Chapter 35 Alexis
ALEXIS
I stand on the balcony and watch Finn walk out of my life.
Everything hurts, and my throat feels thick.
His words echo in my mind. To add insult to injury, as I stood there listening to Finn call me a child and tell me we had no future, my own father was notifying me that he changed his flight and was boarding a plane to Washington within the hour.
The sting of both their rejections hits me.
Turning, I walk inside and head straight to the shower. With numb hands, I crank the temp as high as it can go before stepping inside, welcoming the sting of the scalding water on my skin.
The truth settles in my heart like a stone.
I'm not enough.
Not enough for Finn to take a chance on.
Not enough for my father to actually love me.
Sliding to the floor of the shower and pulling my knees into me, I bury my head and sob.
Crying for the little girl that stood by the window waiting for her dad, only to wake up in the morning on the floor because he had never shown up, and she hadn’t been able to give up on the chance that he would.
I cry for the girl that overheard her mom on the phone saying she regretted ever having a child and resented the way her body had changed because of the little inconvenience.
Then I cry for the loss of the only man that had ever made me feel seen—the only man that had looked at me like I mattered and was cherished. I cry until the water cools and I start to shiver. Dragging myself off the tiles and wrapping myself in a towel, I stare into the mirror.
Fuck this, I'm done crying tonight.
Me:
Let’s celebrate being in our new places.
Marcee:
I’m game. What do you have in mind?
Me:
Atonement.
Marcee:
Really? That place sounds wild! Let’s do it. Do you want to get a group together or just us?
Me:
Let's make it a party.
Marcee:
Perfect! Have a car get us around 11?
Me:
I’ll book it.
Putting my phone down, I drop my towel and head to my room. I pull out the new outfit I ordered thinking it would drive Finn wild. I eye it and smile. Time to make some bad choices and drink until I forget the last few months.
At ten fifty, I stand in front of my full-length mirror and take in my look for the night.
It screams sexy and wild, exactly how I feel tonight.
The top is an intricate design of black leather straps that crisscross, covering all the naughty bits, but just barely, with a very dominatrix vibe.
The leather skirt is short and skintight, but it’s the zipper that runs up the whole front that gives off fuck me vibes.
When I bought it, I was imagining Finn on his knees, unzipping it with his teeth before eating my pussy…
Nope, stop that shit right now, Alexis. Finn is gone, and tonight you are not Alexis, you are Sexy Lexie.
Shaking myself, I turn to look into the mirror one last time. My hair is up in a sleek ponytail, eyes dark and sultry, and topping off the whole look is a siren red lipstick that will draw everyone's eyes straight to my mouth.
Happy with what I see, I head to Marcee’s apartment.
She opens the door on the first knock, and I laugh, knowing she was probably standing at the door just waiting for me.
Marcee hates being late, and I lack time management most days, driving her bonkers.
Her eyes go wide when she sees me. Winking flirtatiously, I blow her a kiss. “Ready, babe?”
“Damn, Lexie! You look so hot tonight I might even make a pass at you!”
“Uh, speak for yourself, Marcee! What!?” And I mean it.
Marcee usually goes more conservative but she's looking sexy as hell tonight. Her pale gray sheath dress is nearly as short as mine, but with her long ass legs that go on forever, it looks so much shorter. The top isn’t too revealing, but the fabric is thin and silk, and you can definitely tell she's going braless.
Her cheeks are flushed red with embarrassment, but she smiles and heads toward the elevator.
“Let’s go let loose, Lexie.”
I have one goal for tonight. Get plastered and forget that my heart is shattered.
Diving in headfirst, I pound every drink handed to me.
I’m over having to be strong and mature.
Years of raising myself and having to do it all have worn on me.
Tonight is my fuck it moment and I’m going to be reckless, immature, and not think.
I need to get out of my head.
Marcee tries to hang, bless her heart, but she's no match for me. When we aren’t drinking, we’re on the dance floor, which is more like an orgy.
Bodies writhing against each other, the smell of sweat and sex heavy in the air.
Hands roam my body, but try as I might, I can’t get turned on for any of them.
Marcee has been glued to a guy for the last hour with her ass grinding into his crotch.
