15. Rachel
15
RACHEL
W hen I next faced Julie, it was the following morning from my almost kiss. All night, I suffered from thinking about how close Nate and I had come to kissing at the office. It would’ve felt so naughty, but good. It would’ve been crossing some serious boundaries, fooling around with my boss at work, but I couldn’t stop wishing we hadn’t been interrupted.
Julie stopped by my office early. Armed with her tote bag, a cup of coffee, and a stack of folders, she hadn’t stopped to remove her hat, gloves, or scarf yet.
“Rach?” She tilted her head to the side. “I’m curious about something.”
Oh, fuck. Here it comes. She’s going to tell me that she’s reporting me—and Nate—to HR. It’s over. I’m toast. So much for my stellar résumé I’m supposed to be building with this experience.
“Yeah?” I smiled slightly, not letting my panic show.
“Has your mom always been like this?”
I slumped, deflating at the mention of the champion of forced Christmas cheer. “She’s still texting you to reach me?”
“Nope. Even worse.”
I gaped at her. “Don’t tell me she showed up at your apartment or something.”
She laughed, juggling the things in her arms to slide her glasses back up her nose. “No. Lord, no.”
“Then what?” This was getting exhausting. A week remained. Seven days, and it would be Christmas, and it felt like a marathon of putting up with my mother.
“She friended me on socials somehow. And she’s messaging me there.”
I sighed, dropping my face into my hands and massaging my temples. A headache would brew soon, just from the thought of my mother meddling.
“I’m sorry,” Julie said. “At first, I kept thinking, oh, gosh. She’s just a mother who wants what’s best for her daughter. It’s not crazy for her to be so inquisitive about why her daughter’s boyfriend dumped her.”
I lifted my head to scowl at her.
“But now…” Julie smiled and shrugged. “Now I know she was wrong. That Kyle boy isn’t the one for you.”
Huh?
“What’s that saying? When one door closes, another opens?”
“Uh, yes? That’s a common phrase…”
She grinned. “It’s a true one.” With that cheery remark, she turned and left for her office.
What the heck was that all about? I grew suspicious about what she and Nate could’ve said after I ran out of the room yesterday, but I didn’t have time to focus on figuring out what. My phone rang with an incoming text. This time, it was Mrs. Jones reminding me that it would be “so great” if I came back for their annual pre-Christmas party.
“I think not,” I grumped as I set my phone down.
It was another busy day. Most of my tasks were central to the smoothness of which the Malley, Inc. holiday party could happen. For hours, I delivered receipts, forms, and even boxes of gift cards here and there. The closer the staff members came to the party, the more excited everyone became. It was a hectic time, that was for certain, so much so that I didn’t have downtime to be idle and fret about how to face Nate.
He was in meetings. Or out doing other things. While it saved me from the anxiety of seeing him after our almost kiss that shouldn’t have happened in the workplace, I was also spared from trying to understand what he wanted from me.
He was flirting, but was that it?
At the end of the day, when I was summoning the courage to text him and take the initiative to ask him what was happening between us, he showed up in my office.
But he wasn’t alone.
My brother was with him, all smiles and excited to see me.
“I’ve got you now,” Brandon teased as we hugged each other. “And I’m not letting you go until we catch up.”
I laughed as he released me.
“It’s crazy. My sister is in the city, renting in the same building that I live in, and I’m only now having a chance to catch up?” He shook his head, grinning at me.
“Oh, now?” I peeked at Nate, who smiled as well, pleased about this ambush. “But…”
“Nope.” Brandon shook his head. “He agreed that you couldn’t use work as an excuse tonight.”
“Whatever still needs to be done can wait until tomorrow, right?” Nate said.
Including finding you and having a talk? I supposed that would be waiting as well. I wasn’t going to ask my boss how he really felt about me in front of my brother. The question ate at me all day on a subliminal level, but it’d have to be postponed.
“Okay. You got me there,” I said.
They took me out to a sports bar, claiming that it wouldn’t matter that I was still in my office outfit. Nate was still in his suit. Many others were in office wear, mixed with ugly sweaters and other hints of the holiday red, green, and gold. Brandon looked like he’d be going in to work as soon as we were done, so I guessed this really was the best compromise they could figure out.
Brandon was my only sibling, and I loved him. He supported me against Mom and Mrs. Jones, and everyone else who wanted to know why Kyle had dumped me. Brandon would always have my back. Yet, I had no clue how he’d react if I told him that I’d kissed his old friend. I didn’t know how he’d feel about my trying to be with his friend.
I tried to enjoy spending time with my brother. We had bar food, which hit the spot. We talked about some sports and watched a little bit of what was on the screens. Then we played pool. Throughout it all, it was a challenge to behave like I thought he would expect me to—pretending that Nate was just… Nate. His friend. My boss. And nothing more.
But he was. Nate had come to matter a lot, even if it seemed confusing between us now.
Because that whatever that pulled me and Nate together was undeniable, even tonight. Each time I caught him looking at me, I was confident he was thinking about something naughty with me. When his gaze seemed stuck on my lips, I knew he had our kisses in mind, and it prompted me to wish we were alone.
Somehow, Brandon remained oblivious to it all. He joked and smiled, acting like his usual self, carefree, easygoing, and without a worry in the world. This made it worse. The temptation to look at Nate or give him a visual clue that I wanted him to myself was gnawing at me. My patience was shot. I was high-strung and clumsier than usual with how poorly I juggled the need to look “normal” around my brother at the same time that I did my best to conceal my desire for his friend.
