Chapter 19
ZACH
Ionly had a few hunches, nothing more, but I needed Rafe to believe I had information he wanted. I wasn’t letting this opportunity slip away from me, and I also wasn’t done with him. Fuck. I’d never come like that in my life. “It’s a few leads. I don’t have any proof.”
“Who is it, Zach? Tell me now.”
“Not before we make a deal.”
“A deal? You just came in my ass. That’s all the deal you get.”
I grinned and shook my head. “That was the prize you won for bringing me here.”
“You followed me.”
“You begged me to.”
“Fuck off.”
I pulled my clothes on as I said, “I need to know that we’re working toward the same goal.
That when this is over, we’ll both walk away, alive and well, with no consequences to either of our careers.
” Something flashed in his eyes. Disappointment?
Fuck. My chest tightened. I didn’t want to walk away either, but what choice did I have?
I couldn’t fucking date one of the Theriots and keep my job.
The job you hate? The one that holds you back?
“I won’t bring you or any of your family members in, and you don’t reveal anything to them about me.”
Rafe rolled his eyes. “You want that in writing? Are you going to take that to your handler?”
I almost said SAC to correct him but stopped myself in time. He didn’t know what agency I was with, and he didn’t need to. “Didn’t you insist your family always keep their word?”
He scowled. “We do.”
“So give me your word that we’ll work together to bring Ivanov down, then we’ll go our separate ways, with no consequences to either of us.”
Rafe held my gaze for a moment, then looked away. “This is insane. You should go and stay the hell away from the casino.”
“I should do a lot of things, but I rarely listen to shoulds, and I don’t think you do either.”
He laughed, but the sound was bitter. “No, I really don’t.” He ran his good hand through his hair. “I need a shower. I’m… I just need…”
He needed space. He still wasn’t fully himself after nearly being killed twice in one night. How the hell could he be? “Go shower. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
I sank my teeth into my lower lip as I watched him walk away. Damn, he was hot. His ass was perfection. I wanted to order him back. To fuck him again. I really did think I could fuck him for hours.
I had to sink into one of his kitchen chairs as I remembered how much better the reality of Rafe was from the fantasy.
And it had been a good fantasy. I’d come hard and fast, but the reality of it, of having him on his knees, of pinning him to the counter and taking him as hard as I wanted to, was beyond anything I could have thought up.
The way he acted like a slut one minute, then fought for control made me crazy.
And the way he let me do anything I wanted, like he had to prove himself, might undo me.
I let my head drop back against and replayed the memory of Rafe begging me and the look in his eyes as he came. I was hard again and tempted to go join him in the shower, but somehow, I had enough functioning brain cells to stay where I was and let him have his space.
I pulled my phone out and saw message after message, as well as a few missed calls, all from Maria. I didn’t want her sending somebody looking for me, so I texted her back.
I’m alive. I’m onto something. I’ll get back to you when it’s a civilized hour.
Her response came faster than it should have at this hour. No. Call now.
I considered ignoring her, but her patience wasn’t endless.
I was in so much trouble. I’d gone off the rails before, but never like this. I wasn’t going to tell her nearly everything, but I’d have to confess at least part of what had happened tonight. She’d likely seen something about the explosion already. Would she assume I was involved?
No matter what she said, I was going to keep working with Rafe. And fucking him.
Maybe I should quit now. Maria had to know I wasn’t going to last much longer.
I’d put up with government nonsense for as long as I could, and it was only getting worse.
I couldn’t work undercover if I had no autonomy, but I wanted to bring Ivanov down before I left the bureau.
I needed to finish my career with that accomplishment.
I’d been working toward it for too long.
I had to remind myself that was why I was here with Rafe.
He was my way to more information. This wasn’t real.
No matter how good it felt. I was just playing a role.
Right. I could almost make myself believe that.
Except… there was absolutely no reason for me to fuck Rafe to work with him.
I could have kept my hands off him and still gotten what I needed.
I didn’t like admitting that, so I pushed the thought away, hid it in an old dusty file in the back of my brain, and hoped it wouldn’t come out again.
I’d reconsider everything later, after I left here.
Later was going to suck almost as much as this call.
I listened for the sound of the shower, making sure Rafe wouldn’t be able to hear me, and then I blew out a breath and made the call.
“What the fuck is going on with you?” Maria asked.
“I’m working on a lead.”
“Does that lead have to do with the explosion at Rafael Theriot’s house?”
Fuck. “Not directly.”
“Where are you?”
“Working on a lead.”
“I’m about ten seconds from pulling you off this assignment. It’s time to start answering honestly.”
“You should get some sleep. Then you wouldn’t be so cranky.”
“Nine. Eight. Sev—”
“I went to the casino and saw Andretti. He followed Rafael, and I followed both of them.”
“And?”
“I was convinced he was working with Ivanov. I assumed he was keeping an eye on Rafael, but I was wrong. It was personal, and I managed to save Rafael from a knife across the throat.”
Maria exhaled.
“Would you rather I let him die?”
“He’s a Theriot. Should I care?”
