Chapter 4 #2
Tanner had been around enough for me to know how he preferred his coffee—with about as much sugar and milk as one could have before it was no longer actually coffee. Truly, it was astounding. But I'd memorized it, filing it away with all the other little details I'd noticed about him.
Once I had the drink just right, I looked at the food piled up on the counter.
A lot of it had already been picked through, and I was worried that if Tanner took much longer, there wouldn't be anything for him.
While I was capable of whipping up something for him myself, or even asking Harlan to make more, I didn't want to make him wait.
I wanted him to come down and not have to worry about a single thing.
"What are you doing, Simon?" Beau said as he moved beside me while I was grabbing a couple of strips of bacon and making a plate.
"Tanner's upstairs. He'll be down in a minute so I’m fixing him something.”
Beau hummed, easing his head onto my shoulder as he looked at the plate. His closeness was something it had taken a while to get used to. He was affectionate, touchy. Jackson didn't mind because he knew Beau was completely his.
Besides, all of it was friendly. I'd never met someone who was that way and it not be romantic.
I sighed as Beau continued to stay on my shoulder while I piled the plate. With him still there, it wasn't as easy.
"Do you need help with something, Beau?”
He leaned away and turned to face me, blocking my view of the food as he curved around my body. "I don't need anything. I'm curious as to what's going on here."
I didn't say anything, mostly because "what's going on here" could mean a number of things.
Did he want to know why Tanner was here?
Or maybe he was curious as to why I was making a plate for Tanner.
It could be the coffee that he saw me make, because I wasn't a heavy coffee drinker, and by this time of day I'd already had my half cup. I was never a two-cup-a-day person.
Beau grumbled, then leaned back and tilted his hip against the counter as if settling in for a show. I went back to work, covering the plate with eggs and biscuits with a side of gravy in a separate container since Tanner wasn't a fan of sauces covering his food.
Yet another observance I'd had through months of watching him.
"It's really interesting is all," Beau said. "You’re making food for Tanner, and Tanner is here, and you just came from upstairs, and—"
Before he could finish, the sound of feet barreling down the stairs reached us.
A lean body tumbled forward. Ashley reached forward in time to catch him. "Whoa there!"
Tanner straightened himself up, then blushed as he looked around to see everyone there, all eyes on him. Meanwhile, I was frozen in place.
The clothes I'd given him made it look like I had branded him in some way. The fabric hung off him loosely, and you could barely tell his shape, but my God, I wanted him to look that way every single morning for the rest of my days.
He was beautiful.
The reality of that thought hit me like a physical blow. I had to shake my head to clear it, but it stopped the moment Tanner's eyes met mine. He smiled softly, then shuffled over.
People went back to what they were doing, though I could tell everyone wanted to speak with him.
When he was close, Beau leaped from me to him and wrapped Tanner in a hug. "What are you doing here, lawyer man? I'm so glad to see you. It's like Christmas came early!"
He leaned back, hands on Tanner's shoulders, and shook him playfully. Tanner flew around, not realizing what Beau was going to do.
It took everything in me not to drop the plate and stop him. To not pull Tanner away from the rough handling.
Thankfully, Jackson was close enough. He looped a hand around Beau from behind and tugged his boy away. "Easy. It doesn't look like Tanner got much rest." He paused, eyes flicking to Tanner's outfit. "He also didn't manage to pack clothes in his size?”
The last part was an obvious question, to which Tanner didn't answer but looked at me instead. The eyes in the room went my way.
I sighed, then decided to rip the Band-Aid off. "I was awake last night when Tanner came in," I told them all. "Since I knew he didn't have a bag with him, I loaned him some of my clothes till he could get something more appropriately sized. You guys are making a big deal out of nothing."
It seemed to assuage most of them, though from Beau’s expression and the look Sean and Atticus gave me, I could tell not everyone thought it was a simple act of kindness.
I picked up the plate and coffee and walked past Tanner. "Follow me," I said as I tilted my head toward the long table where some of the men were already sitting to eat.
I eased the plate and the coffee down, then pulled out the chair.
"I need to make mine," Tanner said.
"No, you don't," I told him as I pointed to the items I'd placed down. "This is yours. I'll go make mine."
He blinked, and it was that same blank expression that told me he didn't understand what was going on. Questions had to be going through his mind, and if I could have answered them, I would have.
But there wasn’t a chance.
I didn't know what to tell him. Didn't know what I could possibly do to explain it without having a lengthy conversation.
So instead, I pointed to the chair again and said in a firm tone, "Sit and eat, Tanner. You're going to need it for your energy levels today. No one wants a hangry person around."
I said the last part as if teasing him, but there was an undercurrent of seriousness beneath it—a need to see him fed and cared for.
He smiled, the edges of his lips tipping up, but it was enough. He eased into the seat, and I pushed it forward, then went back to the counter to make my own plate.
Harlan came up beside me as I did and reached into the cabinet. He pulled out a foil-wrapped item and pushed it to my chest. "I figured this would happen. Made you a breakfast sandwich earlier and hid it. Go ahead and sit by your boy."
