Chapter 5
ISLA
“That’s the bitch of it all, Ciro.” I moved my hands out to my side like that’s life. I wanted to show him I would surrender to fate. Whatever happened down the road, I could accept, but I knew he couldn’t. “We won’t know unless we take a step forward to find out.”
“No.” He vehemently shook his head. “Not going to happen.”
“I know, my love.” All this back and forth was starting to feel pointless. Ciro was incapable of loving me the way I needed. He would always keep me at arm’s length and his heart closed off to me. I should just leave and never look back because I deserved better.
But I didn’t know if I could.
My life had improved tenfold because of him. He spoiled me and treated me better than my own parents had. His family was amazing and I loved them, and I believed they felt the same about me.
Perhaps the problem was with me? Was I being selfish for wanting the fairy tale? Was an Italian Prince, a brilliant diamond on my finger, and happily ever after too much to ask for?
“You obviously don’t know, because if you did, we wouldn’t be having this fucking conversation!”
I sighed and looked down at the floor not sure what to do now.
If we kept at it, we would end up saying hurtful things and possibly hating each other in the end.
Not true.
I would love Ciro Remotti forever. My heart wouldn’t allow me to hate him. I couldn’t say one way or the other for him regarding me, though.
“I’ll just say it, then. I need more than what you’re willing to give me.” I squared my shoulders, giving it one last try. “Even tonight, after having sex before the party, we didn’t act like a couple. You were on one side of the pool. I was on the other side. Then Annalise kissed you.”
“Yeah, she kissed me!” He slammed his hand against his chest. “I didn’t kiss her back.”
I inhaled a deep breath. “Nobody respects what we have because to everyone, we aren’t serious. We aren’t real. They see me as the flavor of the month. Temporary. A novelty.”
“That’s not true!” He grabbed my hands, reeled me into his arms and held me tight. “You’re everything, My-la. You’re mine and I’m yours. We don’t need to live together to prove we’re serious.”
His words broke my heart. I slumped against him and let a sob rip from my chest. He just didn’t get it and he never would.
“Baby, please don’t cry.” His lips went to my neck, and I wished it didn’t soothe me.
I pulled away, knowing what I needed to do.
Cradling his face in my hands, I pressed my mouth against his lips and spread them apart to search for his tongue. Finding it, Ciro matched my slow and tender movements, swirling his tongue with mine.
He melted me and made me wet with desire. All of this could be put behind us if I initiated sex right this second. I was confident Ciro would never mention it again, because we’d been in this place a couple of times before.
Moving my mouth in time with his, I would cherish what would be our last kiss. Always remembering the hint of tequila on his breath and the resolve in his piercing brown depths as he stared at me.
I would walk out the door, out of his life, and never look back.
“I’m so sorry, but I need more,” I told him through my kisses. “A real commitment and I know you can’t give it to me.”
“So that’s it? We’re done? Over?” His strong hands gripped my hips and his nails dug into my flesh as if preparing to force me to stay. “All because I’m scared as fuck to give my heart to you. Too terrified to declare it to the goddamn world.”
“I can’t live this life with you and keep it surface level.
Women throw themselves at you every single day.
You act like it is business as usual. Well, I’m not strong enough to be ignored by you and everyone else.
I tried so hard the last few months, falling deeper and deeper in love with you.
Giving you every piece of me, my body, heart, and soul. And you didn’t return the same.”
I saw the realization register on his face. He knew I was right and it shredded me that he’d never admit it. This stubborn man didn’t say a word, not that I was surprised by his silence.
“It’s true, the little snippets you give me from time to time have sustained me, but it’s not fair to give you everything and not get the same in return. I want it all, marriage and a family.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…” He ran his fingers through his wavy brown hair. “You knew what you were getting with me. You knew I never wanted to get married or have kids. And still, you push for more!” He grabbed me by the wrists and shook me. “How can you do this to me?”
I nodded, tears skittering down my cheeks.
“I know. I know. You’re right. I did know and I’m so sorry.
Can’t you see I’m not strong enough for this life?
” Pulling out of his grasp, I threw myself against his muscular chest, wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “I have fears, too.”
“I know you do, baby.” He hugged me back. “But we’ll get through this.”
I cupped the back of his head, weaving my fingers through his hair, and pressed my cheek against his. “I couldn’t stand it if one day you decided you didn’t want me anymore.”
“I’m not your father. I would never abandon you like that son of a bitch.” Of course, he couldn’t promise it would never happen. “Do what you need to do, Isla. Go ahead. Walk out the door.”
“Jesus Christ, Ciro,” Roman blurted, wholly outraged. I’d forgotten he was still in the room, but it was comforting to know we had a witness during our breakup. I wasn’t sure why I thought of that… “Stop being an asshole. You love her. Just fucking admit it already.”
“No, Roman.” I closed my eyes, my lips quivering as I steeled myself. “He can’t, or maybe it’s more like he won’t.”
“Don’t you ever speak for me,” he growled into my ear.
I forced myself to look at him. “You’ll see. When the right woman comes into your life, she’ll get all of you. You’ll freely give her everything and so much more.”
He shook his head violently as if hating what I was saying, but not at all attempting to convince me I was wrong.
I inhaled his scent into my lungs one last time as I hugged him. “I love you, amore mio.” Amore mio was one of a few phrases I knew in Italian. I usually only said it when we made love. Calling him my love now, hurt like a bitch. I kissed him again.
“Isla,” he said my name in a warning tone.
“I will always love you.” With those final words leaving my lips, I turned away and made a quick exit.
“Isla!” He shouted in a desperate gasp. “If you walk out that door… don’t ever come back.”
“Son of a bitch,” Roman hissed, dragging his hand down his face.
My heart seized in agony and shattered into tiny shards as all my hopes and dreams were destroyed.
“Yes, Ciro,” I whispered, bobbing my head. “I understand. Good-bye, my love…”
I froze for a beat with my hand hovering a mere inch above the doorknob, then I slowly wrapped my fingers around it and turned it, keeping my back to him.
Ciro said nothing. I couldn’t even hear him breathing. It took everything inside me not to turn back around, run into his arms, and ask for forgiveness.
My mind was made up, and I managed to find the strength to do what I’d been contemplating for weeks.
I swung the mahogany door open and crossed the threshold, ending my love affair with my Italian prince.