22. Nate
22
NATE
“ A re you serious?” Brandon asked Rachel.
I couldn’t move. I heard her. Plain and clear.
She’s been in love with me all this time?
It felt like a punch to the gut.
All those times she’d claimed to be na?ve and clueless, lost and needing guidance. Every time she said she wanted a fling so she could move on from Kyle. It was a lie? It had to be false if she expected me to “teach” her how to not be clueless.
I stared at her, trying to understand how I’d missed this critical fact.
Yes, I picked up on the notion that she’d wanted me. Physically. Sexually. I’d often marveled at how easy of a friendship we’d formed so quickly.
But hearing her impassioned claim that she’d been in love with me for a lot longer than I could’ve known felt like a trick. A lie.
Is she playing games with me?
I couldn’t handle that. Not tonight. Not on the anniversary of my last public humiliation a gorgeous woman had delivered to me.
Brandon glanced at me, furrowing his brow. “Is that true?”
Fuck if I know!
I masked it all with an instant smile. I didn’t know what the hell kind of lie Rachel was trying to set up here. It couldn’t matter, not right now. This wasn’t the time or place for it. I had to make the rounds, and I intended to do so not looking like a loner loser everyone pitied or mocked. With Rachel as my plus-one, I hoped to look promising, not like a source of ridicule from how Yasmin treated me at this same event years ago. I wanted to erase everyone’s memory of Yasmin shouting at me, dumping me. I wanted to remove the recollection of that video playing, of her cheating on me for all to see. And I planned to have Rachel’s presence aiding me in starting new holiday party memories.
“Mr. and Mrs. Brown, welcome!” I tuned out the buzz of anxiety in my ears. My pulse was still so fast from the shock of what I overheard Rachel telling her parents. I smiled. I schmoozed. I’d lay on the charm until it smothered us all. I was here to do my part, endure this party, and get the hell out of here.
I didn’t focus on what the Browns said. Taking Rachel’s elbow gently, I hurried to whisk her away. “Ready to mingle?”
“Nate. I?—”
I spoke through a smile, not looking at her but skimming over the crowd and seeing who I had to talk to first. “Rachel, I don’t even want to know what kind of mind games you want to play right now, but I thought I made myself clear. I need you. For this party. To be at my side and help me get through this.”
“I will. I am.” She grabbed my hand, making us look like more of a couple. This was our first time to look like we were together, and it didn’t seem so shocking anymore. How could it after she announced she was in love with me? I’d wanted her as my plus-one, but I intended to leave it up to her to determine how affectionate we would pose to be.
“I am here to help you, Nate, but I—” She shut up, cranking on a smile as one of the shareholders approached. “Mr. Kingsley, how lovely to see you again.”
I let out an exhale of relief that she could play her part. She got it. She knew what I needed tonight. While this was a party, it was also a gathering that could have business implications. I’d asked her to be here with me so I wouldn’t be the lone single guy who’d been dumped at another similar setting.
And she proved that she understood the assignment.
We didn’t address what she’d told her parents and brother. We didn’t even see them again. As time passed and more guests arrived, the ballroom was full of people. It was a crowd, one that the Browns easily got lost in, and I was grateful that they wouldn’t stir more trouble.
Rachel and I were like a power couple, a pair who greeted and mingled. Smiled and laughed. We chatted and listened to so much small talk that I feared my head would spin.
Throughout it all, I did my best to ignore what she’d said.
Is it true?
Can it be true?
I didn’t think it could be. How could she have been in love with me all her life when she'd committed to her ex for so long?
It has to be true.
She had yet to lie to me. Deep down, I wanted to cling to the thought that she loved me, but I remained cautious.
If she’d said that line at any other time, on any other occasion, I wouldn’t be so automatically defensive. I had to be, though. I was hurt once, and I was certain that I couldn’t be so stupid as to be hurt again. That was the driving force behind swearing off from women and resigning myself to a life of solitude.
Later, as we maintained the act that we were dates at this party, I debated whether she was using me. It wasn’t hard to jump to that conclusion.
She could’ve been engaging in this fling with me all so she could have a diversion for her parents. An easy out from having to explain why Kyle dumped her. Sure, I was a rebound. In a way, she was a rebound for me, too. But I felt so damn duped and dumb for getting ahead of myself with my feelings for her.
Julie noticed that I was deep in thought. Of course, she would. The woman was like another mother to me. My mom and dad were blissfully unaware of my mental turmoil. They’d said hello to me and then got busy catching up with friends.
But Julie didn’t let it go. She tugged me to the side while Rachel was headed to the bathroom. “What in the world is going on?”
I smiled and lifted my champagne flute to her. “Nothing. Just another holiday party.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t taken a sip of that all night. Why are you acting stiff?”
I loosened my shoulders. “I look stiff?”
“No. Yes.” She shook her head. “Not to everyone else. But I can tell. You and Rachel seem… at odds.”
“Because I think we might be.”
She gawked at me. “What? No. Why?”
“Because she said she was in love with me.”
Julie waited. And waited. For a long moment, she stared at me nonplussed. “Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
I showed her the ring box I bought while they were getting their dresses and having their hair done earlier. “I want it to be a good thing?”
She gaped at me, stunned. “You want to propose to her?” she hissed. “But you can’t tell if her admitting she’s in love with you is a good thing?”
I sighed and quickly explained my concerns. That it could be a trick. That I wasn’t sure about her intentions. That she could just be using me as a coverup for having to say why Kyle dumped her.
“No.” Julie didn’t hesitate, shaking her head. “No, Nate. She must love you.”
“Must?” I retorted with a huff of a laugh.
“Yes. I’ve seen you two. You never needed me to matchmake or meddle. The second you two saw each other in your office, it was done. It was decided. You and Rachel work.” She took my hand and squeezed it. “I can see how much she cares about you, Nate. And it’s beautiful to witness you two falling in love. At last.”
Lowering my head, I sighed. “I want to know.”
“Then ask her!” she exclaimed. “My God. What is it about all you young people that you can’t grasp the importance of direct communication?”
“Not here.” I would ask her. I deserved some clarification, but not here. Not like this. I couldn’t handle another public letdown at this holiday party if she was just making it up that she was in love with me.
I’d spent so long wishing for this night to come so it could be over with. Done. Finished. No more dreading it coming.
Now, I wanted the party to wrap up immediately. I wanted the last calls to be made and everyone to head out.
Because as soon as I could get her alone, I would insist on an explanation for whether she could possibly feel the same for me that I did her.
Love.