Chapter 22
CHAPTER 22
BILLIE
I gripped the controls of the sled, grateful for the focus, grateful for the roar of the engine. I didn’t want to talk to Axl. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him. I was furious, and I knew I had no grounds.
I was angry at him, but I was mostly angry at myself. Damn me for letting him hurt me. What happens in Smoke River stays in Smoke River, I thought to myself. Right. When had I ever been good at keeping my heart in check? When was I ever able to pick the right guy?
I thought about my mother and the heartbreak she suffered when my father abandoned us. He was a cheater, too. Was this my destiny, to replay the mistakes of my parents? I replayed every failed romance in my past and the horrible moment when I realized I’d been lied to.
It was supposed to be meaningless sex. I’d even failed at that.
Angel’s advice replayed in my mind again and again. “He only wants what he can’t have.”
Axl dated unavailable women, married women. The way Angel talked about it, Axl made it a practice to cheat. The fact that I let my guard down even for a night with someone like him made me feel sick to my stomach. I supposed he didn’t owe me an explanation about Angel, but he had lied to me about his job. It was a lie of omission. Axl had neglected to tell me about his billions. I wasn’t sure if it was one billion or twenty, but did it really matter? It was more than enough money for one man, and it meant he didn’t need a good deal on my family’s cabin.
Still, the heat and weight of Axl’s body pressing behind me reminded me of being in his arms. I scooted forward and gripped the handles tighter, being careful with the throttle. I was capable of driving a snowmobile. I’d fallen for all his bullshit thinking he was taking care of me, when he was really just a lying, sexist, older guy.
I didn’t glance back at Axl once as I drove back along the river and over the road to the cabin. The ride back went by faster going home. We reached our winding drive, and the cabin came into view. The porch light still on, I saw Cam’s black-and-white nose pressed against the window.
I parked the sled in front of the barn, turned off the engine, and walked to the cabin without looking back at Axl. I heard him move behind me. His feet crunched on the snow.
“Hey,” he shouted, following me. “Hey!”
“I’m going inside,” I shouted, not turning around.
I heard him walk faster and felt his hand on my arm at the base of the porch stairs. I spun around, furious.
“Don’t touch me!” I shouted, pulling my arm away from him. I raised both my hands in the air.
“What is going on, Billie?” he said, his voice low, hands raised.
“She was married!” I blurted, tears blurring my vision. “You were fucking a married woman, Axl.” My hands balled in fists, I glared at him.
His mouth opened. He said nothing for a moment.
“You won’t even deny it,” I said. “I told you all my vulnerabilities. I told you how much I hated cheating — and you said nothing. You made me trust you … ”
He extended a hand. “Billie, I couldn’t — ”
I stepped forward and pushed him with both my hands. Snow fell on my face and my eyelashes. I couldn’t breathe fast enough. “Don’t act like you’re sorry now. And I know this is my problem since we aren’t anything. We’re nothing, so I know I’m being stupid.” Tears choked my voice, and I felt sick for being so weak.
“I told you that I don’t do relationships,” Axl said, his voice low and gravelly.
“I know you don’t, but you should have never touched me,” I said, shaking. “You knew how I felt about liars and cheaters. And now I find out that you are the biggest liar of all.”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“Yes, you did,” I said, looking up into his green eyes. I thought I saw them glisten, but that was impossible. Axl didn’t have feelings the way I did. If he had any integrity, he would have told me about Angel, come clean. Instead, he seduced me and used me. He pretended to be someone else to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him and letting him stay in our cabin. “You made me believe you are someone that you are not.”
“I am who I am, Billie,” he said, reaching for me again.
“No.” I swatted his hand off my arm and walked past the truck. “I know who you are now. You are a piece of shit who fucks around with married women and then leaves them out in the cold.”
“She had a ride.”
“I don’t care if she had a ride. I am guessing she isn’t the first married woman you’ve fucked around with.”
“I’m not answering that.”
“Yeah, I figured.” I looked at him, tears spilling. “I hate that you made me feel stupid.”
Axl said nothing.
“She told me about your business, too,” I said.
“Fuck,” he said.
“You’re a billionaire? A millionaire? I don’t know? I do know that you don’t need a good deal on this lease. In fact, you don’t need to be here at all.”
“I wasn’t trying to manipulate you,” Axl said. “I don’t like telling people about that part of my life.”
“I don’t give a shit what your reasons were. I’m leaving. I am going to dig my car out of this drive. I am putting on chains and going home.”
“Billie, it’s still not safe out there,” he said.
“Fuck you. I know these mountains, and I am not staying here with you another night. Fuck. You. Axl.” My nose flared with anger.
“We had a deal, Billie.”
“You had a deal,” I said, pushing him. “We both agreed that what happens in Smoke River stays in Smoke River, but you weren’t supposed to lie to me. I deserve better than that.”
He nodded.
I walked up the stairs and tried to open the kitchen door. It was stuck firmly in place. I stared at the door for a moment before turning to look at him.
“You’re not the only one who is a liar,” I said.
Confusion flashed across his face.
“Gran’s dead,” I said. “She passed away six months ago, so all those emails you’ve been writing, nobody’s read them. Not me, not my mom, and not Gran. The lease you have in Smoke River is with my grandmother. She’s gone now, and as soon as I’m home, I’ll find a way to get you out of here.”
I glanced back to see Axl frozen in the drive, his face pale and his mouth open in shock. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Yeah, well, it’s too late for ‘I’m sorrys’ from either of us, isn’t it?” I said. “The door is locked,” I blurted, holding out my hands. “Do you have the keys?”
Without a word, Axl walked past me and unlocked the door.
I walked straight through the kitchen as Cam bounded outside. I went into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. My chest heaved as the tears I held at bay spilled down my cheeks. I wiped them off with the back of my hand. Fuck me for crying. Fuck me for trusting Axl Grey.
I picked up my socks and scanned the bedroom for any more of my clothes. I grabbed my duffle. In the bathroom, I swept my toiletries off the counter and into my bag. Then I walked through the house in my boots, tracking melting ice across the floors. Axl was a neat freak. He’d clean it up. I didn’t care.
I stood in front of the fire, shaking. Outside, I heard the sound of metal scraping across icy snow. I glanced out the kitchen window. Axl stood behind the truck, shoveling. He’d made good progress and was already two to three feet behind the truck bed. A big bag of salt sat leaning against the back tire.
Axl put his shovel down and poured salt along the snowy drive. He didn’t look at the house. He focused on the ground. I guess he wasn’t a total liar. He’d made good on his promise to dig me out.