15. Jack
Jack
I wake up to a constant beeping noise in the room.
Thinking it’s my alarm, I reach out to turn it off, but my hand hits against something hard.
My eyes snap open, and I realise its a heart monitor.
Dragging my hand over my face, I remember my dad and uncle turning up at Silas’ house, and I hear the monitor increase as the memories flood back in.
The fear hits next. The terror that ripped through me when they threatened Hale and Finn. All I knew was that I had to get to Finn, had to make sure Hale was safe.
I left Silas’ house without shoes, a jacket, nothing. Hell, I hadn’t even locked the door. All I knew was I had to get to Finn, so I just ran.
A knock at the door causes my whole body to jolt. Panic tears through me as I watch the handle turn.
“Jack?”
I clutch my chest in relief. Thank fuck. Finn.
He steps inside holding a brown paper bag and three coffees, Eli standing just behind him.
“Oh, Jack…” Finn’s voice cracks, concern flooding his face as his eyes fill with tears. He sets the bag and the coffees on the table beside the bed, then moves closer. I can see it in his shoulders, in the way he breathes. He wants to hug me.
I force myself to open my arms. I lock down the panic and let him in.
“Softly, okay.”
He nods, tears spilling as he folds himself into my arms. His hold is gentle, careful, like he thinks I might break.
Eli stands beside the bed with a small smile, watching Finn wrap himself around me.
“He was worried. He came screaming into the Emergency Department yesterday morning, demanding to see you, and threatening everyone that his Lumberjack will deal with them, if they didn’t let him see you. I had to call Deck to come and remove him.”
“They wouldn’t let me see you,” Finn sniffs quietly, and I tighten my arms around him. “I was so scared, Jack.”
“I know. I needed to get to you.” My body starts to tremble under Finn’s touch, the fear from yesterday still sitting under my skin.
I pull back and Finn steps away, knowing I’ve hit my limit. Eli drags a chair over and sits, leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees.
“First things, first. Do we need sugar and coffee first? I think you might need it, Yours is decaf. Eli wouldn’t let me get you real coffee” Finn says, rolling his eyes.
I huff a laugh. Even with everything going on, he still reaches for food and coffee.
“Sure. Why not.” I am grateful for the pause.
Eli and I watch as Finn pulls out the biggest donuts I have ever seen. He hands me one, then passes me my coffee. So, I can have sugar, but not coffee. Right, that makes total sense.
We settle, and I sip quietly. The donut can wait as my stomach isn’t ready for food.
“So, talk.” Finn’s voice leaves no room for argument. Eli laughs softly and shakes his head at him.
“What?” Finn looks between us. “I want to know why. What was so urgent you left with no shoes and ran down the street in your pajama bottoms before collapsing and passing out in the middle of the street. What happened, Jack?”
The heart monitor beside me beeps too fast. I glance at it, frowning, frustration rising at the noise.
Eli reaches over and switches it off, giving me a small smile.
I sink back into the pillow, my coffee forgotten. Frustration and anger knot tight in my chest.
“My dad and uncle found me again. This time they came into Silas’ house.”
“What do you mean they came into the house? Did you let them in?” Finn’s voice grows louder, anger sharpening each word.
I shake my head. “Of course not, I don’t know how they got in. I was rinsing my mug and then suddenly the door was opening and they were walking in.”
Eli leans forward, resting his hand on the bed near my leg.
“Did they touch you?” Eli asks.
I shake my head and look between him and Finn. “No.”
Tears start falling as I pull in a deep breath, bracing myself. “They threatened Hale.” I look at Eli, then Finn. “And you.”
Finn’s whole body tenses. “Threatened me? Hale?”
I nod. “He said you might take a bad fall down a flight of stairs, and that accidents happen all the time. I was terrified they were heading to you, so I ran. I don’t even remember leaving. All I knew was that I had to get to you.”
Finn’s whole body vibrates with anger. He knows what happened to my mother, and that I think my uncle killed her.
He also knows my uncle always follows through on his promises. He knows his life is in danger if I don’t stop them.
I press my hand to my mouth as tears spring to my eyes. Panic rises fast and sharp at the thought of Ray and my dad getting to Finn or Hale. Touching them. Hurting them.
“Jack?” Finn’s voice is quiet and careful. He leans a little closer. Neither of them touch me, but my body aches for something. I can’t tell if I need pain or kindness, as my fingers twist together, white-knuckled.
Eli moves his hand, hovering it over mine. “Can I?” he asks.
I hate that I am like this, that touch for me only means pain. Silas is the only one who touches me, and even he’s careful.
I nod.
