Chapter 5
CHAPTER
FIVE
Tanner
Without Simon around, I felt a little lost. He had been the touchstone when I arrived—the person that saw me at my darkest point and brought me back into the light, sort of.
And now he was gone. Sure, it was to get me clothing, which I was grateful for, but it was also making me unsteady.
Adrift in a way I didn't want to examine too closely.
Sean noticed and spoke up. "We’re not going to do anything today. The plan is to sit and relax."
I dropped onto the couch when he shoved me, my jaw dropping. "But don't you have things to do? Is there something I can help with?"
He grabbed the remote from the coffee table and plopped down beside me. Next, he tugged a blanket from the back of the couch and covered us both, wiggling until he was satisfied. The television came on with a press of the remote, and Sean started flipping through channels at a rapid pace.
I wanted him to answer me. Wanted there to be some indication that he'd heard me and knew that I wasn't only here to bum off of them.
As if he could sense I wasn't going to budge, he turned with a heavy sigh. "After everything you just said, I really think taking a day to do nothing is important. You've been stressed and overworked. Honestly, you're probably burned out. It sounds like it's been a nightmare."
I swallowed, my voice thick. Since words wouldn't come, I gave a gentle bob of my head to say he was right.
His smile was soft. I could feel the empathy radiating off him. His hand patted mine. "Yes, exactly. So there's no reason for you to continue working. Besides, it's not like you could go out and shovel horse shit in those clothes. They're practically drowning you."
I giggled at his description and raised my arm to show all the loose fabric and how long it hung over my hand.
I gathered the excess in my fists and pulled the sleeve close to me.
There was a faint scent there—something that I suspected was all Simon.
Maybe because he'd brought it to me and held it close to himself.
I wouldn't even care if they were dirty clothes. It was comforting. I felt like I had a piece of him here with me.
Not that I wouldn't dare voice that out loud. No need to be made to feel like a stalker or anything.
I settled into the couch as Sean went back to changing the channels. There was no point in arguing with him. He'd made up his mind. I wouldn't convince him to change it.
Atticus came back in the room after leaving Simon behind, and leaned over Sean to give him a kiss. "I'm gonna go check on the guys. Ring me if y'all need anything. And Harlan said he would put some snacks together later, too."
Sean dropped the remote and clapped his hands. "Thank you, Daddy. That's perfect."
Atticus beamed at his boy before giving me a head nod and leaving.
I sighed because damn if they weren't couple goals.
"What's wrong, friend?" Sean asked.
"Nothing. I just…" I trailed off, uncertain how to finish.
While everyone on the ranch knew that I was little, I don't think they knew just how little.
I'd come and played with people. I'd even been in the bouncy house a time or two.
But anything beyond that was not something I did.
It was easier to be the lawyer friend who occasionally played with everyone.
Deep down inside, I was more.
I was someone's special boy. The one they cared for and checked up on. The one they made sure ate and slept and took cozy baths full of bubbles and toys. I wanted to be spoiled, not in a selfish way. More like in a way that made me feel loved.
Sean wrapped his arm around my shoulder, dragging me from my internal thoughts. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone else. It'll be our secret." He leaned closer, tilting his head toward mine. "Especially if it has anything to do with you wanting a D-A-D-D-Y of your own."
He spelled out the word as if it were something naughty, and I giggled. I could feel myself slipping into a smaller mindset with him. Between the cozy blanket and the oversized clothing and his kindness, I was a goner.
"I do want one," I declared, "but I've never had one, and I don't know where to get one. They don't have stores!"
I threw my hands up, and the fabric fluttered.
There was a pause where we both kind of accepted what just happened before we broke into laughter. By the time we calmed down, the two of us were clutching our stomachs from having laughed so hard, and I had tears in my eyes.
Even still, I felt a million times better than I had when I arrived.
So much relief came from being here at the ranch.
There was joy in this home, on this land.
It was magical. Honestly, I couldn't fathom a world that was without this place any longer.
Atticus and Sean had built something that changed lives.
It changed mine, and I had a feeling it was only the start.
