Chapter 19 #2
I clutched the note to my chest, excitement and nervousness warring in my stomach. What could the final gift be? And why the specific instructions about wearing something that made me feel little?
I thought about the onesie upstairs. About how Sean had suggested I wear it tonight.
Was that what my Secret Santa wanted? For me to show up in little space, vulnerable and open?
The thought terrified me. But it also felt right.
I spent the rest of the day in a state of anticipation, coloring and sipping juice and trying not to let my nerves get the better of me. Simon came in around lunch, covered in snow and looking tired but satisfied.
"We got it all done," he announced. "Everything's battened down for whatever comes our way. Tonight we can just relax and enjoy."
"That's good." I was curled up in the corner of the couch, my blanket wrapped around me. "Simon? There's something happening tonight. In the living room at six."
He came over and sat beside me. "Is there now?"
"My Secret Santa left me a note. They said it's my final gift." I pulled the note from my pocket and showed him.
He read it carefully, and something shifted in his expression. "Sounds special."
"I'm nervous," I admitted. "They want me to wear something that makes me feel little. What if everyone sees? What if they judge me?"
"No one here would judge you, bud. You know that." He pulled me to his side. "But if you're not comfortable, you don't have to do it."
"No, I want to." And I did. I wanted to be brave. Wanted to show my Secret Santa that I trusted them, that I appreciated everything they'd done for me. "Will you be there?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world."
As six o'clock approached, I went upstairs to change.
I pulled out the onesie—soft and covered in elephants—and put it on.
It fit perfectly, snug but comfortable. I added my elephant socks and clipped my pacifier to the onesie, even though I wasn't sure I'd have the courage to actually use it in front of everyone.
I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized the person staring back. I looked… young. Vulnerable. Completely and utterly little.
But I also looked happy.
Downstairs, I could hear voices and laughter. Everyone was gathering. I took a deep breath, grabbed Peanut for moral support, and headed down.
The living room was transformed. Blankets and pillows were scattered everywhere, creating cozy nests. Several of the littles were already there—Sean in his own onesie, Beau in fuzzy pajamas, a few others I recognized from around the ranch.
And standing along the edges, watching with soft expressions, were the Daddies. Atticus had his arm around Sean. Jackson was smiling at Beau. Griffin stood with Harlan, and there were others too.
And my Daddy. He was there, watching the doorway like he'd been waiting for me.
When he saw me, his whole face lit up.
I clutched Peanut tighter and took a tentative step into the room.
"Tanner!" Sean bounced over to me. "You wore it! You look so cute!"
"Thanks," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heat.
But Sean was right—everyone was smiling at me. Warm, accepting smiles. No judgment. No mockery. Just acceptance.
"This is little time," Sean explained, pulling me toward one of the cozy nests. "We do it every Christmas Eve. All the littles get together, and we play and watch movies and just… be. And the Daddies watch over us to make sure we're safe."
I looked around at all the littles gathered, at the way they were free and open and unapologetically themselves. At the way their Daddies watched them with such love and pride.
This was what my Secret Santa had wanted to give me. Not just permission to be little, but community. A place where I belonged. People who understood.
"Is this okay?" Sean asked quietly. "If it's too much—"
"It's perfect," I said, and I meant it.
We settled into the nest of blankets, and someone started a movie—something animated and cheerful. Snacks were passed around—goldfish crackers and fruit snacks and juice boxes. My juice boxes, I realized. From my Secret Santa's care package.
As the evening wore on, I felt myself slipping deeper into little space. The pacifier found its way into my mouth without me consciously deciding to use it. Peanut stayed clutched in my arms. And I laughed and played and colored with the other littles like I'd been doing this forever.
At some point, Daddy came over and sat on the floor behind me, letting me lean back against his chest. His arms came around me, and I felt safe. Protected. Cherished.
I looked around the room at all the people who'd welcomed me, who'd made space for me, who'd helped me find this part of myself.
I was part of the ranch now. Really, truly part of it.
This wasn't just a temporary refuge anymore. This was home.
And as I sat there in my elephant onesie, surrounded by friends and held by the man I was falling in love with, I felt like the luckiest person in the world.
"Thank you," I whispered around my pacifier, not sure if I was talking to Simon or my Secret Santa or the universe in general.
Simon's arms tightened around me. "You're welcome, sweet boy. You're so welcome."