Chapter Twenty
Balfour
“Kendrick, I love you,” I whispered hoarsely, wanting to reach out and gather him into my arms and never let him go. “I love you and not having you in my life is killing me.”
Kendrick stared at me like I’d just told him I was planning a trip to Mars. Maybe Nik was right, and I did need to work on my communication skills. Looking back, I could see why my declaration probably seemed out of the blue. And maybe not sincere. Or that I was saying it just because of the baby.
Because I had no doubt that Kendrick was carrying my baby.
That bullshit story he had told his family wasn’t flying with me, anymore than it was flying with them.
Keegan flat out hadn’t believed him. Diana and Merv were giving him the benefit of the doubt, without coming right out and calling their oldest son a liar, but I saw the looks they gave me whenever our paths crossed.
Looks I hadn’t been able to decipher until Nik had told me about Kendrick being pregnant. Those looks made so much sense now.
“You what now?” Kendrick’s voice rose an entire octave, and I winced. “What the fuck, Bal? You do not love me! Ugh!” He waved a hand under his nose, wrinkling it adorably. “Stop smelling so good all the damn time! It’s distracting!”
He moved away from me, crossing the grass and heading towards a bench, and I realized we had been standing in front of a park. Following him, I frowned, trying to subtly sniff myself. Kendrick had said I smelled good, so maybe I shouldn’t worry.
He sat down with a little huff on the bench, sipping from his cup, and staring out at the park.
There was a small playground area a little way away, with children and adults already making use of it.
Not sure if I should sit next to him or not, I stood for a minute, waiting for him to say something. Maybe he was waiting on me to say something? Something besides declaring my love for him, since that hadn’t gone over well.
He rubbed at his eyebrow, finally looking at me. “Our communication sucks.”
Before I could stop it, a laugh barked out of me.
“May I?” I motioned towards the empty space next to me, and he nodded.
Sitting next to him, I wanted to take his hand, to touch him, but I didn’t. Just let my thigh rest next to his, feeling his heat through these stupid denim pants I was wearing.
Taking a fortifying breath, I decided I needed to say something.
I needed to just let him know exactly how I felt about him.
Because I knew I was very much in danger of losing him for good, and I absolutely did not want that.
Baby or no baby, I wanted Kendrick. The last months had proven that to me.
“I didn’t want to let you go,” I told him honestly, and he turned to look at me, his brown eyes startled. “When I brought you home, after your heat, I didn’t want to let you go.”
“Then why did you?” he whispered, spinning his cup in his hand.
“Because I thought it was what you wanted. I thought you didn’t feel the things I was feeling.
I didn’t realize, until after you were gone, that I…
” I swallowed, staring at the laughing kids down on the merry-go-round, going around and around.
“I didn’t realize that I was falling in love with you.
That I had fallen in love with you. Somewhere, in between all the texts over the years, and the teasing, and you pretending to be my boyfriend, and me wanting it to be real, I had fallen in love with you.
I’m not even sure when it happened. Maybe when I kissed you the first time. Maybe sometime before.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly.
“I was scared,” I admitted, and Kendrick gasped.
He slid closer to me, if that was even possible since this bench was made for a couple of three-year-olds, his fingers slipping to entwine with mine.
“And I wasn’t even sure if what I was feeling was real, or just part of the playacting we were doing, or even because of your heat. ”
“I wasn’t playacting,” he whispered throatily, “at least not at the end.”
“Then I thought if you felt the same, you would tell me, before I left you that day. Before I brought you home. You would tell me. Because you’re so bold, all the time.
You are fearless. You just say whatever you are thinking, or feeling, and I thought Bal, if he feels even a little bit of the same, he will tell you.
And when you didn’t, I thought okay, I’ll just get over him.
But I didn’t just get over you. I realized I loved you.
And you didn’t love me back and it was hell. ”
“You didn’t answer any of my texts!” Kendrick poked me in my chest with his free hand, hard. “You left me on read, you asshole!”
