Chapter 11
He was a handsome man, his silver hair only an enhancement of his features. But what of his character? Turning to face the male who would barter for my unborn daughter, I asked, “Do you feel that I should have been your mate, General Aegir? Would you have been worthy of me?”
The question made him grow guarded, his expression blank, as he said, “That is irrelevant. You are mated to my friend now.”
Even the man at my back grew more tense, as I pressed, “Humor me. Had you heard my song, would it be your belief that I should be yours?”
Glancing to Cyderial, cagey threat in his glower, General Aegir said, “If I had heard your song, you would have been mine.”
“Buy why you and not him, or him?” I gestured to his companions, General Boreal and General Murdoch. “Why not one of them? Why would one of the three of you be preferable to someone who has known me for ten years?”
I did not know these men, their histories or motivations. I knew nothing about their character. So my questions were fair. I was even gentle as I asked, “Would any of you have waited all that time for me to age? Would you have hidden me away from the others, even though it might cost you the chance to have me?” And to myself, I asked, Would one of them have forced a knot into me, even though I begged them to stop? Because I believed all three of them capable of it. “Would you have trusted me with my freedoms? Supported me? Why should it have been you? You don’t know anything about me. What if my personality failed to suit you?”
Failing to blink, Aegir watched, rapt. “I don’t believe that would’ve been possible. Nature does not make mistakes.”
It seemed all males found the idea inconceivable, the burden solely on the female to accept a life partner they may not like. “What if your personality failed to suit me? The four of you are no doubt different people, with different interests. So how could I possibly suit all of you, if each of you heard my song? Sharing a genetic ancestor does not signify mutual appreciation.”
His stance grew more conversational, the male shifting his weight to his left foot to ponder. “I see your point. But you are failing to realize that the male adapts to the female.”
“Then why are the females locked away? It seems to me they are forced to conform to the male’s ideals if they ever want to smell the fog again.”
Fingers tapping his chin, Aegir grew thoughtful, silver hair shining. “And you are concerned I will do this with your child. That I want her for her song and not for her person.”
“It is a reasonable concern for any female you might hear sing.”
“Forgive me, but—” Hand to his chest, another man bowed. Broad-shouldered General Boreal, his voice deep, shared his opinion on my concerns. “—your behavior is irregular for a newly mated female. You are not trying to run. Cyderial claims you have not attempted to kill him. The nature of females is violence. That is why we keep them in their nests.”
Aghast, my eyes went wide. “If that is how newly mated females behave, then it is your fault it is happening!”
Unoffended, entirely direct, he demanded I explain. “How is it my fault?”
“If someone locked you away against your will for years on end, wouldn’t you try to run at first chance?”
Puzzled, General Boreal said, “Males are supposed to keep females in their nests until they form an affectionate emotional attachment. We have centuries of experience to back up that custom. Only then can they be trusted not to harm themselves without constant supervision.”
I’m not sure which of us was more confused. “It’s barbaric. Have you not heard the women tell you of their suffering? You could have prevented a great deal of it.”
As if gently correcting a child, Boreal said, “To interfere with another’s mate is not permitted. It is a sacred bond, and no mated male hybrid has ever hurt his female.”
Noting his use of “mated males” only, I narrowed my eyes. “Psychologically, they have. Or does that not count, since it doesn’t leave a mark?”
My question was ignored for one of his own, Boreal gesturing at the way I was tucked against Cyderial body. “The entirety of this situation is irregular. How is it that this is happening?”
My confusion at his question led him to address the man whose arms were around me. “She is touching you without persuasion, and you have been mated less than a week. How did you earn her affection so quickly?”
How strange it was that the males considered tolerance affection.
The backs of Cyderial’s fingers ran down my arm from shoulder to elbow, pride in his voice. “I prepared for ten years, learned what I could of her tastes without overly interfering in her life. We are not strangers.”
Oh… he had absolutely overly interfered, but saying so would not help my cause.