“He’s not—” I froze. I’d been about to say he wasn’t like the others. Fucking hell, what was happening to me? He was exactly like the others, but he felt so good when he gave in to me when he—
“He’s not what?” Maria asked.
“He’s my connection, my way in. I need him alive. For now.”
“You fucking told him, didn’t you?”
How did she know? “I had to say something.”
“Right, and as a respected, veteran undercover agent, you couldn’t come up with anything but the truth.”
Heat filled my face. “I didn’t tell him the whole truth.
” I paused, listening for the shower again.
The water was still running. “I told him I worked for a government agency, and we made a deal.” So we hadn’t officially, but if Rafe tried to back away now, I was confident I could use my mouth to make him give in.
“I won’t use anything I learn against him or his family, and he’ll work with me to find Ivanov’s link to the casino and bring the fucker down. ”
“I told you not to bring Rafael in on this.”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“Convenient.”
I blew out a long breath. “I can handle this.”
“I should pull you now.”
“Don’t. You know how hard I’ve worked, and no one else could get this close.”
“And that’s the only reason you still have a job. Fuck, it’s probably the only reason you’re not in jail.” Before I could respond to her probably true statement, she continued. “What happened to the man who attacked Rafael?”
“He’s dead.”
Maria didn’t say anything, but I could hear her exhale.
“The Theriots took care of the body. They think Rafe—uh, Rafael killed him.”
“You killed a man, and then—”
“He would have killed Rafe.”
“A mobster you know well enough to use his nickname.”
“Maria—”
“I don’t want any excuses. Tell me what happened next.”
“I followed Rafael back to his house.”
“Fucking hell. Why do you keep telling me you’re straight?”
“Because I—”
“I asked for honesty. After what I put up with from you, I deserve honesty.”
“Fine. I’m maybe not so straight.”
“Jesus, he’s not the one to try that out with.”
“Probably not, but life doesn’t always make things easier.”
“Like when you got assigned to me.”
“Yeah, like that.”
“Are you still at his house? Were you there when his car blew up?”
“Yeah, I was going to ride to the casino with him.”
“You’re going to give me a heart attack for real this time. Who blew up his car?”
“I don’t know.”
“Zach.”
“I don’t. I was there, and none of them know.”
“None of them? How fucking many Theriots are you friends with now?”
“Only Rafael. I hid and listened while the others were there.”
“Jesus Christ. He could have brought you out for them to—”
“No. He wouldn’t do that. He won’t risk his reputation with the family. He wants them to see him as someone important, not someone tricked by a fed. All of them assumed the bomb was set by Ivanov’s people.”
“Why would they kill Rafael if they’re trying to use him?”
“That’s what we’re confused about.”
“Figure it out, and don’t get in any deeper. You’re there to find Ivanov and bring him in, not to be sleeping with the enemy.”
“I’m working with the enemy to catch a bigger enemy. Don’t act like that’s not a typical government strategy.”
Maria sighed. “Take care of yourself. Physically and otherwise. You’re a fucking pain in the ass, but I don’t want you killed out there.”
“I’m watching my back.”
“Check in tomorrow.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I ended the call and realized Rafe had turned off the shower. A few moments later, he appeared in the kitchen doorway. Clearly, he could move around as silently as I could. Had he heard anything?
As soon as I saw the raw, ragged burn on his hand, I forgot about everything but the pain he must be in. “Come here. Let me re-bandage your hand.”
He frowned. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do. You need to keep it covered to prevent infection. Did you listen to anything the paramedics told you?”
“Um, not really.”
“Of course not.”
“I was a little preoccupied.”
I softened my tone. “I know.” I took hold of his wrist, and he let me pull his hand toward me. “Does it hurt as bad as I think it does?”
Rafe shrugged. “I… I’ve had worse.”
I shook my head, hating the thought of that, even though I’d been shot multiple times and suffered several broken bones. I knew the kind of life he led, but I didn’t want him hurt, not even a scrape. Where the fuck did these intense feelings come from?
I laid his hand on the counter, palm up. “Don’t move.”
I went to find the bandages and antibiotic cream the paramedics had left. I was surprised when I came back and he really hadn’t moved. He was watching me, and the attention made my cock stir. How many times could he make me come in one night?
“I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
Rafe nodded. The silence between us felt thick and heavy.
I suddenly felt out of breath, but I focused on his burn.
It had to have hurt like hell in the shower, but I didn’t say anything about that.
I smoothed the gel on as quickly as I could and then wrapped it.
I was much too aware of the weight of his arm on my hand, the warmth of his skin, and the way he was also breathing hard.
I had to force myself not to jerk my hands away when I was finished. Touching him had become way too much. “All done.”
He flexed his hand and winced, then looked up at me. “That was your handler on the phone, wasn’t it?”
I wasn’t ready for the change of subject, but I managed to answer. “Something like that.”
He huffed. “What did you tell him about me?”
“That you love to suck my cock.”
Rafe flipped me off, and things began to feel a little more normal.
“I didn’t tell him anything that matters. We have a deal, right?”