Chapter 41 Nate #2
Nausea rises in my throat. I hold on to the pillow between us as if it can cushion the blow.
“When he touched my thigh, I waited for that feeling. The one I got with you.”
“And?” I force out, gritting my teeth, my stomach hard, waiting for the punch.
“There was nothing,” he says. “No knot in my stomach. No racing heart.”
I let out a sigh of relief, but there’s still acid climbing up my throat. “Did he…” My face contorts. I can’t bear to say the words. It should have been me he was experimenting with. I should’ve been the one he came to.
“No. He kissed me. And all I could think was that it felt wrong. Like I was betraying you.”
My hands curl into fists, clutching the pillow.
“I know that’s ridiculous,” he huffs. “We were just friends. But it felt wrong anyway.”
The room’s too small, the walls closing in, the air thin as if there’s nothing left to breathe. But Ev’s pouring his heart out and I need to hear what he has to say, no matter how uncomfortable this is.
“What happened then?”
“I left.” He tilts his head, his glasses reflecting the TV. “But at least I knew then I wasn’t into men.”
I peer at him, wanting to stroke his messy hair back and away from his glasses, but there’s a fucking pillow between us. A barrier that I put there. “So… definitely not gay.”
“No.” He swallows as he gazes into my eyes in the dimly lit room. “Just gay for you, apparently.”
Every bit of restraint snaps. I grab the pillow and toss it on the floor, my heart pounding violently, it roars in my ears.
“Fuck it.” I lean over him. “I can be gay for you too.”
I crash my lips against his. My hand slides around his throat, holding him there as my tongue pushes into his mouth.
He tastes like mint and everything I’ve never dared to want. His tongue duels with mine, his hands tugging at my t-shirt.
No more thinking.
I roll on top of him, still kissing him.
I never want to stop kissing this man. My best friend.
My family. One hand braces beside his head while the other reaches back and yanks my t-shirt over my head.
I break the kiss just long enough to toss it aside, then I’m back, crushing my mouth to his.
His unshaven jaw scrapes against mine—so fucking hot.
I lower myself until our chests press together, his heartbeat hammering against mine, just as wild, just as fast.
His hands are all over me—not soft like Nora’s, but strong. Powerful. Roaming over my back.
The fabric between us has to go. I have no clue what the hell I’m doing. Only that this feels right. Too good to stop. I lift, breaking the kiss and slide my hand down, stroking his cock over his boxers. “Is this…?”
“Fuck yes.” It’s more of a whimper and a plea as the words leave his mouth with panting breaths.
I drop my head and kiss his chest, my lips moving south, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses over his toned stomach.
“Holy shit, Nate.” His stomach hardens as I kiss the trail of hair coming out of his boxers.
I hook my fingers into the elastic, my chin almost resting on his erection as I look up at him. “You good with this?”
He nods, the glow of the TV casting shadows across his face, breaths heavy, his fists clutching the bedsheets.
I pull his boxers down and gape at his cock. All the times I’ve seen him hard recently, I’ve never wanted it as much as I do now. I want to make him feel good. I want to taste him. Show him without words how much I need him.
After staring at it for a beat too long, I kiss the base, leaving a wet trail as I suck all the way to the tip and taste the saltiness on my tongue as I slide over his slit.
“Fuck. Nate. You don’t have to—”
“Shh. I’ve always wanted to know what your sixty million sperm count tastes like.” I smile against him, then lick him again over the slit.
“Fuck off.” His stomach shakes with a silent laugh.
I wrap my lips around him, not really knowing what I’m doing, having never done this before, but I know what I like and I try to replicate that by sucking and taking him as deep as I can, bobbing my head and massaging his balls.
He draws his legs up, his body tensing. “Nate.” He tugs on my hair. “Nate. Stop. Fuck.”
I pop him from my mouth and peer up at him. “What’s wrong?”
“If you keep doing that, I’ll come.”
I crawl over him, pulling my boxers down. “Isn’t that the idea?”
He takes my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine. “I don’t want this to be over.”
His blue eyes are full of hope, but there’s a flicker of uncertainty there—like he’s bracing for me to call this a mistake come morning. I was wrong to say that.
“This.” I grind my pelvis into his, our cocks rubbing together, and we both let out a groan. “This will never be over.” I grind into him again, my mouth crashing back to his, my dick dragging against his.
Fuck, I want inside him. But this is new. For both of us. We need to take this slow.
“This isn’t a mistake, Ev.” I bite his bottom lip, then soothe it with my tongue as we move together, falling into a natural rhythm as if our bodies know what to do. “Kissing you was never a mistake.”
Tears pool in his eyes, and I lift his glasses off and place them on the bedside table.
“I can’t see now.”
I kiss along the hard edges of his jaw, his cut cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, marked from his glasses. “The only thing you’ll be seeing is stars.” I smile against his lips as I rut against him. Sweat coats my skin, and I wish I worked out more.