"Well, maybe yours will show up. You never know when," Sean said, his voice taking on an edge. It wasn't in a negative sort of way. He sounded as if he were holding himself back, maybe not suggesting something.
Part of me wondered if it was about Simon because, man, he had Daddy written all over him. I'd never seen or heard anything about him being one, but being on the ranch was a pretty strong indicator that you were into some kinky stuff. I mean, everyone here was, though it wasn't a requirement.
Still, maybe Atticus sensed something in him. Maybe that's why he was here.
Who knew?
Sean went back to flipping channels, even as he kept his arm around me.
I snuggled into his side, happy to be close to a friend.
It wasn't romantic. There was no arousal of any kind.
It was comfort, closeness—the touch I'd been denied with all the working that I'd done and the lack of a relationship.
When he settled on some cartoons, he threw the remote on the opposite side of him and leaned back. "This is perfect," he said.
I nodded and brought my hand toward my mouth.
I wanted to stick my thumb between my lips and suck on it, but I didn't want to fall asleep again.
Simon would be back with my clothes at some point, and I didn't want him to have to take care of anything alone.
Plus, if I slept all day, then it would ruin my night.
It was a tough balance, and really, it was kind of annoying that I even had to think about it.
Instead, I focused on the cartoons and figuring out how the rest of my day would go.
My efforts not to fall asleep were futile.
When I came to, I immediately wiped the drool off my chin and pushed myself up.
I was still on the couch, though rather than leaning on Sean, I was laying on a pillow and covered with the throw we had been using.
There was no sign of anyone around, and the lights had been dimmed to create a quiet atmosphere.
"You okay there?" a voice called from across the room.
I looked up to see Simon standing in the doorway. He was grinning at me, which set butterflies loose in my system.
My God, he was gorgeous. Just perfect.
From his wide build to his cut jaw, I was enamored. That beard of his was something I could play in for hours, and the rest of him was tempting too. Big arms built from hard work, and hair just long enough I could run my fingers through.
Above all else, his eyes were the true gem. They felt like a caress, like they were moving over me every time he took me in.
I loved it.
I shouldn't have, but I soaked up every second of it.
"I'm okay," I said as I cleared my throat. "I guess I was more tired than I thought."
He stepped further into the room, then came to the side of the couch and dropped into a squat. The position put us almost at eye level , though he was still hovering over me a bit. "Sometimes the extra sleep is necessary. We have to take care of ourselves, bud."
Bud.
There was that word again. It wasn't an endearment that would mean anything romantic necessarily, yet it still trickled through me, lighting up my senses and making me want to utter that five-letter word I had no business saying to Simon.
"Yeah, I guess so," I said, my voice still scratchy. "Did you see where Sean went?"
He tilted his head toward the kitchen. "I saw him eating some snacks earlier and then he headed out to see Atticus and check on things once I got here."
"Oh," I said softly.
I wasn't sad about my friend leaving. He had a ranch to run. Atticus could have needed him. It wasn't my place to take up all their time. At the same time, though, I was alone again—or rather, not alone because Simon was here, but it was all so confusing.
"I got you something," he said.
My gaze snapped to his. "You got me something?"
He nodded. "Yeah. While I was getting the clothes, I saw something I thought might be good for you."
Rather than present me with the item in a bag or something like that, he opened his palm and revealed a black bracelet.
It was made of beads in a circle, kind of like the ones that kids used to make when we were younger.
You mostly saw girls wear them, but occasionally the guys did too if the colors were gender neutral enough.
I mentally scoffed at the idea. Who cared what color people wore? I knew plenty of people who wrapped themselves in pink just as well as they wore blue, and it had nothing to do with gender.
"You got me a bracelet?" I said.
He lifted my wrist on the arm not holding me up and slid it on. His finger trailed over the stones and brushed my skin. It felt like being shocked. Like everything in my body was attuned to him.
"Yes, I saw it and thought of you. It's meant to help people who are anxious. You can rub the stones, and it’ll remind you to take a deep breath or close your eyes and re-center yourself."
I wanted to launch myself at this man. I wanted to tell him thank you a million times over and kiss his face until he broke into laughter.
Because how could someone be so kind when they barely knew you?