When he snakes his hand up the hem of her dress, her mouth flies open and she throws her head back against his shoulder, her hips undulating as he touches her.
Damn, that is so fucking hot. She definitely is getting laid tonight, maybe I should ask to join them.
I giggle to myself at the mental image of her reaction if I asked her to have a threesome. She might douse me with holy water.
She comes up to me a little later, her sexy boy toy in tow.
Her smile fades when she looks into my eyes.
I squint, trying to figure out that look.
“Marcee, you okay?” My words slur and I blink some more, trying to force her into focus.
Turning to the sexy man beside her, she says something in his ear.
He looks bummed but nods, pulling out his phone.
“Pst, pst, Marcee?” I wave her closer. “You going home with him tonight?”
Her cheeks flame and she glares at me. Definitely a no for a threesome. Probably best, don’t want to accidentally say something like, “That’s not the way your dad does it.”
She sighs heavily. “Lexie, I think it’s time we go home.”
I try to argue but my tongue isn’t cooperating.
Maybe I should call it a night. Marcee flags down a cab as soon as we get out the door.
The fresh air is a welcome change after the stuffy club.
The driver threatens to kick us out of the car if I get sick.
Thoroughly offended, I flip him the bird then he leaves without us, good riddance, little fucker.
Marcee gets another cab and tells me to, ‘Keep my trap shut and fingers to myself!’ She’s cute when she’s angry.
Spilling into the cab as gracefully as possible, I cover my mouth to hide the giggle that escapes when I tip over.
Marcee yanks me up before giving our address to the driver.
He hands her a puke bag before driving off.
With a loud huff, Marcee leans back and closes her eyes.
My mind starts to wander to Finn, and I can’t have that. I pull out my phone, deciding I need a release. The alcohol isn’t cutting it.
Me:
I’m drunk and horny, wanna fuck?
Jax:
I’ll be there in thirty minutes.
Smiling, I lean back and close my eyes until the cabbie barks at me that we’re at our place.
I fall out of the door onto the pavement, cussing about the ground being unstable.
My stomach lurches and I crawl to the grass to throw up.
Marcee holds my hair and tears fall as I try to pull myself together.
With her help, I stumble into the building and make it to my apartment.
Assuring Marcee that I can take it from here, I retreat into my own space.
Stripping out of my stiff leather getup, I plop onto my couch to wait for my booty call.
Yep, this is a good idea. An orgasm will fix everything.
As soon as I'm horizontal, the room starts to spin and my stomach heaves. Sprinting, I barely make it to the bathroom before dumping the contents of my stomach for the next hour, purging my system of the copious amounts of liquor I consumed, then promptly pass out.
Pain. The first thing that registers in my brain as I wake up is the dull pulsing throb behind my eyes, like someone is playing a drum on the inside of my skull.
My mouth tastes like shit and my tongue is plastered to the roof of my mouth.
Shifting, I'm hit by the chill of cold tiles against my bare skin.
I try to push up, but my arm is numb from where it was pinned beneath me.
My joints ache and the small octagon pattern of the floor tiles is etched into my skin.
A groan escapes my lips but I quickly suppress it as even that brings pain to my throbbing head.
With a lot of effort, I finally peel my eyes open, feeling like they’re filled with sand.
The bright lights of the bathroom are near blinding and send more pain ricocheting through my head.
I’m curled on the bathroom floor, my body curved around the base of the toilet, and the cherry on top of this lovely wake up is that I'm completely naked.
I drag myself into a sitting position and the room spins, not violently like last night, but enough to make me pause and send my stomach into my throat.
Taking slow deliberate breaths, I sit for a second until things settle.
Standing on shaky legs, I turn to face the mirror and cringe.
My hair is a wreck, more of a ratted side pony now.
My mascara is smeared across both cheeks, and lipstick is smudged all around my mouth.
Lovely, I look like a crack whore, or some kind of bog troll, or an ungodly combination of both.
Stepping into the shower, I moan deeply as the warm water washes away the aftermath of way too much alcohol.
The night starts coming back to me in bits and pieces.
Ugh, I drank way too much and feel like shit.
But on the plus side, I appear to be alone, and it doesn’t feel like I had random drunk sex, so I guess all in all, the night was a win.
Well, minus the whole sleeping on the bathroom floor naked bit.