober him up.”
She smiles. “I think he deserves a drink after all the years I had him on a strict no-alcohol diet.”
“Now it’s my turn. Right?”
“I’m hopeful you won’t need to be teetotalling for long.” Her eyes sparkle like stars, full of all the hope in the galaxy.
The weight of her dreams press down on my chest. Just how long will we be doing this? How long can I do this for? It hasn’t even been a month and I’m already too involved.
I swallow. “That’s good. Wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation as the fun one.”
Nora smiles, pushing her rosy cheeks up. We keep swaying, her hands resting on my shoulders, my palms steady at her waist.
“You’re actually good at this,” she says, peering up at me like it’s a surprise.
“I’m full of hidden talents. Most of them useless. Some of them dangerous when graphics and text are involved.” I grin remembering all the spelling mishaps from earlier.
Her mouth quirks, but she peers over my shoulder. “He’s watching us.”
I don’t need to turn around. Nate’s eyes are like a pressure at the back of my skull. “I know.”
Her lashes flutter. “Do you think he’s all right?”
I exhale and pull Nora closer to me, needing to hold her because I’m not okay and I know Nate’s not either.
None of us are. We’re just muddling through this and probably making a fucking mess of it.
My heart beats too fast, as if it’s trying to escape my chest. My palms sweat against the fabric of her dress.
I can’t tell if I feel sick or if I’m just scared of being wanted or scared of what happens when I’m no longer useful. “I’ll talk to him.”
“He’ll pretend he’s fine.” Nora rests her head against my chest, my heart thudding against her ear. “He doesn’t tell me how he’s really feeling as he doesn’t want to upset me.”
“That sounds familiar.” I resist kissing the top of her head. “I remember you not wanting to talk to him and upset him not too long ago.”
She lets out a tiny laugh, but it fades quickly. “I hate confrontation. You know that.”
“You like everyone to be happy, even if you’re not.” I inhale the scent of her hair, committing it to memory. “News flash, doodles. None of us are happy if you’re not.”
I should make a joke. I should lighten the mood.
But I don’t want to laugh it off this time.
I want to pull her closer and tell her she’s allowed to want things.
She’s allowed to take up space. She’s allowed to be desperate, messy, and hopeful.
But there are too many people here. Too many people who will never understand what it costs her to simply exist, hiding her heartache with a smile.
“You were the same at uni. You never showed off or brought attention to yourself.”
She looks up through her lashes. “And yet Nate still noticed me.”
“He wasn’t the only one, doodles.” I reach my hand to her face and swipe back a loose curl from her cheek.
Her breath hitches.
I smirk. “I challenge any man to resist your baking.”
She huffs a laugh. “You know that’s how I fell for Nate. He used to leave me little notes when he would steal my treats from the fridge.”
My grin widens at the memory. “I know.”
Her gaze drops to my tie, her fingers brushing it absently.
My stomach clenches. I should move my hand from her neck, but I can’t make my limbs work.
The room blurs until all I see is her mouth and the way her eyes sparkle. The music fades until all I hear is her heart beating as fast as mine.
And my body betrays me.
She gasps. Her eyes widen as the heat intensifies between us.
And the proof in my trousers.
“Oh,” she whispers, barely audible. Then her cheeks flare bright pink all over again. “Evan…”
I pull back half an inch, but not too much to expose my secret to anyone else. “S-sorry,” I stutter. “I didn’t—” Fuck. I wipe the moisture from my top lip, willing my dick to go down.
“It’s all right.” She scans our surroundings, as if searching for an exit, for space, for anything that isn’t my hands on her. “I just… I need air.”
I nod. “Yeah. Course. I’ll get you another water.”
She gives me a tiny, grateful smile, then slips towards the edge of the room, weaving between couples, pushing through the crowd as if trying to disappear.
I head for the bar, my jaw clenched so tight my teeth ache.
Nate leans against it as if he owns the bloody place, suit jacket open, tie loosened, fresh pint in hand.
“Two waters, please,” I say to the bartender.
“Gotta stay hydrated.” Nate smirks as he lifts his pint to his lips.
I wave at his pint. “Someone’s gotta look after your sorry ass when you’re wasted and hungover tomorrow morning.”
A flash of sadness crosses his features, then his mask slips back into place.
Nora’s by the open doors to the veranda, arms wrapped around herself, staring out into the night.
“Evan! Oh Ev, is that you?” A woman appears out of nowhere, dressed in a glittery dress, far too tight, eyes bright and mouth wide. “Jamie said you were here.”
I close my eyes and count to five. “Of course he did.”
Nate’s shoulders shake with a silent laugh.
“Hey, Jess.” I hold my hand out to my high school girlfriend, but she hugs me tight. “How are you?”
“Good. It’s been a long time. We should get reacquainted.”
A hand slaps my shoulder. “Sorry, sweetheart,” Nate slurs. “Prince Charming’s taken.”
Her bright blue eyes widen and shimmer under the hotel chandeliers. “Taken?”
My pulse spikes, my cock springing back to life like it doesn’t know if it’s coming or going.
Nate’s arm tightens around my shoulder like a seatbelt. “Yeah. He’s coming home with me tonight.”
She studies us.
I should step away. I should correct it. Anything but stand here with a silly grin and my stomach flipping as if it’s in a pancake contest. My chest’s warm and fuzzy, and I haven’t even got the buzz of alcohol to blame.
Jessica laughs, wringing her hands together. “Right. Sorry, I didn’t realise you were gay.” She bumps my biceps with her tiny fist. “Good for you, Evan.”
My eyes widen. “Wait. No. I’m not—”
“Goodnight Jess.” Nate gives her a nod like he’s dismissed her from his court. “Enjoy the rest of the wedding.”
I grab the two bottles of water and let Nate guide me towards the veranda where Nora is. His hand rests on my lower back, as if I’m the drunk one and he’s now stone-cold sober.
I turn my head slightly, trying to hide the way my pulse thunders. “What you do that for?”
His mouth quirks. “What?”
“Everyone’s gonna think we’re gay now.”
He just shrugs. “Well, at least they'll know you're off-limits.”
“Were you jealous?”
He leans closer. “You think I’m gonna let you fuck your ex? If you need to get laid, you have my wife.” His words scrape down my spine.
My pulse jumps in my neck. “I wouldn’t—” I can’t tell if he means I have his wife when she’s ovulating or anytime I please, or if he’s just drunk and doesn’t even realise what he’s saying.
All I know is that when Nate said I was taken, my brain short-circuited.
For a minute, I wasn’t the guy on the outside looking in.
I was front and centre.
And I was his.
Theirs.