Offering his friends more information, Cyderial added, “Also, I pleasure her often in myriad ways without coercing her reaction… unless she asks me to. Heat has not been required to drive her into my arms.”
That wasn’t entirely true. Miranda’s persuasion did motivate me to offer myself the first time after our bond had been sealed.
Mortified he shared such personal information with his friends, I glared up at the smirking man, only to catch him winking at me.
Maybe I would try to kill him after all.
Aegir was watching me closely, too closely. “She has been provoked, and still, she does not try to strike you.”
Boreal’s focus was on the topic, not my flaming face or stiff posture. “Is it true? Do you enjoy his touch without coercion?”
The pride in Cyderial’s voice deepened his tenor, the vibrations moving through my spine to counter my humiliation, as he said, “She will not answer you. My Lorieyn is modest. But she actively participates in sex. I credit this to her education and our familiarity, as much as to her personality.”
The silent observer with the foxlike smirk stepped closer. The bronze-haired male looked at me very differently than the others. He looked at me as if all my secrets were known to him. General Murdoch demanded, “What does he mean by education?”
Uncomfortable, my voice came out a bit shrill. “Cyderial explained sex to me when I was fifteen.”
It wasn’t exactly an outright lie, but it was a half-truth at best. One the male at my back could easily contradict, should he so choose. Otherwise, I had no answer that might urge the collected men to give me what I wanted.
At my back, Cyderial supported me as he promised. “That is correct. There was an incident at the academy requiring an explanation for Lorieyn to understand the questioning. Furthermore, this has made her inquisitive, and I have answered every query she has asked me over the years since.”
The males did not need to know his answers had been vague at best and utterly useless at worst. Or that my questions had been quite innocent, Cyderial only too happy to keep me that way.
To maintain momentum, I asked all three of them, “I have wondered, why do you think young females do not deserve such knowledge? You are here speaking of it freely, yet we have to be cornered, subjected to unexpected suffering, and then exposed to unknown male anatomy. Do you understand how damaging that could be? It’s shocking to me that you cannot grasp why newly mated females want to run. Most first encounters are rape.”
Still puzzling me out, General Aegir seemed completely confounded. “Mating is natural.”
“Natural to a man who knows what’s happening and why. It’s terrifying to females kept ignorant about their bodies. It makes you assailants, aggressors… not kind men who want to love them.” Hearts picking up in rhythm, I ground my teeth. “Females suffer. Males force females to be ignorant yet are willfully ignorant themselves. If you have to drug a response, it’s not genuine.”
Before one of them might say something I’d never forgive, I added, “I’m not trying to insult you, but I will not subject any daughter I may bear to a male who believes such behavior is acceptable.”
Silence fell between us, the painful sort that fostered secrets and nurtured unspoken disagreement.
Cyderial began to pet my arm, a low rumble offered gently.
Uneasy, I asked Aegir, who seemed most reasonable, “Is it true many mated female hybrids refuse to bear young?”
Nodding, he said, “Yes.”
“Tonight, strangers begged me to give one of you my daughter, in the hope you might make the world a safer place. So that they too might know their daughters would not be abused or neglected. They will not give hybrids natural-born children until changes are made.”
Arms over his chest, General Aegir remained unsmiling. “State in specifics what it is you desire.”
Forcing a smile, I said, “Support me in allowing older unmated females of age to learn about their anatomy, the expectations of mating, the male’s ability to influence them, and the physical act itself.”
With unblinking, fixated stares, all three males kept their silence.
The fact that female education was so threatening… it was madness.
A far deeper fear began to take hold of me. “If the humans did not demand females be trained to serve, would we even be allowed education? Do you think so little of us?”
Aegir held up his hands as if to gentle me. “You misunderstand.”
Blood running cold, I would have backed away if not for Cyderial’s mass at my back. “Can you explain it to me? Right now, I’m starting to fear that hybrid males are a terrible threat to our kind.”
“I would give my mate anything she asked for.”
