Chapter Twenty-One #3
“Wait a minute. Is this a joke? Ted, I wasn’t going to choose you tomorrow, so you don’t need to play a game in hopes to cover for your missteps.
” It was bad enough that he had tried to trick me all week, but then to double down on it at the last minute with hopes of making a fool of me during the finale was too much.
Instead of becoming defensive, he sighed with relief. “I didn’t think you were going to choose me, but I worried there was an outside chance you might. You seemed to like me well enough in the beginning.”
I was confused. “I did… I still do! You seem like a nice guy. There’s no doubt you’re great looking and we share some interests—except I didn’t think one of those commonalities was an attraction to men.”
Ted’s serious countenance broke, and he chuckled. “Wrong. We have that in common, too.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand. You claim you’re inexperienced and just came out, but your friend…
Hank, was it? He said you’re always talking about…
dick.” Ted’s eyes bulged. “Yeah. Dick, dick, dick! I think he said it more times than I’ve seen one.
He even said you enjoy…” I wiped a hand over my face, almost too embarrassed to repeat it to someone so new to the scene. “Getting spit-roasted.”
Ted appeared puzzled. “Forgive the newbie. What does that mean?”
“You probably know what it is from seeing gay porn, but just didn’t know what it’s sometimes called.”
Ted frowned. “Well, I’m not even so sure about that.
I’ve watched some…stuff, but not often. I room with a couple of straight guys.
They’re still trying to accept that I’m not going through a phase.
They sure as heck don’t want to come back to the house and catch me watching two dudes getting down with each other. ”
“Yeah, then imagine if it were three dudes. That’s what it takes for a spit-roast.”
He pursed his lips. “I take it it isn’t a trio enjoying Hawaiian barbecue.”
“It isn’t,” I replied. “By the way, your buddy Hank seemed to know what it was. Maybe he isn’t as straight as you think.”
“Jesus. I can’t imagine that,” he said, rubbing his jaw. “Okay, come on. Now you’ve got to tell me what the hell it is. Will I be grossed out?”
I shrugged. “Depends what you’re into. I’ve never done it, but…” He stared, still waiting for a description. “It’s when a guy performs oral on another while taking it up the ass from behind.”
Ted’s eyebrows practically rose to his hairline.
“Ah…that’s…making the phrase make some sense.
Can’t say I’ve ever fantasized about that, seeing as I won’t do intercourse, period.
Nasty.” Ted saw my surprised expression, then held up a hand.
“No offense. I suspected you might be into it. You give off that energy. You know…the one who sticks it in…not the other way around.”
“We really don’t need to discuss—” I cut in, uncomfortable.
“Anyway, Alex and I got to talking about the possibility of being chosen and whether we could see ourselves doing…that. Either side of the equation. He feels like I do about penetration. As you can imagine, Alex has concerns about hygiene and safety. You know, transmitted diseases as well as rectal injury.”
I grimaced. “Okay, we don’t need to…”
“You should be careful,” he added, shaking his head.
“I am careful!”
He shrugged as if I was a lost cause. “The more Alex and I shared, the more we realized we have a lot in common. So, that’s why I came to you.
I wanted to confess that Alex and I have started seeing each other.
Well, as much as we can while being stuck here trying to pretend that we’re interested in you… which we’re not,” he explained.
“Oh. Thanks for the honesty?” I was beginning to dislike people’s candor, as it seemed to always end up with me being insulted.
“You’re welcome,” he said, unaware he might have offended me.
“No need for you to waste your time choosing him or me tomorrow.” He rose from the chair, prepared to leave.
“As for Hank, he might have gone a little overboard because I told him not to make it obvious to you that I’m…
a gay virgin. That would be humiliating for everyone to see, considering I’m in my thirties. ”
“Oh, I think you’d better be prepared for far more embarrassment than that disclosure would have been,” I warned, recalling Hank’s outlandish descriptions. “You might need to have a discussion with friends and family to let them know you’re not the sleazebag Hank portrayed you to be.”
He shook his head. “Stupid Hank! Damn! My family was still getting used to the idea that I’m gay.”
“Yeah, well…good luck with that,” I said in a fake cheery voice.
Ted got the hint and left me alone with my thoughts.
So much for my mother’s confidence that all the contestants would want me.
Aaron was either straight or pining for Mikey.
I was probably not Mikey’s first choice, Brighton had withdrawn, Ted and Alex were into each other—not me, and Dani and Daryl were more likely interested in sex and money than a relationship.
I should never have agreed to do the program.
Not only had I failed to find the one, but now I wasn’t inclined to look for him after the program, either.