21. Rachel
21
RACHEL
T he morning of the big Malley, Inc. holiday party, I woke up next to Nate. He was groggy, too tired from not getting much sleep.
That’s your own fault, buddy. I smiled as I shook him gently. If he hadn’t woken me up and wanted to have sex again at the crack of dawn, he might look a little more rested.
“Hmm?” He snaked out his arm to tug me into a cozy, tight hug against him.
I laughed, squirming to get free. “Hey, sleepyhead. Time to get up.”
A long groan rumbled from him, but he started to open both eyes. “I don’t want to,” he pouted. “I was having a good dream.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked as I looked at him. “About what?”
He rolled me over so quickly that I squeaked in surprise. “You.” He kissed along my neck, aiming for my breasts. Already, he had one nipple captured between his thumb and forefinger.
“Hmm. And what was I doing?” I sighed as he lowered his mouth to my nipple. “Reminding you that we have to go to the office and letting you know that we overslept?”
He tugged on my nipple gently, causing my uterus to clench with arousal. “No. I had you bent over my desk, fucking you so hard that I had to muffle your screams with my hand over your mouth.”
“Oh, God…” I moaned as he lined up and slid into me. The feel of his long, hard dick would never fail to push me toward coming.
“I guess this will do,” he said as he filled me. “You can be as loud as you want here.”
He was right. I could scream, shout, and moan.
And I did, making us both that much later for getting to the office, but happily so.
“I don’t understand why anyone is even coming into the office today,” I commented. Everyone was either already off, traveling, or preparing for the party.
“Just a few things here and there,” he said. “But you won’t be staying long.”
I grinned, loving that heated look in his eyes as he gave me a once-over.
“Send me pictures of the dresses you try on,” he said.
“I will do no such thing,” I said saucily, even though I likely came off as a brat. He was paying for my gown, after all. “I want you to be surprised.”
He smiled, that sweet, slow, and soft one that he gave only me. Those expressions tugged at my heart, convincing me that he had dismissed this mentoring crap. That he wanted me for himself.
“I’ll meet you at the venue,” he said, “and no matter what dress you pick, you’ll be the most beautiful woman there.”
I snuck a quick kiss before he could turn down the hallway.
“You’ll have enough time?” He checked his watch. “You’ll leave at noon, have time to find a dress, and get there with the traffic?”
I nodded. “And hair.” I smiled. “Your booking everything for me saved me time.”
“Okay. Good.”
I furrowed my brow, considering another detail of the night. “This feels like getting ready for prom or something.”
“I think you’ll be impressed,” he said with a chuckle.
“I meant that as in the last time I got a formal gown was for prom.” With Kyle. At the thought of my ex, I was reminded that my mom would be at the holiday party too. It had gotten easier with time to avoid her nagging calls, texts, and so forth. But I would have to face her tonight. Even though she didn’t have any more time to hound me to be peppy and involved with holiday events, with Christmas so soon, she’d be on me to explain the breakup. She would come as an invited guest, with Dad, but she wouldn’t hesitate to interrogate me.
“Hey.”
I glanced up at Nate watching me. “Hmm?”
“Are you ready to face your mom?”
I huffed a laugh. “How can you know what I’m thinking?”
“I can read you pretty well, sweet girl.”
I blushed, checking that no one was near in the hallway to overhear that endearment.
“And Brandon, too. He’ll see both of us there.”
“He’ll adjust,” I replied.
“You think so?”
I nodded. My brother couldn’t be that much of an ass. Besides, it was Christmastime. They couldn’t end up at odds or fighting now.
“But your mom…”
I dismissed him with a wave, faking an indifference I didn’t feel. “I’ll be too busy to talk with her much. Right? I’ll be glued to your side.”
He smiled, that special one just for me. “And as soon as I give the usual speech and toast, we can leave and carry on a party of two. You and me.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” It would be an ideal time to ask him about how serious he was about keeping me on as a Malley, Inc. employee. The thought of leaving the city didn’t appeal. The idea that I wouldn’t come in and share a bounty of inside jokes with Julie saddened me.
It had taken mere weeks to show me that I belonged here, with Nate and in New York, not at home and surrounded by the past that didn’t get me anywhere at all.
Not in love, like I suspected I was with Nate.