“I know! I’m sorry!” I squeezed his hand gently, hoping my touch would tell him a little of how I felt about him.
“It was too hard for me not to tell you how I felt. To just joke back, or talk about your day, knowing you didn’t feel the same.
So, I just…didn’t. And yeah, I see now it was an asshole move.
We really need to learn to communicate better.
I need to learn to communicate better with you,” I admitted.
“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel right now!
” Kendrick cried, tossing up both hands in the air, breaking our connection.
“You ghost me, after being the sweetest fucking alpha on the planet during my heat, after being practically…no, after becoming my best friend, the one person I share pretty much everything with. The person that makes me smile as soon as I see their name on my phone. You were just gone. And then you show up here, looking like that,” he waved a hand over my human clothes, “smelling all kinds of pepperminty mocha goodness, which I can’t even have because coffee makes me sick right now, and you tell me you love me, and…
and…and…” he hiccupped, tears rolling down his cheeks, and I honestly didn’t know what to do.
Crying omegas were not my area of expertise. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled Kendrick into me, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him.
Hard. Like I meant it. Like I loved him and I was never going to let him go.
My tongue swept into his mouth, tasting him, and it felt like coming home. Kissing him felt like every wrong in my world suddenly righted itself.
He tasted like holiday spices, like Kendrick, like mine.
His arms wound around my neck, his fingers threading through my hair, pulling me closer. Sitting on the bench, we were closer in height. I still had to dip my head, but neither of us was going to get a neck ache.
One hand stroked down his back, to the top of his ass which felt plumper, while the other caressed his belly and the small, rounded bump there.
It was tiny still, barely even noticeable if you weren’t looking, but I felt it.
My palm covered the width of his belly. Covered our child growing there, and a feeling of possessiveness rippled through me with enough force to steal my breath.
“Mine,” I growled, tearing my mouth from his for a second, before diving back in to devour his kiss-swollen lips. I had never felt so possessive over anything before. But this omega, rounded with my child, had all my alpha feelings bubbling to the surface.
“Mmmm,” he hummed, nodding his head in agreement.
After another minute, and several smaller kisses while we tried to catch our breaths after remembering we were in a public park, in broad daylight, we both sat back, panting.
“I love you, Kendrick,” I whispered into the top of his hair, when he snuggled against me.
“I’m an idiot for not telling you sooner.
For not telling you that last day. I’m just an idiot,” I conceded.
“I want you, and I want our baby. Even if there wasn’t a baby, I want you.
The baby doesn’t matter. I mean, the baby does matter, obviously, but that isn’t why I love you. I’m babbling.”
Kendrick giggled, looking at me from beneath his lashes. “I like you groveling, not gonna lie.”
“I want us to be together,” I told him, “I want us to be a family. If you’ll have me. I know I’m not easy. I’m introverted. I work too much. I don’t tell you how I feel enough. But I promise I’ll try to do better. If you want me. Please say you want me.”
Finally, after minutes of silence, where Kendrick just stared at me with his chocolate eyes, he whispered, “Yes.”
Kendrick
Past…
Grumpy Elf: How was the first day of teaching?
Me: You remembered? I’m shooketh. Today I learned that kids are animals. I’m never having any.
Grumpy Elf: As the keeper of The Naughty List I can concur with that statement.
Me: I’m taking a bubble bath, with a glass of wine and a smutty book. I get to do it all again tomorrow.
Grumpy Elf: Regretting your life choices?
Me: Naw, they were super cute. Not as cute as Kacey, but cute. I can’t stay mad at them. And…that’s why I have wine.
Grumpy Elf: Well, no one is as cute as Kacey. I’m glad you survived.
Me: Ha! I knew you liked me!
Grumpy Elf: I didn’t say that. No one said that. I just don’t want to have to listen to your brother bawling if you died. Drink your wine and read your smut. I have work to do.
Me: You texted me! You interrupted your own schedule…because you like me! *laughing emoji*
Grumpy Elf: I don’t know why I bother talking to you.