15. Jack #3
Tears spring to my eyes at the thought of Silas being hurt, and I have to hold in a sob as I lay there, our chests pressed together, his leg hooked over my hip. His chest hair tickles my skin when I shift slightly, as I realise I am completely cocooned by Silas.
His touch doesn’t hurt anymore. I’ve learnt that his touch is not one I need to fear. I love that it makes me feel safe. Wanted.
I press my face against his chest, pressing my lips lightly against his skin, smiling against his skin as his warm scent wraps around me, warm and familiar, breathing in deeply as I take his smell deep into my lungs.
I snuggle in closer, letting my body mould against his, and a soft sigh escapes me as my lips wander lazily across his chest.
I have no idea how long I have been out. When I crash like that, it can be a day or two. The exhaustion is normal. What is not normal is waking up next to Silas.
He shifts to lean back, and my body instinctively follows him.
He presses his lips to my forehead as I hear him laugh quietly. I lean back, blinking up at him, my eyes half hooded, and a small smile on my lips.
He smiles gently. “Hey, dove.”
“Hey…” My throat hurts at the word, so I clear my throat and try again. “Hey Sol.” I smile at him.
He kisses my forehead as his hand slides up to take my hand. His leg stays draped over my hip, anchoring me in place. Wrapped in Silas, all I feel is heat and tingles spreading through my body, as I am c`tightly against him.
“Baby.” His hand brushing the hair from my eyes. “You scared me, Dove.” His hand rests on my cheek, and I nuzzle into it.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise, Jack. I just walked in and saw you convulsing, not breathing on the floor, and it terrified me. I thought I was losing you.” His voice is soft and cracking.
I shake my head. “It doesn’t happen often. It hasn’t happened since I got here. Normally, I’m in my cell alone.”
A sob rips from his chest.
“Cell?”
I nod. “Dad and Uncle Ray would lock me in a cell in the basement when I misbehaved. It had a dirt floor, and it was so cold and damp. Mumma used to break me out and sleep with me in her bed, or we would go see the neighbour. If she couldn’t help me, I remember I always got sick after.”
“How old were you?”
“It started when I was eight, But it didn’t stop until I ran away with Finn.” I nuzzle into his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Please, just leave it.”
He nods and completely changes the subject. “Finn and Eli asked me to text them when you woke up. Let them know you are doing okay.”
“Shit.” I try to sit up, reaching for my phone, but Silas tightens his hold and keeps me exactly where I am.
“Stay.”
My body relaxes instantly at that one word.
He waits a moment, then asks again, voice low and steady. “How do you feel?”
“Exhausted,” I say honestly.
“I’m not surprised. You were totally gone when I arrived.”
“I know. I couldn’t stop it. Everything just became too much.
My mind goes to a safe place, and I lose complete control over my body.
Doctors have said its called anxiety paralysis.
My body just stops working. Normally I can’t pull myself out of it.
” I kiss him lightly, “But you pulled me out, Sol.”
I shake my head, burying my face into his chest, breathing in his scent. Cedar. Pine and Silas’s musk and heat.
My hand touches his sling and I pull my head back. “Silas.” My voice leaves him no room to dodge my next question. “What happened?” My hand runs up his arm and lands on his shoulder.
He flinches, pulling in a sharp breath. “Careful, boy.”
“What happened, Sol?” My voice is small, filled with an apology and concern.
He sighs and presses a quick kiss to my lips. “Don’t freak out.”
“Silas, say that and I will. Tell me what happened. And please don’t lie to me.”
He laughs softly. “Okay, baby. I was shot, it’s a through and through. It’s not bad, I promise, I’m fine.”
Tears spring to my eyes at the thought of Silas getting hurt.
“Oh, baby.” He pulls me tighter “Do not cry. I’m okay, I promise.”
“Okay.” I sniff. “Silas, can I ask something else?”
“Anything, dove.”
“We have a bigger bed.”
A bark of laughter escapes him and it makes me smile. “Yeah. Eli organised a bigger bed for us. There was no way I was going to sleep in that chair. My frame in that, I would break it. And he used his ‘I a nurse here and I’m very important’ card to get what he wanted.”
I nod, thinking about the man laying next to me, his body all shot up and he’s the one protecting me. Like I’m worth it.
And then it hits me hard.
For so long, I thought love was just another weapon people used to break me, get what they wanted. It was always something sharp and dangerous, and it always came with a price.
But as I lie here wrapped in Silas, I see him clearly now.
This man, this former soldier, a killer, is my Sol, my Dom.
I realise that he is a walking apocalypse to everyone else, but to me, he’s just a soft, heavy weight wrapped entirely around my heart.
And as his arms hold me, and his eyes hold mine; soft and steady, as if I am something precious instead of broken, the realisation finally breaks through the static in my head.
I love him.
And I have loved him long before I even knew how to breathe properly.