“Go.” He playfully swatted my ass to prod me to move it. “Go on, and don’t be late.” Before I got far, he doubled back and pulled me in for one more quick kiss while no one was watching.
I did as the boss said. I went to work, and at noon, Julie left with me to go about our spa day and readying for the party. Nate was doting on us both, paying for it all. He called us the two women he couldn’t live without, and it felt like Julie and I really were co-conspirators in that regard. We talked about the office the whole time, not quite gossiping, but close enough.
Even though she was much older than me and had a more eccentric taste, she provided valuable insight on my gowns, talking me out of the red one—since everyone would be wearing some red or green and I wasn’t “vampy” enough to pull off red—and advising me to go with a natural style for my hair rather than an updo.
“Have you given any more thought whether you might stay after January?” she asked me as we sat for our hair appointments. Mine was done, actually, curled and styled with a glossy effect I wished I could repeat at home. I sat in the chair waiting for Julie’s stylist to finish, though. She’d gone with a higher package of a cut and style.
We’d chatted about my career a fair bit over the weeks I’d been there. She was aware of my contract setup, but I had mentioned it not being that lucrative of a position to jump at.
“Every day,” I admitted freely. It was easier to open up to her outside of the office. “But it seems like such a big decision that counts on several factors.”
“Like what?” Julie turned her head to the side, checking her hair so far as the stylist worked. “If you’re holding out on a pay detail, I can assist there.” She winked at my reflection in the mirror.
I smiled. “No, I think the pay would do me well.”
“Then what?”
“Pushy, much?” I teased.
“I want you to stay.”
I smiled wider. I’d never get tired of hearing that. From her. From Nate. From Brandon. I liked fitting in somewhere of my choosing. In Rockton, I fit in because my family was there and from there. I “belonged” there because I’d always been there. New York had treated me well so far, and I wanted to embrace it longer than this short time I had been here.
“I need to have a place to live, though. The apartment Brandon found me isn’t a long-term rental.”
“Then you just move in with someone.”
I looked at her seriously, knowing full well that she had to feel the weight of my stare. She said it so breezily, like that was a common-sense solution. As if she knew who I should move in with. Yet, she looked down, not facing me or saying what she thought out loud.
I sighed, wishing it could be that simple. Then just move in with someone. It likely was a way of the city life, just getting someone to live with and that was the end of it.
The only roommate I’d want was Nate. But that was a huge step to make or expect from a man who had sworn off women.
That uneasiness about my future lingered all the way to the holiday party. A driver brought me to the venue, and I was glad that I didn’t try to drive or walk. I was too dressed-up to walk, and the parking would’ve been an absolute nightmare around here.
This is it. The big night. The finale of what Nate originally said he wanted from me. I was determined to make sure no one would have a reason to gossip about his looking sad or being too drunk. I would be here to erase some of the hard memories that clung to this night.
Head held high, I entered through the front, slightly disappointed that it wouldn’t be Juan greeting me. The venue’s staff had plenty of doormen, there to check the guestlist, which Juan and his family would be on themselves.
I gave my name, pleased that there was no issue about getting in. Of course, Nate would make sure my name was with his, as his plus-one, but a little worry lingered. This wasn’t like Rockton High School’s prom. This was more glamorous than any wedding I’d ever been a guest to.
Decked out with gold chandeliers, the hall had an old-timey, antique appeal. Green garland was twined everywhere, giving the scent of pine to compete with the sweet scents of something fruity. Spice hit my nose as well, and I inhaled a deep breath to savor the fragrances.
Everything shone. Music played. And further inside, the drone of chatter competed with the professional band kicking off with classic Christmas tunes.
I regretted that Nate had to take care of some things, suggesting we’d meet here rather than show up together. Couples and groups entered, passing me here at the front, but I didn’t want to wade too far into the massive ballroom space and not find him.
Where are you?
I didn’t have long to look for him. Others approached, and I straightened my back to handle this hurdle.
Here we go. “Mom, Dad.” I smiled the best I could, already on the defense.
“Damn, Rach. What a dress!” Brandon said, whistling as he came up to hug me.
“You can afford that?” Mom asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks. Thanks for that.”
“I’m just saying. You were only working here for a little while and the city is so expensive. Everything is so expensive here versus at home. I’m surprised is all.”
Brandon held my hand, making me do a twirl to show off the rich emerald and silver gown. I felt like a princess with the caress of the silky layers on my skin.
