Chapter Seventeen
Neither Ronan nor Ewan were seated at the high table for the late meal. After seeing the two of them together earlier in the day and the way they shared a laugh at her expense, Brenna assumed Ewan had turned Ronan against her yet again.
She’d been so hopeful after he’d asked if they could start over. She should have known better. Why did she still hope Ronan was the man she’d once thought him to be?
Having lost her appetite, she decided to go to the study to tend to the ledgers as she had done since Geordie had taught her how. She wasn’t sure if Ronan planned to take them over, but she would ensure they were in order if he did.
She didn’t make it to the study before being pulled into the solar at the end of the hall. She rarely spent time there in the spring and summer, preferring to be outside while the weather was warm. But Ewan had been lurking inside, apparently waiting for her to walk by.
He held her wrists high above her head, straining her shoulders and forcing his face close to hers.
“You fool, you still attempt to fill Ronan’s head with lies.”
“I’m not the one who has lied, Ewan.” Antagonizing the man was probably not her best strategy, but she couldn’t hold her tongue.
He laughed. “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t believe you. He’s playing at this starting over bit to earn your trust, and then he plans to get rid of you so he can take a wife of his choosing.”
Brenna’s face must have shown her shock. He chuckled darkly.
“What? Did you believe he’d want someone like you?” He laughed; the cruel sound made her sick. “A man just home from war hasn’t tried to bed his wife. Have you not asked yourself why?”
He released her and backed away.
“Go on. I don’t plan to harm you. I don’t need to.
Ronan will see to it himself. He lures you closer so no one will suspect anything if you succumb to an accident while hunting.
” He waved her out of the room, and she fled on shaking legs.
“Do take care. A woman in the woods alone could befall many dangers.”
She didn’t believe Ewan. He lied simply for the joy of lying.
But he hadn’t made any of his usual threats to force her silence.
He didn’t seem worried at all about losing control.
Could he be telling the truth? Ronan had said they would start anew in their relationship.
Was it, as Ewan said, a ruse so no one would suspect him if she were to be injured, or worse?
No. Ronan, indeed, had no plans to harm her. Except…he hadn’t touched her, hadn’t even attempted to. But for a bit of flirting, he hadn’t seemed interested in her at all. And he’d never wanted her to be his wife. Even the day they were to marry, he’d wanted Hannah, not Brenna.
Letting the ledgers rot, she went to her room and barred the door and the window.
Once she was alone, she gave in to the doubts.
The tears that gathered and ran down her cheeks angered her even more.
Exhausted from the early day and the stress of what unknown displeasure was to come, she eventually drifted off.
If Ronan had ever come to the room and tried to get in, she’d not heard him.
Perhaps he’d spent the night in the village in the company of the women who invited Ewan to their bed.
What a fool Brenna had been to believe Ronan could care for her.
She still didn’t think he would resort to murder, but she would be careful.
She went about her routine, stopping by the kitchen to select a few warm bannocks and a bit of butter.
She filled her skin with ale and placed everything in her pack.
She retrieved her horse as always and rode out to the kirk.
She visited her loved ones and crossed the forest to hunt like any other day.
Her heart took to pounding when she heard someone ride up and dismount.
A moment later, her husband entered the woods carrying a bow.
She wanted to think it was nothing more than Ewan’s words and her imagination, but what if Ronan had other plans?
“Brenna?”
Her breath seemed stuck in her chest as she froze in place.
Was he there to end his marriage to the woman he never wanted?
She could shoot him from where she hid. She could tell everyone it was an accident.
But who would believe her? And did it matter if they did if she would sooner die herself than hurt him?
And what if she was wrong? She was sure she was.
After all, Ewan had been the one to plan this seed of doubt.
“It isn’t true,” she whispered before speaking louder. “Here.”
He smiled, though it seemed strained as he came closer.
“Do you mind if I join you on your hunt today?” he asked.
He blew out a breath. “You’re wondering where I was last night,” he guessed.
“I went to sit by the loch to think, and years of sleeping outside made it easy to doze off until the sun woke me.”
He rubbed at his leg. “I’m paying for my foolishness this morning. My leg didn’t take to the cool ground.”
They stood silently for a few minutes as she studied him, waiting to see what he planned. He interrupted the silence and pointed. “There, a rabbit,” Ronan whispered next to her, his breath warm on her ear. He nodded when she didn’t respond. “Go ahead. Take the shot.”
She nodded and drew back her bow. Trying to calm her breathing, she waited and released the arrow, which missed by a few yards. Damn, her shaking hands.
He looked at her in surprise. “What happened? I’ve never seen you miss.”
The day before, they’d not shot anything, but then she remembered he’d said he’d been in the woods with her that first morning when she’d thought it was Ewan.
