Chapter 8
Soft voices drifted about the courtyard, a bubbling fountain dominating the center of the pretty communal space.
Tables dotted the open area, lights strung up to twinkle in the darkness above. There was laughter and… what I could only assume was dancing.
The strangeness of females with swollen bellies speaking freely to males, the oddity of males touching the women. Fingers at their elbows, a light stroke on the shoulder. Innocent exchanges that would have seen a young man murdered at the academy.
These behaviors were acceptable here, but my brain had not caught up. It screamed at me that these hybrids were not safe, not with the general right there, watching them break every rule that had been drilled into me since I was five.
My mind and body disagreed, fully at war in those first few moments as I observed hybrid graduates intermingling. Didn’t they remember the price of making eye contact with the opposite sex? Laughter was never encouraged or allowed in public spaces. All joy had to be private after the vault was sealed shut for the night.
The death grip I had on Cyderial’s arm was not for my benefit. Some terrified part of me was trying to keep him away from them.
I had seen so many punished over the years, so many taken away, never to return.
I could see their faces flashing through my mind, faces I would never forget.
Under this male’s rule, instructors, watchers, and even his own hand had hurt my friends. Overcome with rancor-laced terror, I tripped over my tongue, “I-I never asked. Was that boy you took the lock of Sylvia’s hair from her mate?”
“Yes, thought it was an unfortunate waste of a good female on a boy too young to properly care for her,” Cyderial responded, immediate and gentle. “He wasn’t able to knot her after the opening. Sylvia’s reproductive system was not fully activated. We are unsure if she will be able to bear children.”
A wave of sadness came with such knowledge. Sylvia had been a sweet sister who, like me, loved children. And her misfortune would have been preventable if she had known what would take place when an infatuated boy wanted to penetrate her. But ultimately, it was Sylvia’s decision. “She did like him enough to give him her hair. She chose him.”
“And she will have to live with the consequences of being mated to a low-ranked soldier who lacked wisdom and the experience necessary to provide for his female’s needs.” He moved into my line of sight, urging me to meet his all-pervading gaze. “Would it not have been better if she had the opportunity to meet someone with the means to provide everything she might desire and the physical ability to give her body what it needs?”
Why did he get to decide what was best for others?
There was no question of my feelings on the matter. “Keeping the genders segregated isn’t foolproof. It would have been better if you hadn’t kept her ignorant. Cyderial, even I snuck out to kiss boys… specifically to rebel against your iron grip when it was too tight.”
“And your mate is old enough and wise enough to understand that to exercise an iron grip now would be a foolish approach and only lead to further trouble… considering the spirit of my mate.” Eyes dancing with playful mirth, he said with all calmness, “Hence why we are here, even though you may not be mentally ready to mingle with your kind so soon.”
Both hearts beating so hard I was certain Cyderial could hear them, I took a shaky breath, unblinking as I waited for something awful to happen.
It never did.
“Your nervous system will adapt.” The general, the reason for my broken response, tried to soothe me. “This is a normal reaction for someone fresh out of the academy.”
Because I had been traumatized there. We all were.
Crushing down the anxiety, I shook off distracting fears and measured the crowd once again. “I will manage it. There isn’t much time before several of my sisters graduate. General Thayer will hurt Maeve if I can’t help her understand. She will not forgive him as quickly as I am tolerating you; I swear it. Her goals are bigger than any pleasure he might try to distract her with. What she could do for hybrids would be ruined if she’s wasted being mated, especially to a male only interested in knots while pretending anything he does is for her benefit.”
That got his attention. “What are her goals?”
Slicing a mean look his way, I curled my lip. “None of your business.”
Cocking a brow, he asked, “Do you really think my actions toward you are not for you benefit?”
Teeth clenched, I answered, “I’m not talking about me. I’m different. I’m talking about Maeve. My goals were self-serving; hers are much grander.”