“But only after she was unwillingly in your control.” I had never really thought on it much in the past, but now I wanted to know. “Why are there no female generals? This corruption in thought is due to an imbalance. You have ignored women for so long that you do not think their opinions have value.”
“We are muddying the waters of this conversation by reaching outside of the original point. These are complex topics?—”
“I disagree. I am finding a great deal of clarity. Equality is simple. These issues are so much deeper than males’ desire for control. Without a mate, you have had no reason to consider females at all. If they do not sing, they are an afterthought.” It all began to make sense, and it was so very sad. “The women here tonight are begging me to give you a reason to care, because you have power but no consideration. This is so much deeper than manipulating females’ access to information. Are we purely ornamental to you?”
Cyderial did enjoy dressing me, styling my hair, demanding I arrive with a large belly so his friends might see. Would he have supported another female had she made reasonable suggestions? Without a mate’s opinion, he may not have been capable of it.
Leaving males in power was dangerous for us all.
But giving them my daughters might mean my girls could suffer. Cyderial claimed they were worthy, but I was not so sure.
It was an impossible position to be in.
“You may have some point that we do not consider other males’ mates. It is not in our nature, nor is it our place to do so. Not unless something can be learned that may be beneficial to the keeping of a woman of our own. It is the mated male’s duty to ensure his female is content. Unmated males serve, we work, we bleed, and we do this year after year—alone.”
So, we were not ornamental. It was worse. We did not exist to them. Not without a song. “This would be beneficial to all unmated females. Such benefits would pass to you through happy mates that may grow to love you without violence and manipulation.”
And that was the key to tempting these males’ attention.
They did not care about the greater good of females. They cared only about their female.
With everything to lose, I made a wager. “Let me prove it. General Thayer has heard the song of my exceptional friend. She will graduate in two weeks. If the three of you and Thayer agree, I will teach her, personally, what to expect when he comes for her. Together, we can all observe the outcome. You may be surprised how a female will act if she has not been abused by a man who believes his violence comes from a place of love.”
Unexpectedly, it was stoic General Boreal who instantly offered me his hand. “I will agree only if you are pregnant first. The details will be worked out later, but at least one of us will have a mate born within a year.”
His caveat made my hackles rise. “Agree to which part?”
Husky-voiced and serious as the grave, he said, “Your friend will receive private instruction, and we will observe the outcome. Should it go well, all females of age may be educated in this manner. If they disappoint us, the privilege will be retracted.”
Privilege? How I held my tongue, I could not say.
Jaw clenched, I looked to the other two.
The eldest seemed the most reasonable, but he did not reach out a hand. Aegir frowned deeply. “I will agree to the terms as well, so long as you are pregnant before speaking with your friend. But, should things fail with your exceptional friend and General Thayer, I will consider it proof that education on sexual topics for women is impractical. I believe you are the exception, not the rule.”
General Murdoch smiled, arm outstretched, voice velvet, as he said, “I demand twins.”
How could they possibly ask me to make such an impetuous decision with less than two weeks to deliberate? A baby was a serious consideration! This was not patience or compassion for females. It was force, with no promise of real follow-through.
They were demanding I go against my core beliefs.
I wanted to change things for women, but I would not sell my daughter for a handshake and halfhearted promise. Not to men who would not care about her concerns if she didn’t sing for them.
General Aegir, General Boreal, and General Murdoch… not one of them was worthy. This problem was too big for me to fix.
Devastated our kind could be so callous, I drew away. “I refuse your terms.”
Looking at males through new eyes, I felt a great weight come over me. “Not one of you cares about the improvement education could have on females’ lives. Your focus is only on your own selfish motivations to have a mate. How can you properly care for a woman you refuse to create a better world for?”
Murdoch looked to my mate. “You must convince her.”
Cyderial shook his head. “No. Lorieyn is correct. Expand your consideration and accept that we are discussing my offspring as well. For ten years, I have had reason to view the world through the eyes of a mate. This is something you must do as well, song or not, or you may never have what you want. Lorieyn has the power to deny you indefinitely… or only bear sons, who would be further competition should another genetic anomaly occur.”