He’d seen her shoot then. With a shaky breath, she ran a damp palm over the thigh of her breeches.
Was there any reason to drag this out? To pretend?
To carry on as if she didn’t know why he’d joined her out there?
“Your hands are shaking. Are ye well?”
Since he’d asked, she would be honest. She wouldn’t attempt to talk him out of this. She wouldn’t beg. But she’d be truthful.
“I don’t want to believe it, but it’s just if I’m wrong… Well, the dying part has made me nervous.”
“Dying? Why do you think you’re dying?”
She waved her hand to the forest. “I don’t want to believe such a thing, but I can’t eliminate the idea, for I know you can’t remarry and breed an heir with someone else as long as I’m alive.
So if you came out here to rid yourself of me, I ask that you get on with it. The wondering over it grows tiring.”
“You think I came out here to murder my wife?” His eyes went wide with surprise.
“Nay, or rather, I’m not sure.” She shrugged, trying to seem courageous while facing death.
“Ewan told me of your plan. To win my trust with that proposal to start fresh and find happiness together only so you can get rid of me, freeing you to marry someone of your choosing. And it’s a fact you never wanted me. So is it true?”
He looked down at the ground momentarily, cursing quietly to himself. He was a seasoned warrior who’d just returned from war. Surely, he could drop her quickly if he’d just done it already.
“He said you wish to make it look like an accident.”
“An accident…?” He shook his head. “If one of us deserves death, it’s me for what I’ve done to you. I’ve been a poor excuse for a husband and don’t deserve ye.” He rubbed his forehead and bent over, resting his hands on his knees.
She didn’t know if it was some trick or what he was after. He held out his dagger with the handle toward her. Was he offering himself to her?
Stepping away from the knife, she shook her head.
“No. Not just because the whole clan would come down on me, and I’d be hanged anyway, but because I don’t want you dead.
” She winced and added, “Perhaps there was a small moment when you first arrived when I may have wished it before I took it back.”
To her surprise, his mouth pulled up on one side. “You took it back?” he asked, walking closer. He sheathed his dirk.
“Aye,” she admitted. “I want to hate you, but something keeps me from doing it very well. Even now.”
“I am a lucky sot indeed.” He stopped in front of her and reached for her hand. She jumped but relaxed when it was empty. Just his palm held out, waiting.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“In truth, I came out here because you are so happy. You seem so free. I want to be with you. I really want to get to know you how I should have when we were first wed.”
He let out a breath. “I can’t go back and change anything that has already happened. I would if it were possible. But I do want you.”
He took another step and lowered his head to place a soft kiss on the corner of her lips.
“I beg you not to toy with me,” she whispered, her voice trembling. She so wanted to believe him.
“My uncle has lied to us both, Brenna. Let’s not allow him to ruin what could be between us.”
And like that, all her defenses fell and her anger fled.
If Ronan were lying, she would be caught unaware, but she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to kiss him.
Reaching up, she grasped his long, blond locks and pulled him to her lips, where she kissed him with all the passion that had been stored up these past years.
“Dear God,” he whispered as he lowered his mouth to the skin on her throat. “I’d only wanted a kiss, but when you do it like that, I can’t help but want more.”
His hands had lowered to her arse, where he grasped her close to him. She felt the ridge of his erection, and her head spun with his words.
He wanted her. This knowledge spurred her into action. She reached for the buckle of his belt, getting the leather tangled as she frantically tried to release him from his clothes. Stepping back just enough to reach for her trews, he fumbled with the fall.
A low growl left his lips. “I generally like seeing the curves of your arse in the tight leather, but I find myself wishing for the ease of a gown at the moment.”
She realized then what would happen if they continued down this path, and she froze.
“What is it?” he asked, staying his hands when she stilled. Then he looked around them as if only then realizing where they were. “Christ. What am I doing? I’m sorry, Brenna, truly. I didn’t mean to tup you like a randy lad in the woods. Forgive me, I got carried away.”
“I’m not so fancy I’d care about being in the forest. In truth, I can see how it might be quite nice since I enjoy being in the forest, but it’s just…
” How did she share her fears? It’s best to be outright with it.
“I only wonder why you would wish to lie with me. Surely, I’ll do the same things to displease you. ”
“Displease me?”
“It was made quite clear to me in the days and weeks that followed your leaving how you preferred to travel to fight another country’s war and face death rather than be forced to lie with me again. I must have been truly dissatisfying. Everyone said so.”
She recalled the whispers, the fear of being alone in a strange place with a new clan. But she’d thought she’d have her husband there to help. But what she’d gotten were rumors and scandal.
And then such pain she didn’t think she’d survive it. But she had—alone.