“I don’t think you’re being fair to yourself. You’re an explorer with an inquisitive mind. It is one of the reasons I feel you have taken so splendidly to sex. Few young mates would ride their male, even were her mate to intoxicate her beyond reason.” Smoothing my hair and tucking a stray strand behind me ear, he added, “They lie there and submit; you demand and take. And it isn’t just when we fuck that you are so curious. You are here, willing to approach males far beyond your rank and experience, simply to benefit your sisters. It is an unusual trait, especially in one so young.”
We had only mated a few times. Maybe I had been a little aggressive in receiving, but I didn’t know that was unusual! I had ridden him, and sung soft rhythms for him, and luxuriated when I allowed myself to let go.
I was a freak.
Face flaming, a sorry mental image of a girl just lying there so bland to me that I could hardly manage to squeak, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this.”
He took me under his arm, tucking me against his side. “You’re splendid. I want to make sure you understand that, my dear.”
Was my enjoyment of pleasure part of the reason he let me leave his house? Was that a secret the other women needed to know? It was certainly something to consider, but first—the issue of even reaching the unmated females. “You promise to support me when I speak with your friends?”
Nodding, he urged me a step forward. “You have some valid points and deserve to be heard. However, I do not think to accomplish more than planting a seed tonight. It may take years of watering to even sprout. Thayer is your best chance at any sort of immediate progress. Even there, you don’t have much leverage. He could walk into the academy right now and take her if he wanted to. Brute force over strategy has always been his approach, if you understand my meaning.”
The colossal male would break little Maeve in half if he ever got inside her, and I didn’t like him in the slightest.
“He will arrive as soon as word gets out that my mate is in public. That should give you some time to settle into this new environment and prepare,” Cyderial said with a smirk, aware of my trail of thoughts.
A new environment indeed. One filled with soft music, a stringed instrument played by a woman with a lilting voice. She had auburn hair in loose waves around her shoulders and the vibrant green eyes most common in our kind. Not one uniform was to be found, no hint of our purpose.
Not one sword.
Slowly, I took in all I might gather. “I don’t recognize anyone.”
“A certain rank is required for admission to this courtyard. No recent graduate’s song has attracted any of the unmated males here. You are the first to draw one of our most powerful males in decades.”
Thoughts that several of these men may have been lonely for ages fostered an unwitting spark of sympathy in my breast. “I wonder why.”
“Some believe it is an act of God,” Cyderial said, patting where my hand rested in the crook of his elbow. “Others blame the humans for destroying the more volatile strains of vorec genetics that created the older generations. Then there is you, hope for all of them. Beautiful and stable. Brilliant. There is a reason they are staring at you right now. But you are mine—because I am the strongest and made myself worthy. Tell them that, and they may mimic my approach.”
Arrogance was not a trait I would have expected from the general I had known as a child. It needed to be checked. “Hiding children away while tormenting their friends?”
Nor was I sure I would refer to myself as stable.
Smirking, not at all rebuked, he growled lowly, “The practice of patience, my darling. The study of technique to help draw out a young virgin. I know how to stimulate every last nerve in your body, and you do enjoy my hands on you. Some of it, perhaps, is intuitive, but the greater study taught me how to do this.”
Dropping my arm, his fingers tripped up my spine, then dug in just enough that tension fell right out of my shoulders.
A hum of noise fell from my lips. “It’s unfair that you know how to make my body do that.”
With a dark chuckle, he said, “You are welcome to practice on me anytime you wish.”
“You practiced on someone?” Voice shrill, my tension rushed right back. All of it and then some as I glared wide-eyed at my mate.
And then I caught myself.
My kneejerk reaction had been unexpected for both of us, Cyderial quick to say, “Do you honestly think a man as devoted as I am could ever touch another woman? I have loved you with every beat of my hearts since I was born.” Utterly serious, he frowned. “Every choice I have made in my life has been with my mate in mind. Even in my academy years, I never crept around in the dark.”
I didn’t owe him any apologies, but the way he looked at me incited a streak of regret for things done in my youth. Things I had done because I was driven to them by this man.
