Chapter 4
CIRO
“Why are you doing this?” Isla whimpered through the emotion caught in her throat. “Why, Ciro?”
If I wasn’t so goddamn unhinged, I would put her down. Have a calm conversation. Forgive and forget about her dancing with another man and trying to make me jealous.
Yeah, not happening.
“Just put me down. Let me go.” She hit my back with her fist. Not hard enough to hurt me. Isla was the type of woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly because it would hurt her more to injure something or someone.
Unfortunately, the sentiment was one-sided because I did whatever was necessary, including killing someone. As Don of the Remotti Mafia, I did a lot of things Isla would never want to know about. She’d think I was a monster. Some days, I was the Devil in an Italian tailor-made suit.
“I don’t want to do this with you.” Her fight weakened and I felt her surrendering to me. “I don’t want to be your afterthought.”
What the fuck?
I slammed open my bedroom door and tossed her onto the bed. Gripping the sides of my head between my hands, I gasped for air. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, wholly baffled at her words.
Try as I might to regain control of myself, it just wasn’t happening.
“Did you say, an afterthought? How can you say that to me?”
“Ciro, please.” She raised her hands in front of her like they could shield her from me. Nothing and no one could ever protect her from me. She should know this by now.
“How can you say you’re an afterthought?” I roared like a madman. “Don’t you know how much you mean to me?”
“Please stop.” She shook her head and hid her face behind her hands. “I know what you’re doing. Trying to destroy my defenses so I will submit to you.”
Damn her. “Answer me!”
She surprised me and vaulted off the bed, darting for the door. But I was faster than her and slammed it shut before she could escape.
Isla froze and shivered like a trapped mouse in a lion’s den. My den. But her fight wasn’t over, not sure why I thought she would make it easy for me. If she believed we weren’t going to last, that meant she’d been contemplating making her exit.
Inhaling a deep breath, I lowered my gaze to the floor, not sure what to do next.
Suddenly, Isla ran toward Roman as if her life depended on it. I’d noticed him standing off to the side, nosy bastard. He quickly embraced her trembling body.
“Please help me,” she cried, burying her face against his chest.
“You need to calm the hell down,” Roman told me in a warning tone. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I won’t let him hurt you.” He rubbed her back. The gesture made me insanely mad.
“Answer me, Isla!” I yelled, again.
She raised her head and turned my way, looking me dead in the eyes. “I want more,” she murmured, a broken element in her soft voice. “I need more, and you can’t give me what I need. So… I want out. I want to be done.”
My vision blurred as I walked backwards away from the door until the backs of my legs hit my bed. I dropped onto it in a dramatic thud. Isla wanted to be done. No matter how many times I’d thought freeing her would be for the best, hearing her say she wanted out made me want to die.
The air in the room grew thicker as my life was about to implode. My throat thickened and I struggled to breathe. A whooshing pulse clouded my head as I stared at my beauty.
“Say something,” she cried. “I hate when I can’t read your mind. When you sit like a stone-cold, Italian statue.”
I almost smiled, almost. She was trying to lighten the mood, but that was foolish of her. If we were ending, it would be the darkest day of my life.
“I love you so much.” She sniffled, wiping her wet eyes.
In typical Isla form, she bravely attempted to break the silence because she knew I wouldn’t.
“So much. But love isn’t enough when it’s one-sided.
I’m sorry if this hurts you, but I need to say everything weighing on my heart before I walk out and never return. ”
I shot a hardened glare at her. One-sided? Nothing about us should’ve been a surprise. She knew what to expect going in, so if she couldn’t handle it, leaving was the only thing to do.
“I need more, Ciro. But no matter how much I love you, I’m done.” She slipped out of Roman’s arms and came to me. Cupping my face, she pressed her forehead to mine, stroking the scruff on my jaw.
Up and down.
Up and down.
I relished being caressed by her warm, delicate hands. But at the same time, dread flooded my veins.
“We’re stalled, Ciro. At a crossroad.” She continued her speech.
“I pray that you’re hearing me clearly. We’re not moving forward.
Every night, you make love to me. Sometimes I stay over, other times you take me home.
Then, when I ask about living together, you shut it down quickly with a lame excuse as to why it would be a bad idea.
Half the time, I wonder if there’s someone else. ”
“No!” I shouted in her face. “You know I would never cheat on you.”
“Do I?” She held my face firmly in her hands. “I don’t have any proof you’ve been unfaithful. Only my active imagination getting the better of me.”
“I’ve never so much as lusted after another woman since we’ve been together.” I shouldn’t have to fucking defend myself to her. Loyalty was the most important character trait to me and she knew it.
How dare she think so little of me just because I’d been with many women before her? Before her! Yes, those same women continued to tempt and pursue me. They were relentless. But I had been devoted and faithful to Isla since the day I met her.
“You’re constantly surrounded by gorgeous women who want you. Look at me.” She released my face and stepped back. “There is nothing special about me. I’m average.” She ran her hands over her breasts and body.
“What are you talking about? Average, how?” I asked in an annoyed tone. What was she talking about being nothing special and average? She was the most perfect and exquisite creature on the planet.
“I’m not a triple-D cup.” She pressed her hands against her chest.
“I don’t care about that.” I shook my head, growing more irritated by the second.
“I don’t have legs for miles or long, luxurious hair. So why would I believe I’m enough when you don’t want me in your bed every night?” Her words slapped me in the face. How did I not know she felt this way? “Why would I believe you can’t live without me when you don’t tell me you love me?”
There it was: You don’t tell me you love me.
I sat straighter on the bed sensing she had more to say. “You’re delusional if you believe you aren’t enough for me. Sei perfetta…”
“How can I be perfect, if you’re calling me delusional?” She threw my words back at me. I had to give her credit. Despite her tears and emotions running wild, she wasn’t missing a single word I said.
“I’ve said it hundreds of times, Tesoro. You’re like the air I breathe, pure and all-consuming.”
“Yes, I know.” She paused for a beat. “But what about marriage?”
“I’m not ready for marriage or even living together. Once we take those steps, we can never go back.”
“Why would we want to go back?” Her whiskey-colored eyes bore through mine, pinning me in place.
My heart stuttered in my chest, hating that I allowed myself to be vulnerable. Damn her for pushing me this way, but I cared about her more than anyone else. I didn’t want to lose her, but I couldn’t be the man she wanted either.
“What if we lose our magic? What if you die?” There, I said it. My deepest fear was her death. But I’d never spoken of the possibility of Isla dying until now.
“That’s the bitch of it all, Ciro.” She fanned out her hands. “We won’t know unless we take a step forward to find out.”
“No.” I shook my head as dread consumed my soul. “Not going to happen.”