Chapter 38 Nate
NATE
Iblink open my eyes, Nora’s hair tickling my face. I inhale her shampoo and press a kiss to her neck. Something heavy and warm holds my hand against the fluffy pyjamas at her hip.
I lift my head and peer over Nora at Ev asleep next to her, his hand curled loosely around mine, fingers warm.
Morning light filters in through the gap in the curtains, as if shining a light on everything we’ve done that’s lead us to this. Weight presses on my chest, unsure if I’m allowed to want this in the cold light of day.
The shape of Evan’s arm. The way our hands fit together. The glaring truth of the three of us sharing a bed without it feeling wrong. It was much easier to do in the dark.
My throat closes up. I should pull away.
I should untangle myself, slide out quietly, pretend this is just another morning after another bad night.
But my body doesn’t listen. My fingers stay exactly where they are, still threaded with his, as if in the night my body decided this is where I belong without consulting me.
I’ve never questioned wanting Nora. Loving her, choosing her, building a life with her piece by piece. But this—whatever this is—is different. Like a door I didn’t know existed has cracked open, and now I can’t stop myself from walking through it.
I stare at the ceiling, my heart thudding loudly. I kissed my best friend.
The memory surfaces uninvited, but I welcome it. His mouth, lips, the way he said my name like he was saying a prayer. I wanted him, but now the dust’s settled, I don’t know what to do about it.
A small sound from Nora draws my attention back to the bed. She shifts slightly, her brow creasing even in sleep, as if she’s still being tortured with what could’ve been if only nature wasn’t so cruel.
I reluctantly slide my hand from under Ev’s and smooth it over her hair. “Shh.” This is what matters. I should have been here for her yesterday when she left work, but I was too busy kissing my best friend while Nora bled out. How could I kiss Evan while Nora was suffering?
I wasn’t here for her the last month this happened. I was too busy being a selfish prick, wallowing in my own self-pity, and this time I was selfish again. She deserves someone who’s always gonna be there for her. She deserves Ev.
Evan’s fingers twitch as if he’s searching for my hand, and guilt climbs up my throat.
I pull the blanket higher around Ev and Nora’s shoulders, tucking her in the way I always do, the way I’ve done a hundred times before. Then I slip out of bed, every movement controlled, afraid of waking more than just the two of them.
The bathroom door clicks shut behind me. I brace my hands on the sink and peer at my reflection. Bloodshot eyes. Stubble I didn’t bother with last night.
The shower roars to life, steam filling the space as I step under the spray and let the water pound against my shoulders.
I close my eyes and breathe, grounding myself in the heat, hoping the water can wash away the conflict in my head.
But some things don’t rinse off so easily, like the way Ev felt when his body was flush with mine.
I rest my forehead against the cool tiles and exhale.
Water runs down my face like tears. Last night was the first time I haven’t needed to hold everything together while quietly falling apart.
For the first time, someone else was there for me, and it felt good.
For years, I told myself I didn’t need anyone else to help carry the weight.
But maybe I do. Maybe I need someone to hold me while I hold her.
I’m not sure what this is with Ev, but I don’t want to face this alone anymore.
I didn’t know I could want this. And now that I do, I don’t know how to live with it without hurting the people I love most.
The bathroom door creaks open, and I turn around to face the door, wiping the steam from the shower screen.
“Sorry,” Nora whispers. “I need to pee.”
I turn back around to face the wall, giving her some privacy. “Where’s Ev?”
“He’s still sleeping.”
The toilet flushes. I turn back around in the shower. “Come in here.”
“What?”
“Come shower with me. Let me take care of you.”
She takes off her fluffy pyjamas and her underwear and opens the shower door.
I move my hands to her cheeks and kiss her lips. She’s still warm from the bed, and I wrap my arms around her, holding her under the spray of hot water. “I love you.”
“I love you.” She reaches up on her toes and kisses me again, her warm body pressed against mine.
“Turn around, dimples.” I squeeze shampoo into my hand and massage it into her hair, the cubicle filling with the scent of honey and almond. “How you feeling today?”
“Better. The cramps have gone.”
“That’s good.” I add more shampoo and massage the back of her head, rubbing down her long waves. “Want me to have the day off work?”
She turns around and presses her hands against my chest. “No. I’ll be fine. I’ll work from home today, but you should go in.”
“Head back.” I lift the small shower head and rinse her hair, then squeeze conditioner into my palm and smooth it over the ends.
“I’ll just go in for the meetings and try to leave early.
” I use her shea butter soap, gliding it over every soft curve and crease on her back, the two dimples above her bottom, then around her stomach, dipping between her touching thighs.
I hold her like this, her back settling against my chest, my hand warm, cupping her pussy, squeezing her pillowy flesh there as if I can will her period to stop.
I could slip my finger between her seam, circle her sensitive bud, and make her come, but it doesn’t feel right touching her without Ev.
And she’s not ovulating, but I want him in here with us anyway.
I move my hand away and caress her belly. “I’ll cook tonight.”