“What were you like when you graduated?” I could hardly imagine him as anything other than he was now. A terrifying force of nature.
His fingers went back to working on my spine, the man thoughtful. “Spoiling for a fight. I know you won’t believe me, but the academy was much worse in my youth. Humans still controlled the inner workings; they conducted experiments on the recruits. It was difficult to survive. Once deemed suitable for service, I left that place and entered my name as a combatant for the arena. My frustrations with life were worked out on the sands. Over decades, I achieved rank enough to access the list, but no hybrid female sung for me. Human females, on the other hand, sought my attentions and earned my disgust. Composure and patience have been learned traits.”
It was hard to imagine. “You’ve always been so cold-blooded that it’s hard to envision you differently.”
Something dark shone from the back of his gaze. “I have always been cold-blooded, but I have not always been forbearing. It is best that you did not know me when I was younger. Things would have been much more difficult for you.”
Chilled, I looked away from the male and back at the courtyard. We had been noticed in our private moments; all eyes observed every movement we made. “You have properly chastised me. You win.”
My chin was caught, Cyderial turning my gaze to claim all my attention. “I thank God that I was forced to wait for you. I know you think me a brute, but I swear to you, I am not what I was. Young men are not equipped to handle their urges. They should not be entrusted with females. You are a living example of what is possible when a man learns control. Not one mated male here would have been capable of releasing his female from her nest so soon. Miranda’s ten years were not an exception. I am taking a great risk in showing the world what may be possible. Please do not make me regret it.”
He looked so earnest, a flash of desperation in his eyes, that I grew unnaturally shy. “I… suppose I should say thank you.”
Smirking, he seemed pleased with my response. “You’re welcome.”
With that, he ushered us forward out of the shadows.
Every step I took in that dress accentuated the swell of my belly. Though other women at the courtyard were similarly engorged, I was intensely uncomfortable to have their eyes on me. My goals in life had revolved around keeping my nose down, hoping I might be ignored. Now, I was the center of attention.
Even the music stopped.
In the static crowd, a blonde wisp of a woman began waving from across the yard. Miranda, in all her ethereal glory, grinned at us both.
Lips came to my ear, the unexpected touch enough to make me shiver. “Would you like a drink?”
Belly full as it was, I would not be thirsty for some time. “No.”
I felt him smile against my temple. “Not that kind of drink, my love. Something to help you relax.”
An intoxicant? That might be useful, considering my nerves. “Okay then.”
Belly protruding before me, I was led into the gathering, both men and women nodding greetings. Cyderial had not lied to me; most of the women had clearly been plugged, their partners nearby and, in many cases, putting themselves between their mates and our approach.
Not overtly, but subtly standing guard.
Why?
Similar to the bar I invaded in my misguided attempt to earn the fog, an open counter and a barkeep waited. He addressed Cyderial on familiar terms and gave me a smile of congratulations.
Unsure what to say, I nodded.
Was the situation worthy of congratulations? Congratulations were for recognition of great accomplishment. Being fucked into a bond by a man strong enough to hold me down and get his way wasn’t really something to celebrate.
After all, how many females were actually excited to be mated once they knew the full consequences? Few, I would guess. Addiction to the highest-ranking stranger who heard your song felt so impersonal.
Yet I had known Cyderial for ten years.
There was nothing impersonal in the way he pillaged my body.
And there I was at his side, unwittingly thinking about sex, bulging with his fluids in my belly, dressed in clothing he prepared for me, and asking him for help.
We were connected by history long before a bond. Maybe that was why I had stolen his pink rock. Maybe I had just been too young to understand.
A pretty cup was pressed into my hands, the contents bubbling and smelling fruity. Aware the crowd watched closely, I leaned into Cyderial’s side as if I might have privacy there and watched him palm a different beverage. “Your friends are staring at me.”
“They are staring at me.” He gave me a smirk, satisfied to feel me willingly shelter against him. “Watching to make sure that I don’t pose a threat.”
