14. Nate
14
NATE
R achel didn’t close the door behind her as she left.
She didn’t leave me in this vacant office with Julie. She escaped. She bolted. But I couldn’t fault her for that. Being caught in a dimmed room with a boss would look damningly bad for her, a new temp assistant. Staying in here alone with my office manager didn’t suggest the same thing.
The longer I accepted that Julie wasn’t going to walk out and settle for giving me a sly, knowing look, the faster I tried to will myself to forget about having a stolen moment with Rachel.
I’d asked her in here for two reasons. To hear if she was interested in that player. Knowing she wasn’t was music to my ears. But I also wanted to simply hear her laugh. Taste her kiss. Make her smile. I was close to becoming smitten, but I wasn’t sure how to express any of those things. How could I after I told her that I was swearing off women?
I’d spoken too soon. Before she came breezing into my office and reinstating order, I would’ve been done with women.
Now, I was stuck. I wasn’t sure how to express that I felt drastically different about having a woman in my life again.
Saying I could give her a lesson seemed like the best segue into any sort of a discussion, but that quickly turned sideways, straight into a seductive moment.
Until you got curious… I frowned at Julie, wishing she could’ve come looking for me a moment later. Even seconds. I’d take anything I could get from Rachel—a kiss, however long it could last.
“You were looking for me?” I said as calmly as I could. Fortunately, my dick had only started to get hard being so close to Rachel.
“I was looking for her, actually.” Julie flicked the light on to full power and crossed her arms. “Then when someone said you’d asked her for a moment of her time, I wondered what you were up to.”
If I had more energy to quarrel, I would’ve gotten defensive. She wasn’t my babysitter. But I didn’t protest or question her. I was too riled up from being so close to kissing Rachel and losing the chance.
She was quickly becoming my addiction of choice.
“It’s like we said.” I cleared my throat, hating the taste of a lie. “We were going over that email.”
“I thought you said it was a list.”
I glared at her, not with heat but letting her see my annoyance. “Whatever.”
“Nate, I’m going to ask you one more time,” she scolded. “Just what the hell was that all about?”
“I wanted a moment with Rachel.” There. I was telling the truth, just the tip of it.
“For…?” She dipped her chin at the same time she raised her brows.
“For something.” Fuck, I didn’t have it in me to lie. It felt wrong to hide that I wanted my assistant, that I was interested in Rachel for a lot more than what it might look like to the rest of the office.
“Nate.” She lowered her arms just so she could prop one hand on her hip. This pose made her look more intimidating. “Cut the crap.”
“No crap to cut through.”
“This is me you’re talking to.” She narrowed her eyes. “If I wanna find something out, I damn well will. No secret is safe from me in this office.”
“Glad to hear it,” I quipped.
She smirked. “Did I or did I not walk in on you almost kissing Rachel?”
I squinted. “Just how bad is your eyesight getting to be these days?” She didn’t have to ask me to clarify what she saw. She knew. So why ask? Julie wasn’t mean enough to tease me. “Do you need to update your prescription?”
She swatted away my hand as I reached for her glasses to mock checking them. “My glasses are fine.” She tipped her chin up, stubborn as ever. “I know what I saw.”
“What you think you saw.”
She shot me a look.
“If you know what you saw, then why are you asking me to tell you?”
“Because I want to hear it from you. An admission of guilt.”
I smiled, rubbing my chin as I considered her take on this. Guilt? That hadn’t hit me yet. I should have felt guilty for wanting to kiss my assistant, my friend’s sister, but I didn’t. I felt disappointed, not guilty.
“Aha!” She pointed at me.
“What?” I held my hands up and feigned innocence. “ Aha what?”
“That look!” she accused.
“What look?”
“The sly smile.”
I grinned, just to tease her. “I like to smile. This is the most wonderful time of the year, Julie. Don’t tell me you forgot.”
“I thought I said to cut the crap, Mister.” She drew in a deep breath, likely hoping to inhale some patience for dealing with me.
“You wanted to kiss her.”
I shrugged, not committing to an actual answer. It wasn’t Julie’s business, but it seemed she’d already figured out that much.
“What does that mean? That shrug?”
“It means…” I shrugged again. “Maybe.”