Nate brushed past me as I lined up to take a shot, and just that touch, a simple rub of his elbow against mine, had me jolting in shock.
The stick bumped up too high on my hit on the ball. It skipped so hard it bounced right off the billiards table.
“Whoops.”
“Damn, Rach,” Brandon teased as he retrieved the ball. “What’s gotten into you tonight? You’re playing lousy.”
“Jeez, thanks.”
He chuckled.
“I’m just preoccupied, I guess,” I admitted. I shot Nate a look when Brandon turned around.
Me too, he mouthed. He paired his admission with a hungry stare.
I sighed, masking my desire before my brother could see. This was agony, trying to hide but remain myself, wondering who I was to this man I lusted after. What a night.
“Preoccupied about what?” Brandon asked. “You’re not worried about the Kyle stuff, are you?”
I blinked, surprised that he’d think I was still a grump about that. “I haven’t thought about Kyle since I’ve come here to the city.”
“Really?” Brandon smiled. “Then maybe you should stay.”
“Yeah,” Nate said.
What? I tried my best not to look at him closely. He knew I was here for a temp position. If he was suggesting I stay longer, what kind of a message was that? I didn’t want to let my hopes up that high. It’d be nothing but pure stupidity to go from one steady relationship into another—with the first man to maybe pursue me.
“You’re a hard worker,” Nate said smoothly with his typical charm. “We’d love to have you stay at Malley, Inc.”
Aha. He only meant I was a good employee. Not a woman he’d want to keep around for himself. And that shouldn’t have been a mystery. He said he was done with women.
I couldn’t break eye contact with him after his comment, though. This sexual tension just kept brewing and growing.
“Uh, Rach? I think you’re supposed to tell Nate thank you for that praise,” Brandon joked.
I shook my head, remembering that I had to hide this pull to him. “Right. Um, thanks, Nate.”
“I should be the one thanking you, Rachel,” Nate replied, “for ever coming to the building.”
Brandon huffed a laugh. “Damn, dude. You don’t have to worry about flattering her.”
His discomfort at me and Nate getting along well cleared up that. I didn’t have to wonder about how Brandon would react. His comment said it all. He’d be furious, mad if Nate and I became something more than a boss and temp employee who kissed.
And it’s not like it will go anywhere. Nate wasn’t looking for anyone. He was just supposed to be my mentor, and I was only supposed to be his plus-one to this party.
No matter how much more I wished we could be together for real.
“Anyone want another drink?” Brandon asked. He headed toward the bar without waiting for a reply. “I’ve got time for one more, myself.”
“No,” I said, looking at Nate as he approached me.
“I’m good,” he replied.
The second Brandon had moved further out of this part of the room, we were on each other. Nate held me close as I reached for his tie. Pulling the strip of fabric, this one with Santa on a sleigh imprinted along the length, I moaned into his kiss.
Just like that, we snapped and surrendered. I’d been wishing for another kiss since the snow stopped us the other night. Yesterday felt like a tease, and I couldn’t stand the agony of waiting.
He parted first to glance over his shoulder, checking whether Brandon was coming back. “I’ve been thinking about kissing you all day.”
I kissed him again. “I thought about it all night,” I admitted.
“Fuck. I can’t stop wanting—” He growled into my mouth again as he stole one more kiss.
Then he retreated, abruptly, before Brandon returned.
He looked between us, narrowing his eyes. “Uh, what’d I miss?”
“Nothing.” I smiled. “Nothing at all.”
Once more, when Brandon took a call, Nate and I snuck to the side and stole another kiss. Then again, when Brandon was chatting with someone else, Nate took his time to slide up close against me as he passed me at the pool table. His hips pushed into mine, almost making me bend over the table in front of him. And later, when Brandon went to the bathroom, Nate and I kissed and ground against each other in the corner of the bar.
Every little touch and kiss aroused me more and more. Each time I felt his hungry stare on me, I felt myself go weaker. My resistance was chipping apart, and I knew I couldn’t handle this tension for much longer.
I was clueless about handling attraction. I wasn’t experienced with acting cool and unaffected. I was pushed too far, and with frayed nerves and feeling so frazzled, I gave up.
“I think I’m going to head home, guys.”
“What? No.” Brandon frowned. “I’ve still got time before I need to go to the bar.”
I nodded, not even looking at Nate. I couldn’t. If I did, it would be too obvious to everyone at this sports pub.
I wanted him to leave with me, and I couldn’t risk Brandon seeing that vulnerable, needy look of longing on my face.
“It’s early,” Nate said.
I shrugged. “I know. But, uh, I’m ready to head home.”
“You sure?” Brandon asked.
“Yeah. Stay. Have fun. I’m just ready to go.” I shot my brother a smile, praying he wouldn’t pester and argue. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him, but not with Nate here. Not with the elephant in the room as I tried to pretend I didn’t want him.
“I’ll walk you home,” Brandon said.
“No, you’re going in the opposite direction to head in to work. I’m good.” Honestly, I just needed a moment to cool off from this constant tension. Nate and I had been playing with fire all night.
“We’ll both walk you home,” Nate said.
“No!” God, no. I smiled and shook my head, hurrying to escape. Just this one look at him had me wishing I could jump at him and kiss him again. Was there an antidote to desire like this? Why was I so rabid for him? Because I knew how good his kisses were and I was eager for more?
“I’m going to go,” I said again, firmer. With a final lingering look at him, I turned and wished he could slip away and chase after me. Alone.