That didn’t make any sense. “But you took me out yesterday in a large crowd of humans.”
“And it was all over the broadcasts. My mate was upset—another reason it would be anticipated I would not repeat the experience so quickly.” Abandoning his drink on the bar, he brought his hand up to cup my jaw. Thumb brushing my lower lip, he said, “Let them all see how well we do together. The unmated males here will desire a future mate that warms quickly to them. Give them reason to envy.”
“You think I’m warming to you?” I had not exactly been friendly. Tolerant perhaps, but not friendly.
His thumb found my lips again, pulling at my bottom lip. “You are. You might not like me yet, but you melt when I touch you. That has nothing to do with any addiction, my beautiful mate. Physically, you know to trust me.” Leaning down, he stole a quick kiss, before whispering, “You enjoy my strength. Appreciate my learned patience. Most importantly, you have witnessed my ability to recognize my mistakes and apologize for them. Yes, you have warmed to me. Deep down under all your anger, our bond is growing, and I am working hard to be a good custodian of your faith.”
I don’t know what struck me to tease him, but I smirked, saying, “Maybe I just like the necklace.”
Laughing, a deep, rich sound, he let his fingers trail lower to toy with the golden chain. “It suits you.”
What had been soft murmurings filling the air around us grew painfully empty with heavy silence. One would have thought no soul there had heard the man laugh before. Perhaps they never had.
We had their attention, and Cyderial told me to give them reason to envy.
He clearly scared the shit out of them, but I wasn’t blubbering or cowering. I was not frantic to be free after a long incarceration.
They couldn’t see the mess in my mind; outwardly, I might’ve even appeared normal.
“Cyderial?”
I had his full and eager attention. “Yes?”
He had no reason to give me anything I wanted, not when he could have just as easily locked me away and ridden me day and night. “Why are you really doing this for me?”
A simple brush of his hand over my breast so he might rest a palm against my belly, he purred, “You’re more than a mate. You’re a worthy adversary. And I adore you all the way down to your cute little toes.”
I would never be able to look at my feet the same way. Those toes curling, my cheeks flamed. “It can’t be that simple.”
“Someday, you will love me in return, and you will understand.”
The intoxicating drink seemed like a great idea, the glass at my lips and the sweetness on my tongue so I might not have to think of any reply.
Grinning at my discomfiture, he asked, “May I have a kiss so they all might see how well you’ve tamed me?”
I almost choked on my drink. Tamed? The man was as unhinged and feral as ever. But the powerful members of our kind were watching, their attention rapt.
Cyderial would benefit from my obedience. Of course he would. But so might I. No highly ranked male was going to listen to me if I was hysterical and quarrelsome. The agenda should be approached no differently than speaking with an academy instructor. Composure mattered.
Especially if you wanted something.
And I wanted Maeve to know what was going to happen to her. I wanted all my sisters to learn what the males would do to them.
A kiss to show the crowd I could be affectionate if given freedoms and respect?
What would it cost me to do something so simple?
Cautious, my fingertips went to his chest, the softness of his sweater pleasant as I considered the next move. Drawing my talons upward, I may have laid a light scratch over his throat. The noise he made in response, how his eyes flared, a clear sign he appreciated my delicate threat.
At last, I touched his hair. Fingering the blond hair that hung in his eyes, I brushed some of it aside to see him clearly and found him very patient indeed. It was the most intimate I had been with him, those acts that took place during sex motivated from primal urges.
I was choosing this without scent, sound, or strength to compel me.
Touching him freely, warmed by his body.
There was one problem if he wanted his kiss. Whispering, I went up on tiptoe, “You’re too tall for me to reach.”
Grinning, he leaned down enough so I might meet him.
A light press of my lips to his was all I gave.
Yet, one would think I had just given him a kingdom to rule. Rumbling out his satisfaction, swelling with pride, he straightened and stared down at me in that possessive way of his.