My attention flashed to the man who held me, who had taken me from the world to keep me for himself. And the strangest sensation came over me.
Never would I have thought I might appreciate what he had done. But in that moment, I thanked God Cyderial found me first. That he’d been wise enough to keep me far away from all of them. Horrible as he was, these men would have made me miserable.
And then my mate edified them further. “Do you not think I have made difficult decisions regarding the keeping of females at the academy? The results of my work are clear; their survival rate is higher than it has been in a century. Less are assaulted or stolen by lower-ranked boys. This required me to earn recruits’ animosity, including the dislike of my Lorieyn here. But it was done to benefit them all, not for my advantage. Lorieyn may be affectionate, but there is a hardness in her hearts and good reason for it to be there. That was my sacrifice for the greater good. I could have taken her at twelve and groomed her as I pleased, but instead, she was left to endure the same as the rest. Because it was best for her, not for me. Think on that in the upcoming years of your solitude.”
Something flipped in my belly, my insides going liquid to hear him speak such perfect words.
Where was the general who allowed children to be beaten by instructors, and sisters to be lonely for their brothers? Who was this man, who assured I was educated and prepared, who had kept me safe?
He did not seem at all the same as the person I hated and feared for so long.
How would I reconcile the sentiment knocking at my breast? Awed, I looked at him with gratitude. “Thank you.”
Dignified and tender, he cupped my cheek. “You never need to thank me for taking care of you.” To his friends, he said, “You will respect my mate’s decision. Do not trouble her on this topic again.”
“Wait!” The voice was Thayer’s, my attention pulled from warm green eyes to find the massive general stepping out of the shadows.
I could not fathom how a man so large could have possibly concealed himself so well, but he emerged from the dark, clearly having been eavesdropping.
Golden and eager, he wasted no time rushing forward to be heard. “I do agree to your terms, Lorieyn. Tell Maeve anything you wish her to know. When I come for her after graduation, I want her to appreciate that her happiness is my greatest concern.”
If that were fully true, he would wait until Maeve chose him in return. But one small victory was better than two great failures. It might be the best I could ever do for my friend.
Relief that not everything had been shot to hell, I quickly nodded my agreement. “Thank you, General Thayer. I will tell her that you were willing to do what is best for her. Unlike these men, who would only consider your mate’s wellbeing if they were paid for it.”
General Boreal was unhappy with the insult, frowning as he looked me over. “Lorieyn, you are asking us to go against thousands of males and five hundred years of custom, with no assurances it will not cause a great deal of trouble. We do not know if this would improve the lives of women at all.”
I was not a fan of confrontation; I never had been. But I was more than willing to stand up for what was right. “Afraid the women will refuse the list if they learn there is no freedom, no matter their sufferings through academy life? If you cannot entice a female without tricks, you do not deserve one. Things have been too easy for males for too long. All the while, females were trapped with the burden of your inattention. I will not let my children suffer the same.”
Hands before him as if that might cool my temper, Aegir said, “Let’s be reasonable.”
I had been reasonable. I had even been hopeful. Now, I was just exhausted. “What makes you think you are better than the humans who created us to die for them? Why do you think hybrid women refuse to produce children? The expectations you impose on them are cruel. Even once during this conversation, did you consider what it would mean for my child to be born simply for your gratification? Any daughter I bear will suffer the loss of her mother. She will suffer the academy. She will suffer three men who desperately want her song to soothe their own urges. Men who will stalk her days and control her life as much as they are able. She will suffer one of you stealing her away. How could you expect me to do that to my own baby? Speak to the women here. Let them hold up a mirror and show you what you are. Until you take a good, hard look, don’t speak to me on this topic again.”
General Murdoch went from smirk to sneer. “And do not expect one of us will be moved without a female child growing in your womb.”