Chapter 36 Nate
NATE
Idrop into the office chair, a huge fucking tent in my trousers.
“Shit.” Whatever line we were dancing around has well and truly been crossed.
There’s no pretending this was an accident, no blaming heat or proximity or poor timing.
My pulse is still racing, pounding hard in my temple as I rub my fingers there.
A picture of Nora on my desk smiles at me, and my stomach twists with betrayal.
So far, since we started down this path, I’ve hidden my feelings for Evan.
Told myself it was all for her and our future, but looking into his eyes while he confessed to me, I couldn’t keep lying to myself.
I wanted him. But that’s the part I don’t know how to live with.
I trace Nora’s face on the photograph. I’ve no doubt she loves him too. She has to understand. I just have no idea how to tell her.
A wave of nausea rises in my gut. I wipe my sweaty palms on my trousers and rise from the chair, unable to think clearly. There’s no way I can think straight now. Not after…
Fuck, I hope Evan can keep it together in his meeting. I grab my jacket off the hook and stride out of the office and down the hall to the conference room. I stand outside the door, peering through the glass window as Evan shows his and Cal’s ideas for the gym signage.
I relax, knowing he’s good and hopefully not overthinking like he always does. After checking on them, I march past reception. “I’m leaving early, Louise. Can you let Evan know I’ve left and tell him I’ll see him later if he can make it.”
“Of course. Have a good night.”
I jog down the stairs and past the printing workshop, inhaling the smell of ink and freshly printed paper, then step outside into the autumn breeze.
The seasons come and go. Every year, we hope this will be the year for us, but it’s always the same.
Now I see the leaves falling, the colours changing, the wind picking up and spinning everything around.
Finally, things are changing, but I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
Nora always says love is infinite. That when we have a baby, it won’t make her love me less. You just have more love to give. It’s like that with Evan. Wanting him doesn’t make me want her less.
This isn’t betrayal, but recognition.