“You don’t have—”
“I want to.” I lift the hose again and rinse her hair. “There. All done.” I kiss the side of her head and place the hose back in the holster. “I’ll go make you a tea.”
Downstairs, the aroma of coffee already fills the kitchen. “Morning.”
“Morning.” Ev leans against the counter, shirtless in my joggers, sipping coffee as if he’s always lived here and this is just another morning. It’s too normal despite how my pulse races at the sight of him. “I just poured you a coffee and made Nora a tea. I was gonna bring them up.”
“Thanks.” I lift the mug from the counter. Our fingers brush. A sharp jolt of electricity spikes through me. I clear my throat and step back. “She’s just getting out of the shower. Said she’s working from home today.”
He nods, eyes dropping to the mug in his hands. “How is she?”
“Better. Cramping’s eased.” I sip the warm drink, grateful to have something to hold and stop me from reaching out for Ev. I let my gaze roam over the ridges of his stomach, the way my joggers hang low on his hips, a trail of dark hair disappearing beneath the waistband. My pulse skitters.
My fingers itch to touch him, to trace every defined line of his abs, to feel the warmth of his skin under my palm.
He looks good in my clothes, in my space. He belongs here like this. He belongs to me. To us.
“Good.” His shoulders drop as he exhales. “I should probably…”
“What?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. Just… let me know if you need anything before I head out.”
I regard the man who’s been my best friend for most of my life. The man who held my wife while she broke. The man I kissed. I clear my throat and try to shake off that last thought. I need to be here for Nora right now. “Thanks for staying over last night. For Nora. It means a lot.”
“I didn’t just stay for Nora. You know that, right?” His eyes are like deep blue pools—serene on the surface, but strong enough to drag me under, calming me and unravelling me all at once.
“Yeah.” I take a sip of coffee, buying myself another second. “Course. I appreciate it.”
His mouth twitches. “You don’t have to do everything on your own, you know.”
I huff. “I’m realising that.”
Another pause. His gaze flicks to the hallway, then back to me. “About… yesterday.”
My stomach knots. “We don’t have to talk about it right now.”
Relief flashes across his face. “Okay.”
Nora appears in the doorway in leggings and a t-shirt, hair wrapped in a towel. “You two whispering about me?”
“Just asking if you’re okay.” Evan puts his mug down on the worktop and wraps her in a hug.
“I’m all right. You don’t have to worry about me. But thank you for being here.”
I hold her mug out to her. “Evan made you a tea.”
“Thanks.” She smiles, taking it, then leans into my side. “Hopefully, this will help with the headache.”
“You want some pain relief?”
“I might just take two tablets and lie down for a bit.” She looks between the two of us. “What time you going to work?”
“I’ll go when Ev’s ready.”
“About work. I’m gonna need to borrow a shirt.”
“Help yourself.” I wave a hand towards my joggers hanging loose around his hips. “You help yourself to everything else.”
“And I don’t suppose you have a spare toothbrush, do you?”
“First you share my wife, then my clothes, and now you want my toothbrush?” I push against his chest, my mouth lifting in one corner. “You’ll be moving in next.”
He returns the smile. “It’s all part of my master plan.”
“We need a bigger bed,” Nora says as if the plan could be real.
My chest aches, wishing it could. Is that what Evan wants? He’s tried to distance himself already. But after yesterday—
Ev’s phone pings with an email notification, and he lifts it from the worktop. “Mark and Michael love the logo. He has the keys for the new place and wants us to measure up for the interior display wall and signage.”
“When?”
“He said he’s free Friday. He’s also invited us all for dinner.”
I nuzzle against Nora’s neck. “You up for a dirty weekend away?”
“I have that spa break with Poppy this weekend.” She scrunches her nose up.
“Can you change the date?”
“Dom booked it for her after all the stress she’s been under. And he paid for the both of us. I don’t want to let her down.”
Ev nods. “Yeah, you need to stay on his good side. We don’t know what he’s capable of.”
I burst out laughing. “You think he’s some sort of gangster?”
He glares at me. “The bloke has tattoos on his fingers. He’s either been in prison or he’s gonna end up there, and I don’t think we need to find out which.”
“You’re crazy.” Nora laughs, and it’s like a balm for my soul. “You two go. I’m at the spa all day and night. Back Saturday. You should stay over. Just text me the address and I’ll book a hotel.”
“You sure?”
She nods, a genuine smile on her face.
“Right, dimples. Ev can text you the details. Book us something decent, though. That last one in London smelt fusty.”
“No fusty hotels got it.”
“Okay, just give me fifteen to shower and raid your wardrobe, then I’ll be ready to head off.” Ev disappears down the hall, then his footsteps ascend the stairs.
“I like having him here,” Nora says, leaning in to me.
“I enjoy having him here, too.” I take her face in my palms. “You need anything before I go?”
She slides her arms around my waist and presses her cheek against my chest. “I’m sorry I get so down and you have to take care of me.”
“I love taking care of you. That’s my job.”
“I’m old enough to take care of myself.”
“I know you are. But you don’t have to. That’s why we’re here.”
We. Tears spring to my eyes. Ev is here. Not just me anymore.