Eli lowers his hand, slow and deliberate. I brace for the pain, for the punch that never comes. The pain from his touch is there, always there, but I breathe through it.
“You’re okay, Jack,” Eli murmurs. His hand stays still, just a gentle weight. It hurts like needles in my skin, and my fingers twitch, but I force them to stay still.
My throat tightens. “They found me. They want me back.”
Pain flickers across Finn’s face. “That is not happening, Jack. Over my dead body will that ever happen.”
I drag in a sharp breath. “He threatened to kill you, Finn.”
Finn grabs my hand and my breath stutters, coming out in short bursts. “They are not getting you back. Silas won’t let that happen. You are our family, Jack. They were never your family.”
“Silas wasn’t there, Finn, nobody was there. They still got to me, even with everything in place. They still got inside Silas’ home.” My voice drops to a whisper, “I was supposed to be safe there.”
I pull my hands out from under Eli’s; his hand falls to my knee as I drag my hand across my face. My head sinks back into the pillow.
“I thought I was done. I thought when we ran that I had escaped them. I thought running was the best idea, but they found their stray dog.”
Finn reaches for my hand, his grip firm. My fingers are cold as he wraps both of his hands around mine, turning his body toward me.
“He is not going to get Hale. Or me.” He wraps both my hands in his, “Or you, Jack. Fuck that, Silas won’t let that happen.”
I laugh, sharp and bitter. “Silas can’t be everywhere, Finn. If my uncle and my dad want to take me, they will. There is nothing I can do to stop them.”
“You can’t blame yourself for them getting to you. This is not on you, Jack,” Eli says quietly. His hand rests on my leg, a heavy pressure that burns through my jeans. I lift it off my skin screaming with needles, and I rub the spot where he touched me.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
Eli’s smile is warm, and I know he isn’t judging me. “Don’t apologise, Jack. I get it.”
My fingers wring tightly in my lap. My breathing turns sharp at what my uncle did to me, and to my mother, my chest hurting at the memories.
“I know what will happen if he gets Hale. I know what Ray does to boys,” I say quietly. “I know what he teaches, how he trains, and how they break him down before rebuilding him into a machine. Hale is not strong enough to survive that. His heart is too gentle.”
Eli moves his hand again, hovering it over mine. He doesn’t touch me, but I feel it like pressure anyway. “Jack, you’re safe.”
“I’m not worried about me,” I say. “I’m worried about Hale. He already went through hell when we found him. He doesn’t have family, and I know my uncle and my dad will exploit that.”
“Jack. He isn’t alone. He has Silas and you. He has us,” Eli says, his voice firm and certain. I want to believe him, I do, but he doesn’t know my uncle and my dad the way I do. My uncle always gets what he wants.
I shake my head. “I can’t let him do that to Hale. What he did to me…” I trail off with a sob.
Finn leans forward, pressing his forehead to my temple as he speaks softly into my ear. “You won’t, Jack, and I promise you Jack, we won’t either.”
“He has already started, Finn,” I whisper. “He is already threatening him. If he can get to me, he can get to Hale.”
“Then we stop him.” Eli’s voice trembles now. My chest tightens at the sound, and tears slide down my face as he watches me with a sad smile. “We stop him, Jack.”
“He will retaliate,” I say, shaking my head.
Eli frowns. “Retaliate?”
“They don’t like to lose. They don’t let people take what they think is theirs. If Ray thinks Hale belongs to him, they’ll come and they will take him. If Ray thinks Silas is interfering, he’ll just come back harder, or will kill Silas. And I won’t survive if that happens.”
“Jack, ,my lumberjack, CJ, Silas, they will stop him. I mean, shit, Callan will have him in his scope the second he comes near you.”
I huff at that. Almost a laugh. Almost a smile.
I couldn’t even save myself. I am weak and useless, the stray dog they always told me I was. Pointless and out on the street if I stepped one foot out of place.
“He already did, Finn. He stood in front of me and looked me in the eyes. They called me Jackie.”
Finn’s face twists in disgust. Eli’s hand lands on my hands and I flinch at the touch, but I force myself to keep still.
“I can still hear their voices. I can still feel the terror when they walked into the house. I can still feel every beating, every time they locked me in the closet. Every time they chained me to the bed and hit me with the strap or whip.” Tears fall freely, landing on my lap.
Eli hands me a tissue, and I rub it wipe my eyes and nose and hold the crumpled ball tight in my hand.
“I can still feel the blood that dripped from my cuts. How am I supposed to believe after all of that that I am safe? That Hale and Silas are safe? That you’re safe?”
I sit up again because I can’t stay still. I need to move, to burn off the static under my skin.