"He's not my boy," I said softly, not wanting anyone else to hear.
Harlan scoffed. "Not right now, maybe. But if I were a betting man, I know where my money would go."
I took the food and walked away. There was nothing I could say to change his mind, nothing that would make anything different. Harlan was as stubborn as they came, and if he thought that this was how things would go, then that was it.
Breakfast was mostly quiet. Some of the guys looked like they wanted to figure out the reason for Tanner's appearance; others were happy to see him. I wasn't lying when I said he was pretty much family here.
As soon as the others finished, Atticus and Sean directed them on what needed to be done for the day and sent them off.
They asked me to stay behind, and I wasn't sure if it was because they wanted extra ears or because I was the one who'd welcomed Tanner and they wanted to verify everything that happened.
When it was just the four of us, we moved into the living room. I sat in one of the chairs near the fireplace while Sean and Atticus cuddled on the couch. Tanner stood and paced around the room, wringing his hands together.
"I'm sorry if I'm an imposition," he said quickly. "I can find somewhere else to stay. I know this is kind of sudden."
Atticus raised his hand to halt Tanner's words. "You don't need to apologize for anything. We're happy to have you. There's plenty of room and plenty of food. As long as you're not missing vital work or something, you're welcome to stay as long as you want."
Tanner's shoulders dropped, the tension bleeding out of him. "That would be amazing, and I don't have anything that I can't switch around. I… I need the time off."
"That's understandable," Sean said gently. "Do you want to tell us why this feels so sudden and…"
"Maybe why you feel so restless?" Atticus added.
Tanner looked to me, and though I wasn't quite sure what he needed, I gave him a subtle nod as if to encourage him.
I'm here, bud. I've got your back. You don't have to do this alone.
Tanner took a deep breath and dove into the story.
He explained about his client and how the case that should have been easy wasn’t.
About how the other lawyers found holes in every piece of evidence and every idea he brought forth.
Before he knew it, his client had lost, stormed away, and the children were stuck in a situation that wasn't ideal for them.
My heart broke hearing it, especially with the way that Tanner's voice seemed to crack as he spoke.
I wanted to wrap my arms around him, wanted to hold him close and tell him that it would be okay—that the universe would find a way to balance it all out, to bring those children to safety.
That maybe they could go back to trial later.
Not that I had a law degree or anything, but surely there had to be some type of contingency for these things. Instead, I squeezed my hands into fists until my knuckles were white and held still, giving him the space to finish.
Sean did not have the same kind of restraint. He leaped from the couch and wrapped Tanner in a tight hug. The two of them swayed side to side as Atticus turned to me.
"I think Tanner needs to stay a while, don't you?"
I gave him a nod. "Yes, sir. Already told him I would go pick up some clothes for him today while he settled and rested."
There was a glimmer in Atticus's eye at my confession. He was pleased to see me stepping up—that I was including myself in this. Though I felt like I was a part of the ranch, I had kept a certain level of distance.
But there could be no distance when it came to this. Not when it came to Tanner being taken care of.
"I think that's a great idea," Atticus said. He pulled out his wallet and handed me a credit card. "Use this. Get what you need for him. At least two weeks' worth. We can wash and rotate other stuff."
I took the card and tucked it into my pocket. While I could have paid for it myself, I wasn't going to tell my boss no. It was part of who he was, part of the mission here at the Coleman Ranch. They took care of others in every way they could.
So for me, it came down to accepting that. While I wasn't paying for things, I would be the one purchasing them and selecting them. Everything that touched Tanner's body for the foreseeable future would be something that I put together, if not something I owned.
The idea was heady. It made my body light up with a possessive urgency that should have alarmed me but instead felt entirely natural.
Sean and Tanner were whispering to each other, heads bent close together. I stood, which drew their attention.
"I'm going to go ahead and head into town," I said. "I need to run some errands. You know, get ready for Christmas and everything."
Sean nodded as Tanner bit his lip, looking uncertain.
"That's a good idea. I know we've got a lot coming up between ranch activities and the Secret Santa, and—" Sean paused, turning to Tanner.
"I won't ask you to be a part of Secret Santa, but don't be surprised if someone pops up with a gift for you.
It totally happens every year, even for the people who don't participate. Isn't that right, Simon?"
I shook my head and smiled. "Yes, even though I don't participate, people tend to buy me gifts. You might as well say it's mandatory at this point."
Sean gasped and pressed his hand to his chest in offense. "I will not make it mandatory, thank you very much! The point is, everyone should be in the holiday spirit, and everyone deserves a present."
I moved my hand in a talking motion to tease Sean. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm going. Y'all worry about your holiday festive stuff. I've got things to do."
I left the room with one last look at Tanner, who smiled softly at me and waved goodbye.
As I stepped out onto the back porch and tightened my coat around me, I paused to replay the last few moments. Not only so I could picture Tanner's face, but also because an idea came to mind. One that I couldn't really pass up.
Maybe Sean would get his wish after all.
I had the sudden urge to play Santa.