He whispers, “Are you gonna fuck me?” He’s breathing hard, his body trembling beneath me, but his eyes are trusting, full of all the desires that match my own.
I brush my thumb along his jaw. “Yes.” My forehead rests against his, my breath mingling with his as we both inhale each other in.
“But not tonight.” I press my lips against his, the kiss turning ravenous, showing him without words that it’s not because I don’t want him right now.
Fuck, I need him. I want to claim him, ruin him so he’ll never walk into another gay bar again. At least not without me.
His fingers thread through my hair as he kisses me back, rough licks of his tongue lapping up every unspoken word I’ve never dared utter. By the time I’m done, there’ll be no hiding how much I want him as I match each stroke, tasting the mint from his toothpaste, but I want more.
I pull back just enough to get a good look at him.
“When we do this, I want to do it properly.” I rub against him, our bodies slick with sweat, but I can’t stop writhing against his cock.
“I want to fuck you while you fuck my wife.” With heavy breaths, I rut my pelvis against him, summoning a groan from his lips. “Do you want that?”
“Fuck yes.” His hips lift to meet my thrusts.
I follow his gaze to our cocks pressed together, pre-cum glistening at the heads. Everything else fades as we find our own rhythm. There’s only heat and closeness and the certainty that whatever this is, it’s real.
He reaches between us, wrapping a hand around us both, squeezing our cocks together as we writhe against each other.
Fuck. I didn’t know a man could feel this good, but Ev’s not just any man.
He's a part of me. Always has been. We’ve shared everything—life, pain, Nora.
He’s held me through it all. And if it’s this good already…
Fuck, what’s it gonna feel like inside him?
There’s no going back from this. Not that I’d ever want to.
“Nate. I’m. Holy shit.” His body stiffens as a guttural sound rips out of his chest. Ropes of cum spurt out from him, hitting his stomach, the sight sending me over the edge, my balls drawing up tight, heat burning low in my belly as a cleansing white light flashes before me.
I can’t stop rutting against him until every last drop has spilled out onto his stomach, marking what’s mine.
“Fuck, Ev.” With my release, the fog lifts and everything is clear.
He’s mine. He’s always been mine, and he’s Nora’s too.
We belong together, the three of us. I never put the pieces together before and stood back enough to see the big picture.
I kiss him again, slower this time, wordlessly showing him this is more than just sex for me. Then I roll off him and collapse on my back, breath tearing out of my lungs. Both of us spent, the room still buzzing with heat and tension, but my body finally relaxes.
“I should workout more,” I say, still trying to regulate my breathing.
Ev tilts his head towards me and huffs out a laugh. “A few more workouts like that and you’ll be fitter than Glen or Jamie.”
I laugh. “Imagine their faces when we tell them about our training routine.”
He quirks his lips. “If this is our training routine now, I’m cancelling my gym membership.”
“This was better than the gym, right?”
He leans over and kisses me, slow this time, his fingers running through my hair sweeping it back from my forehead. “This was better than I ever imagined.”
“You've imagined this?”
“When you caught me jacking off at uni, it wasn’t Emilie I was thinking about.”
I grip his chin and pull his lips back to mine. “All this time, Ev.”
He nods, his eyes watery like the ocean. “It was worth the wait.”
I kiss him again, soft, like I kiss Nora after sex. I want to take care of Ev too, like I do her. I want to protect him, keep him, love him. “We’ve wasted so much time, Ev.”
His smile falters. “What do you think Nora will say?”
“I don’t know.” I focus on the ceiling, heart thudding. “This changes everything.”
“I know,” Evan says with a sigh, as if he’s always known this was inevitable.
I turn my head to him. “I can’t do more without Nora.”
He reaches a hand to my face, his palm warm against my cheek.
“I don’t want you to.” He drops his hand and sits up in the bed, looking at the TV now playing some late night game show.
“She’s as much a part of this as you are.
I want her too, Nate. I know I shouldn’t want her like that, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry.”
I sit up too and turn his face back to mine. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I need to tell her how I feel. No bullshit. She deserves the truth.”
Evan swallows, eyes shining under the TV light. “When you tell her… do you want me there?”
“Yeah.” A lump rises in my throat. “I do.”
Relief flashes across his face. He nods, puts his glasses back on and glances down at himself with a crooked smile. “I should probably shower.”
I silently laugh. “You’re a mess.”
“Your fault. For someone who’s unable to produce viable sperm, you sure have a lot of jizz.”
I push lightly at his chest. “Go. Be thankful it’s not in your mouth.”
He rises from the bed with a laugh. “Maybe next time.” He winks, then strolls into the bathroom, but doesn’t shut the door, as if he wants no more barriers between us.
Next time. Fuck. Him on his knees, looking up through those glasses, taking me into his mouth. “Next time, I definitely need that mouth.”
I could join him in the shower, but I’ve already crossed a line, and until I speak with Nora, I can’t cross another. I open my phone and send a text, my heart aching, wishing she were here.
Nate: I love you so much.