“How much did it cost?” Mom asked. She looked lovely in a dress, but nothing as fancy as mine.
“Mom,” I scolded. It was none of her business. Just like it wasn’t her business that Nate had bought it for me. He’d pamper and spoil me if I let him. At least this one was technically on sale.
“Are you splurging? Spending as a form of retail therapy?”
“Therapy from what?” I asked, losing my polite tone.
“From what?” she repeated incredulously. “From the breakup, of course.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I mumbled. My shoulders drooped. My heart felt heavy. Already, she was driving right to the attack.
“It wouldn’t be that farfetched that she’s reacting so harshly to Kyle dumping her that she’d go on a shopping spree she can’t afford,” Mom reasoned with Dad, who advised her to tone it down.
“I’m not,” I argued before she’d get carried away. Further in, the music changed to another song, much to the cheers of the crowd.
Where are you? I strained to find Nate. I was supposed to be here to support him, to help him. But here I was, needing his rescue.
“I’m not reacting harshly to what Kyle wanted,” I said, hoping, for the nth time, that she would hear me and let those words sink into her head.
“You’re not?” Mom challenged. She shook her head and looked at the ceiling, as if she’d find patience there. “You ran from home, hiding from the fact that Kyle didn’t want you anymore.”
I clenched my teeth, hating that she could be so closed-minded, so stuck in what she thought to ever comprehend that her speculations weren’t always right or accurate.
“You’ve got to be beside yourself with guilt?—”
I narrowed my eyes. “Guilt? What the hell would I ever have to be guilty about?” Being duped and led on? Lied to and dismissed?
“Something.” She pursed her lips. “You’ve got to be at fault and guilty for something, some reason Kyle ended it with you.”
“You are wrong .”
“Then why can’t you tell us why he broke up with you?” She flung her arms out. “Why? Why can’t you give us all an explanation?”
“Mom,” Brandon said, rolling his eyes. “Settle down.”
“No, I will not settle down. They were supposed to be engaged. Married. Together!”
“Just because you schemed that with Mrs. Jones when we were toddlers doesn’t mean it would happen,” I snapped.
“Then own up to it, Rachel. At least have the decency to tell us what you did wrong that made him reject you—at Thanksgiving dinner, of all times!”
I stared at her, knowing I would never, ever want to live at home again. This was too much. She was taking this too damn far.
“You had to have given him a damn good reason to end it then and there,” she nagged. “On a holiday!”
“Mom. Stop,” Brandon said.
Even Dad looked uncomfortable.
“Why can’t you say why he dumped you?” she said.
Each time she nearly shouted it, she pushed me further and further to growling and just blurting out the truth.
But I couldn’t. It wasn’t my secret to spill. I was loyal, dammit, and until Kyle came out himself, I wouldn’t betray him like that.
“If you won’t say why, I’ll ask him.” Mom tipped her chin up, furious. “I deserve an answer. From one of you.”
Dammit. She would. She’d turn this interrogation on Kyle, and that wasn’t right.
Panic filled me, and I snapped.
“Fine!” I clenched my hands into fists, vibrating with frustration and anger. “Fine. You want to know why Kyle dumped me?”
I spotted Nate. Finally, he cut through the crowds to reach me, seeing me up here near the front.
“We broke up because…” I licked my lips, searching for a lie. All I could find was Nate. His smiling face as he approached.
“Because why, Rachel?” Mom insisted.
“Because I realized I’ve been in love with Nate my whole life.”
What. The. Hell. Am. I. Saying?
All three of them stared at me. Mom seemed shocked that I was finally giving her an answer. Dad seemed confused. And my brother gaped at me like I was talking another language.
I rolled with it, sticking to what didn’t feel like a lie at all.
“Kyle broke up with me because I’ve been in love with Nate McIntosh my whole life. And it wasn’t fair for Kyle anymore.”
I let out a whoosh of an exhale, almost dizzy with the rush of adrenaline coursing through me.
Nate stepped close, his brows high and his lips parted as he neared just in time to catch that bomb I’d just dropped.
Because I do, actually. I stared at him and wondered if there would ever be a way out of the mess I’d just made.
He’d made himself so clear. No more women. Nothing long-term.
I was supposed to be a fling to him, something trivial, and here I’d just broadcasted that I’d wanted him for good.