“ Maybe you wanted to kiss her?” She scowled. “Nate, I’m warning you. You cannot hurt that sweet woman.”
“I have no intention of doing any such thing.”
“She’s a sweet girl beneath that snarky exterior,” she said as though I hadn’t spoken at all.
“I agree.”
“I’ve been silently campaigning on how to make her stay. She’s the most competent, actual adult assistant we’ve had in a long time, and I don’t want to lose her. That’s beside the fact that I like her.”
I nodded. Me too. I like her a lot.
“I know that. Rach is a good woman.”
“Why do I sense a but coming?”
“No but .” I smiled. “I am agreeing with you. I like Rachel. She is a good woman and she’s proven herself to be a solid, dependable employee we’re lucky to have for however long she’ll grace us with her presence.”
I’d silenced her. It didn’t happen often as she claimed that she held “seniority” to always have the last word just because she was one of the oldest people in the office.
“Then what was that?” She gestured at the same spot where I’d wanted to push Rachel on to the edge of the desk so I could kiss her again. And again.
“Maybe I’m hoping to… thaw her out a little bit.” I tossed on another shrug, but it felt stupid. Rachel wasn’t the grumpy, down-in-her-spirits woman who needed someone to cheer her up. But I did. When she kissed me back, when we had lunch and talked like old friends, she was alive and full of excitement. I was making her happier, and I wanted to know all the ways I could pleasure her further, too.
“You want to ‘thaw’ her out?” she asked, skepticism clear on her face.
I shrugged. “Something like that.”
“You want her to warm up to you?” she checked again.
“You’re really sticking with these hot-to-cold temperature euphemisms, aren’t you?”
She smirked. “Nate, are you hinting at what I think you’re saying?”
I pursed my lips, looking at her expectantly. I would not walk into a trap and outright admit anything. She wouldn’t trick me like that, even if I doubted she’d ever actually want to trick me at all. I trusted her completely, but I couldn’t own up to knowing what I was doing with Rachel—yet.
“Are you finally, finally , finding a woman to pursue something with?”
I opened and closed my mouth. “I, uh…”
Damn. Admitting it out loud would make it so real. Just days ago, I was operating under the assumption that I’d never find someone to make me want to fall in love again.
Rachel changed that. Like a freaking grumpy Christmas angel.
“Well…” I rubbed the back of my head, wondering how to reply without sounding locked in. Six years of no commitments was a heck of a dry spell to change out of.
After all, there was still a slight chance that Rachel would only want me for a fling. That was what she’d claimed she needed right now, as a rebound after Kyle. I was the one getting in too deep, too soon. That was my fault, not hers.
“Oh, Nate!” Julie clapped her hands together and pressed them under her chin. Her eyes turned glossy with happy tears as she stared at me with pure glee. “Finally!”
“Hey, whoa. Hold on a second.”
“Nate!” She lunged at me to hug me, and in the process, she jumped in place with me. “I’m so excited!”
“Hold on.”
“I can’t believe it. Finally, after all these years!”
“Wait—”
“And Rachel. Oh, she’s perfect for you. You two make such a wonderful couple. I thought it the second I saw you recognizing each other in your office. And I thought, nah, he’ll be a hermit and never find a woman again. But then there was something. A little something in the air, and I thought well, maybe miracles do happen and?—”
“Julie.” I set her at arm’s length and ducked to her eye level. “Slow down.”
She beamed at me and nodded.
“We’re not a couple. Rachel and I are…”
“You’re…?”
I have no clue yet. I knew what I wanted. I was warming up to the thought of pursuing her for real, no mentoring bullshit or hiding around. But I had to know how she felt first. I couldn’t let myself be vulnerable without input from her. Those torrid kisses were a good indication, but until I could talk with her and figure out where we might stand with each other, it all felt up in the air.
“Just let us figure this out,” I said instead.
She did another excited dance in place, complete with wide grins and clapping.
“And no playing matchmaker,” I warned, pointing at her.
“Me? Matchmaker?” She huffed.
“Again,” I added. She’d made the last six years interesting with failed attempts at setting me up.
“Hey, I can’t make any promises,” she argued.
Neither can I. With or without Julie’s “encouragement”, I simply had to wait for a clue from Rachel whether she could forget about all this mentoring nonsense and look at me as a man she’d want to rebound with—for good.